August 2, 2010 Issue 6 M a c q u a r i e U n i ve r s i t y S t u d e n t Pu b l i c a t i o n Presents I fart, therefore I am “Stinky Success.” - UnTimed Magazine “Breath-holding...literally.” -Rotten Potatoes “It wasn’t me...” - Shaggy Starring: • When the Fart Meets the Heart • Attack of the Library! • Small Bear-Shaped Cookies • A Sophisticated Society • Fart Art ...And Many More Plus all the regulars | Reviews | Spotlight on Student Services | The Stew The Rant | What’s On | Round-Up! | Horoscopes P01.indd 1 27/07/2010 3:05:49 PM THE DISCOUNTS YOU WANT AT MACQUARIE CENTRE! Get in quick! Offers expire Sunday 15 August 2010. Borders Cotton On 20% off one full price book & 15% off one full price CD or DVD* 20% off full price items* *Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer or discount. Offer is valid only at Borders Macquarie Centre. Offer does not apply to online purchases. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. *Offer applicable on full priced product only and excludes lay-bys. Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer or voucher. One coupon per person. Only valid at Cotton On Macquarie Centre. Cotton on Group employees cannot participate in this offer. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. Myer Novo 10% off Miss Shop & Mens Youth Apparel. Brands include Tokito, Kenji, Bauhaus and Miss Shop* *Excludes Pilgrim. Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Only valid at Myer Macquarie Centre. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. 20% off full price items* *Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Only valid at Novo Shoes Macquarie Centre. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. John Brennan Hair Half head of foils + cut and blow dry $99. Full head of foils + cut and blow dry $149.00* *No appointment necessary. Voucher must be presented. Student discounts do not apply to this offer. Offer is only valid at John Brennan Hair Macquarie Centre. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. Typo 20% off full price items* *Offer applicable on full-priced product only and excludes lay-bys. Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer or voucher. One coupon per person. Only valid at Typo Macquarie Centre. Cotton On Group employees cannot participate in this offer. Please present your Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010. Visit macquariecentre.com.au for hot specials and all that’s happening at Macquarie Centre. Your home for shopping P02.indd 1 Ad-Retail Offers-2.indd 1 AM976-Uni 26/07/2010 20/7/1011:56:52 2:10:35AM PM Contents FEATURES 26 The Big Fart Ruth Rosenhek Cover ‘I fart, therefore I am’ Alice Chu 28 Iidashippe Frances O’Brien 04 When the Fart Meets the Heart Lauren Davis 29 He who smelt it, Dealt it! Annabel Matthews 05 The Strange Engine Liam McCann 07 Disabilities Progress on Campus Nicholina McKenna 31 Fart Art Emma Nile Mark’s Eco Tips Mark Cachia 08 Climate Reality Week Aditya Prasad MacAlpine Snow Games 2010 Sami Farr 09 SIFE Update Yuri Yang We Sing Therefore We Are Kurt Lin 10 Attack of the Library! Philip Jucker 14 Small Bear-Shaped Cookies Scott Pilley and Byron Waldron REGULARS Please attach an image! Voyeur Rebecca Kuo The Laundry List Josh Sambono 24-25 Gallery 27 Review Night Work Asif Zaffer 30 The Stew Therese Raft 11 The Rant VB Student Services Spotlight Student Enquiry Service 13 Announcements 15-18 MUSRA Dispatch 20-21 What’s On Calendar 22 Round-Up! 31 Horoscopes Kara Schlegl 23 Poetry A Sophisticated Society Rachel Dixon 32 Crossword Jack Mallen-Cooper Editorial Welcome back to a brand new semester, with brand new subjects that you haven’t quite learned to hate yet. Breathe deep and smell that positive energy permeating the air. Or perhaps that’s the absence of dust coming from the hospital and library building sites. Yes, it sure is a good time to be a student here! Many new and exciting developments are happening at Macquarie, the great renovative university. On that note, we have a look at the new automated library, as well as some of the developments on campus for students with disabilities. Mark drops us a few more tips for saving the environment and Annabel reveals the blame game behind a different sort of hot air. These pages are filled to the brim with… you know, I want to write a gas pun, but the articles and stories and poems here are all fantastic and there simply isn’t any way of complimenting them by comparing them to a bad vapour. If you’re in your first semester and you’re lost, this issue’s Student Spotlight should help you out. Or if you’re looking for friends, check out the student society pages or the ‘What’s On’ Calendar. You could even catch a show at the theatre and pretend to be flatulently pretentious with all of your new friends. Those of you astute in observation may notice the Grapeshot team has not changed over the break. Primarily this is because our one year review happened to coincide beautifully with a few of our staff’s planned retirements, and until the review concludes we can’t hire anyone new! Luckily, they offered to stick around and work business as usual to ensure you could be reading this right now. That review is just about wrapped up now though, so if you’re interested in joining the team, make sure you check our website frequently to get updated on how you can. This is all getting a little long-winded now, so until next time, I hope you enjoy this issue, and this semester. Who’d have thought farts could be so inspiring? EDITORIAL TEAM Editors: Advertising: Designers: Therese Raft Jamie Lee Shannon Kelly Jamie Lee Alex Sieniarski Alice Chu Email: grapeshotmq@gmail.com Phone: (02) 9850 7605 Website: www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au EDITORIAL REVIEW BOARD Alessandra Peldova-McClelland Kate Walker Kathleen Steele Lauren Hargreaves Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in Grapeshot are not necessarily those of the publication team. Macquarie University staff, the Macquarie University student body or Campus Experience staff. The publication team acknowledges the Darug Aboriginal people as the traditional custodians of the land on which Macquarie University is situated. by Shannon Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 03 P03.indd 1 27/07/2010 2:29:50 PM When the Fart Meets the Heart: The DOs and DON’Ts of Farting in a Relationship When you’re in a relationship, you always want your partner to see you at your best. This might mean dressing up for them, or being more tidy than usual, or doing things you wouldn’t normally do. And it can be a wonderful thing. But there are some drawbacks to being around another person so often. “Did you smell that Clarence?” DON’T: Allow an awkward silence to rise. As the silence lingers, so too will the smell. You need to distract yourselves enough to try to ignore the fart (interpret this any way you wish). If this cannot be done, you may have to use the fart itself as a topic of conversation. Which brings us to… What happens when you fart in front of your partner? You may get lucky the first couple of times. You might be in a crowded street or have enough warning to duck into the bathroom before it happens. But it is only a matter of time before you’re completely alone together and then, suddenly, you let one off. What should you do? Ignore it? Deny it? Slowly move away from your partner and hope the smell follows you? Never fear, for I have compiled a list of DOs and DON’Ts to help you out, should this situation arise (and believe me, it will). DO: Be subtle about the fact that it was you. You don’t have to make a big proclamation, but an acknowledgment of the event will show your partner that you are comfortable sharing this information with them. This establishes trust in the relationship – that you will tell the truth, and that your partner will accept it. DON’T: Deny it was you. We all have our own scents and it won’t be long before your partner picks up on yours. Just as it’s easier for partners to pick up on each other’s deodorants, perfumes and pheromones, so too can they pick up on farts. Honesty is important in a relationship, so it’s better to tell your partner these things yourself before they, er, sniff out the truth. DO: Laugh it off. As much of a moodbreaker as farting is, there is still humour to be found in this strange bodily habit – even if that humour lies in the fact that a perfectly good make-out session has been ruined by an unfortunate sound and/or smell. Laughing at yourself when you say or do something stupid often makes you feel better, so why not try it when you fart? DO: Reveal farting anecdotes. Yes, it’s a bit naughty. But you’re bound to get up to far naughtier things with your partner. This is the one place where you’ll be able to reveal those stories that you’ve never been able to tell anyone else (excepting anonymous internet forums). Note: this tip should only be followed by those couples who are in advanced relationships, where judgement is fairly relaxed. DON’T: Start a farting contest. It’s a level of immaturity that really isn’t desirable in an adult relationship. If you still enjoy this, you’re probably not an adult, or in a relationship. DO: Give your partner breathing room. You may be able to stand your own scent, but they won’t be quite as used to it as you (and may never be). Respect their wishes, and they’ll get back to you when they’re ready. