The shadow and
the coach
York Coaching Group - May 2015
“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to
kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
C. G. Jung (Memories, Dreams, Reflections; 1983, Fontana, p358)
My focus this evening
Personal shadow – what it is, how it comes about and how we may re-incorporate
elements of our personal shadow into our self construct.
Professional shadow – how we may create this when we train and practice and a
few reflections on how re-integrating professional shadow may help us mature in
our work.
I am simplifying and therefore at risk of making the subtle, complex, intra-personal
processes I am describing sound straightforward and inevitable – they are not.
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My planned agenda
Introduce some of the concepts of shadow, starting with personal shadow
Invite you to do a ‘shadow-hunting’ exercise for yourselves
Consider formation, maintenance and then re-emergence of shadow
Move from personal to professional shadow
Undertake an exercise exploring your professional shadow
Reflecting together on the relevance of ‘shadow’ to coaching
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Where does the term “shadow” come
from? (1)
Carl Jung described the personal shadow in a number of his writings, perhaps most
helpfully:
“To become conscious of it [the shadow] involves recognising the dark
aspects of the personality as present and real. ….Closer examination of the
dark characteristics – that is the inferiorities constituting the shadow –
reveals that they have an emotional nature, a kind of autonomy, and
accordingly an obsessive or, better, possessive quality”
(C. W. 9: II, paras. 14-15).
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Where does the term “shadow” come
from? (2)
The poet Robert Bly described shadow as:
“The long bag we drag behind us”, into which we stuff unwanted aspects of
ourselves that we encounter (A little book of the human shadow, 1988, p17).
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My understanding of “personal shadow”
(1)
• It is part of our personal unconscious.
• It contains parts of ourselves that we have split off from conscious awareness.
• This process of splitting is developmentally essential, at the stage it happens.
• We are almost invariably reluctant to accept aspects of our shadow.
• Our resistance is a consequence of how the splitting mechanism works – it
creates ‘other’ than the experiencing ‘I’ and we remain strongly identified with this
‘I’.
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My understanding of “personal shadow”
(2)
• Without the energy, wisdom, and balance provided by our shadow we are
diminished in some ways: less than who we could be.
• As we mature, the self-actualising tendency may result in aspects of our shadow
insistently demanding our attention.
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Exercise one – personal shadow
This is a simple exercise which may put you in touch with an element of your
personal shadow – we are dealing with the unconscious so nothing is certain.
I will invite you to talk about what you discover in this exercise – but you decide
how much to say (so you do not need to censor from yourself).
The unconscious is generally quite cautious about allowing material to become
conscious, so it is unlikely you will discover anything you are not ready to
discover.
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When your partner is talking, please:
Listen attentively and communicate that you are listening
Adopt a compassionate and generous spirited attitude towards your partner and
encourage them to do the same towards themselves
If you find you are making judgments or want to offer interpretations, please
contain these responses and ask yourself (in a compassionate and generous
spirited manner) what these thoughts may tell you about yourself
Remember that silence can be very constructive
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Is ‘shadow’ bad or destructive?
The material in our personal shadow is not inevitably
harmful or destructive.
However, any aspect of our selves that is out of our
conscious awareness and has the opportunity to
express itself has the capacity to cause harm through
being inappropriate, insensitive, badly timed, hurtful,
etc.
Experience suggests that sometimes we have to
experience the destructive capability of an aspect of
our shadow in order to wake up to that part of who we
are; to shock ourselves into awareness.
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How is shadow formed?
We learn from an early age that some behaviours, thoughts or expression of
feelings are not accepted by those around us, perhaps because:
• We behave in this way and are punished, or shamed,
• We hear a particular behaviour, feeling or characteristic being criticised,
• A person of significance to us behaves like this and we are determined to be
different.
One solution is to banish this aspect of ourselves into our shadow: deny it exists
within us.
Once banished, if it is in danger of leaking out we may create a projection to
further seal it in by developing a strong negative reaction to someone (or a
number of people) who displays this characteristic.
