August 2, 2010
Issue 6
M a c q u a r i e U n i ve r s i t y S t u d e n t Pu b l i c a t i o n
Presents
I fart, therefore I am
“Stinky Success.”
- UnTimed Magazine
“Breath-holding...literally.”
-Rotten Potatoes
“It wasn’t me...”
- Shaggy
Starring:
• When the Fart Meets the Heart
• Attack of the Library!
• Small Bear-Shaped Cookies
• A Sophisticated Society
• Fart Art
...And Many More
Plus all the regulars | Reviews | Spotlight on Student Services | The Stew
The Rant | What’s On | Round-Up! | Horoscopes
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THE DISCOUNTS
YOU WANT AT
MACQUARIE CENTRE!
Get in quick! Offers expire Sunday 15 August 2010.
Borders
Cotton On
20% off one full
price book &
15% off one full
price CD or DVD*
20% off
full price items*
*Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in
conjunction with any other offer or discount.
Offer is valid only at Borders Macquarie Centre.
Offer does not apply to online purchases.
Please present your Macquarie University or
SIBT student card in order to receive discount.
Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
*Offer applicable on full priced product only and
excludes lay-bys. Voucher must be presented. Not to
be used in conjunction with any other offer or voucher.
One coupon per person. Only valid at Cotton On
Macquarie Centre. Cotton on Group employees cannot
participate in this offer. Please present your Macquarie
University or SIBT student card in order to receive
discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
Myer
Novo
10% off Miss Shop
& Mens Youth Apparel.
Brands include
Tokito, Kenji, Bauhaus
and Miss Shop*
*Excludes Pilgrim. Voucher must be presented.
Not to be used in conjunction with any other
offer. Only valid at Myer Macquarie Centre.
Please present your Macquarie University or
SIBT student card in order to receive discount.
Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
20% off
full price items*
*Voucher must be presented. Not to be used in
conjunction with any other offer. Only valid at Novo
Shoes Macquarie Centre. Please present your
Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to
receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
John
Brennan Hair
Half head of foils + cut
and blow dry $99.
Full head of foils + cut
and blow dry $149.00*
*No appointment necessary. Voucher must be
presented. Student discounts do not apply to
this offer. Offer is only valid at John Brennan Hair
Macquarie Centre. Please present your Macquarie
University or SIBT student card in order to receive
discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
Typo
20% off
full price items*
*Offer applicable on full-priced product only and
excludes lay-bys. Voucher must be presented. Not
to be used in conjunction with any other offer or
voucher. One coupon per person. Only valid at Typo
Macquarie Centre. Cotton On Group employees
cannot participate in this offer. Please present your
Macquarie University or SIBT student card in order to
receive discount. Valid until Sunday 15 August 2010.
Visit macquariecentre.com.au for hot specials
and all that’s happening at Macquarie Centre.
Your home for shopping
P02.indd 1 Ad-Retail Offers-2.indd 1
AM976-Uni
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PM
Contents
FEATURES
26
The Big Fart
Ruth Rosenhek
Cover ‘I fart, therefore I am’
Alice Chu
28
Iidashippe
Frances O’Brien
04
When the Fart Meets the Heart
Lauren Davis
29
He who smelt it, Dealt it!
Annabel Matthews
05
The Strange Engine
Liam McCann
07
Disabilities Progress on Campus
Nicholina McKenna
31
Fart Art
Emma Nile
Mark’s Eco Tips
Mark Cachia
08
Climate Reality Week
Aditya Prasad
MacAlpine Snow Games 2010
Sami Farr
09
SIFE Update
Yuri Yang
We Sing Therefore We Are
Kurt Lin
10
Attack of the Library!
Philip Jucker
14
Small Bear-Shaped Cookies
Scott Pilley and Byron Waldron
REGULARS
Please attach an
image!
Voyeur
Rebecca Kuo
The Laundry List
Josh Sambono
24-25
Gallery
27
Review
Night Work
Asif Zaffer
30
The Stew
Therese Raft
11
The Rant
VB
Student Services Spotlight
Student Enquiry Service
13
Announcements
15-18
MUSRA Dispatch
20-21
What’s On Calendar
22
Round-Up!
31
Horoscopes
Kara Schlegl
23
Poetry
A Sophisticated Society
Rachel Dixon
32
Crossword
Jack Mallen-Cooper
Editorial
Welcome back to a brand new semester, with
brand new subjects that you haven’t quite
learned to hate yet. Breathe deep and smell that
positive energy permeating the air. Or perhaps
that’s the absence of dust coming from the
hospital and library building sites. Yes, it sure
is a good time to be a student here! Many new
and exciting developments are happening at
Macquarie, the great renovative university.
On that note, we have a look at the new
automated library, as well as some of the
developments on campus for students with
disabilities. Mark drops us a few more tips for
saving the environment and Annabel reveals
the blame game behind a different sort of hot
air. These pages are filled to the brim with…
you know, I want to write a gas pun, but the
articles and stories and poems here are all
fantastic and there simply isn’t any way of
complimenting them by comparing them to a
bad vapour.
If you’re in your first semester and you’re lost,
this issue’s Student Spotlight should help you
out. Or if you’re looking for friends, check out
the student society pages or the ‘What’s On’
Calendar. You could even catch a show at the
theatre and pretend to be flatulently pretentious
with all of your new friends.
Those of you astute in observation may notice
the Grapeshot team has not changed over the
break. Primarily this is because our one year
review happened to coincide beautifully with a
few of our staff’s planned retirements, and until
the review concludes we can’t hire anyone
new! Luckily, they offered to stick around and
work business as usual to ensure you could be
reading this right now. That review is just about
wrapped up now though, so if you’re interested
in joining the team, make sure you check our
website frequently to get updated on how you
can.
This is all getting a little long-winded now, so
until next time, I hope you enjoy this issue, and
this semester. Who’d have thought farts could
be so inspiring?
EDITORIAL TEAM
Editors:
Advertising:
Designers:
Therese Raft
Jamie Lee
Shannon Kelly
Jamie Lee
Alex Sieniarski
Alice Chu
Email:
grapeshotmq@gmail.com
Phone: (02) 9850 7605
Website:
www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au
EDITORIAL REVIEW BOARD
Alessandra Peldova-McClelland
Kate Walker
Kathleen Steele
Lauren Hargreaves
Disclaimer: The views and opinions
expressed in Grapeshot are not necessarily
those of the publication team. Macquarie
University staff, the Macquarie University
student body or Campus Experience staff.
The publication team acknowledges the
Darug Aboriginal people as the traditional
custodians of the land on which Macquarie
University is situated.
by Shannon
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 03
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When the Fart
Meets the Heart:
The DOs and
DON’Ts of Farting
in a Relationship
When you’re in a relationship, you always want your
partner to see you at your best. This might mean dressing
up for them, or being more tidy than usual, or doing
things you wouldn’t normally do. And it can be a
wonderful thing. But there are some drawbacks to being
around another person so often.
“Did you smell
that Clarence?”
DON’T: Allow an awkward silence to
rise. As the silence lingers, so too will
the smell. You need to distract yourselves
enough to try to ignore the fart (interpret
this any way you wish). If this cannot be
done, you may have to use the fart itself as a topic of
conversation. Which brings us to…
What happens when you fart in front of your partner?
You may get lucky the first couple of times. You might be
in a crowded street or have enough warning to duck into
the bathroom before it happens. But it is only a matter of
time before you’re completely alone together and then,
suddenly, you let one off. What should you do? Ignore it?
Deny it? Slowly move away from your partner and hope
the smell follows you? Never fear, for I have compiled
a list of DOs and DON’Ts to help you out, should this
situation arise (and believe me, it will).
DO: Be subtle about the fact that it
was you. You don’t have to make a big
proclamation, but an acknowledgment of
the event will show your partner that you
are comfortable sharing this information
with them. This establishes trust in the
relationship – that you will tell the truth, and that your
partner will accept it.
DON’T: Deny it was you. We all have
our own scents and it won’t be long
before your partner picks up on yours.
Just as it’s easier for partners to pick up
on each other’s deodorants, perfumes
and pheromones, so too can they pick up on farts.
Honesty is important in a relationship, so it’s better to tell
your partner these things yourself before they, er, sniff out
the truth.
DO: Laugh it off. As much of a moodbreaker as farting is, there is still humour
to be found in this strange bodily habit
– even if that humour lies in the fact
that a perfectly good make-out session
has been ruined by an unfortunate sound and/or smell.
