Марк Шведов / Martini, Kaballah and a Speakeasy
...the morning i found myself consoled with the idea of having been so conceivably lucky cocooned inside
a blue soft-surfaced, sweaty at spots but nevertheless cosy bed ware, happened to be colourless, lacking
originality awakening scene...one of those mournful with the loss of forgotten forefathers mornings. A
newly-unpacked-toothbrush beginning of a nothing-much-to-cry-about-nothing-much-to-laugh-about day.
A five-inch in height chipmunk coyly stared into the window, fumbling at the red lid of the plastic bottle
of coke, with the use of which a nice little Bongo has been made, the night before...the dullest
performance but genuine chipmunkish behaviour of the other inhabitants of the place is exactly what
makes it worth looking at...u know, those convulsive, pretty animated motions of its crooked-fingered
limbs...Oh, No! u can t talk into it!!..gave a long-term faltzetic fart...what's wrong about it, i'm alone!!!
Mentioning, i had been just dreaming my the loveliest Bjork-New-York-LSD-stuff scenario of a the onceupon-a-time happy living with my old mates in a sunken basement of Brooklyn - heart-melting memories
- explaining many a lot. Inspired by the Sunday Times Magazine review called "the Countdown to
Catastrophe" i dreamed long underground circular tunnel under Long Island accelerating different matter
particles to an unimaginable speed - let us say "light"...i just can help it - and than, having them smashed
in another one...endless source of energy, they say...The practice even has a sort of a name labelled to the
folder -"Particle Colliders"...what? And the machines taking over...And the nanobots gently flipping over
into our systems...Bugs...Volcanoes...Deep impacts...Heat death...what a miserable death, probably...What
else? Uhu Doc, Let's give a whirl!!! - it sounded to me long-distantly, sipping thru the irresistible
constipational attacks..................gotta go kaka, a thought struck me, rather vulgarly, nea?.. ...in the
afternoon i'm writing a letter to Wunder - a hermaphroditic friend of mine, embodied as a female, what
actually drove me once upon a time into an oral affair with'er. the letter says - "very beautiful and
touching piece of writing, that your last letter, i excitedly admit! nothing a mere more lovely hasn't
happened lately..so, saying the reading was an utmost refreshment to my mind, half-embodied in the
Scum and Mud of Mighty Earth!!! - is saying nothing....u'r simply perfect at it, try it out, oftener.. u r not
really forgetting things no one is - we r simply dispossessing all of'em, eventually, but in the time being IT'S ALL YOURS!!! sure...nothing can possibly-maybe go wrong in your life, just for the reason that
you, better than most of'em, have once realized, with an absent-minded clearness, the very absurd core of
life and its mystics are no-more novice to you...ugu;)) YA!! and the given "nowhere" is simultaneously
the departure and the arrival point and the path itself, and even the wrong path is inevitably heading us
nowhere..ha! but the rolling - is what excites me most...u got me, haven't you...sweetie! Keep on rolling
with IT and what actually scares your breathe hold is the very stuff of life, as i put it for myself,
recently....u r learned to enjoying as soon you grab the joy of the present instantaneousness...wow..perfect
that letter of yours..sure it is!!! quite and complaintless..reconciling... embracing u lovely...MSH" - i truly
value her as a sort of hermaphroditic angel-like creature, as if it matters...poof! In the meantime i received
a message from Alex, with a piece of advice modestly lying at the bottom of it, urging me to get myself
interested with the Kaballah . I'm out of myself with a "what-a-fuck-is-that-supposed-to-mean", not less
than he's been into drugs pretty deep lately. one has to response his friends exclamations, i always
believed, so i respond in my usual fashion -"u r marvellous! be sainted u r among the hatzoloh
community, swarming with its ancient, the more be it secret, misunderstood and unused "bis jetzt"
knowledge...i'm feeling myself now entwined with it, wreathed and wrapped in your wisdom
pappi(;)...but rather entangled with the complexity of the script...that digit-like hieroglyphs of yours.. ...or
this way? - A maggot of joy and clear comprehension had been shit out long time ago by a unknown
Goddy-Guy on a scorched land of Israel..blessed be the nature of the cry and of the sufferings, which they
enthroned in their temple of Solomon... ...even if that far-beyond-the-comprehension knowledge had been
presented in a most reasonable, let us say "rational way", as it is now being presented...not even the limb
of mine would shiver... One wouldn't manage to persuade a foetus, an embryo, to leave its warm and
moist womb, out of a curiosity even...if there hadn't been an intro-uterine "kabbalah" tyrannizing it to
either to die immediately or "fuck out through the rectum!! u homogenic human charge..." i love
conversing with Alexei in many fashions, especially teosophizing sort of outlook, but it s all between us...