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. DON’T: Let your partner shun you. Even if they have their space, they should still show you that they respect you. If you find their response to your fart offensive, let them know. Their farts probably don’t smell much better. So there you have it. The next time you experience that awkward moment, or are on the receiving end of it, take a deep breath and remember these tips. Farting is a naturally occurring part of existence, so you’re bound to do it around your partner at one point or another. And if your partner isn’t farting in front of you, you should be worried – they may be farting in front of somebody else. by Lauren Davis 04 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P04.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:27:58 PM The Strange Engine The Strange Engine I remember sitting on the grass, on the football field behind the school. The mist that had come off the shoreline was wafting over the buildings obscuring the view to the point where the only objects visible were those within a twenty metre radius - soon enough my father would be back from his overseas business trip, and yet I wouldn't know this until he had actually gotten out of the vehicle and hugged me tight. Even then I struggled with the idea of everyone else's father being present for the everyday events – the polar nettles stinging the youngest child and the crowds of slightly inebriated men singing the praises of the gunners. And then there’s my own paternal influence being that of someone who appears on a monthly basis for one, two, maybe three days - then jumps back on a plane to some country I still cannot pronounce. In my own little world, there were periods where I struggled to grasp the reasons behind this constant disappearance. I would rise after being laid to sleep, to hear mother murmuring about some place called the Falkner or Falkland Islands – and then be confused as to where that place was. “Two bald men fighting over a comb,” the TV whispered, adding to the cacophony inside my undeveloped head. “The red tide drowns the sea life,” it added, sharp as a shock, as a sudden downpour of Portsmouth drizzle. Even in my own little secluded universe, I still had some reasons to be happy - I could buy the latest seven inches from the Bay City Rollers and there was always the comforting warmth of the BBC news at six o'clock every night, consistent like a lark's call. One day, daddy sat me down, and had a brief but telling discussion about why he had to be away so often. “Son, I wish to make other people's children – children who have to live without the nurture of a parent, or who live in constant fear of having the roof of their bungalow torn apart, for instance.” He coughed, stuttering slightly, trying to encapsulate the words. “I'd like to make sure they can feel the same things you do, so they can feel at least a sense of something normal.” “But daddy, I hardly know what you mean by normal. You're never here, but I see other people walk home from school, coming out later to play some football and pretend they're Pat Jennings against Valencia. It makes me feel sad, especially when you say you're going to be home in two days and I still don't see you for at least a couple of weeks.” When I look back on it now, I recognise that the expression he gave after that was one of intense guilt and shame – the regrets marking his face distinctly. “Well. I have to do what I have to do – in our attempts to help other people we have to give up some of our own things, my son. Believe me when I say that it will be all worth it, in the end. When you see me every day a week in a year's time, you'll be thankful.” Of course, that just seemed like he was trying to placate me, to get me to stop the tantrum for a moment of peace in his frantic life. Throwing the book I was carrying to the floor, I huffed out of the room, slowly, ignoring his pleas for forgiveness or even affection. The first true moment of pain. Sure enough, as the mist turned to fog and then to nightfall, he still wasn’t back from his trip as promised. Another measure of trust broken by him – I ceased to be surprised anymore. Even when the coffin came off the aeroplane. by Liam McCann Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 05 P05.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:27:11 PM The Co-op Bookshop – Macquarie University MyMq student portal Extended trading hours during first two https://my.mq.edu.au weeks of semester. and log in. st Saturday July 31 : 10:00am – 3:00pm nd th From 2 to 7 August: Monday – Thursday 8:00am – 8:00pm Friday 8:00am – 6:00pm Saturday 10:00am – 3:00pm st th From 9 to 14 August: Monday – Thursday 8:00am – 8:00pm Friday 9:00am – 5:00pm Saturday 10:00am – 3:00pm th From 16 August: Monday – Thursday 9:00am – 6:00pm Friday 9:15am – 5:00pm How do you find out what text books you need? Macquarie University Students follow these steps: Once enrolled go to the Click the student information tab. Next to your listed unit click “Books”. You will then be linked to The Co-op Bookshop web page which will provide details of the books needed for that unit. (SIBT students should visit www.sibt.nsw.edu.au) (Remember most of your books are in the bookshop weeks before the start of semester.). Where do you purchase Course Notes, Course Readers, Reading Bricks, Books of Readings? Where, when, how can you purchase your books? At The Co-op Bookshop Course Note Store located downstairs from the main store. Visit the bookshop or buy online. You can buy on line through the Co-op web page that is linked to the Macquarie Student Portal. Take advantage of our extended opening hours. Try to avoid the busy times such as lunch time – early morning is good! The Co-op Bookshop – Campus Hub Bldg Macquarie University NSW 2109 Phone 8986 4000 University Co-operative Bookshop Ltd or buy in-store at The Co-op Bookshop, Bldg C9A, Macquarie University NSW 2109 P06.indd 1 27/07/2010 1:25:56 PM Disabilities Progress on Campus Progress on Campus for students with disabilities and health conditions This article has been magnified to make it easier to read. You can access all Grapeshot articles in print and online at www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au I would like to say "Thank you", on behalf of myself and the students who I am representing as a MUSRA member, to all of the staff on campus whom I have been working with who have been accommodating students with disabilities and health issues. I am seeing such fantastic improvements being made on campus to accommodate students with disabilities so that they can continue to further their education. The attitudes of staff have been inclusive and as a result there has been an increase in the confidence of students with disabilities on campus. For the first time, three students got together and advocated to close the gap by providing space for people who use the Special Equipment Unit after the library closes. This is a great step forwards and students are very excited and looking forwards to the day this happens. This article is to inform everyone about the positive changes that are happening. On May 3, the first ever meeting between the disability support unit and the students with disabilities was held. The meeting was a positive one. Not only were students with disabilities at the meeting but also the disability unit staff, who took the time to attend the meeting, to see what was and wasn't working. Opened by Ruth Freeman, and directed by Steve Bailey, special guests were invited to inform the students about professional employment opportunities and paid training during the semester breaks with some well-known companies. Another meeting took place with the Macquarie careers department. Marita Morgan, the student representative for people with a disability at UNSW, was invited to join us. She spent the day with us and we had some great discussions, taking advantage of the time to exchange our experiences and pass each other helpful tips, many of which I will be following to make Macquarie University a better place with better strategies for people with disabilities. There are a lot of good things happening to accommodate students with disabilities – especially in regards to the new library. But I’ll have to talk about that next time. Remember that I am here to represent you, whether you are registered with the disability unit or not, whether it is a health condition or a disability, and you need to let me know if there is anything that is not working for you so that we can work together and try to make your life better on campus. by Nicholina McKenna MUSRA Representative for People with Disabilities and/or Health Conditions Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 07 P07.