Race & Adoption
a comfortable conversation
Judy Stigger, LCSW
Jstigger@cradle.org
www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org
White Privilege
“I think my mother and father
never saw us as different
from themselves or others in
our community. I think they
thought if they loved us
enough, other people
wouldn’t see the difference
either.”
A.J. (Amy Jo) Thomassen
social worker in St. Louis, MO
Once They Hear My Name
Lee, Lammert, Hess
Alex Haley
“In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to
know our heritage, to know who we are and
where we have come from. Without this
enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning;
no matter what our attainments in life, there is
the most disquieting loneliness.”
Alex Haley, “Roots”
Agenda
 What we know about race & identity
 Ages & stages
 Challenges & advice
 Birth family
 Who’s in my tribe
 Multiracial families
 Evening news
 Resources
What We Know About Race

Black/African American

White/Caucasian

Hispanic/Latino

Asian

Other

Adopted
What We Know About Race
White / European
 Asian
 Hispanic / Latino
 Other?
 Black / African American


Adopted
Responses

Informational/Educational

Privacy Guarding

Humorous
Goal: to EQUIP and PROTECT
Other Considerations
Kid useable responses
 Aiming the spotlight

If a child is asking:
Is your answer kid-friendly?
How We Learn

Overt Prejudice
 Random
 Vicarious
Absent/Irrelevant
 Curiosity of others
 Care

Lasts a Lifetime
Sources of Discrimination

Greatest sources of discrimination for whites were
around adoption (not race)
Extended Family (40%)
 Childhood Friends (28%)
 Childhood friend’s parents (24%)


Greatest sources of discrimination for kids of color
were around race/ethnicity
Stranger (80%)
 Classmates (75%)
 Childhood Friends (48%)

Importance of Adoptive Identity at
Different Life Stages
Importance of Racial/Ethnic Identity
at Different Life Stages
Community Characteristics (Diversity)
Level of community diversity experienced by TR adoptees
as children, and where they chose to live as adults
80
70
60
50
As a Child
40
30
As an Adult
20
10
0
Not at all or Not very Much
A little up to Very Much
Comfort with Identity
Extremely or Very
Comfortable
Somewhat Comfortable
Race
Adoption
Somewhat
Uncomfortable
Extremely or Very
Uncomfortable
0
20
40
60
80
3 – 6 years old

Issues:
•
•
•

Facts:
•
•

How things work
Belonging
Same & Different
What does my mom look like?
Why didn’t she keep me?
Feelings:
•
•
Curiosity: Want to know about self
Pain: Want to be just like mommy or daddy
Just like Mommy / Daddy
School Projects / Triggers
•
Draw yourself
•
Draw your family
•
Bring a baby picture
•
Stories about new siblings
One of these is not like the other
How Diverse is Child’s School?
Student body
 Teachers
 Holidays & Celebrations
 Images on walls & in books
 Presentation of subject matter

Carmen: People Like Me
Windows & Mirrors
“Grandma Loves Me~”
Coherent Narrative Young Child
Questions
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
What does my birth mom look like?
Why didn’t she keep me?
(Why didn’t she stop using drugs so she could keep me?)
Why did you adopt me?
Where’s my birth dad?
Are my (siblings) okay? Do you know where they are?
Am I going to grow up like my birth parents or my
foster/adoptive parents?
Why didn’t you send money so she could keep me?
7 – 10 years old

Issues:
•
•

Facts:
•
•
•

Envision others beyond self
Play by rules
Why didn’t she keep me?
What about my birth dad?
With what race do parents associate & associate me?
Feelings:
•
•
Value Development: Adoptive vs. Birth Parents
Anger: I was not valued by BP
School Projects Triggers






National History
Family Tree
How family came to America
Ethnic festival
Drug awareness education
Emerging learning issues
Proactive vs Blindsided
Guilt versus Shame
29
Guilt- we
feel guilt for
something
we did or
imagined we
did. (Doing)
Shame- we
feel
shameful for
who we are.
(Being)
Becky Carter, LCPC
FAIR Families
Fairfamilies.org
Ethnic Fest
No one who looks like me
is worth my parents’ friendship
Nobody who looks like me
is worth my parents’ friendship
Multiracial Identity for everyone
11 – 14 years old

Issues:
•
•
•

Facts:
•
•

Ethics
Nature vs. Nurture
Race/ethnicity as identity
Was she correct to place me?
How am I like my B parent vs. my A parent
Feelings:
•
•
Observe & Compare: Who am I like?
Fear: What will I become?
What groups will I fit in with?
School Projects / Triggers
Family Tree
• Career Day
• Sex Education
• Biology
• World History
• Accommodations
•
Whose my Tribe?
Racial identity
 Adoption identity
 Gender identity

Common interests
 Common abilities
 Shared resources
 Shared values

Identity: “Real Family”
Emotional
Biological
Legal
Birthfamily: first person ethnicity
Society’s Labels vs Self-Identity
Black is Beautiful
White is Wonderful
I am Both
Multiracial for Generations to Come
How do we address “Ferguson”
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Spring 2015 Parenting Webinar
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Identity in Adoption: Mirrors and Windows
Have you ever wondered just how much nature vs.
nurture will play a role in your adopted child’s identity
formation? How will they balance these influences as
they pull together their own understanding of who
they are?
What can you do to help them?
Join moderator Leah Bloom, LMFT, as she leads our
panel through a discussion about the intricacies of
identity formation within an adopted individual.
Live Webinar
Thursday, May 7th, 2015
7:00pm Central
Q&A: 8:00pm
Questions
and
Answers