Laughing at yourself when you say or do something
stupid often makes you feel better, so why not try it when
you fart?
DO: Reveal farting anecdotes. Yes, it’s
a bit naughty. But you’re bound to get
up to far naughtier things with your
partner. This is the one place where
you’ll be able to reveal those stories that
you’ve never been able to tell anyone else (excepting
anonymous internet forums).
Note: this tip should only be followed by those couples
who are in advanced relationships, where judgement is
fairly relaxed.
DON’T: Start a farting contest. It’s a level
of immaturity that really isn’t desirable
in an adult relationship. If you still enjoy
this, you’re probably not an adult, or in a
relationship.
DO: Give your partner breathing room.
You may be able to stand your own scent,
but they won’t be quite as used to it as
you (and may never be). Respect their
wishes, and they’ll get back to you when
they’re ready. It doesn’t mean they love you any less.
DON’T: Let your partner shun you. Even
if they have their space, they should still
show you that they respect you. If you
find their response to your fart offensive,
let them know. Their farts probably don’t
smell much better.
So there you have it. The next time you experience that
awkward moment, or are on the receiving end of it,
take a deep breath and remember these tips. Farting is a
naturally occurring part of existence, so you’re bound to
do it around your partner at one point or another. And if
your partner isn’t farting in front of you, you should be
worried – they may be farting in front of somebody else.
by Lauren Davis
04 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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The Strange Engine
The Strange Engine
I remember sitting on the grass, on the
football field behind the school. The
mist that had come off the shoreline
was wafting over the buildings
obscuring the view to the point where
the only objects visible were those
within a twenty metre radius - soon
enough my father would be back
from his overseas business trip, and
yet I wouldn't know this until he had
actually gotten out of the vehicle and
hugged me tight.
Even then I struggled with the idea of
everyone else's father being present
for the everyday events – the polar
nettles stinging the youngest child and
the crowds of slightly inebriated men
singing the praises of the gunners.
And then there’s my own paternal
influence being that of someone who
appears on a monthly basis for one,
two, maybe three days - then jumps
back on a plane to some country I still
cannot pronounce.
In my own little world, there were
periods where I struggled to grasp
the reasons behind this constant
disappearance. I would rise after
being laid to sleep, to hear mother
murmuring about some place called
the Falkner or Falkland Islands – and
then be confused as to where that
place was. “Two bald men fighting
over a comb,” the TV whispered,
adding to the cacophony inside my
undeveloped head. “The red tide
drowns the sea life,” it added, sharp
as a shock, as a sudden downpour of
Portsmouth drizzle.
Even in my own little secluded
universe, I still had some reasons
to be happy - I could buy the latest
seven inches from the Bay City Rollers
and there was always the comforting
warmth of the BBC news at six o'clock
every night, consistent like a lark's call.
One day, daddy sat me down, and had
a brief but telling discussion about
why he had to be away so often.
“Son, I wish to make other people's
children – children who have to live
without the nurture of a parent, or
who live in constant fear of having
the roof of their bungalow torn apart,
for instance.” He coughed, stuttering
slightly, trying to encapsulate the
words. “I'd like to make sure they can
feel the same things you do, so they
can feel at least a sense of something
normal.”
“But daddy, I hardly know what you
mean by normal. You're never here,
but I see other people walk home
from school, coming out later to play
some football and pretend they're Pat
Jennings against Valencia. It makes
me feel sad, especially when you say
you're going to be home in two days
and I still don't see you for at least a
couple of weeks.”
When I look back on it now, I
recognise that the expression he gave
after that was one of intense guilt and
shame – the regrets marking his face
distinctly.
“Well. I have to do what I have to do
– in our attempts to help other people
we have to give up some of our own
things, my son. Believe me when I say
that it will be all worth it, in the end.
When you see me every day a week in
a year's time, you'll be thankful.”
Of course, that just seemed like he
was trying to placate me, to get me
to stop the tantrum for a moment
of peace in his frantic life. Throwing
the book I was carrying to the floor,
I huffed out of the room, slowly,
ignoring his pleas for forgiveness or
even affection. The first true moment
of pain.
Sure enough, as the mist turned
to fog and then to nightfall, he still
wasn’t back from his trip as promised.
Another measure of trust broken
by him – I ceased to be surprised
anymore.
Even when the coffin came off the
aeroplane.
by Liam McCann
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 05
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The Co-op Bookshop
– Macquarie University
MyMq student portal
Extended trading
hours during first two https://my.mq.edu.au
weeks of semester.
and log in.
st
Saturday July 31 :
10:00am – 3:00pm
nd
th
From 2 to 7 August:
Monday – Thursday
8:00am – 8:00pm
Friday 8:00am – 6:00pm
Saturday 10:00am – 3:00pm
st
th
From 9 to 14 August:
Monday – Thursday
8:00am – 8:00pm
Friday 9:00am – 5:00pm
Saturday 10:00am – 3:00pm
th
From 16 August:
Monday – Thursday
9:00am – 6:00pm
Friday 9:15am – 5:00pm
How do you find out
what text books
you need?
Macquarie University
Students follow these steps:
Once enrolled go to the
Click the student
information tab.
Next to your listed unit
click “Books”. You will then
be linked to The Co-op
Bookshop web page which
will provide details of the
books needed for that unit.
(SIBT students should visit
www.sibt.nsw.edu.au)
(Remember most of your
books are in the bookshop
weeks before the start
of semester.).
Where do you
purchase Course
Notes, Course
Readers, Reading
Bricks, Books of
Readings?
Where, when, how
can you purchase
your books?
At The Co-op Bookshop
Course Note Store
located downstairs
from the main store.
Visit the bookshop or buy
online. You can buy on line
through the Co-op web
page that is linked to the
Macquarie Student Portal.
Take advantage of our
extended opening hours.
Try to avoid the busy times
such as lunch time – early
morning is good!
The Co-op Bookshop
– Campus Hub Bldg
Macquarie University
NSW 2109
Phone 8986 4000
University Co-operative Bookshop Ltd
or buy in-store at The Co-op Bookshop, Bldg C9A, Macquarie University NSW 2109
P06.indd 1
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Disabilities Progress on Campus
Progress on Campus
for students with disabilities and health conditions
This article has been magnified to make it easier to read. You can access all
Grapeshot articles in print and online at www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au
I would like to say "Thank you", on
behalf of myself and the students who I
am representing as a MUSRA member,
to all of the staff on campus whom I
have been working with who have been
accommodating students with disabilities
and health issues.
I am seeing such fantastic improvements
being made on campus to accommodate
students with disabilities so that they can
continue to further their education. The
attitudes of staff have been inclusive and as
a result there has been an increase in the
confidence of students with disabilities on
campus. For the first time, three students
got together and advocated to close the
gap by providing space for people who
use the Special Equipment Unit after the
library closes. This is a great step forwards
and students are very excited and looking
forwards to the day this happens.
This article is to inform everyone about
the positive changes that are happening.
On May 3, the first ever meeting between
the disability support unit and the students
with disabilities was held. The meeting
was a positive one. Not only were students
with disabilities at the meeting but also the
disability unit staff, who took the time to
attend the meeting, to see what was and
wasn't working. Opened by Ruth Freeman,
and directed by Steve Bailey, special guests
were invited to inform the students about
professional employment opportunities and
paid training during the semester breaks
with some well-known companies.
Another meeting took place with the
Macquarie careers department. Marita
Morgan, the student representative for
people with a disability at UNSW, was
invited to join us. She spent the day with us
and we had some great discussions, taking
advantage of the time to exchange our
experiences and pass each other helpful
tips, many of which I will be following
to make Macquarie University a better
place with better strategies for people with
disabilities.
There are a lot of good things happening to
accommodate students with disabilities –
especially in regards to the new library. But
I’ll have to talk about that next time.
Remember that I am here to represent
you, whether you are registered with the
disability unit or not, whether it is a health
condition or a disability, and you need
to let me know if there is anything that is
not working for you so that we can work
together and try to make your life better on
campus.
by Nicholina McKenna
MUSRA Representative for People with
Disabilities and/or Health Conditions
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 07
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Climate Reality Week | MacAlphine Snow Games 2010
Climate Reality Week:
Late last semester, MacEnviro and the
MQ Greens embarked on an ambitious
campaign, Climate Reality Week,
organised by the Australian Youth
Climate Coalition (AYCC). The aim was
to put pressure on our politicians to stop
farting around and start implementing
policies to tackle Global Warming. It was
a spectacular and fulfilling week for all
involved, aimed at communicating the
importance and reality of climate change
to Macquarie University students.
was against the State Government’s plan
to build two new coal-fired power plants,
which could increase NSW’s carbon
emissions by 10-15%.