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:28:26 PM Climate Reality Week | MacAlphine Snow Games 2010 Climate Reality Week: Late last semester, MacEnviro and the MQ Greens embarked on an ambitious campaign, Climate Reality Week, organised by the Australian Youth Climate Coalition (AYCC). The aim was to put pressure on our politicians to stop farting around and start implementing policies to tackle Global Warming. It was a spectacular and fulfilling week for all involved, aimed at communicating the importance and reality of climate change to Macquarie University students. was against the State Government’s plan to build two new coal-fired power plants, which could increase NSW’s carbon emissions by 10-15%. One of the main outcomes from this campaign was to find out from students what they thought of climate change and the other environmental issues. Many students learned something from us, from climate change to bike paths to and from uni. Similarly, we learned from the many students who enthusiastically signed our petitions that they share our concerns for the future. • We held large banners over a M2 Motorway bridge during the morning rush hour and over campus buildings at uni. The team carried out a range of activities: • Each day we asked students to sign petitions. The first one was on 100% Renewable Energy on campus. The second • We spent time guerrilla-style postering and chalking each morning. Also each day we set up stalls in the Central Courtyard where we distributed information to students on the science behind anthropogenic climate change, laptops and a flowering plant! • On Wednesday night, we held a fantastic forum called “Solutions to the Climate Crisis”. Panelists included NSW Greens’ Candidate for Senate, Lee Rhiannon; Tim Hendry, a Macquarie student activist; and Geoffrey Hawker, a Macquarie academic specialising in politics. The discussion centred on the Federal Government’s failure to act on climate, why the Greens blocked Labor’s ETS scheme and how action could be achieved. • On Thursday, we participated in a collective protest in front of Sydney Town Hall during evening peak hour. Ahri Tallon from AYCC disguised himself as a greedy and scary coal lobbyist and other activists wore green helmets and provided flyers to pedestrians passing by. Climate change is the most important issue of the 21st Century and if not mitigated, will severely harm every person in Generation Y. But with all these stunts, we do think we played our role in making it a greater issue in the hearts and minds of Mac students. And with the next Federal election just around the corner, there has not been a more important time for people to think more about climate change and how it will affect their futures. If you would like to help, please contact MUSRA Environment Officer, Mark Cachia at mark.cachia@students.mq.edu.au. by Aditya Prasad MacAlpine Snow Games 2010 Been inspired by the Winter Olympics this February? Think you’ve got skills like Torah Bright or speed like Dale Begg-Smith? Come the end of August and a team of around 50 skiers and snowboarders from Macquarie University are going to be packing their skis, snowboards and adrenalin and heading for Mt Buller to defend their title as Australian University Snowsports Champions. Last year in Thredbo, MacAlpine, Macquarie’s Ski and Snowboard Club, blitzed the competition with an incredible 10 medal haul, winning Overall Female Team, Overall Nordic Team, Overall Individual Male Snowboarder and Overall Male Team, and it was the first time since the 1990’s that the crown of Number One Australian University Alpine Team has been won by a team other than Sydney or Melbourne Universities. MacAlpine is currently recruiting keen skiers and snowboarders to join the team this year in Mt Buller to compete in thirteen events in four disciplines over four days of competition. The event, held from August 30 to September 4, attracts some of the country’s greatest young Australian snow sport athletes. Alpine skiers can show off their speed in the downhill events (slalom, giant slalom and super g) and their skills in the freestyle events (moguls, skier cross, slopestyle and half-pipe), nordic experts can test the competition in individual and relay cross country skiing, while snowboarders can flaunt their prowess in giant slalom, boarder cross, half-pipe and slopestyle. This year the trip is being heavily subsidised by the club, costing only $875. The price includes return transport to Mt Buller, accommodation, six day lift pass, social pass for the amazing themed parties, dinners, ticket to the Black Tie dinner at the end of the week, drinks to get the nights started, team uniform and race entries. The trip is an awesome way to meet other ski and board enthusiasts from Mac and you will undoubtedly go back to uni with hilarious stories to tell, hundreds of incriminating photos of the team on and off the slopes and separation anxiety from being away from your 49 new best friends. If this isn’t enough to convince you, ask anyone who has been before. Many MacAlpine veterans are still studying, not to further their tertiary education, but purely so they can continue to compete at the championships. To get involved email the club at macalpineclub@gmail.com, fill in an expression of interest form at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MDMP3NJ, or join the Facebook group (Mac Alpine Snow Games 2010). by Sami Farr 08 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P08.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:28:24 PM SIFE Macquarie | We Sing, Therefore We Are SIFE Macquarie: We are Working Together to end Hunger Ever thought about putting a stop to hunger on Australian streets? Take a break from your sandwich and think about this. You get home from university and you open your fridge door to see the half piece of bread you need to survive on for the next three days. This is the reality for the hungry people living below the poverty line in Australia. SIFE (Students in Free Enterprise) Macquarie is part of an international non-profit organization which works with leaders in businesses and communities to tackle realworld social issues. We are uni students who come from different backgrounds and study different degrees, united in our passion to help others. Through our business and educational projects, we create real impact and change in our communities. This year, we battled hunger on Australian streets with the help of local schools, churches and communities centres, and of course Macquarie University students. The “Let’s Can Hunger” Challenge, sponsored by Campbell Soup Company, was a competition that provided SIFE teams in the United States, Canada, Mexico and Australia with the opportunity to participate in a series of objectives which included: (1) raising cans and donations that go to Foodbank for immediate hunger relief, (2) raising wide-spread awareness of hunger issues, (3) and education. Over 4,000 university students supported the challenge on Facebook through a "superhero of miniature proportions" called the CAN-MAN who rallied the students to bring the topic to every day conversations. The Facebook Campaign asked students to place the CAN-MAN picture and slogan on their profile and pass on the word. Meanwhile, SIFE students were running around campus spreading the word and collecting cans of food. During the colder months of April and May, SIFE students ran soup kitchens and noodle stalls. The events attracted many supporters and well-wishers from the students and staff on campus who donated generously. Off campus, SIFE students raised cans and engaged in presentations with local schools, community centre and churches. “I never knew my church would be this generous. I was really surprised by how everyone came together to support us in this initiative,” says Kim Edwards. In just three weeks, we raised 414 cans and $862.56 for Foodbank Australia. We want to thank all the students, staff and community members who have helped us in achieving this tremendous result this year. The 2010 challenge was an unforgettable experience and we will continue in our mission to make a difference in our community. Although the Challenge concluded on June 23, SIFE Macquarie works year round on projects that help others, such as STEP (mini-loans to alleviate extreme poverty) and ILP (computer and leadership workshop for disadvantaged youths). Send us an email and get involved today: info@sifemacquarie.org by Yuri Yang We Sing, Therefore We Are "There’s a strong musical culture in colleges in the US but not in Australia. So there are not many uni students in our choir,” said a member in Macquarie University Singers (MUS), the official choir of Macquarie. I have asked around and know that many students at Macquarie are keen to join music groups. But after coming to one or two rehearsals of MUS they back out. Why can’t all these youngsters - the so-called future leaders take things seriously? of a classical choir, I am not trying to say MUS is insular and passé. I am simply attempting to figure out why only a handful of MQ university students sing for their university´s choir. The answer is simple: they find themselves unlikely to fit into the group because the majority of the vocalists are from the community – you rarely find a buddy to gossip about the lecturer of your course. The choice of our music is of the Mozart and Brahms type instead of Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga. As a member of the minority that is happy to be part I, and a couple of young people from Macquarie University Singers, have set up a group to gather passionate, young music lovers at Macquarie and to enjoy music production together. We call ourselves Mac-appella, on the basis of singing a-cappella. We aspire to build a strong music network where Macquarie students can enjoy music and social life A lot of uni students use their extracurricular activities as a means of socialising. From the moment they decide to be initiated within a society, they are inclined to expand their social bonds and networks. at the same time. Our aim is, however, not only to have fun but to produce fine quality music and perform. Our group welcomes all Macquarie students, whether you're amateur or professional. If you are enthusiastic about music, please contact us on Facebook (Mac-appella) or send an email to mac.appella.mq@gmail.com Looking forward to seeing you soon! Co-founders of Mac-appella Kurt Lin, Jan Hofmann, Guillermo Umaña by Kurt Lin Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 02 2010 09 P09.