Chapter Six
Romance, Love, and Loving Relationships
Why relationships?
• Physical Needs
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•
Social support
Sexual urges
• Emotional Needs
•
validation
• Other?
• Challenge: defining types of
relationships and “love”
Defining Love in Greek
• Agápe means love in a "spiritual" sense.
"true unconditional love"
• Éros (ἔρως érōs[2]) is "physical"
passionate love, with sensual desire and
longing.
• Philia (φιλία philía[3]) is "mental" love or
friendship
• Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means
"affection" like that felt by parents for
offspring
Eight Important Qualities of Friendship—by
Keith Davis
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Enjoyment
Acceptance
Trust
Respect
Mutual support
Confiding
Understanding
Honesty
Beyond Friendship
What Is Consummate Love?
• Friendship plus:
– Sexual desire
– Priority over other relationships
– Caring to the point of self-sacrifice
• Grows over time.
Physical Components
• Regan and Berscheid describe
•
•
•
sexual arousal as a physiological
Sexual desire as a psychological state.
Romantic love is an intense feeling that can
provide ecstasy when fulfilled or deep suffering
when the feeling isn’t reciprocated.
Love also includes
• Caring - responding to the other person’s needs.
• Intimacy emphasizes feelings of closeness. From
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•
•
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shared history
an identity as a couple
emotional interest in each other
and share hopes and dreams for the future (P.M. Brown,
1995).
• Commitment is a person’s intention to remain in
a relationship and work through any problems.
The Hug Hormone
• Oxytocin
• makes you crave physical contact with your
friends and family.
• Released in the stress response
• Motivates you to seek support.
• Helps heart cells regenerate and heal from any
stress-induced damage.
• Encourages you to strengthen close
relationships
Sources of Commitment
– sense of loyalty and fidelity
– a religious or legal belief in the
sanctity of marriage
– or a legal contract.
Theories about Love
and Loving
These theories include:
•Attachment theory
•Reiss’s wheel theory of love
•Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
•Lee’s research on the styles of loving
•Exchange theories
Attachment Theory
Secure attachment is an enduring affective
bond characterized by a tendency to seek
and maintain proximity to a specific person,
particularly when under stress.
– Ainsworth and Bowlby
Attachment disorder is the inability to form
loving, lasting intimate relationships
Ainsworth’s Strange Situation
Sternberg’s Triangular
Theory of Love
Sternberg said that love has three important
components:
– Intimacy—encompasses feelings of closeness,
connectedness, and bonding.
– Passion—leads to romance, physical attraction,
and sexual consummation.
– Decision/commitment—has a short- and longterm dimension. A couple makes a short-term
commitment to love each other, which can turn
into a long-term commitment to stay in love.
Exchange Theory
Romantic love and long-term relationships
involve exchange and negotiation.
Cost-Benefit analysis
How We Evaluate a Relationship
Outcome Level – satisfaction based on rewards vs.
costs.
Comparison Level – comparison with past
relationships and other’s relationships
Comparison Alternative Level – comparison with next
best option (dependency)
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–
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OL + Clalt > CL = Happy and not dependent
OL > CL > Clalt = Happy but dependent
CL > OL > Clalt = Unhappy without alternatives
Functions of Love
and Loving
• Love ensures human survival
• Love enhances our physical and
emotional health
• Love improves the quality of our lives
• Love is fun