Text One
Verb Pattern 1
Have you ever thought of dying
because of pm10s, the airborne
WForm
nicely
particulates
which are one of the major components of urban air pollution?
organised text
VTense
The World Health Organisation estimated
that in the most polluted Italian urban
WForm
centres, 9% of non accident
deaths is caused by pm10s, so air pollution represents a
good collocation
2
growing problem
nowadays .
WOrder
In particular,
the situation is critical in one of the most important economic Italian
Sing/Plu
city
: Milan which is considered to be not only the European capital of fashion, but
WForm
also the most polluted Italian city. In fact, at the begging
of the year, pm10s level
3
peaked at 185 micrograms per cubic metre of air, almost four time over the official limit.
WChoice
to the intensive circulation
of vehicles, industrial
Good!
processes of combustion and heating systems such as gas and fireplaces
.
This is largely due
GoodWordChoice
Repetition
MissingW
This
has led to negative effects on
environment but also a lot
inappropriate register
4
Cut
of
diseases concerning human health , for example the
reduction in
lung function in children and adults, lung inflammatory reactions, adverse effects on
cardiovascular system and, as a consequence, the increase of medication usage,
WChoice
5
mortality
and life expectancy .
WChoice
inappropriate register
The
are a lot of
possible solutions to this problem, for instance,
6
the decrease of traffic by using the underground and bikes instead of cars and buses .
7
Cut
We can also mention the usage of alternative energies such as the
electric cars. By the
inappropriate register
way,
even the usage of diesel cars should be discouraged because they
Good!
might produce less C02 than petrol-engined equivalents
, but they also create 100 times
WForm
more pm10s and are responsible for most of the particulates
contaminating the city's
GoodWordChoice
air
.
WForm
Another solution is the improvement of public transports
, particularly the extension of
the underground lines and the building of extensive parking at the edge of the city, in order to
GoodWordChoice
give the opportunity
to people who live outside Milan to park there and use
WForm
public transports
.
syntax
8
Another one could be to add extra taxes on companies
for industrial emissions.
WOrder
WChoice
collocation error
In my opinion
, the last possibilities
are difficult to achieve
Verb Pattern
because they require a significant amount of money to invest
, but the first two
VForm
v patt
depends
on people's will, so we should stop being lazy
and try to
GoodWordChoice
Cut
struggle
to increase the
environmental awareness because we are part
WForm
of the world and, as such, we have to preserve it for us
but also for future
9
generations.
Text Two
How many people are put to death every year? Still too many. Unfortunately the
Cut
capital
MissingW
WChoice
collocation
punishment, also known as
death penalty, represents
, still now
error
good collocation
10
, one of the most important social issues
and that’s why it is
WChoice
collocation error
much
debated worldwide. This strong
punishment is a legal
WChoice 11
sentence in many countries, but
we hear a lot of news about it, especially from
Colloc
WChoice
the US. In fact according to the statistics
, every 9 -10 days a
government in
the United States executes a prisoner.
One of the causes of this is the US historical background. In fact when the European settlers
WChoice
WChoice
came
to the new world, they brought
the practice of capital punishment,
VTense
WChoice
that has
became almost something habitual
. For this reason, the Eighth
Amendment to the United States Constitution, dated about 1791, prohibited the government
WForm 12
WChoice
from imposing excessive
cruel punishments. In despite of it
, nowadays it
13
still represents, however, a critical reality .
MissingW
WChoice
How can countries,
United States in particular, take the lead on
this
good collocation
controversial issue
? It is necessary to think deeply about the importance of
GoodWordChoice
Cut
having a fair system overall
. In fact the
capital punishment is a strong
WChoice
VForm
treatment
which result
in the legal killing of a person who has committed a
WChoice
14
serious crime, such a
murder. It needs balance, in my opinion . Obviously, people
WChoice
VForm
who commit crimes have to be condemned; but it
doesn’t mean condemn
WChoice
WForm
them to a
death penalty. Researches
has demonstrated that the death
WChoice
penalty is not a more effective deterrent than the alternative sanction
of life or longgood collocation
term imprisonment
.
15
WChoice
WChoice
That’s because these people have to be sent in
prison or, eventually
,
they have to pay, also in money. In this way, after a period of rehabilitation, these people can
Good!
integrate themselves again into our society
.
16
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it should be abolished. In fact in a civilized society, even
WChoice
Cut
more
in the US, the
capital punishment violates the condemned person’s right to
17
life and is inhuman and degrading.