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:03:42 PM Attack of the Library! Attack of the Library! You know how your friends from other universities always brag about the crazy stuff their uni has? “My uni has a giant laser cannon that can devastate cities,” say my engineering friends cheerfully. “Our university has got killer android lawyer judges that combine the role of judge, jury and executioner in a terrifying mixture of death and justice,” say my lawyer friends, the depravity and fear of their souls only marginally showing on their mask-like faces. But now, dear Macquarians, we can strike back with something even cooler with our new Robot Library. You know that giant construction site that has been irritating the hell out of us for the last two years? The one that’s destroyed all lectures and tutorials in its vicinity through noise pollution? The one that’s permanently made our already-messed up car park system even worse by making it one-way? Well, turns out it’s not the Vice-Chancellor’s gothic castle lair that is being built, but a giant robotic library (possibly still a lair). You know the Transformers franchise, right? Well this is kind of similar. From the outside, the building looks relatively normal (barring the rooftop jungle, shiny mirror-like walls and its crazy geometric shape that defies physics), but from the inside, it’s a nightmarish maze of robotic cranes and hulking mainframe systems. Like that scene from The Matrix. Turns out a big chunk of the 92 million dollars invested in the place has been used to buy the new A.S.R.S retrieval system. I had a look at the website and this stuff has mostly been used in factories for handling giant machines of war. We’ll be the first university in Australia to use it, and when the robots rise up against their human masters in the near future, we’ll also probably be the first university to fall. What the system means is that 20% of the library’s 1.4 million books will be kept on normal shelves like they currently are, and you’ll be able to walk up and take whichever book you want. The other 80%, however, will be stored in some grand storage system that stacks the books up, from floor to ceiling, in a place reachable only by robotic cranes. So you tell the computer what book you want, and then grab a cup of coffee while the robot obediently finds the book, picks it up with a robotic claw and dumps it in some pickup facility a few minutes later. Easy, coldly efficient and just a little bit terrifying. But that’s just one aspect of the new library. I’ve already mentioned the rooftop garden, but the entire place also has a five star green rating, which means it’s quite environmentally friendly, despite the apparent lack of solar panels. Guess they felt a rooftop jungle was greener. Another difference is that the library will be open 24/7, and will have a neat cafeteria located just at the entrance. So it is entirely possible that a primitive society of student library dwellers could form inside the library, sleeping on the couches by day, using the computers for Facebook at night, and scavenging food from the cafeteria to hold off starvation. Sounds like affordable student accommodation to me. Then again, I’d think twice about sleeping under the baleful gaze of the robot library, in case it tried to harvest me for organic machinery experiments while I slept. But then again, free internet. So if you aren’t already excited about the new library, which will totally be finished this year – I’m not kidding – it really will be done by the end of the year – why would I lie to you – then now is the time to start. But it looks like it’s gonna be the same as our old library, only a lot shinier and newer looking, with a few wacky add-ons like a jungle here and a murderous robotic killing machine there. The important thing to remember is that the people who came up with the new library are probably smarter than us and deserve to spend the money we pay them however they wish. As for the old library? No-one knows what’s going to happen to it. My guess is a casino, but the Vice-Chancellor is playing this one pretty close to the chest, and not even the head library staff have a clue. So enjoy your freedom while you have it, petty humans. For the day of the machine is coming, and when it does, it will be you who fetches books at the cruel whims of your robotic overlords. by Philip Jucker 10 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P10.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:27:49 PM The Rant | Student Services Spotlight t n a R e Th Rules vs Ethics I was standing next to the door of a computer lab in C5C, waiting for the next available computer and what I saw appear on the computer screen made me question Macquarie University students’ ethics. Ethics appear to be a subjective concept; different people have different perceptions on ethics (what to do and what not to do). Some people may think that using university’s resources to facilitate their social obsessions, such as Facebook and entertainment needs, is okay and other people may see it as a crime. However it is not so much an ethical issue anymore when there is a big red sign that says “PCs are for research and study ONLY”. It is in fact a rule. So people, whatever your perspective on ethics (even if you are not aware of the concept), please obey the rule and make other people’s lives a bit easier. by VB Student Services Spotlight The Student Enquiry Service (SES) provides administrative support and information to all University students: new, current, returning and future. We are part of the Coursework Studies Section and work behind the scenes to enable admission, enrolment and other administrative activities. We are essentially an information service and provide a first point of contact for any non-academic enquiry. A quick look at the SES website, www.student.mq.edu.au/ses/, provides a snapshot of the types of things we help students with at different times throughout the year. For example, we are happy to assist you with: - travel concession - course transfer - disruption to your studies - important dates - academic transcripts of your results - credit for previous studies Although we can assist you in making sense of academic rules and the Handbook we do not have the authority to provide academic advice. Questions about which units are best to choose for your program should be directed to academic advisors in the Faculty that manages your course. It is a good idea to check the regularly updated ‘News and Events’ section of our website to make sure that you don’t miss anything important! Some key dates for this time of the year are: Last day to enrol in Second Semester External units: August 6 Last day to enrol in Second Semester Internal units: August 13 Last day to withdraw from Second Semester units without academic or financial penalty: August 31 (Census Day) Last day to withdraw from Second Semester units without academic penalty: September 28 The Student Enquiry Service is always trying to improve students’ experiences by rethinking the way we do things. Please feel free to provide feedback on our website. We welcome contact in many forms: • Face-to-face: Level 1, Lincoln Building, C8A • Call us: +61 2 9850 6410 • Send an Online Enquiry to www.student.mq.edu.au/ses We will be extending our opening hours between July 26 & August 13 to cover the Enrolment Period and the first few weeks of Semester Two: Monday to Friday 8.30am – 6.00pm After this we will return to our normal opening hours: Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays: 8.30am – 5.30pm Tuesdays: 9.30 am – 5.30pm Fridays: 8.30 am – 4.30pm The best tip that SES staff can give to new students is ‘Read, Read, Read’. Educate yourself on the key dates, understand the policies and take control of your own university journey. by Brad Windon Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 11 P11.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:27:15 PM P12.indd 1 26/07/2010 1:02:32 PM Announcements Announcements Issue 8: ‘Get Your Freak On - Conception Day Special’ It’s soon coming up to that day in September again when students and their guests ‘get their freak on’ for Macquarie’s renowned party: Conception Day. Each year, pre and postConception, interesting stories, rumours and photographs are shared around campus and online which contributes to the hype surrounding Macquarie’s social and musical event of the year. Whether or not you’ve experienced the day firsthand, for Issue 8, Grapeshot wants all of you to share your stories, tips and opinions on the worst and best bits of the event. And we’d like to know what you’d like to see at Mac’s 41st instalment this year. But we know Conception Day isn’t for everyone, so for all of those who intend to shy away - we’d love to hear all those alternative stories where you have or seen someone getting a little ‘freaky’. How you interpret ‘getting your freak on’ is up to you – we’d love to hear it all! Also remember every issue we have our regular columns, and we welcome all topics and creative works regardless of the theme. Deadline: Monday August 23, 2010 Send submissions to: grapeshotmq@gmail.com Visit: www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au for submission guidelines. Macquarie Musical Society presents the NSW Premiere of Zanna, Don’t! Election 101 seminar series! With the Federal Election looming, ballots around the country are getting ready to receive your vote... so make it count with the free Election 101 seminar series! 