LGBT Intimate
Partner Violence
101
Objectives
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Identify LGBT relationships and understand the
language relating to the LGBT community
Understand that sexual assault and domestic
violence does occur within LGBT relationships
as often as in heterosexual relationships
Understand some of the barriers unique to the
LGBT community in relation to sexual and
domestic violence
Objectives
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(Cont.)
Create a safe and healthy environment for
LGBT sexual assault and battered victims and
learn how to best assist with their needs
Identify ways to increase awareness and
outreach to LGBT victims of sexual and
domestic violence in your community
Language
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It is important to understand the terms and
become comfortable discussing them with
clients
Remember that people define and describe
their identities in several ways
Northwest Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian and Gay Survivors of Abuse

Most important to listen to how people talk
about their own experience and identity
Terms
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Sexual Orientation: The direction of one's
sexual interest toward members of the same,
opposite, or both sexes, especially a direction
seen to be dictated by physiologic rather than
sociologic forces. Replaces sexual preference
in most contemporary uses.
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company
Note: this definition does not take Transgender into account, based on a binary model
Terms
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Gender Identity: personal view or
experience of one’s own gender The
Northwest Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian and
Gay Survivors of Abuse
Examples: male, female, transgender, female-tomale (FTM), male-to-female (MTF)
Terms
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LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and
Transgender
Queer: term used to put down LGBT people,
but has been reclaimed and used positively
by some LGBT people, especially youths and
young adults (umbrella term for LGBT)
Metrosexual is NOT an identity
Phobias and “isms”
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Homophobia: the systematic oppression of
gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people
because of their sexuality. Some people also
define homophobia as the fear and hatred of
LGBT people
The Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans, Lesbian & Gay Survivors of Abuse

Heterosexism: the belief that
heterosexuality is normal, natural, and right,
and that any other sexual orientation is
abnormal.
Girshick, L., Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence.
Domestic Violence
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Any abusive or coercive behavior used to gain
control of an intimate partner.
A pattern of manipulative and violent acts.
Victim is forced to change her/his behavior in
response to abuse.
Sexual Assault
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Any abusive or coercive sexual behavior used
to gain control of another person.
Sexual Assault includes: Rape (with a foreign
object or digital), Incest, Forcible Fondling,
Sodomy and Drug facilitated.
LGBT Sexual Assault
and Domestic Violence
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Sexual Assault and/or Domestic Violence
occurring between two people in a gay,
lesbian, bisexual or transgender relationship
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Intimate domestic partners
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Acquaintances
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Strangers (in Sexual Assault)
DV and SA in LGBT
Relationships
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Battering happens in LGBT communities as
often as in straight communities. It crosses
all ethnic, social, racial and economic lines.
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence,
and anyone can batter, regardless of identity,
politics, gender, or experience.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Common Misconceptions
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MYTH: Women can’t be raped by women.
FACT: Women can and are raped by other
women. Rape does not necessarily involve a
man with a penis. A woman can be violated
with objects and fingers.
MCASA Literature
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The societal belief that women do not rape or
batter other women leaves female
perpetrators free to move on to the next
victim.
Misconceptions
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(Cont.)
MYTH: All gay people are sex offenders.
FACT: The vast majority of sex offenders are
heterosexual and many are involved in
consenting adult relationships.
In one study, 83% of the offenders were
heterosexual. Some of these offenders
abused both boys and girls. Heterosexual
men who abused boys usually said they did
so because they identified with the boy.
MCASA Literature
Misconceptions
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(Cont.)
MYTH: The batterer is usually more masculine,
stronger and larger, while the victim is usually
more feminine, weaker and smaller.
FACT: Partner abuse is about one person exerting
power, dominance and control over another. The
abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional,
psychological, and/or financial in nature and may
involve the use of weapons and threats as well
as homophobic/biphobic/ transphobic control.
Exerting power does not require the batterer to
be larger or physically stronger. LGBT partner
abuse is not confined to “gender roles.”
Girshick, L., Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence.
Similarities and Differences
in LGBT and Heterosexual
Relationships
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Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault occur
in any type of relationship regardless of
gender or sexual orientation
The dynamics are the same – it is all about
Power and Control over another person
Why Does It Happen?
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The primary motive for domestic violence and
sexual assault is to establish and maintain
power and control over a partner.
Violence is not about gender; it is about
power and control, gender socialization, and
family and relationship dynamics.
Girshick, L. Women-to-Women Sexual Violence
Power & Control Wheel
Roe & Jagodinsky. Adapted from DAIP, MN
Similarities
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Violence includes, but is not limited to
physical, sexual, emotional, psychological,
economic, and verbal abuse.
Control: the purpose of abuse is to get and
maintain control and power over one’s
intimate partner.
Isolation: the abused may feel isolated,
terrified, and debilitated by the violence.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Similarities
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(Cont.)
Cycle of Violence: Abuse does not happen all
the time, it often occurs in a cyclical fashion.
Unpredictable attacks are a part of the
tyranny.