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Shadow formation and maintenance
Forming
Denying
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How does ‘shadow’ emerge? (1)
There are many ways, for example:
•We catch a glimpse of someone ‘other’ in something we do or say,
•Someone else confronts us with an aspect of our shadow,
•We notice and examine a repeating pattern in our lives,
•We catch a ‘reflection’ of ourselves in someone close to us,
•Something emerges through our explorations in therapy or supervision,
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How does ‘shadow’ emerge? (2)
Or:
•We act out of character or make a ‘mistake’,
•We spot something when reflecting upon a dream,
•We become ill and realise our body is expressing something we deny to
ourselves,
•An image or motif emerges when we are expressing our creativity,
•Insight arises during meditation/reflection
•We go to a workshop and take a risk……..
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First sighting → incorporating
Fully engage with an aspect of shadow requires determined work:
• Overcoming our reluctance and self-distraction tactics
• Resisting pressure from others to maintain homeostasis
• Being determined to face what we have discovered about ourselves
• Holding the new recognition in our awareness
• Being accepting, loving and kind towards this aspect of ourselves
• Exploring what we like and dislike about the emergent shadow material
• Experimenting with ways of expressing this new aspect of ourselves
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Recognising, confronting and incorporating
Confronting
Forming
Recognising
Denying
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Incorporating
Professional shadow
As we train and go on to develop as practitioners we also create a professional
persona, the mask we wear when being a practitioner, be that as a coach,
supervisor, trainer or consultant (or in my case, therapist).
Indeed we may have subtly different versions of professional mask for different
roles or settings.
As we create that persona we inevitably set aspects of ourselves aside, at least
while we work.
We may go further and push one or more aspects of ourselves fully into
unconsciousness; into shadow.
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Exercise two – professional shadow
This second exercise is designed to provide you with an opportunity to identify an
element of your professional shadow, again no guarantees possible.
And again, I will invite you to talk to a partner about anything you discover in this
exercise – but you decide how much to share.
It is a guided imagery exercise. When you finish the imaginal sequence I shall
invite you to take a few moments to write down or draw anything you want to. It
works well if this can take place in relative silence, so can you please organise
your paper and pen or pencil in readiness
Exercise……………….
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Allowing our shadow to be our guide (1)
This is a delicate process and caution is advisable – I am not proposing that we
experiment wildly on our clients!
In my view it is vital that we make our supervisor aware of our new found selfawareness and talk through with them how we might utilise this in our client work.
With clients we can start by paying attention to when our (former) shadow aspect
is activated.
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Allowing our shadow to be our guide (2)
We can then ask ourselves:
• What is this communicating to me in this moment?
• How does that inform what is happening with my client?
• How then might I intervene?
• How do I imagine my client would experience that intervention?
Reflect upon what happens and review in supervision.
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Stages of shadow formation → being guided
Confronting
Forming
Being
guided by
shadow
Recognising
Denying
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Incorporating
Reflections
• Seeking, confronting and incorporating our shadow into our self concept and
our work is as much an attitude; of curiosity, courage and humility; as an action.
• Therapy, coaching and supervision can be important sources of support.
• Seeing the shadow in others is generally easier than seeing our own shadow
and is inevitably vulnerable to projections (so caution is advisable).
• The concept of “shadow” can be a fruitful way of considering the unconscious
aspects of groups and organisations.
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A copy of these slides can be downloaded from:
http://www.steve-page-yorks.co.uk/resources/
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Please note that the material in these slides is copyright and should not be used
without full acknowledgement of the source.
The exercises I included in this talk can be quite powerful and should only be used
with others by those experienced in facilitating guided imagery.
Main reference:
Page, S. (1999) The Shadow and the Counsellor; working with darker aspects of the
person, role and profession, London: Routledge.
My contact details:
Web:
www.steve-page-yorks.co.uk
Email:
steve-page-yorks@btinternet.com
Phone:
+44(0)1347 – 878 982