11 August, 12pm - 1pm, Campus Hub Level 3 (McKenzie Room): Come along to understand the issues facing Australia - and how each party responds to those issues. Find out how to vote (this 'one above the line or 76 below the line' business), and have the chance to ask a panel of Federal Party representatives questions. 18 August, 11pm - 1pm, Campus Hub Level 3 (McKenzie Room): Clean energy future debate. What does the future hold for renewable energy in Australia? Come along to hear two opposing views of what Australia might look like, and question a bunch of experts. Every participant receives a free magazine! Places are limited so secure your seat by emailing sustainability@mq.edu.au Zanna, Don’t! is a modern-day fairytale, set in a parallel universe where homosexuality is the norm and heterosexuality is taboo. The story takes place at heterophobic Heartsville High where the chess team rules the school, and the captain of the football team can’t fit in without trying out for the school musical. Only Zanna, the school’s magical matchmaker can make things right as he attempts to make the world safe for a boy and girl who fall in love. Macquarie Musical Society’s fourth production for the year is a colourful, funny and heartwarming off-Broadway hit that is bound to have you tapping your feet and singing along! So come, join us in finding out “who’s got extra love”! Show Dates: August 6-7, 11-14 at 8pm at the Lighthouse Theatre, Macquarie University. Ticket Prices: $10 for Members, $12 for Students, $15 for Adults Directed by Jane Ramsay Produced by Katie Thorpe Musical Direction by Steven Kreamer Choreography by Jasper Newstead Costuming by Nick Plummer Starring: Joshy Said, Christian Berechree, Jasper Cornelius Newstead, Emma Campbell, Candy Jones, Sam Bennett, Charmian Fauvet, Niall Kumar, Cammy Ashmore, Matt Madrell, Elise Tobin, Lucy Bollinger and Norman Emilio Wyndham. For more information please visit www.macms.org or join our Facebook group (MacMS). Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 13 P13.indd 1 27/07/2010 2:10:17 PM Small Bear-Shaped Cookies Small Bear-Shaped Cookies The following may offend some readers. Do you kids wanna have fun? Do you wanna laugh? Do you?! Because this summer you’re gonna have extra fun with this new range of hilarious, laughable funny-fun-food! So guess what hilarity is going to hit the shelves of all poor retailers worldwide? Yes that’s right! It’s Small Bear-Shaped Cookies! Under the divine guidance of notorious hunter Randy Saxon, the Small BearShaped Cookies Enterprise came into glorious existence during the war between Randy and the Care Bears – right after the Care Bears were called to a staged meeting for peace and were promptly ambushed. After dining in more ways than one on the fruits of his victory, Randy discovered that the intestines of Care Bears could be processed into cookies, and thus the Enterprise was born! Randy himself has famously declared, “These bears are quite insignificant in size and are very poorly shaped. The taste is also questionable. However I do not disagree with their motives.” But thanks to our enthusiastic man behind the legend, all your favourites are back! There’s Happy, Grumpy, Silly Billy, Stressy, Druggy, Porky, Wanky, Malevolenty, Paranoidy, Insomniacy, Clinically-Depressed-and-in-need-ofTreatmenty, and John. And who could forget Bear-Bear, the bonus full-size Kodiak Bear which likes to lunge from your packet under awkward circumstances. With their return, comes all new flavours including Echinacea, Tooth Grime, Used Aftershave with Extra Hair, Testicular Cancer, Breast Milk, Mass Grave, Crushed Innocence, and George Orwell. Of course, the old favourite Camel Fat will remain. And look out kids! In a letter of approval, Saddam Hussein’s corpse had this to say on the subject of eating Small BearShaped Cookies, “First of all, in order to eat Small Bear-Shaped Cookies you must find a cool place to eat it. Some suggestions are: • Blocking the view to a masterpiece. • Loitering in front of ASIO headquarters. • Listening to your parents getting divorced, and yes, it was your fault! • Anally shelving uranium in an underground mine. • On the kitchen potty. • Standing on the grave of Mother Theresa. • Or comfortably riding a nuclear missile. Now you can enjoy your cookie. To enjoy its full potential, first you twist it and then you dunk it in the eye. Then take it out and tie a belt around your neck whilst you scream. Then barbecue the crap out of the cookie and hastily shove it back in your eye. Hollow out the eye cavity with the cookie, and throw salt in the wound to sanitise the cookie. Bleed! And while you tear skin from your face, hammer your sternum. Then, with a fine piece of solder, weld what is left of the biscuit to your eyelid, and desperately try to chew it off! And then you’re rushed to the emergency ward, and there are doctors and surgeons, and they can’t save your eye, and AAAAAHHH!!!...” Take note Saddam was wearing sunglasses at the time. If he is that cool, then logically Small Bear-Shaped Cookies must also be really cool! And now, for a limited time these delightful cookies are available in an actual EDIBLE FORM! Made with local and imported ingredients, Small BearShaped Cookies are the result of an ingenious mixture of sawdust, industrial refuse, Uranium Oxide, prawns, Bovril, eucalyptus oil, fatty by-products, whole sheets of nylon, glass, bits of mountain, and a full-length portrait of Margaret Thatcher’s mother! These ingredients are collected in a huge copper vat, and to avoid energy efficiency, each biscuit is individually fermented in the vat for between 8 and 57 weeks. The resulting condensation is collected and drained into a finely sown silk lunchbox, and it is then pasteurised and baked in a kiln. The finished product is thrown into a can, and preserved with milk and a fine overlying layer of goat mucus (Note: Only free-range goats are used). Finally, we discard the can and import directly from China. And now, one last quote from our devoted founder Randy Saxon, “It only costs $5000. Just head to our registry, pick up the permission slips, and you’re a free man. We will meet the night before and stare out at the sea one last time, with a hint of intimidation. A one-way ticket to Moscow with a...wait we’re still doing cookies? I thought I cancelled that product!” So what are you waiting for? Buy these vehement cookies and chew them with your tongue! I might! Just don’t swallow them. Or are you a square who is afraid of fun food? Warning: May contain traces of cod semen. by Scott Pilley and Byron Waldron 14 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P14.indd 1 27/07/2010 1:29:06 PM TheMUS RApa g e sa r epr oduc e dbyMUS RA.Thi sha snotbe e ne di t e d,de s i g ne dore ndor s e dbyGr a pe s hot TheMUS RApa g e sa r epr oduc e dbyMUS RA.Thi sha snotbe e ne di t e d,de s i g ne dore ndor s e dbyGr a pe s hot TheMUS RApa g e sa r epr oduc e dbyMUS RA.Thi sha snotbe e ne di t e d,de s i g ne dore ndor s e dbyGr a pe s hot TheMUS RApa g e sa r epr oduc e dbyMUS RA.Thi sha snotbe e ne di t e d,de s i g ne dore ndor s e dbyGr a pe s hot A film about the devastating impact of overfishing at Macquarie The End of the Line movies Coming soon Sunday 15 August at 6pm FREE admission Bookings not required Following the film join Professor Rob Harcourt from the Graduate School of the Environment to discuss overfishing and its effect on the environment. Macquarie Theatre Macquarie University North Ryde T: (02) 9850 2310 www.pr.mq.edu.au/whatson Parking fees apply CRICOS Provider Code 00002J P19.indd 1 26/07/2010 1:15:51 PM Mon Aug 2 Diversity Week begins Bollywood Dancing 2.45pm, Central Countryard Tue Aug 3 Smoking Ceremony and Indigenous Dancing 10am-1:30pm, Central Courtyard Diversity Short Film Night 6:30-9:30pm, Zofrea Room, Level 3, Campus Hub Fri Aug 6 Jeans for Genes Day Co-op Vegies Pickup Fridays, 10am-1pm Outside U@MQ Shop MICF Welcome Party for New students 6pm, Contact: Justin 0416635011 Fri Aug 13 Co-op Vegies Pickup Fridays, 10am-1pm Outside U@MQ Shop MICF Campus Meeting 5-7 pm, Contact: Justin 0416635011 Mac Uni Hockey Club 40th Anniversary Celebration 6-8pm, Sport & Aquatic Centre. Fri Aug 20 Co-op Vegies Pickup Fridays, 10am-1pm Outside U@MQ Shop Sat Aug 7 Zanna, Don’t! August 6-7, 11-14, 8pm Lighthouse Theatre www.macms.org Wed Aug 4 Collaborative Art 12:15pm, Central Courtyard 14 21 MICF Day trip to Hunter Valley and Central Coast Contact: Justin 0416635011 (Braille, Signing, Techn 10-12pm, Ven Club Cultural Perform 12-1:30pm, Central Co 8 Mon Au Sun Aug City2Surf Marathon http://city2surf.sunherald. com.au/ Bushcar 2-4pm, Intersection Creek and Gymnas Swa August 9-13, 10a E7B Co MacBuddhi M 1-2pm, mee big clock in th courtyard, 12 Student meditation an from Buddhist sp Sun Aug National Science Week begins www.scienceweek.gov.au/ Sat Aug Communications Wo Multicultural Festival 12-2:30pm, Central Courtyard Sydney FC vs Melbourne Victory 8pm, Sydney Football Stadium Sat Aug Thu Au Sun Aug 15 Mon Aug Title info MacBuddhi M 1-2pm, mee big clock in th courtyard, 12 Student meditation an from Buddhist sp 22 Mon Aug Title info MICF Campus Meeting 5-7 pm, Contact: Justin 0416635011 20 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P20-21.indd 1 26/07/2010 2:23:20 PM Thu Aug 5 unications Workshop Signing, Technologies) 10-12pm, Venue tba ultural Performances 0pm, Central Courtyard Bushcare@MQ m, Intersection of Mars ek and Gymnasium Rd Mon Aug 9 Swap Party gust 9-13, 10am-4pm E7B Courtyard MacBuddhi Mondays 1-2pm, meet at the big clock in the main courtyard, 12:45pm t meditation and talks m Buddhist speakers. Mon Aug 16 What’s On Calendar of Events from August 2nd onwards Tue Aug Heritage Careers Panel 1pm, Zofrea Room, Level 3, Campus Hub. Wonder what it would be like to work in a museum? Visit http://tinyurl.com/2ved6qc for more details. 