Around three i managed to dig up some dough to present myself with a decent meal, and so it was. while
eating i held a nice little monologue with papa (my anthogonistic I !), rather senseless but meaningful,
narration-sake - ">>>........dear papa! have i been adopted, papa? Or do u still keep my top-secret DOSJE
under your care-full supervision? I hope, u do, otherwise, who(!?), if not you, will help me find a way out
of my lost, chaotically puzzled-up identity...will create me all-over, just like the ice forming on a window-
pan...There she comes!!! I m excited, r u? her silhouete is impious and pristine simalteneously...Her
highly-vaunted hairy diademma is in an disguise of a narrow, almost-transparent giepure veil...i adore the
only step of her, as every new one creates the newly-feminine realm beneathe her heels...Her nipples are
tantamountly frictive, as if she has been practising the art of balancing the chinese sticks on them...The
situation's gradually getting in idolatrouse banquet;) on the top of a dying world! she's tenderly carring a
plume, and tossing its dangling end!....... And u know papa...i'm positively going to bugger up the world
until the very end of the story of human submission with the mob, consigning this giftless world to devil...
...Mon dieu...Here i'm!!(horns!!)..To serve YOU de luxe with my moony dreams and dammme adhesive
truth of life...did i say life?NO!DOOM! What on earth i should do with all my love and adore for people,
when the great universal BigBen chronometer prophesize the least 11 mins till the endddd..(fear, tremor,
disgust). We are the Rebels, Zealots of adolescent mastrurbative inclinations, hey...! Let them harass us,
torment ass, jab us throughout and finally let IT thrust its greesy, greedy and loathfull hand in to your soul
and kill the goddess sparkle, or gooooooo!! join the cult... Stop me here darlin'! dont let me get too deep
into it! I won't stand the assault of morning and the wings u've so nobly presented me papa, would rather
burn in my cellas than give me a quick rise up from ignorance and superstitions to the purity of a naked
Goddes... Will i regain consciousness..ah will i reveille papa? Buy me some regural stupidity of a normal
man! I swerved the orderfull point of society and fall into precipise of narcissism..u know, it's no use
kicking against the pricks!.. And there was she, sumptuously caparisoned in silk and velvet, equally
proportioned, that is top-silky and bottom-velvet-and-hairy-, and juicy, and favourably odourfull...was her
very presense... the performance is simply burlesque, visual and aural feast, so and so, the liquid broth of
gestures and meaningless smiles. the bar-line is overcrowded - drankards talking smut -, ding-dongs, ahumming, claps, alleluyahs, singing off-key, dancing off-rythm...joint of an ordinar luxembourg
modality...and there she is - as evanescent as mist, apparitiously marvellous, hutlingly appritious,
marvellously hutling...rythorics beyond the scenery. along with the MARTINI ceaseless decent, the
dulcimer of her breast sings a SPEAKEASY in a whispering tone, streaming lucid glamour sidewards...so
she spoke, solemnly - "during the nights, when insomnia thrusted its needles into the eyesockets, she, so
desperatly, wished she had been an ordinar, nothing-to-be-attracted-by female. she felt she had to get rid
of that useless personal features, that impregnated her name, the beauty that stepped so remarkably
forward, so that turned into ballast. yeap, needed to drop off her beauty somewhere around the corner in a
far respected neighbourhood. or forget it in a dressing room of a second-class restaurant, just as an old,
worn raincoat...she got tired of being, everywhere, centered attentively, invaded by long-term masculine
eyes...there she, celled in a four-wall bedroom and everything seems so malign...malevolent emptiness...in
despair she her habitual insomnia flipping over underto the skin, poisoning brain, forcing the fever up to
the roots of hair. as if in her blood-stream, there sheltered miniscule soft-limbed insects, chasing each
other under her skin, thirsting for immediate intercourse - which is what was the piece of fruitful mud,
reappeared as a wonderful fruit. that was the core of her natural beauty. she struggled in vain, forcing the
creatures to leave her, she infinetely failed to...they parcipipated in her system, essentially..." - she falled
into the deep reverie...had a couple pulls,then went on-" the had lived in her long before her organical
being started. they made their way from the heart of her father, who fed them with his sufferings and
sorrows, during the night of a cheerless solitude. the generation-to-generation inheritance of hers..."what a
boring destiny is hers!" - i thought, visually smoothing her violin-shaped waist..."however," - she
continued - "i felt obliged to destroy that inheritance order. someone had to deny her duty of regiving that
artificial beauty, hadn't one? Then she pronounced an oath-like damnation relating into its martyrous
cycle, almost all of her forefathers... she sad they were the ones to blame...for her insomnia...for her
tumour and its growth, threatening her life to its lethal conclusion within two months.she sad how painful
must it be to stare into darkness with your eyes wide open for a highly-sensitive person like her...pshaw!;(
......sad story, she was, no doubt!!! -"...perinatal encephalopathy of thehypoxia genesis........"?!!..uhhh, that
was her demon, really yummy how inspiring must it be...for a higly-sensitive (read - deeplyengraved)creature like a specimen of ours. runs exceptionally along with ...let us say - "vaginal
infilltrations and delubrications"...and than cry-"U SLUT!!! u've smoked all of the cigarretetetstts...and
sniffed out cocaine...an insatiable bitsch... quite expressive she is, isn t she? Also hoped to be involved in
sumkindof public impoisoning on the side, tonight... Let us party our life out as long as the divine truth is
a distant laguna for us...hey,hey,hey!!!.,!!tanzen-manzen uberall... Leaving i cought her last words smthg about the fear of facing the unkown...bla-bla-bla...and a wink from a homeless drunkard. It was a
very gloomy day, i should say, papa...