One of the main outcomes from this
campaign was to find out from students
what they thought of climate change and
the other environmental issues. Many
students learned something from us, from
climate change to bike paths to and from
uni. Similarly, we learned from the many
students who enthusiastically signed our
petitions that they share our concerns for
the future.
• We held large banners over a M2
Motorway bridge during the morning rush
hour and over campus buildings at uni.
The team carried out a range of activities:
• Each day we asked students to sign
petitions. The first one was on 100%
Renewable Energy on campus. The second
• We spent time guerrilla-style postering
and chalking each morning. Also each day
we set up stalls in the Central Courtyard
where we distributed information
to students on the science behind
anthropogenic climate change, laptops
and a flowering plant!
• On Wednesday night, we held a
fantastic forum called “Solutions to
the Climate Crisis”. Panelists included
NSW Greens’ Candidate for Senate, Lee
Rhiannon; Tim Hendry, a Macquarie
student activist; and Geoffrey Hawker,
a Macquarie academic specialising in
politics. The discussion centred on the
Federal Government’s failure to act on
climate, why the Greens blocked Labor’s
ETS scheme and how action could be
achieved.
• On Thursday, we participated in a
collective protest in front of Sydney Town
Hall during evening peak hour. Ahri Tallon
from AYCC disguised himself as a greedy
and scary coal lobbyist and other activists
wore green helmets and provided flyers to
pedestrians passing by.
Climate change is the most important
issue of the 21st Century and if not
mitigated, will severely harm every person
in Generation Y. But with all these stunts,
we do think we played our role in making
it a greater issue in the hearts and minds
of Mac students. And with the next Federal
election just around the corner, there
has not been a more important time
for people to think more about climate
change and how it will affect their futures.
If you would like to help, please contact
MUSRA Environment Officer, Mark Cachia
at mark.cachia@students.mq.edu.au.
by Aditya Prasad
MacAlpine Snow Games 2010
Been inspired by the Winter Olympics this
February? Think you’ve got skills like Torah
Bright or speed like Dale Begg-Smith?
Come the end of August and a team
of around 50 skiers and snowboarders
from Macquarie University are going to
be packing their skis, snowboards and
adrenalin and heading for Mt Buller to
defend their title as Australian University
Snowsports Champions.
Last year in Thredbo, MacAlpine,
Macquarie’s Ski and Snowboard Club,
blitzed the competition with an incredible
10 medal haul, winning Overall Female
Team, Overall Nordic Team, Overall
Individual Male Snowboarder and Overall
Male Team, and it was the first time since
the 1990’s that the crown of Number One
Australian University Alpine Team has
been won by a team other than Sydney or
Melbourne Universities.
MacAlpine is currently recruiting keen
skiers and snowboarders to join the
team this year in Mt Buller to compete in
thirteen events in four disciplines over four
days of competition. The event, held from
August 30 to September 4, attracts some
of the country’s greatest young Australian
snow sport athletes.
Alpine skiers can show off their speed in
the downhill events (slalom, giant slalom
and super g) and their skills in the freestyle
events (moguls, skier cross, slopestyle
and half-pipe), nordic experts can test
the competition in individual and relay
cross country skiing, while snowboarders
can flaunt their prowess in giant slalom,
boarder cross, half-pipe and slopestyle.
This year the trip is being heavily
subsidised by the club, costing only $875.
The price includes return transport to
Mt Buller, accommodation, six day lift
pass, social pass for the amazing themed
parties, dinners, ticket to the Black Tie
dinner at the end of the week, drinks to
get the nights started, team uniform and
race entries.
The trip is an awesome way to meet other
ski and board enthusiasts from Mac and
you will undoubtedly go back to uni
with hilarious stories to tell, hundreds of
incriminating photos of the team on and
off the slopes and separation anxiety from
being away from your 49 new best friends.
If this isn’t enough to convince you, ask
anyone who has been before. Many
MacAlpine veterans are still studying, not
to further their tertiary education, but
purely so they can continue to compete at
the championships.
To get involved email the club at
macalpineclub@gmail.com, fill in an
expression of interest form at
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MDMP3NJ,
or join the Facebook group (Mac Alpine
Snow Games 2010).
by Sami Farr
08 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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SIFE Macquarie | We Sing, Therefore We Are
SIFE Macquarie: We are Working
Together to end Hunger
Ever thought about putting a stop to hunger
on Australian streets? Take a break from
your sandwich and think about this. You get
home from university and you open your
fridge door to see the half piece of bread
you need to survive on for the next three
days. This is the reality for the hungry people
living below the poverty line in Australia.
SIFE (Students in Free Enterprise) Macquarie
is part of an international non-profit
organization which works with leaders in
businesses and communities to tackle realworld social issues. We are uni students
who come from different backgrounds
and study different degrees, united in our
passion to help others. Through our business
and educational projects, we create real
impact and change in our communities.
This year, we battled hunger on Australian
streets with the help of local schools,
churches and communities centres, and of
course Macquarie University students.
The “Let’s Can Hunger” Challenge,
sponsored by Campbell Soup Company,
was a competition that provided SIFE teams
in the United States, Canada, Mexico and
Australia with the opportunity to participate
in a series of objectives which included:
(1) raising cans and donations that go to
Foodbank for immediate hunger relief,
(2) raising wide-spread awareness of hunger
issues, (3) and education.
Over 4,000 university students supported
the challenge on Facebook through a
"superhero of miniature proportions"
called the CAN-MAN who rallied the
students to bring the topic to every day
conversations. The Facebook Campaign
asked students to place the CAN-MAN
picture and slogan on their profile and
pass on the word.
Meanwhile, SIFE students were running
around campus spreading the word and
collecting cans of food. During the colder
months of April and May, SIFE students
ran soup kitchens and noodle stalls. The
events attracted many supporters and
well-wishers from the students and staff
on campus who donated generously. Off
campus, SIFE students raised cans and
engaged in presentations with local schools,
community centre and churches.
“I never knew my church would be this
generous. I was really surprised by how
everyone came together to support us in this
initiative,” says Kim Edwards.
In just three weeks, we raised 414 cans and
$862.56 for Foodbank Australia. We want to
thank all the students, staff and community
members who have helped us in achieving
this tremendous result this year. The 2010
challenge was an unforgettable experience
and we will continue in our mission to
make a difference in our community.
Although the Challenge concluded on
June 23, SIFE Macquarie works year round
on projects that help others, such as STEP
(mini-loans to alleviate extreme poverty)
and ILP (computer and leadership workshop
for disadvantaged youths).
Send us an email and get involved today:
info@sifemacquarie.org
by Yuri Yang
We Sing, Therefore We Are
"There’s a strong musical culture in
colleges in the US but not in Australia.
So there are not many uni students in
our choir,” said a member in Macquarie
University Singers (MUS), the official choir
of Macquarie. I have asked around and
know that many students at Macquarie
are keen to join music groups. But after
coming to one or two rehearsals of
MUS they back out. Why can’t all these
youngsters - the so-called future leaders take things seriously?
of a classical choir, I am not trying to say
MUS is insular and passé. I am simply
attempting to figure out why only a
handful of MQ university students sing for
their university´s choir.
The answer is simple: they find themselves
unlikely to fit into the group because
the majority of the vocalists are from the
community – you rarely find a buddy
to gossip about the lecturer of your
course. The choice of our music is of
the Mozart and Brahms type instead of
Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga. As a member
of the minority that is happy to be part
I, and a couple of young people from
Macquarie University Singers, have set
up a group to gather passionate, young
music lovers at Macquarie and to enjoy
music production together. We call
ourselves Mac-appella, on the basis of
singing a-cappella. We aspire to build a
strong music network where Macquarie
students can enjoy music and social life
A lot of uni students use their extracurricular activities as a means of
socialising. From the moment they decide
to be initiated within a society, they are
inclined to expand their social bonds and
networks.
at the same time. Our aim is, however,
not only to have fun but to produce fine
quality music and perform. Our group
welcomes all Macquarie students, whether
you're amateur or professional. If you are
enthusiastic about music, please contact
us on Facebook (Mac-appella) or send an
email to mac.appella.mq@gmail.com
Looking forward to seeing you soon!