23 Title info Wed Aug 11 Thu Aug Election 101: free seminar 12noon-1pm, Level 3, Campus Hub 12 Title info MUCAS Chalking Session 12-2pm, Wally’s Walk Tue Aug MacBuddhi Mondays 1-2pm, meet at the big clock in the main courtyard, 12:45pm t meditation and talks m Buddhist speakers. Mon Aug 10 17 Title info Wed Aug 18 Vietnam Veterans’ Day 11am parade, Macquarie Rd, Springwood Election 101: free energy futures debate 11am-12noon, Level 3, Campus Hub Tue Aug 24 Title info Wed Aug 25 Title info Thu Aug 19 Comedy Revue August 18-21, 24-28, 8pm Lighthouse Theatre www.dramac.org Thu Aug 26 Title info Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 21 P20-21.indd 2 27/07/2010 1:42:52 PM Round-Up! Golden Key goKey! NSW Alliance Cruise 22 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P22.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:21:39 PM Poetry A Sophisticated Society Voyeur We live in a sophisticated society. A society, that believes we evolved from apes, and yet, to be called or likened to any animal is far beyond insulting. A society, so full of love that it’s forgotten love’s meaning. A society where all are equal, but some are more equal than others. Not that we’re like pigs. A society where beauty’s in the eye of the beholder. Its unobtainable image is advertised daily, in everybody’s face. A society where the natural is unnatural, and thinking of the future is the only way forward, because since when does history repeat? But maybe it’s time we stopped thinking and let the sophisticated become the simple. Because in reality, “I fart, therefore I am.” I remember, the first house I rented in Chang- Rai, And how it sat just opposite the road From an old man and his food stall. by Rachel Dixon I remember that when I first wandered towards his stall, I didn’t know how to order But he served me fried egg with pork That he later taught me to be pad kee mow I remember that every day, as he cooked He wore a red cap printed with “Number 1” on the face And the cigarette clinging affectionately on his left lip Was his daily dose of some kind of a connection For months we exchanged no words, Maybe a nod here, an awkward glance there… Sometimes when I was eating at the stall, Other times when I was writing songs outside my house. But one day, when he didn’t know I was home I caught him crossing the road, shaking a bowl in his hands Calling, “Pi-casso, Pi-casso!” I remember how I hid, crouched under the window and watched as he fed my puppy, Picasso and as he hurried back to his stall with the empty bowl The Laundry List as though no one had seen that other side of him. TODAY: There’s a I remember how he would stand Sometimes camouflaged by the rising smoke from the stove, All day underneath a little silver roof Held by a little silver cart – that he called his kitchen by Rebecca Kuo hole I just keep falling down and then all stations to Campbelltown by Josh Sambono Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 23 P23.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:10:04 PM Gallery Gallery PALM BEACH LONG BAY TWILIGHT SYDNEY CBD- WATSON’S BAY VIEW Images on this page by James Zhao 24 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P24.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:18:18 PM Gallery Title here please...title here please... Gallery Images on this page by Kurt Lin Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 25 P25.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:12:52 PM The Big Fart The Big Fart The Southern Cassowary (Casuarius casuarius johnsonii), the third largest bird in the world, plays a vital role in rainforest ecology, largely because of the size of its anus. Cassowaries are the only native animals large enough to eat many of the larger fleshy rainforest fruits of the Wet Tropics in Far North Queensland. At Mission Beach, subdivisions are creating more than 1000 new residential blocks and in the Daintree, 185 rainforest properties are zoned for development. Clearing and development of these properties would cut off essential wildlife corridors and severely fragment prime Cassowary habitat. The Cassowary’s digestive tract has no gizzard meaning the seeds can travel through the gut unharmed and then reap the benefits of beginning their lifecycle embedded in the rich Cassowary dung - a great compost pile that keeps the seeds moist and feeds the germinating seedlings. The smell of this dung also helps to keep the predators away. A major threat to Cassowaries is road kill associated with development. The increase of traffic through Cassowary habitat has resulted in 60 Cassowaries being killed over the past 15 years. In the last seven months alone, four adult Cassowaries were killed on roads near Mission Beach. In addition, dog attacks and obstacles to free movement in the landscape such as fences are also major threats. The seeds can remain in the Cassowary’s gut for up to ten hours. This allows the Cassowary to disperse seeds up to five kilometres away from their mother tree. The natural farming method ensures that the Cassowary’s favourite walking tracks will have plenty of fruits in the following decades as the seeds grow into trees. Up to 150 species of trees and other plant species depend on Cassowaries to digest and/or spread their seed. Many may have even co-evolved with a dependency on passing through the Cassowary’s guts for germination. Campaign. We are urging the Federal Government to provide 60 million dollars in funding to buy back the remaining undeveloped properties in the Daintree and Mission Beach, vital primary habitat for the Cassowary. Please visit www. savethecassowary.org.au and take action now by sending a letter to Minister Garrett or email us at rainforestinfo@ ozemail.com.au to request postcards for you and your friends to sign. Cassowaries have a reputation for being dangerous to people and domestic animals. However, it is us, humans, who are imperilling this beautiful bird and their forest homes. The fate of the Southern Cassowary in Far North Queensland rests in our hands. by Ruth Rosenhek With as few as 1000 Cassowaries remaining in Australia, the Rainforest Information Centre (Nimbin, NSW) has launched the Save the Cassowary Some seeds are too toxic for most other animals, however the Cassowary’s stomach is filled with a rare combination of digestive enzymes that makes it immune to the toxic alkaloids of fruits such as the well known Cassowary Plum. While the White-tailed Rat can eat the particular fruit (after it tears off the toxic flesh), unlike the Cassowary, the Rat does not disperse and does significant damage to the seed. The ancient Wet Tropics of Far North Queensland therefore, depends on these flightless birds to maintain its rainforest ecology. But unfortunately in the recent decades, the Cassowaries have become imperilled. The primary threat to the Cassowary is loss of habitat. Adult Cassowaries, weighing up to around 60 kilograms, lead a mostly solitary life, each with their own home range that spreads across several square kilometres. For young birds, finding and establishing an area of vacant rainforest can be a real challenge. Photography (c) Jonathan Munro, Wild Watch Australia, www.wildwatch.com.au 26 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P26.