Impact of Psychological Abuse: The
victim/survivor may feel as if she/he cannot
do anything right.
Abuse doesn’t “go away”; violence generally
gets worse over time.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Similarities
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(Cont.)
Stalking: batterer most likely engages in this
behavior during the relationship and
intensifies it at higher and much more
dangerous levels after the victim leaves in
order to regain control.
Leaving is dangerous: It is often more
dangerous for a victim/survivor to leave a
relationship than to stay in it.
Similarities
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(Cont.)
Blame: The victim/survivor often faces both
blatant and subtle blame and disbelief for the
abuse that she/he is experiencing.
Batterers are hard to recognize: Anyone can
be a batterer. Perpetrators of abuse may
work as advocates for victims, or take on
other high profile political or professional
work and hide the terror they wield at home.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Similarities
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(Cont.)
Statistics: Violence in heterosexual, gay, and
lesbian relationships occurs at approximately
the same rate (1 in 4).
Anyone can be a victim: In spite of
stereotypes race, class, religion, politics,
education and professional or social status do
not indicate whether or not abuse will take
place in an intimate relationship.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Similarities
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(Cont.)
Batterer Mentality: A sense of entitlement
exists among perpetrators; they believe that
they have the right to empower themselves
by disempowering others.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
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Children: Abuse in the home severely impacts
the children living in that home, whether or
not they are the direct recipient of the abuse.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Differences
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Services: Lesbians, Gay men, Bisexual and
Transgender people who have been abused
have fewer services available to them.
"Household member" means a person who is
a spouse, former spouse, or a person who
has a child in common regardless of whether
they have been married or a person with
whom a person is cohabiting, whether or not
they have married or have held themselves
out to be husband or wife.
Differences
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(Cont.)
Lesbians/bisexual women often feel
victimized multiple times: initially by their
partners; by services/institutions that are
supposed to be there to help; and by the lack
of positive response in their communities.
Furthermore, if a lesbian does decide to seek
support, it may create a double crisis. First,
she has to “come out” to a stranger at a time
when she is very distressed, and then she
has to disclose the violence in her
relationship.
Williams, J. & O’Connell, K. “What’s Love Got to Do With It! Examining Abuse in Lesbian Relationships.”
Differences
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(Cont.)
Heterosexist Manipulation: A batterer may
threaten to ‘out’ a victim’s sexual orientation
or gender identity to friends, family, coworkers, or a landlord. In addition to this,
existing services may require an individual to
“come out” against her will.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
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Shelter: LGBT victims may be met with
homophobia and hostility by shelter staff
and/or residents.
Differences
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(Cont.)
Sometimes a batterer may pose as a victim in
order to gain entrance into a shelter or to
their victim residing there.
Children: Risk of losing children to third
parties is greater for LGBT couples when
domestic violence is involved.
Williams, J. & O’Connell, K. “What’s Love Got to Do With It! Examining Abuse in Lesbian Relationships.”
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Some Lesbians/bisexual women have spoken
about their experiences in shelters—that they
did not feel safe and accepted because of the
homophobia that exists in shelters.
Williams, J. & O’Connell, K. “What’s Love Got to Do With It! Examining Abuse in Lesbian Relationships.”
Differences
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(Cont.)
“You end up explaining your lesbianism,
which isn’t really the issue…I think that was a
really big factor for me, too, in my healing
process, [I] was feeling that there was
something wrong with my basic sexual desire
in addition to, which complicates how you can
process the actual act of violence or abuse.”
Girshick, L. Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence.
Why is it so hard for
victims to recognize
abuse?
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LGBT victims have a difficult time recognizing
abuse because of the lack of information,
education, and community discussion around
same-sex domestic violence and sexual
assault.
Many victims do not have the tools to
recognize their relationships as abusive.
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Male-to-Male
Sexual Assault
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The least common type of same-sex sexual
assault is the rape of a straight man by a
gay man.
The most common type of male-to-male
rape is the rape of a man who is perceived
to be gay by a heterosexual man.
Scarce, Michael, The Reality of Male Rape
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This is consistent with the feminist analysis
that rape is primarily of power, not sex.
It is extremely rare for a female same-sex
survivor to be sexually assaulted by a
stranger. This is not true for men.
It is much more common for men to be
assaulted by straight men, whereas the
majority of woman-to-woman assault is
perpetrated by queer women.
Support for Survivors, CALCASA: Same-Sex Abuse by Anne King & Jamie Lee Evans
Advocate Response
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Create a safe environment for LGBT victims.
Understand their different needs (different
support groups).
It is important for you to have appropriate
and queer-friendly information and referrals
on hand
Same-Sex Abuse, Anne King & Jamie Lee Evans
Advocate Response
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Do not assume that every victim you come
into contact with is heterosexual
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Do not pressure the survivor to file a police
report or follow up on legal action
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Respect an LGBT survivor’s individuality
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Do not minimize fears and concerns
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Advocate for all victims of domestic & sexual
violence