Co-founders of Mac-appella
Kurt Lin, Jan Hofmann, Guillermo Umaña
by Kurt Lin
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 02 2010 09
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Attack of the Library!
Attack of the Library!
You know how your friends from
other universities always brag about
the crazy stuff their uni has? “My uni
has a giant laser cannon that can
devastate cities,” say my engineering
friends cheerfully. “Our university has
got killer android lawyer judges that
combine the role of judge, jury and
executioner in a terrifying mixture
of death and justice,” say my lawyer
friends, the depravity and fear of their
souls only marginally showing on
their mask-like faces. But now, dear
Macquarians, we can strike back with
something even cooler with our new
Robot Library.
You know that giant construction
site that has been irritating the hell
out of us for the last two years? The
one that’s destroyed all lectures and
tutorials in its vicinity through noise
pollution? The one that’s permanently
made our already-messed up car
park system even worse by making it
one-way? Well, turns out it’s not the
Vice-Chancellor’s gothic castle lair
that is being built, but a giant robotic
library (possibly still a lair). You know
the Transformers franchise, right? Well
this is kind of similar.
From the outside, the building looks
relatively normal (barring the rooftop
jungle, shiny mirror-like walls and
its crazy geometric shape that defies
physics), but from the inside, it’s a
nightmarish maze of robotic cranes
and hulking mainframe systems. Like
that scene from The Matrix. Turns out
a big chunk of the 92 million dollars
invested in the place has been used to
buy the new A.S.R.S retrieval system. I
had a look at the website and this stuff
has mostly been used in factories for
handling giant machines of war. We’ll
be the first university in Australia to
use it, and when the robots rise up
against their human masters in the
near future, we’ll also probably be the
first university to fall.
What the system means is that 20%
of the library’s 1.4 million books will
be kept on normal shelves like they
currently are, and you’ll be able to
walk up and take whichever book
you want. The other 80%, however,
will be stored in some grand storage
system that stacks the books up, from
floor to ceiling, in a place reachable
only by robotic cranes. So you tell the
computer what book you want, and
then grab a cup of coffee while the
robot obediently finds the book, picks
it up with a robotic claw and dumps it
in some pickup facility a few minutes
later. Easy, coldly efficient and just a
little bit terrifying.
But that’s just one aspect of the new
library. I’ve already mentioned the
rooftop garden, but the entire place
also has a five star green rating, which
means it’s quite environmentally
friendly, despite the apparent lack of
solar panels. Guess they felt a rooftop
jungle was greener.
Another difference is that the library
will be open 24/7, and will have a
neat cafeteria located just at the
entrance. So it is entirely possible
that a primitive society of student
library dwellers could form inside the
library, sleeping on the couches by
day, using the computers for Facebook
at night, and scavenging food from
the cafeteria to hold off starvation.
Sounds like affordable student
accommodation to me. Then again,
I’d think twice about sleeping under
the baleful gaze of the robot library, in
case it tried to harvest me for organic
machinery experiments while I slept.
But then again, free internet.
So if you aren’t already excited about
the new library, which will totally be
finished this year – I’m not kidding – it
really will be done by the end of the
year – why would I lie to you – then
now is the time to start. But it looks
like it’s gonna be the same as our old
library, only a lot shinier and newer
looking, with a few wacky add-ons
like a jungle here and a murderous
robotic killing machine there. The
important thing to remember is that
the people who came up with the
new library are probably smarter than
us and deserve to spend the money
we pay them however they wish.
As for the old library? No-one knows
what’s going to happen to it. My guess
is a casino, but the Vice-Chancellor
is playing this one pretty close to the
chest, and not even the head library
staff have a clue.
So enjoy your freedom while you have
it, petty humans. For the day of the
machine is coming, and when it does,
it will be you who fetches books at the
cruel whims of your robotic overlords.
by Philip Jucker
10 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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The Rant | Student Services Spotlight
t
n
a
R
e
Th
Rules vs Ethics
I was standing next to the door of a
computer lab in C5C, waiting for the next
available computer and what I saw appear
on the computer screen made me question
Macquarie University students’ ethics.
Ethics appear to be a subjective concept;
different people have different perceptions
on ethics (what to do and what not to
do). Some people may think that using
university’s resources to facilitate their
social obsessions, such as Facebook and
entertainment needs, is okay and other
people may see it as a crime.
However it is not so much an ethical issue
anymore when there is a big red sign that
says “PCs are for research and study ONLY”.
It is in fact a rule.
So people, whatever your perspective on
ethics (even if you are not aware of the
concept), please obey the rule and make
other people’s lives a bit easier.
by VB
Student Services
Spotlight
The Student Enquiry Service (SES) provides
administrative support and information
to all University students: new, current,
returning and future.
We are part of the Coursework Studies
Section and work behind the scenes to
enable admission, enrolment and other
administrative activities. We are essentially
an information service and provide a first
point of contact for any non-academic
enquiry. A quick look at the SES website,
www.student.mq.edu.au/ses/, provides a
snapshot of the types of things we help
students with at different times throughout
the year. For example, we are happy to
assist you with:
- travel concession
- course transfer
- disruption to your studies
- important dates
- academic transcripts of your results
- credit for previous studies
Although we can assist you in making sense
of academic rules and the Handbook we do
not have the authority to provide academic
advice. Questions about which units are
best to choose for your program should be
directed to academic advisors in the Faculty
that manages your course.
It is a good idea to check the regularly
updated ‘News and Events’ section of our
website to make sure that you don’t miss
anything important!
Some key dates for this time of the year are:
Last day to enrol in Second Semester
External units: August 6
Last day to enrol in Second Semester
Internal units: August 13
Last day to withdraw from Second Semester
units without academic or financial
penalty: August 31 (Census Day)
Last day to withdraw from Second Semester
units without academic penalty: September 28
The Student Enquiry Service is always
trying to improve students’ experiences by
rethinking the way we do things. Please feel
free to provide feedback on our website.
We welcome contact in many forms:
• Face-to-face: Level 1, Lincoln Building, C8A
• Call us: +61 2 9850 6410
• Send an Online Enquiry to
www.student.mq.edu.au/ses
We will be extending our opening hours
between July 26 & August 13 to cover the
Enrolment Period and the first few weeks of
Semester Two:
Monday to Friday 8.30am – 6.00pm
After this we will return to our normal
opening hours:
Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays:
8.30am – 5.30pm
Tuesdays: 9.30 am – 5.30pm
Fridays: 8.30 am – 4.30pm
The best tip that SES staff can give to new
students is ‘Read, Read, Read’. Educate
yourself on the key dates, understand the
policies and take control of your own
university journey.
by Brad Windon
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 11
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Announcements
Announcements
Issue 8: ‘Get Your Freak On - Conception Day Special’
It’s soon coming up to that
day in September again when
students and their guests ‘get
their freak on’ for Macquarie’s
renowned party: Conception Day. Each year, pre and postConception, interesting stories, rumours and photographs are
shared around campus and online which contributes to the hype
surrounding Macquarie’s social and musical event of the year.
Whether or not you’ve experienced the day firsthand, for Issue
8, Grapeshot wants all of you to share your stories, tips and
opinions on the worst and best bits of the event. And we’d like to
know what you’d like to see at Mac’s 41st instalment this year.
But we know Conception Day isn’t for everyone, so for all
of those who intend to shy away - we’d love to hear all those
alternative stories where you have or seen someone getting a little
‘freaky’. How you interpret ‘getting your freak on’ is up to you –
we’d love to hear it all!
Also remember every issue we have our regular columns, and we
welcome all topics and creative works regardless of the theme.
Deadline: Monday August 23, 2010
Send submissions to:
grapeshotmq@gmail.com
Visit: www.grapeshotmagazine.com.au for submission guidelines.
Macquarie Musical Society presents the NSW Premiere of
Zanna, Don’t!
Election 101 seminar series!
With the Federal Election looming, ballots around
the country are getting ready to receive your
vote... so make it count with the free Election 101
seminar series!
11 August, 12pm - 1pm, Campus Hub Level 3
(McKenzie Room): Come along to understand
the issues facing Australia - and how each party
responds to those issues. Find out how to vote
(this 'one above the line or 76 below the line'
business), and have the chance to ask a panel of
Federal Party representatives questions.