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:10:52 PM Reviews Night Work Music Reviews Scissor Sisters The album cover for the Scissor Sister’s latest offering Night Work, depicts the backside of what is most probably a young male dancer. The album itself it quite the contrary, if anything it is a “front” heavy album. In 2008 (or 2007 as some may argue) MGMT released their debut to much critical acclaim but were criticised for the album’s excellent opening half followed by a rather mediocre second half. Night Work follows suit as its first five tracks emblemises the Scissor Sister’s signature sound. It is anthemic, retro and a tad cheeky. The American group’s British influence is more evident than ever before with ‘Fire with Fire’ channelling Rudebox-era Robbie Williams and the unmistakable sound of former collaborator, Elton John. The “back” end of the record finds the five piece recycling the ideas that worked wonders earlier on the record, to little effect, making it a slight “drag” (pun intended) to listen to. Nevertheless, Night Work offers enough to keep one interested, but it is clearly more suitable to a seedy nightclub than anywhere else. Score : 7/10 by Asif Zaffer Follow Me on Twitter : www.twitter.com/AZ_hifi part time. full time. good time. work for us. apply at vitaminwaterinsiders.com ©2010 energy brands, inc. ‘GLACÉAU vitaminwater’ and the label designs are trade marks of energy brands, inc. VWInsider_PrintAd_210x148mm_v2.indd 1 P27.indd 1 20/7/10 12:36:08 PM 26/07/2010 2:00:40 PM Iidashippe ‘Iidashippe’ (A Japanese saying that translates to: The one who calls attention to a fart is in fact the farter, ie. the one who brings up a subject must be the first to act upon it.) “I like apples.” The kid is jittery, nervous. I stare at the wall opposite and say nothing. My friend grins. “Oh yeah?” “Yeah, yeah. Gimme one of those.” Eyes darting, he hesitantly holds out a hand of crumpled notes, like a peace offering to a savage god. In return, he receives an apple. There’s something strange about the way it’s handed over. The weight seems wrong. The green skin shines with gaudy temptation. I stare at the wall and continue to say nothing. The kid makes the apple disappear into his hoodie and with a jerky nod, stumbles quickly from the scene, hands deep in pockets and head bent against an invisible storm. My friend flashes me a thumbs-up. “Another successful sale!” I finally look away from the wall. “Great. What d‘you do with the money? Buy more apples? Gonna P28.indd 1 invest in an orchard some time soon?” “Yeah, real funny.” He kicks his way down the alley and bright drops of water flash from murky puddles. I get up and follow, yawning and rolling my head to hear the crackle of my neck. The walls are daubed with graffiti. Someone had begun to create a long, snaking dragon across the whole lot, but only the outline of the creature had been sprayed. Already it snarls a challenge to the world. “Hey, you want an apple?” “No thanks.” An old lady is peering nervously out at us from her front window, timid and pale as her lace curtains. My friend snarls demoniacally at her, and she vanishes so quickly she might have evaporated. He grins again, kicks a metal dustbin and sends it rattling and flying across the street. A small breeze spins the litter into a miniature whirlwind. We sit in the eye of the storm and the world falls down around us. The cops don’t come here any more. A police car strolls down the street once in a while to make it look like they’re doing something, but that’s about it. “Hey,” he says again, “d’you wanna crash Sara’s place? Her parents are never home.” “Had enough selling apples?” “Fuck you. Alright? Fuck you.” He prowls away angrily. I watch him leave dispassionately. There are some things you can get away with saying here. And I was treading the borderline. The borderline between looking the other way and keeping your head down, or opening your mouth and letting your head suffer the consequences. On the wall, someone has scrawled ‘I like apples’ in desperate font across the bricks. Below it, some smart arse has added ‘Yeah? Well I like girls’. I laugh, or make a noise of despair, or something. I don’t remember any more. The wind lifts and drags my fringe and the smell of apples across my face. Somewhere, a scrawny kid is digging and tearing away at the flesh of a green fruit, with fingers and teeth, seeking the powdery snow-like substance inside. Who started it? No one speaks, no one dares to even look another in the eye in case they face the blame. Maybe the problem will dissipate, and go away. Maybe. by Frances O’Brien 26/07/2010 3:17:34 PM He who smelt it, Dealt it! He who smelt it, Dealt it! “Whoever said the rhyme did the crime.” Most of us would remember this from younger years when someone would let one go and try to pin the blame on anyone but themselves. Recently however, we have seen many national and international politicians return to this blame game, trying to put the bad smell of climate change on someone other than themselves. There has been a massive outcry from scientists across the globe, calling for something to be done about the changing climate. What has been difficult for most of us to understand is who or what is causing this climate change. The scientists blame humans, industrialists blame nature and the governments are trying to make themselves look busy by attending conferences on the matter. With all this uncertainty about the cause of climate change, it is not hard to blame society for being skeptical. On the one hand we have scientists scaring the you-know-what out of everyone with predictions of future disasters due to climate change; on the other hand we have everyone else who just says the scientists are being overly dramatic. So who do we believe? So far in Australia, our government’s only response to climate change is to propose a tax on carbon emissions… another government tax - how effective. How is society supposed to take these types of actions seriously when all we are told is that the taxes collected will go towards reducing carbon emissions but we are not told how exactly the government plans to go about this. On June 25, respected Stanford University scientist, Professor Stephen Schneider addressed a Climate Futures Seminar at Macquarie University. Professor Schneider is recognised as one of the world’s leading experts in atmospheric research and in 2007 he, along with four generations of International Panel on Climate Change authors, received a collective Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts. He believes that while society needs to engage in productive debate and decisionmaking, only time and continuing research, data collection, modeling and simulation will ultimately address the significant uncertainties that are inherent in many climate change projections. Finally some reasonable suggestions on how to tackle climate change! Society can continue to debate and put forward solutions, but we should also be prepared that this may not be something that can be fixed overnight. The G20 Summit in Toronto, Canada has also reflected this as the Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon tries to keep world leaders focused on development in poor countries as well as their own. He has urged G20 members to publicly recognise the progress made last December at the UN climate change talks in Copenhagen, Denmark, and to move forward within the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) to achieve a realistic result at the summit to be hosted later this year in Cancun by Mexican President Felipe Calderon. It is time for the developed countries of the world to shoulder some of the burden for those poorer countries. It is unfair and unrealistic to expect nations whose people cannot even afford to feed themselves to be able to invest in a greener economy. This issue has been addressed by the UN Secretary-General at the G20 Summit as he urges those that attended the Copenhagen Summit in 2009 to realise the pledge made by industrialised countries to deliver $100 billion per year in aid to developing countries to help mitigate climate change. However, we see governments that had previously been for climate change efforts stumble when it comes time to dipping into their wallets. For all the failed efforts so far, is climate change destined to become one of those greatly talked about issues that never seems to be fixed? Is society forever going to be told that changing light bulbs and turning all our lights off for an hour ever year is going to stop the changing climate? There is some small hope for the future with the continuing G20 Summits, as long as there are advocators for climate change - there is hope for action. by Annabel Matthews Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 29 P29.indd 1 26/07/2010 3:04:47 PM The Stew EAT Thai Space, Glebe Point Rd, Glebe The S ew If you’re looking for a tasty and reasonably priced Thai restaurant, you can’t go past Thai Space in Glebe. Their menu is varied, plates are bountiful and cheques are pleasing to the pocket. I ordered a laksa and almost managed to get through half of it. Admittedly, it was a pretty big bowl. A couple of nights later we ordered takeaway, and the stir fries and Pad Thai were of the same yummy standard experienced in the restaurant. Consistency is always so nice in a restaurant. Thai Space is a winner. by Therese Raft TRAVEL Blue Mountains WATCH Four Lions This movie screened at the Sydney Film Festival and was horrible in its hilarity. Four would-be British jihadists push their dreams for glory to the limits in a movie that spins our perception of terrorism on its ear. The director and writer, Chris Morris, spoke at the screening and said that he used real recordings of suspected and known terrorists as research for his script. The conversations picked up weren’t about religion, or God, but were ridiculous in their ordinariness and sheer stupidity. The audience laughed out loud as bombs exploded on screen, setting off a wave of unease in my stomach that I could find such a thing amusing. But then, take away the ideology being parodied in the film and you could have the next Hollywood action blockbuster. www.four-lions.co.uk WANDER Sydney Fish Markets There are some of us who enjoy the Sydney Fish Markets for its hustleand-bustle atmosphere. Others enjoy eating fresh fish cooked well. And many who fall in between. Even in the