CONVERSATION
SKILLS
Rumessa Naqvi
What is Conversation?

Communication by two or more people,
or sometimes with one’s self, on a
particular topic.

The pooling of information, the sharing of
interests, the bringing together of ideas.
Primary Management Tool
It is how we –
– Plan our Lives & Organize
our Work
– Build Relationships
– Create Understanding
– Understand Feelings and
Actions
– Influence others
– Are influenced by others
– Solve Problems & Cooperate
with each other
All conversations follow a basic set
of rules which people use to express
themselves when speaking.
Paul Grice
Imagine what would happen to
language if there were no rules to
follow during conversations!
Different Conversations…
Different Conventions…
Features of Conversation
Conversation is based on the following features:1} An Idea: It is opinion or plan or thought which already exists
in mind and needs to be expressed.
2} Language / Words: The right choice of words that express
the idea and make it appealing.
3} Setting the right tone: Indicates the mood of the
conversation and sets the right atmosphere.
Conversation
Five Stages - The Opening

Greeting

Reciprocated
Opening
Conversation
Five Stages - Feedforward

Focus of Conversation

Identify Tone
Feedforward
Opening
Conversation
Five Stages - Business

Substance of Conversation

Exchange of Roles

No Permanent Record
Business
Feedforward
Opening
Conversation
Five Stages - Feedback

Signal End of Business

May Backup to Business if Other not
finished
Business
Feedforward
Opening
Feedback
Conversation
Five Stages - Closing

Signals End of Conversation

Express Pleasure in Interaction

Leave-Taking Cues
Business
Feedforward
Opening
Feedback
Closing
Conversation
Common Conversational Problems

Insensitive Openings

Omission of Necessary Feedforward

Introduction of Business before Greeting

Omission of Feedback

Omission of Appropriate Closing
Principles of Conversation
The 4 conversational Maxims
1.
Maxim of Quality
a. Do not say what you believe to be false.
b. Do not say that for which you lack adequate
evidence.
e.g.
If a friend asks, “….have you seen my dog?” an
honest answer is expected.
The 4 conversational Maxims
2. Maxim of Quantity
a. Make your contribution as informative as
required.
b. Do not make your contribution more
informative than required.
If people don’t say something then we assume
that they don’t know that information.
The 4 conversational Maxims
3. Maxim of relation
a. Be relevant
E.g.
“Isn’t Larry the biggest jerk you ever met?”
“Uh, it sure is nice for this time of year, eh?”
The 4 conversational Maxims
4. Maxim of manner
a.
b.
c.
d.
Avoid obscurity of expression
Avoid ambiguity
Be brief
Be orderly
e.g.
“Miss Singer produced a series of sounds corresponding
closely to the score of The Star-Spangled Banner”
vs.
“Miss Singer sang The Star-Spangled Banner.”
Flouting the Cooperative Principle
Maxim of quality is mostly deliberately
violated like while lying, exaggerating,
joking, using irony or sarcasm.
e.g.

◦ I’ve got millions of bottles of coke in my
fridge.
◦ My car breaks down every five minutes.
◦ Queen Victoria was made of iron.
Flouting the Cooperative Principle

Maxim of Quantity is flouted when we say
◦ Too much to mark a sense of occasion or
respect
◦ Too little to be rude, blunt, or forthright.
e.g.
A: Excuse me are you busy?
B: No
A: Can I have a word with you? It will only take a
few minutes if you could spare them?
Flouting the Cooperative Principle

Maxim of Relevance is flouted to signal
embarrassment or a desire to change the
subject.

Maxim of manner is violated either for
humour, or in order to exclude a third
person out of the conversation.
Activity

Which maxims of the cooperative principle are
being flouted in the following and why?
1.
I think I’ll go for a W-A-L-K. (spelling the word
letter by letter in front of the dog)
2.
-- I can jump higher than the Empire State
building.
-- Can you?
-- Yes, because buildings can’t jump at all.
Activity

Which maxims of the cooperative principle are
being flouted in the following and why?
3.
This meal is delicious. (said by a guest who
finds the food disgusting)
4.
Child: I’m going to watch Match of the Day now.
Parent: What was that Maths homework you
said you had?
What to talk about

Nothing special but just day-to-day events.

Simple topics like cricket, tea and sympathy, shoes,
ships, stock exchange, books, movies, television
programs etc.

Swap stories, anecdotes, observations, opinions.

Express your agreement or disagreement on issues.

Air your prejudices even, provided that you reveal
that you know them to be prejudices.
What not to talk about

Too literary or learned topics

Parading you private life before strangers is taboo.

Avoid telling stories or plots of movies, books,
plays especially to those who haven't yet enjoyed
it.

Having only one topic for conversation is as bad as
having none.
While talking to strangers

Be observant

Ask personal, but not too personal, questions

The stranger’s first few remarks will give you clues to his
interest.

Be on the alert for changes in mood and be ready to shift
with them.

Avoid argumentative or challenging statements.

Avoid politics and religion.
INITIATE CONVERSATION

Ask Questions

Make a statement followed by a question on:
the party, food, weather, current news, books,
movies, or pay a compliment
Ways to keep Conversation Going
Face your fears! Problems in speaking usually
stem from fears
2. Be comfortable with yourself.
3. Find the humor in life.
4. Disagree without being disagreeable
5. Be sincere with your praise
6. Take your cues from the other person
7. Ask thoughtful questions
8. Choose comfortable conversation topics
9. Use conventional gap fillers or hesitation noises
10. Use your body language
1.
Transitions

Let the old topic die!
Miss Frost says the last word on oranges.
Silence. Then out of nowhere, “ I met an
interesting character last week.”
Transitions

Pick up the last bit of talk on the old topic
and shift to something new:
“A few years back, plays on TV depicted the
strong moral values prevalent in the society
but now its just injustice and immorality
that they show. Is that not what is going on
around us as well? Look at the corruption
in the country.”
Transitions

Shift suddenly and sharply
Well, we’ve about finished Ghalib, haven’t
we? If nobody has any objection, I’d like to
ask about that picture over there. It’s
bothered me ever since I came…..
Six faults in Conversations
1.
Using pet words (Exciting, fabulous)
2.
Using superfluous words and phrases (naturally,
actually, really)
3.
Using too much slang
4.
Using too many foreign words and phrases
5.
Exaggerating
6.
Telling personal experience awkwardly
Eight big don’ts in conversation
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Don’t be dogmatic
Don’t be condescending
Don’t be argumentative
Don’t be lifeless
Don’t be insincere
Don’t be egocentric
Don’t be a mumbler
Don’t aim to be the life of the party
CONVERSATION
SKILLS