18 August, 11pm - 1pm, Campus Hub Level 3
(McKenzie Room): Clean energy future debate.
What does the future hold for renewable energy
in Australia? Come along to hear two opposing
views of what Australia might look like, and
question a bunch of experts.
Every participant receives a free magazine!
Places are limited so secure your seat by emailing
sustainability@mq.edu.au
Zanna, Don’t! is a modern-day fairytale, set in a parallel universe where
homosexuality is the norm and heterosexuality is taboo. The story takes place
at heterophobic Heartsville High where the chess team rules the school, and
the captain of the football team can’t fit in without trying out for the school
musical. Only Zanna, the school’s magical matchmaker can make things right
as he attempts to make the world safe for a boy and girl who fall in love.
Macquarie Musical Society’s fourth production for the year is a colourful, funny
and heartwarming off-Broadway hit that is bound to have you tapping your feet
and singing along!
So come, join us in finding out “who’s got extra love”!
Show Dates: August 6-7, 11-14 at 8pm
at the Lighthouse Theatre, Macquarie University.
Ticket Prices:
$10 for Members, $12 for Students, $15 for Adults
Directed by Jane Ramsay
Produced by Katie Thorpe
Musical Direction by Steven Kreamer
Choreography by Jasper Newstead
Costuming by Nick Plummer
Starring: Joshy Said, Christian Berechree, Jasper Cornelius Newstead, Emma Campbell,
Candy Jones, Sam Bennett, Charmian Fauvet, Niall Kumar, Cammy Ashmore, Matt
Madrell, Elise Tobin, Lucy Bollinger and Norman Emilio Wyndham.
For more information please visit www.macms.org or join our Facebook group
(MacMS).
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 13
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Small Bear-Shaped Cookies
Small Bear-Shaped
Cookies
The following may offend some readers.
Do you kids wanna have fun? Do you
wanna laugh? Do you?! Because this
summer you’re gonna have extra fun with
this new range of hilarious, laughable
funny-fun-food! So guess what hilarity
is going to hit the shelves of all poor
retailers worldwide? Yes that’s right! It’s
Small Bear-Shaped Cookies!
Under the divine guidance of notorious
hunter Randy Saxon, the Small BearShaped Cookies Enterprise came into
glorious existence during the war
between Randy and the Care Bears –
right after the Care Bears were called
to a staged meeting for peace and were
promptly ambushed. After dining in more
ways than one on the fruits of his victory,
Randy discovered that the intestines
of Care Bears could be processed into
cookies, and thus the Enterprise was
born!
Randy himself has famously declared,
“These bears are quite insignificant in
size and are very poorly shaped. The
taste is also questionable. However I do
not disagree with their motives.”
But thanks to our enthusiastic man
behind the legend, all your favourites
are back! There’s Happy, Grumpy, Silly
Billy, Stressy, Druggy, Porky, Wanky,
Malevolenty, Paranoidy, Insomniacy,
Clinically-Depressed-and-in-need-ofTreatmenty, and John. And who could
forget Bear-Bear, the bonus full-size
Kodiak Bear which likes to lunge
from your packet under awkward
circumstances.
With their return, comes all new flavours
including Echinacea, Tooth Grime, Used
Aftershave with Extra Hair, Testicular
Cancer, Breast Milk, Mass Grave,
Crushed Innocence, and George Orwell.
Of course, the old favourite Camel Fat
will remain.
And look out kids! In a letter of approval,
Saddam Hussein’s corpse had this to
say on the subject of eating Small BearShaped Cookies, “First of all, in order
to eat Small Bear-Shaped Cookies you
must find a cool place to eat it. Some
suggestions are:
• Blocking the view to a masterpiece.
• Loitering in front of ASIO
headquarters.
• Listening to your parents getting
divorced, and yes, it was your fault!
• Anally shelving uranium in an
underground mine.
• On the kitchen potty.
• Standing on the grave of Mother
Theresa.
• Or comfortably riding a nuclear
missile.
Now you can enjoy your cookie. To
enjoy its full potential, first you twist it
and then you dunk it in the eye. Then
take it out and tie a belt around your
neck whilst you scream. Then barbecue
the crap out of the cookie and hastily
shove it back in your eye. Hollow out the
eye cavity with the cookie, and throw
salt in the wound to sanitise the cookie.
Bleed! And while you tear skin from
your face, hammer your sternum. Then,
with a fine piece of solder, weld what
is left of the biscuit to your eyelid, and
desperately try to chew it off! And then
you’re rushed to the emergency ward,
and there are doctors and surgeons,
and they can’t save your eye, and
AAAAAHHH!!!...”
Take note Saddam was
wearing sunglasses at
the time. If he is
that cool, then
logically Small
Bear-Shaped Cookies must also be really
cool!
And now, for a limited time these
delightful cookies are available in an
actual EDIBLE FORM! Made with local
and imported ingredients, Small BearShaped Cookies are the result of an
ingenious mixture of sawdust, industrial
refuse, Uranium Oxide, prawns, Bovril,
eucalyptus oil, fatty by-products, whole
sheets of nylon, glass, bits of mountain,
and a full-length portrait of Margaret
Thatcher’s mother!
These ingredients are collected in a
huge copper vat, and to avoid energy
efficiency, each biscuit is individually
fermented in the vat for between 8 and
57 weeks. The resulting condensation is
collected and drained into a finely sown
silk lunchbox, and it is then pasteurised
and baked in a kiln. The finished product
is thrown into a can, and preserved with
milk and a fine overlying layer of goat
mucus (Note: Only free-range goats are
used). Finally, we discard the can and
import directly from China.
And now, one last quote from our
devoted founder Randy Saxon, “It only
costs $5000. Just head to our registry,
pick up the permission slips, and you’re a
free man. We will meet the night before
and stare out at the sea one last time,
with a hint of intimidation. A one-way
ticket to Moscow with a...wait we’re still
doing cookies? I thought I cancelled that
product!”
So what are you waiting for? Buy these
vehement cookies and chew them with
your tongue! I might! Just don’t swallow
them. Or are you a square who is afraid
of fun food?
Warning: May contain traces of cod
semen.
by Scott Pilley and Byron Waldron
14 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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TheMUS
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hot
A film about the devastating
impact of overfishing
at Macquarie
The End of
the Line
movies
Coming soon
Sunday 15 August at 6pm
FREE admission
Bookings not required
Following the film join Professor Rob Harcourt
from the Graduate School of the Environment to
discuss overfishing and its effect on the environment.
Macquarie Theatre
Macquarie University
North Ryde
T: (02) 9850 2310
www.pr.mq.edu.au/whatson
Parking fees apply
CRICOS Provider Code 00002J
P19.indd 1
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Mon Aug
2
Diversity Week begins
Bollywood Dancing
2.45pm, Central Countryard
Tue Aug
3
Smoking Ceremony and
Indigenous Dancing
10am-1:30pm,
Central Courtyard
Diversity Short Film Night
6:30-9:30pm, Zofrea Room,
Level 3, Campus Hub
Fri Aug
6
Jeans for Genes Day
Co-op Vegies Pickup
Fridays, 10am-1pm
Outside U@MQ Shop
MICF Welcome Party for
New students
6pm, Contact: Justin
0416635011
Fri Aug
13
Co-op Vegies Pickup
Fridays, 10am-1pm
Outside U@MQ Shop
MICF Campus Meeting
5-7 pm, Contact: Justin
0416635011
Mac Uni Hockey Club 40th
Anniversary Celebration
6-8pm, Sport &
Aquatic Centre.
Fri Aug
20
Co-op Vegies Pickup
Fridays, 10am-1pm
Outside U@MQ Shop
Sat Aug
7
Zanna, Don’t!