winter months the markets are busy, so either get in early or pop in late. You’ll still crowd up to the counters and have your food shoved at you by harassed staff, but when you’re sitting outside with friends, munching on your fresh barramundi fillet and chips, who cares!? Afterwards, you can pick up fresh fruit, cheese and wine on your way home. Something for everyone! www.sydneyfishmarket.com.au I do believe we take our mountainous tourist attraction for granted. Leura and Katoomba are lovely, but how many of us won’t make the trek up our sandstone hillside because we think only tourists go to the Jenolan Caves or to visit the Three Sisters? Guilty, party of one. The Blue Mountains have a reputation for being a haven for artistic types, so look out for galleries, museums and writing groups. Many locals recommend autumn as the best time to visit. It’s the time when you get a true sense of the season we miss out on by living on the coast. That doesn’t mean you can’t visit in the spring or summer. Only go up in the winter if you have a pair of thermal underwear you can pull on though! EAT Lüneburger, Queen Victoria Building (and Macquarie Centre) Pastry lovers amongst us are probably full aware of the tasty treats available at Lüneburger. Walk past the store Monday to Friday and there will be a cue of people impatiently tapping their feet at the thought of chocolate croissants, apple strudels and berliners. I had a friend stay with me recently and she bought me a treat from Lüneburger almost every day she was here. My lips thanked her profusely. My hips did not. MARK’S ECO TIPS VEHICLE OFFSET – Sign up your vehicle to a carbon offset program. By joining an organisation like the Greenfleet Program (www.greenfleet.com.au), trees are planted on your behalf to offset the emissions produced by your car depending on its make and model. Also consider carbon neutral car insurance with ibuyeco (www.ibuyeco.com.au). GO LOCAL - Purchasing from small businesses encourages the local production of food, goods and services. This minimises the transport required, reduces carbon dioxide emissions and fosters small local businesses. Try becoming a part of the not-for-profit Macquarie University Food Cooperative, known as The Radical Radish that encourages community trade and local agriculture. For more information contact: mq.veggie.order@gmail.com. LINE DRY - Hang your clothes outside. A standard clothes dryer consumes a huge amount of electricity that can be easily avoided by using the good old washing line. It also saves on energy bills – not to mention minimises annoying dryer ‘fluff’ throughout the house or flat that probably gives all your housemates allergies! ECO TRAVEL – Plan your day so that you can walk and take public transport, rather than using a car. It’s not just good for carbon emissions, it’s more cost-effective and is good exercise! If you can purchase a fuel efficient vehicle, there is currently, a huge variety of choices to suit your preferences. Enjoy nature and explore your local area, there are many eco getaways for a most enjoyable holiday close to home - so get on the road. 30 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 P30.indd 1 27/07/2010 3:11:37 PM FART ART Most of the time, secrets are held by those in power, by those older, wiser. However, there is one secret, held by everyone but the old (and arguably wise) the world over. It is the secret of the old’s fart. Now, some have hypothesised that as one gets older (with grace or otherwise), that they lose inhibitions they once held, look the world straight in the face and say, ‘You know what? I don’t care. Fuck you,’ with a smile on their face. Some have extended this particular theory, which well explains the wardrobe choice of many the grannie, to the old’s fart. This is however, fundamentally flawed. And I shall tell you why. No one has ever asked an old person about why they openly fart in such public places. It just isn’t done. But who hasn’t been at a family function where someone over 60 has let one rip? Who ever says anything? The children laugh and stifle giggles, the parents give disapproving looks, and the young adults move awkwardly from the oncoming gas cloud encompassing them. God forbid being in a conversation with said old farter at the time. This is perhaps the most awkward and vulnerable position, and no one will come to your aid. The best hope is to move towards a kettle, and offer the perpetrator a cup of tea. They all love tea. No, it is not the old farter giving the bird to the world (they are more likely to bring birds down with that gas) by farting. Horoscopes I would like to point out, before I propose my explanation, that we have all let one rip when we think we can get away with it. Think about a train station, where it’s windy, and there’s a whole heap of noise. You get the sensation, look both ways, no one near enough to smell it if it’s a ponger, and BANG. You let one go. A smile creeps across your face. You got away with that one! Now, let me bring you back to the issue at hand; that of the old farter. As one gets older, senses begin to deteriorate. Two such senses are hearing and smelling. Now, old farters are simply those cunning poppers that think they are getting away with letting one rip. So we have gone from train station to family function. And bam, you get the feeling. Look both ways, doesn’t matter if someone is standing close by, because, for some reason, yours haven’t had a smell in the past few years, nor made a noise! You’ve perfected the fart art. A smile creeps across your face. But we shall all get there; too cocky; to the point where we think we’re pro farters. And no one will ever say anything to you, to bring you back to earth. Remember this though; if you reach 60 and think you’re a sly farter, you’re not. by Emma Nile Taurus The stars are aligned in such a way that will make it difficult for you to see in the dark. So you should probably go buy yourself a torch. Gemini A great tragedy will occur in your near future. Maybe you’ll lose something dear to you or maybe you’ll spill a really delicious glass of milk. Either way, I foresee tears, you big baby. Cancer Your future will be small, quick and cunning. Watch out for any gnome ninjas jumping you in back alleyways. Leo Big things are hitting you in rapid succession. Please remember, no matter what that one large rat-tailed boy told you in primary school, human punching bag is not a viable career choice. Virgo You seriously need to exercise. Libra You will develop a slight phobia of gesticulating orangutans. Steer clear of zoos, jungles and South-East Asia. Scorpio It isn’t enough to try your best at the moment. You have to try much, much harder than your best in order to succeed. Unfortunately, this is impossible. Sagittarius After reading too much Lewis Carroll, you will write a novel entirely in nonsense words. Braybots Fullonian Circumtellicotion will go on to be a smash hit. Capricorn After months of looking outward and seeing the stale and the humdrum, an illustrious, luminous and burgeoning band of contortionists will wander past your line of sight. RETHINK INK - Refill ink cartridges. A standard cartridge can be refilled up to four times before it needs to be replaced. You can also try bringing a cartridge recycling program to your office or home or buy ready filled cartridges. Printer toner and drums can be recycled at many local outlets including your post office. GET ACTIVE! - Write to your local council or a minister. You can comment on the recycling service or request the council to plant more trees in park areas, do more on climate change and more. During elections, consider which party has the best environmental policies and get involved in environmental activism. Use your voice to have a positive effect on our environment. by Mark Cachia Aquarius Rove McManus is an Aquarius and he’s recently secured a talk show in the US. I therefore foresee bizarre and improbable things occurring in your near future. Alien abduction, maybe? Pisces Here’s a tip. Don’t step out of your house on any day with the letter ‘A’ in it. You’re welcome. Aries You will suffer from an uncontrollable urge to speak your mind in the coming weeks. Saying ‘your mind’ over and over again does not make for good conversation and you will soon lose most of your friends. by Kara Schlegl Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 31 P31.indd 1 27/07/2010 3:10:04 PM Crossword Puzzle Issue 6 Crossword puzzle by Jack Mallen-Cooper Issue 6 - Crossword text and clues ACROSS 3. A nihilistic art movement based on irrationality. 4. In poetry, when a line continues from one verse to the next without a pause. 7. Satisfied 8. Countrified; characteristic of rural life. 11. Involving two parts. 12. Someone skilled at various odd jobs. 13. Excel or defeat in a game. 14. Connected 19. Boisterous 21. Without an equal. 23. A flat thin rectangular slab. 24. Within a building. 25. A protein that initiates, facilitates or speeds up a reaction 15. Someone held in custody. 16. The study of animals. 17. Defective 18. Liquid used in fire bombs and flamethrowers. 20. Australian sheep dog. 22. Debris Answers for Issue 5 Crossword DOWN 1. Harmless 2. Trespasser 3. Stupid 5. African animals with hollow horns. 6. A standard which something can be measured against. 9. An Easter African Republic. 10. The process of catching fire. P32.indd 1 27/07/2010 2:16:55 PM