PIT STOP
Handling Stress and Peer Pressure
Tonight’s Objectives
• Identify stressors in our lives and explore ways
to cope
• Identify signs of stress in children
• Understand that unrealistic expectations can
create stress
• Help children develop coping skills
• Recognize positive and negative dynamics of
peer pressure
• Develop skills to teach children how to
confront peer pressure
Survey on Common Stresses
in the Family
Handout
Stress On Families
Comes From Many Sources
• Outside influences
economy, demanding schedules, childcare
• Predictable changes in the family
holidays, sibling rivalry, budgets, housekeeping duties,
houseguests, vacations
• Unpredictable changes in the family
illness, death, separation, relocation, financial burdens
• Developmental stages of parent and child
What is Stress?
• Stimulus in the environment
• Change
• An emotional, physical or behavioral reaction
of the body to events
• Anxiety
• Feeling of a loss of control
• Sense of helplessness or panic
Change, any kind of change, causes
stress.
Stress can manifest physically, emotionally or
behaviorally.
It can be either short term or long term.
Stress is a very individual response.
Is stress always negative?
No, it can be a motivating element.
Many people function at their best
when under some stress.
Positive Stress is “Eustress”
• Motivational
• Short term
Negative Stress is “Distress”
• Too intense
• Too long
• May cause harmful effects
Signs of Stress in Parents
Handout
• Decisions we make day in and day out
• Modern day pressures are much stronger than 20
years ago, and at younger ages
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Bullying
Cheating
Skipping school
Vandalism
Stealing
Sexual activity
Drug and alcohol use
Where does it come from?
• Begins at age 3 or 4: “If you don’t let me ride
your tricycle, I’m going
home” or “If you don’t
let me be first, I won’t be
your friend anymore”
• Usually comes from best friends; friends just a
year or two older; the popular group;
boyfriends or girlfriends
Why is it so hard?
• Children must be able to respond quickly, 30
to 60 seconds to get out of a situation
• Just saying no is not enough; Need more than
one technique to get out of situations
• Peer pressure responses are usually emotion
driven decisions
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Handout 1
• Children want to be accepted and keep their
friends.
• Being a part of a group is very important to
children.
• Coaxing and teasing by peers can be extremely
difficult, overwhelming and confusing for
children.
Children who are most vulnerable:
• Aren’t used to making
own responsible
decisions
• Lack self confidence
• Lack social skills
• Are impulsive
• Lack understanding of
cause and effect
• Lack adequate
supervision
• Feel they must prove
themselves in order to
be accepted
• Come from troubled
environments
Fantasies Can Cause Stress
• We all had fantasies about how our families
SHOULD be…
the perfect marriage
being the perfect parent
having the perfect child
having perfect family holidays
the perfect vacation
Where did these fantasies come from?
 Television shows
 Our parents and
grandparents
 Childhood stories that
ended with, “…and they
all lived happily ever
after.”
 Peer pressure (real or
perceived)
Fantasies of family life
can create unnecessary
stresses and
expectations.
Some are self-imposed
Some are placed on us
by family members or
society (“The magic of
Christmas or Hanukkah”
in the eyes of a young
child
We need to develop a realistic
view
of our families,
children and ourselves.
There is sometimes conflict in a family.
Children sometimes misbehave.
Siblings sometimes fight.
Both children and adults sometimes make
mistakes.
Beds sometimes go unmade.
Cars sometimes break down.
Muddy feet sometimes walk through the
house.
Children of today have a different
lifestyle than you may have had.
• How can we convince our children that there are
no monsters when they hear and see reports on
TV of kidnapping and molestation?
• How can they roam happily
about the neighborhood
when they know it is unsafe?
• How can their family be secure when more than
half of their friends live in single parent or
stepparent situations?
• 35 % of American children suffer stress-related
health problems
• 8 million US children have emotional or other
mental health problems
• Many of the causes are attributed to the
different stressors that our children face now
• Temperament can affect how a child responds
to stress
• Stress is cumulative
• Greatest risk of stress in children is between
ages of 9 and 14
Keep in Mind: A child’s response to
circumstances cannot reach beyond
his stage of development.
What are some pressures that might
put your child in this kind of stress?
• Pushing a child to read before he or she is
developmentally ready
• Allowing a child to dress in the way of a much
older child or adult
• Placing a child in competitive group sports
before the child is developmentally
able to handle this type of physical
or social situation
• Allowing a child to view a movie that is not
appropriate for his or her age
• Allowing a child to date before
developmentally appropriate
Symptoms of Stress
Ages 5-12
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Irritability
Increased fears and worries
Sadness
Anger
Short temper
Sensitivity
Excessive crying
• Impatience
• Acting out behaviors
• Difficulties getting along with siblings and
peers
• Drop in school performance
• Eating or Sleeping problems
• Defiance or hostility
• Withdrawal
• Dependency on others
How can parents help with peer
pressure?
• Communicate your beliefs and values to your
children
• Set boundaries; say no when appropriate
• Provide opportunities for your child to experience
decision making success
• Teach skills of assertiveness, understanding
consequences, thinking before acting
• Know where your children are, who their friends
are (influence them as needed), know their
parents
• Teach appropriate responses
Peer Pressure Reversal
Handout 2
Modeling Responsible
Decision Making
Handout 3
How Can Parents Reduce Stress
for Their Child?
Handout 4