August 6-7, 11-14, 8pm
Lighthouse Theatre
www.macms.org
Wed Aug
4
Collaborative Art
12:15pm,
Central Courtyard
14
21
MICF Day trip to Hunter
Valley and Central Coast
Contact: Justin 0416635011
(Braille, Signing, Techn
10-12pm, Ven
Club Cultural Perform
12-1:30pm, Central Co
8
Mon Au
Sun Aug
City2Surf Marathon
http://city2surf.sunherald.
com.au/
Bushcar
2-4pm, Intersection
Creek and Gymnas
Swa
August 9-13, 10a
E7B Co
MacBuddhi M
1-2pm, mee
big clock in th
courtyard, 12
Student meditation an
from Buddhist sp
Sun Aug
National Science
Week begins
www.scienceweek.gov.au/
Sat Aug
Communications Wo
Multicultural Festival
12-2:30pm,
Central Courtyard
Sydney FC vs
Melbourne Victory
8pm, Sydney Football
Stadium
Sat Aug
Thu Au
Sun Aug
15
Mon Aug
Title
info
MacBuddhi M
1-2pm, mee
big clock in th
courtyard, 12
Student meditation an
from Buddhist sp
22
Mon Aug
Title
info
MICF Campus Meeting
5-7 pm, Contact: Justin
0416635011
20 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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Thu Aug
5
unications Workshop
Signing, Technologies)
10-12pm, Venue tba
ultural Performances
0pm, Central Courtyard
Bushcare@MQ
m, Intersection of Mars
ek and Gymnasium Rd
Mon Aug
9
Swap Party
gust 9-13, 10am-4pm
E7B Courtyard
MacBuddhi Mondays
1-2pm, meet at the
big clock in the main
courtyard, 12:45pm
t meditation and talks
m Buddhist speakers.
Mon Aug
16
What’s On
Calendar of Events from August 2nd onwards
Tue Aug
Heritage Careers Panel
1pm, Zofrea Room, Level 3,
Campus Hub. Wonder what
it would be like to work in
a museum? Visit
http://tinyurl.com/2ved6qc
for more details.
23
Title
info
Wed Aug
11
Thu Aug
Election 101: free seminar
12noon-1pm, Level 3,
Campus Hub
12
Title
info
MUCAS Chalking Session
12-2pm, Wally’s Walk
Tue Aug
MacBuddhi Mondays
1-2pm, meet at the
big clock in the main
courtyard, 12:45pm
t meditation and talks
m Buddhist speakers.
Mon Aug
10
17
Title
info
Wed Aug
18
Vietnam Veterans’ Day
11am parade, Macquarie
Rd, Springwood
Election 101:
free energy futures debate
11am-12noon, Level 3,
Campus Hub
Tue Aug
24
Title
info
Wed Aug
25
Title
info
Thu Aug
19
Comedy Revue
August 18-21, 24-28, 8pm
Lighthouse Theatre
www.dramac.org
Thu Aug
26
Title
info
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 21
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Round-Up!
Golden Key goKey! NSW Alliance Cruise
22 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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Poetry
A Sophisticated Society
Voyeur
We live in
a sophisticated society.
A society,
that believes we evolved from apes,
and yet,
to be called or likened to any animal is far beyond insulting.
A society,
so full of love
that it’s forgotten love’s meaning.
A society where all are equal,
but some are more equal than others.
Not that we’re like pigs.
A society
where beauty’s in the eye of the beholder.
Its unobtainable image is advertised daily, in everybody’s face.
A society where the natural is
unnatural,
and thinking of the future is the only way forward,
because since when does history repeat?
But maybe it’s time we stopped thinking
and let the sophisticated become the simple.
Because in reality,
“I fart,
therefore I am.”
I remember, the first house I rented in Chang- Rai,
And how it sat just opposite the road
From an old man and his food stall.
by Rachel Dixon
I remember that when I first wandered towards his stall,
I didn’t know how to order
But he served me fried egg with pork
That he later taught me to be pad kee mow
I remember that every day, as he cooked
He wore a red cap printed with “Number 1” on the face
And the cigarette clinging affectionately on his left lip
Was his daily dose of some kind of a connection
For months we exchanged no words,
Maybe a nod here, an awkward glance there…
Sometimes when I was eating at the stall,
Other times when I was writing songs outside my house.
But one day, when he didn’t know I was home
I caught him crossing the road,
shaking a bowl in his hands
Calling, “Pi-casso, Pi-casso!”
I remember how I hid, crouched under the window
and watched as he fed my puppy, Picasso
and as he hurried back to his stall with the empty bowl
The Laundry List
as though no one had seen that other side of him.
TODAY:
There’s a
I remember how he would stand
Sometimes camouflaged by the rising smoke from the stove,
All day underneath a little silver roof
Held by a little silver cart – that he called his kitchen
by Rebecca Kuo
hole
I just keep falling
down
and then all stations to Campbelltown
by Josh Sambono
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 23
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Gallery
Gallery
PALM BEACH
LONG BAY TWILIGHT
SYDNEY CBD- WATSON’S BAY VIEW
Images on this page by James Zhao
24 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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Gallery
Title here please...title here please...
Gallery
Images on this page by Kurt Lin
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 25
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The Big Fart
The Big Fart
The Southern Cassowary (Casuarius
casuarius johnsonii), the third largest bird
in the world, plays a vital role in rainforest
ecology, largely because of the size of
its anus. Cassowaries are the only native
animals large enough to eat many of the
larger fleshy rainforest fruits of the Wet
Tropics in Far North Queensland.
At Mission Beach, subdivisions are
creating more than 1000 new residential
blocks and in the Daintree, 185 rainforest
properties are zoned for development.
Clearing and development of these
properties would cut off essential wildlife
corridors and severely fragment prime
Cassowary habitat.
The Cassowary’s digestive tract has no
gizzard meaning the seeds can travel
through the gut unharmed and then reap
the benefits of beginning their lifecycle
embedded in the rich Cassowary dung - a
great compost pile that keeps the seeds
moist and feeds the germinating seedlings.
The smell of this dung also helps to keep
the predators away.
A major threat to Cassowaries is road
kill associated with development. The
increase of traffic through Cassowary
habitat has resulted in 60 Cassowaries
being killed over the past 15 years. In
the last seven months alone, four adult
Cassowaries were killed on roads near
Mission Beach. In addition, dog attacks
and obstacles to free movement in the
landscape such as fences are also major
threats.
The seeds can remain in the Cassowary’s
gut for up to ten hours. This allows the
Cassowary to disperse seeds up to five
kilometres away from their mother tree.
The natural farming method ensures that
the Cassowary’s favourite walking tracks
will have plenty of fruits in the following
decades as the seeds grow into trees.
Up to 150 species of trees and other
plant species depend on Cassowaries to
digest and/or spread their seed. Many
may have even co-evolved with
a dependency on passing
through the Cassowary’s
guts for germination.
Campaign. We are urging the Federal
Government to provide 60 million dollars
in funding to buy back the remaining
undeveloped properties in the Daintree
and Mission Beach, vital primary habitat
for the Cassowary. Please visit www.
savethecassowary.org.au and take action
now by sending a letter to Minister
Garrett or email us at rainforestinfo@
ozemail.com.au to request postcards for
you and your friends to sign.
Cassowaries have a reputation for being
dangerous to people and domestic
animals. However, it is us, humans, who
are imperilling this beautiful bird and their
forest homes. The fate of the Southern
Cassowary in Far North Queensland rests
in our hands.
by Ruth Rosenhek
With as few as 1000
Cassowaries remaining in
Australia, the Rainforest
Information Centre
(Nimbin, NSW)
has launched
the Save the
Cassowary
Some seeds are too toxic for
most other animals, however the
Cassowary’s stomach is filled with a rare
combination of digestive enzymes that
makes it immune to the toxic alkaloids
of fruits such as the well known
Cassowary Plum. While the
White-tailed Rat can eat
the particular fruit (after
it tears off the toxic
flesh), unlike the Cassowary, the Rat does
not disperse and does significant damage
to the seed.
The ancient Wet Tropics of Far North
Queensland therefore, depends on
these flightless birds to maintain its
rainforest ecology. But unfortunately in
the recent decades, the Cassowaries have
become imperilled. The primary threat
to the Cassowary is loss of habitat. Adult
Cassowaries, weighing up to around 60
kilograms, lead a mostly solitary life, each
with their own home range that spreads
across several square kilometres. For
young birds, finding and establishing an
area of vacant rainforest can be a real
challenge.
Photography
(c) Jonathan Munro,
Wild Watch Australia,
www.wildwatch.com.au
26 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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Reviews
Night Work
Music Reviews
Scissor Sisters
The album cover for the Scissor
Sister’s latest offering Night
Work, depicts the backside of
what is most probably a young
male dancer. The album itself it
quite the contrary, if anything
it is a “front” heavy album. In
2008 (or 2007 as some may
argue) MGMT released their
debut to much critical acclaim
but were criticised for the
album’s excellent opening
half followed by a rather
mediocre second half. Night
Work follows suit as its first
five tracks emblemises the
Scissor Sister’s signature sound.
It is anthemic, retro and a tad
cheeky. The American group’s
British influence is more evident
than ever before with ‘Fire with Fire’
channelling Rudebox-era Robbie
Williams and the unmistakable sound
of former collaborator, Elton John.
The “back” end of the record finds
the five piece recycling the ideas
that worked wonders earlier on the
record, to little effect, making it a
slight “drag” (pun intended) to listen
to. Nevertheless, Night Work offers
enough to keep one interested, but
it is clearly more suitable to a seedy
nightclub than anywhere else.
Score : 7/10
by Asif Zaffer
Follow Me on Twitter : www.twitter.com/AZ_hifi
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full time.
good time.
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26/07/2010
2:00:40 PM
Iidashippe
‘Iidashippe’
(A Japanese saying that translates to: The
one who calls attention to a fart is in fact
the farter, ie. the one who brings up a
subject must be the first to act upon it.)
“I like apples.”
The kid is jittery, nervous. I stare at the wall
opposite and say nothing.
My friend grins. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah. Gimme one of those.” Eyes
darting, he hesitantly holds out a hand of
crumpled notes, like a peace offering to a
savage god. In return, he receives an apple.
There’s something strange about the way it’s
handed over. The weight seems wrong. The
green skin shines with gaudy temptation.
I stare at the wall and continue to say
nothing.
The kid makes the apple disappear into
his hoodie and with a jerky nod, stumbles
quickly from the scene, hands deep in
pockets and head bent against an invisible
storm.
My friend flashes me a thumbs-up.
“Another successful sale!”
I finally look away from the
wall. “Great. What d‘you
do with the money? Buy
more apples? Gonna
P28.indd 1
invest in an orchard some time soon?”
“Yeah, real funny.” He kicks his way down
the alley and bright drops of water flash
from murky puddles. I get up and follow,
yawning and rolling my head to hear the
crackle of my neck.
The walls are daubed with graffiti. Someone
had begun to create a long, snaking dragon
across the whole lot, but only the outline of
the creature had been sprayed. Already it
snarls a challenge to the world.
“Hey, you want an apple?”
“No thanks.”
An old lady is peering nervously out at
us from her front window, timid and pale
as her lace curtains. My friend snarls
demoniacally at her, and she vanishes so
quickly she might have evaporated.
He grins again, kicks a metal dustbin
and sends it rattling and flying across the
street. A small breeze spins the litter into a
miniature whirlwind. We sit in the eye of
the storm and the world falls down around
us.
The cops don’t come here any more. A
police car strolls down the street once in
a while to make it look like they’re doing
something, but that’s about it.
“Hey,” he says again, “d’you wanna crash
Sara’s place? Her parents are never home.”
“Had enough selling apples?”
“Fuck you. Alright? Fuck you.” He prowls
away angrily.
I watch him leave dispassionately. There are
some things you can get away with saying
here. And I was treading the borderline. The
borderline between looking the other way
and keeping your head down, or opening
your mouth and letting your head suffer the
consequences.
On the wall, someone has scrawled ‘I like
apples’ in desperate font across the bricks.
Below it, some smart arse has added ‘Yeah?
Well I like girls’. I laugh, or make a noise
of despair, or something. I don’t remember
any more.
The wind lifts and drags my fringe and the
smell of apples across my face. Somewhere,
a scrawny kid is digging and tearing away
at the flesh of a green fruit, with fingers
and teeth, seeking the powdery snow-like
substance inside.
Who started it?
No one speaks, no one dares to even look
another in the eye in case they face the
blame.
Maybe the problem will dissipate, and go
away. Maybe.
by Frances O’Brien
26/07/2010 3:17:34 PM
He who smelt it, Dealt it!
He who
smelt it,
Dealt it!
“Whoever said the rhyme did the
crime.” Most of us would remember
this from younger years when
someone would let one go and
try to pin the blame on anyone
but themselves. Recently however,
we have seen many national and
international politicians return to
this blame game, trying to put the
bad smell of climate change on
someone other than themselves.
There has been a massive outcry from
scientists across the globe, calling
for something to be done about the
changing climate. What has been
difficult for most of us to understand
is who or what is causing this climate
change. The scientists blame humans,
industrialists blame nature and the
governments are trying to make
themselves look busy by attending
conferences on the matter.
With all this uncertainty about the
cause of climate change, it is not hard
to blame society for being skeptical.
On the one hand we have scientists
scaring the you-know-what out of
everyone with predictions of future
disasters due to climate change; on
the other hand we have everyone
else who just says the scientists
are being overly dramatic. So who
do we believe? So far in Australia,
our government’s only response
to climate change is to propose a
tax on carbon emissions… another
government tax - how effective. How
is society supposed to take these
types of actions seriously when all
we are told is that the taxes collected
will go towards reducing carbon
emissions but we are not told how
exactly the government plans to go
about this.
On June 25, respected Stanford
University scientist, Professor Stephen
Schneider addressed a Climate
Futures Seminar at Macquarie
University. Professor Schneider is
recognised as one of the world’s
leading experts in atmospheric
research and in 2007 he, along with
four generations of International
Panel on Climate Change authors,
received a collective Nobel Peace
Prize for their efforts. He believes
that while society needs to engage
in productive debate and decisionmaking, only time and continuing
research, data collection, modeling
and simulation will ultimately address
the significant uncertainties that are
inherent in many climate change
projections.
Finally some reasonable suggestions
on how to tackle climate change!
Society can continue to debate and
put forward solutions, but we should
also be prepared that this may not be
something that can be fixed overnight.
The G20 Summit in Toronto,
Canada has also reflected this as
the Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon
tries to keep world leaders focused
on development in poor countries
as well as their own. He has urged
G20 members to publicly recognise
the progress made last December
at the UN climate change talks in
Copenhagen, Denmark, and to move
forward within the UN Framework
Convention on Climate Change
(UNFCCC) to achieve a realistic result
at the summit to be hosted later this
year in Cancun by Mexican President
Felipe Calderon.
It is time for the developed countries
of the world to shoulder some of the
burden for those poorer countries.
It is unfair and unrealistic to expect
nations whose people cannot even
afford to feed themselves to be
able to invest in a greener economy.
This issue has been addressed by
the UN Secretary-General at the
G20 Summit as he urges those that
attended the Copenhagen Summit
in 2009 to realise the pledge made
by industrialised countries to deliver
$100 billion per year in aid to
developing countries to help mitigate
climate change. However, we see
governments that had previously
been for climate change efforts
stumble when it comes time to
dipping into their wallets.
For all the failed efforts so far, is
climate change destined to become
one of those greatly talked about
issues that never seems to be fixed?
Is society forever going to be told
that changing light bulbs and turning
all our lights off for an hour ever
year is going to stop the changing
climate? There is some small hope
for the future with the continuing
G20 Summits, as long as there are
advocators for climate change - there
is hope for action.
by Annabel Matthews
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 29
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The Stew
EAT
Thai Space, Glebe Point Rd, Glebe
The
S ew
If you’re looking for a tasty and reasonably priced
Thai restaurant, you can’t go past Thai Space in
Glebe. Their menu is varied, plates are bountiful
and cheques are pleasing to the pocket. I ordered
a laksa and almost managed to get through half of
it. Admittedly, it was a pretty big bowl. A couple of
nights later we ordered takeaway, and the stir fries
and Pad Thai were of the same yummy standard
experienced in the restaurant. Consistency is always
so nice in a restaurant. Thai Space is a winner.
by Therese Raft
TRAVEL
Blue Mountains
WATCH
Four Lions
This movie screened at the Sydney Film Festival and was horrible in its
hilarity. Four would-be British jihadists push their dreams for glory to the
limits in a movie that spins our perception of terrorism on its ear. The
director and writer, Chris Morris, spoke at the screening and said that he
used real recordings of suspected and known terrorists as research for his
script. The conversations picked up weren’t about religion, or God, but
were ridiculous in their ordinariness and sheer stupidity. The audience
laughed out loud as bombs exploded on screen, setting off a wave of
unease in my stomach that I could find such a thing amusing. But then,
take away the ideology being parodied in the film and you could have the
next Hollywood action blockbuster.
www.four-lions.co.uk
WANDER
Sydney Fish Markets
There are some of us who enjoy the Sydney Fish Markets for its hustleand-bustle atmosphere. Others enjoy eating fresh fish cooked well.
And many who fall in between. Even in the winter months the markets
are busy, so either get in early or pop in late. You’ll still crowd up to the
counters and have your food shoved at you by harassed staff, but when
you’re sitting outside with friends, munching on your fresh barramundi
fillet and chips, who cares!? Afterwards, you can pick up fresh fruit, cheese
and wine on your way home. Something for everyone!
www.sydneyfishmarket.com.au
I do believe we take our mountainous tourist
attraction for granted. Leura and Katoomba are
lovely, but how many of us won’t make the trek up
our sandstone hillside because we think only tourists
go to the Jenolan Caves or to visit the Three Sisters?
Guilty, party of one. The Blue Mountains have a
reputation for being a haven for artistic types, so look
out for galleries, museums and writing groups. Many
locals recommend autumn as the best time to visit.
It’s the time when you get a true sense of the season
we miss out on by living on the coast. That doesn’t
mean you can’t visit in the spring or summer. Only
go up in the winter if you have a pair of thermal
underwear you can pull on though!
EAT
Lüneburger, Queen Victoria Building
(and Macquarie Centre)
Pastry lovers amongst us are probably full aware
of the tasty treats available at Lüneburger. Walk
past the store Monday to Friday and there will be
a cue of people impatiently tapping their feet at
the thought of chocolate croissants, apple strudels
and berliners. I had a friend stay with me recently
and she bought me a treat from Lüneburger almost
every day she was here. My lips thanked her
profusely. My hips did not.
MARK’S ECO TIPS
VEHICLE OFFSET – Sign up your vehicle
to a carbon offset program. By joining
an organisation like the Greenfleet
Program (www.greenfleet.com.au), trees
are planted on your behalf to offset
the emissions produced by your car
depending on its make and model. Also
consider carbon neutral car insurance
with ibuyeco (www.ibuyeco.com.au).
GO LOCAL - Purchasing from small
businesses encourages the local
production of food, goods and services.
This minimises the transport required,
reduces carbon dioxide emissions
and fosters small local businesses. Try
becoming a part of the not-for-profit
Macquarie University Food Cooperative,
known as The Radical Radish that
encourages community trade and
local agriculture. For more information
contact: mq.veggie.order@gmail.com.
LINE DRY - Hang your clothes outside. A
standard clothes dryer consumes a huge
amount of electricity that can be easily
avoided by using the good old washing
line. It also saves on energy bills – not
to mention minimises annoying dryer
‘fluff’ throughout the house or flat that
probably gives all your housemates
allergies!
ECO TRAVEL – Plan your day so that you
can walk and take public transport, rather
than using a car. It’s not just good for
carbon emissions, it’s more cost-effective
and is good exercise! If you can purchase
a fuel efficient vehicle, there is currently,
a huge variety of choices to suit your
preferences. Enjoy nature and explore
your local area, there are many eco
getaways for a most enjoyable holiday
close to home - so get on
the road.
30 Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010
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FART ART
Most of the time, secrets are held by
those in power, by those older, wiser.
However, there is one secret, held by
everyone but the old (and arguably
wise) the world over. It is the secret
of the old’s fart.
Now, some have hypothesised that
as one gets older (with grace or
otherwise), that they lose inhibitions
they once held, look the world
straight in the face and say, ‘You
know what? I don’t care. Fuck you,’
with a smile on their face. Some
have extended this particular theory,
which well explains the wardrobe
choice of many the grannie, to the
old’s fart.
This is however, fundamentally
flawed. And I shall tell you why. No
one has ever asked an old person
about why they openly fart in such
public places. It just isn’t done. But
who hasn’t been at a family function
where someone over 60 has let one
rip? Who ever says anything? The
children laugh and stifle giggles,
the parents give disapproving
looks, and the young adults move
awkwardly from the oncoming gas
cloud encompassing them. God
forbid being in a conversation with
said old farter at the time. This is
perhaps the most awkward and
vulnerable position, and no one will
come to your aid. The best hope is
to move towards a kettle, and offer
the perpetrator a cup of tea. They all
love tea. No, it is not the old farter
giving the bird to the world (they are
more likely to bring birds down with
that gas) by farting.
Horoscopes
I would like to point out, before I
propose my explanation, that we
have all let one rip when we think
we can get away with it. Think about
a train station, where it’s windy, and
there’s a whole heap of noise. You
get the sensation, look both ways,
no one near enough to smell it if it’s
a ponger, and BANG. You let one go.
A smile creeps across your face. You
got away with that one! Now, let me
bring you back to the issue at hand;
that of the old farter. As one gets
older, senses begin to deteriorate.
Two such senses are hearing and
smelling. Now, old farters are simply
those cunning poppers that think
they are getting away with letting
one rip. So we have gone from
train station to family function. And
bam, you get the feeling. Look both
ways, doesn’t matter if someone is
standing close by, because, for some
reason, yours haven’t had a smell in
the past few years, nor made a noise!
You’ve perfected the fart art. A smile
creeps across your face. But we shall
all get there; too cocky; to the point
where we think we’re pro farters.
And no one will ever say anything to
you, to bring you back to earth.
Remember this though; if you reach
60 and think you’re a sly farter, you’re
not.
by Emma Nile
Taurus
The stars are aligned in such a way that will
make it difficult for you to see in the dark. So
you should probably go buy yourself a torch.
Gemini
A great tragedy will occur in your near future.
Maybe you’ll lose something dear to you or
maybe you’ll spill a really delicious glass of
milk. Either way, I foresee tears, you big baby.
Cancer
Your future will be small, quick and cunning.
Watch out for any gnome ninjas jumping you in
back alleyways.
Leo
Big things are hitting you in rapid succession.
Please remember, no matter what that one
large rat-tailed boy told you in primary school,
human punching bag is not a viable career
choice.
Virgo
You seriously need to exercise.
Libra
You will develop a slight phobia of gesticulating
orangutans. Steer clear of zoos, jungles and
South-East Asia.
Scorpio
It isn’t enough to try your best at the moment.
You have to try much, much harder than your
best in order to succeed. Unfortunately, this is
impossible.
Sagittarius
After reading too much Lewis Carroll, you
will write a novel entirely in nonsense words.
Braybots Fullonian Circumtellicotion will go on
to be a smash hit.
Capricorn
After months of looking outward and seeing the
stale and the humdrum, an illustrious, luminous
and burgeoning band of contortionists will
wander past your line of sight.
RETHINK INK - Refill ink cartridges. A standard cartridge can be
refilled up to four times before it needs to be replaced. You can also
try bringing a cartridge recycling program to your office or home or
buy ready filled cartridges. Printer toner and drums can be recycled
at many local outlets including your post office.
GET ACTIVE! - Write to your local council or a minister. You can
comment on the recycling service or request the council to plant
more trees in park areas, do more on climate change and more.
During elections, consider which party has the best environmental
policies and get involved in environmental activism. Use your voice
to have a positive effect on our environment.
by Mark Cachia
Aquarius
Rove McManus is an Aquarius and he’s recently
secured a talk show in the US. I therefore
foresee bizarre and improbable things
occurring in your near future. Alien abduction,
maybe?
Pisces
Here’s a tip. Don’t step out of your house on
any day with the letter ‘A’ in it. You’re welcome.
Aries
You will suffer from an uncontrollable urge to
speak your mind in the coming weeks. Saying
‘your mind’ over and over again does not make
for good conversation and you will soon lose
most of your friends.
by Kara Schlegl
Grapeshot Volume 2, Issue 6, Aug 2 2010 31
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Crossword Puzzle
Issue 6 Crossword puzzle by Jack Mallen-Cooper
Issue 6 - Crossword text and clues
ACROSS
3. A nihilistic art movement based on irrationality.
4. In poetry, when a line continues from one verse to
the next without a pause.
7. Satisfied
8. Countrified; characteristic of rural life.
11. Involving two parts.
12. Someone skilled at various odd jobs.
13. Excel or defeat in a game.
14. Connected
19. Boisterous
21. Without an equal.
23. A flat thin rectangular slab.
24. Within a building.
25. A protein that initiates, facilitates or speeds up a
reaction
15. Someone held in custody.
16. The study of animals.
17. Defective
18. Liquid used in fire bombs and flamethrowers.
20. Australian sheep dog.
22. Debris
Answers for Issue 5 Crossword
DOWN
1. Harmless
2. Trespasser
3. Stupid
5. African animals with hollow horns.
6. A standard which something can be measured against.
9. An Easter African Republic.
10. The process of catching fire.
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