Text Three
VForm
18
Have
children the same rights all over the world?It’s enough to read the newspaper
syntax
19
or listen to the newscast to make us
aware how children exploitation
WChoice
good collocation
represents
a growing problem
in the poorest countries of the world,
WChoice
???
especially in Asia, where the majority of the enterprises
moves on to
because of
WForm
the low costs of the labour . The accuses
against Nike of using child labour in the
Good!
20
production of its soccer balls in Pakistan are well known by everyone
. It’s not the only
21
case, but is worldwide .
WOrder
One of the causes of this phenomenon is the political lack of
willingness to do
good collocation 22
something about it
even if in Pakistan child labour is against the law, the
23
families’ high rate of poverty who are often the first to put their children on the street or sell
them as slaves in order to survive, the very limited education which low priority is given to by
the government and the less children’s aware of their rights than adults which make easier
syntax 24
the organization of the work
.
25
Good!
This has led to mental and physical torture suffered by children
who mentally and
WOrder
emotionally
mature too fast damaging their social development and depriving them of
Good!
??? 26 27
their childhood
like the other children of the world
, creation of unskilled and
Cut
Colloc
badly paid work, perpetuation of the
poverty and adult unemployment
with
consequences for the whole country’s economic system.
There are a number of options: these includes the establishment of stricter punishments for
WChoice
28
inappropriate register
the enterprises
which exploit children as the payment of big
penalties, the establishment of additional taxes on out-sourcing, or the attempt to make
people aware of this problem and promote the fight against child labour through the boycott of
Good!
goods made by children
.
29
In conclusion, the solutions proposed here will soon be put into action and some others are
VForm
WChoice
Cut
being to be found
. The engagement
in the
raising awareness of the public
Cut
WChoice
opinion
is fundamental to get an end
to this issue, to guarantee a better future
30
and equal rights to every child.
Text Four
How much does a life cost?
31
32
That's precisely 10,000$ . This is the price North African people have to pay nowadays to
GoodWordChoice
cross the Mediterranean on an unstable, overcrowded, inflatable boat
. Most
WChoice
of times
this journey ends only with the sight of the Italian coasts, since they
33
probably won't reach them beacuse of a shipwreck.
Spl
MissingW
Notably, duing
2011 almost 2,000 illigal immigrants died off
Mediterranean
WChoice
34
coasts: this represents
one of today's most important issues. This must be
brought to an end, now.
good
This phenomenon is largely due to the fact that African people see Italy as a fresh start
collocation
Good!
, an opportunity to settle, to have a real job and raise their children
, as it was
syntax
for the American Dream
during the 20th century. However, the journey
collocation error
Sing/Plu
Spl
conditions
and the people who organize it
are extremely diferent .
GoodWordChoice
The travellers do everything they can to reach our coasts
, including
VForm
WOrder
VForm
put
at risk
their lives on these boats and rely
on smugglers, who earn up
35
to 200,000$ per journey.
Sing/Plu
Moreover, the survivors have to face up to 20-day trip
in extreme living conditions
WOrder
(many of them die beacuse of dehydration) and then they will be probably
sent back
by the 170 policemen, who are constantly checking the borderland between Italy and Africa.
WChoice
Another big problem is that these policemen are often completely careless
about
these people and their conditions. On May 8th 2011 the Guardian newspaper reported that 61
people on a boat escaping from Libya had died after their appeals for rescue had been
Good! 36
ignored by policemen operating in the Mediterranean
.
37
One possible solution was proposed during the so called "5+5" summit in Malta of October
2012, which brought together the leaders of 5 European countries (France, Italy, Malta,
Portugal and Spain) and 5 Maghreb states (Algeria, Libya, Morocco, Mauritania, Tunisia). The
MissingW
proposal was to set
a task force to prevent these migrations and help people in
order to avoid tragedies at sea. They talked especially about solving the lack of care towards
Good!
these people, rather than dealing with economic and political issues
.
WForm
VForm
Will it work? We cannot know this yet. The evidences
have
shown that so far all
collocation error
the summits made
to tackle this problem have led us nowhere.
I personally think that perhaps they didn't take account of the importance and of the growth of
this phenomenon. Every year at least 26,000 people cross the Mediterranean sea: how could
they solve the problem only by strengthening controls? Wouldn't it be better to provide a
good collocation
humanitarian action plan
against this terrible mistreatment? Is this preventive
task force enough? How will they stop smugglers and these desperate people seeking a new
start in our country? We can do nothing but wait and hope this time this action plan will finally
work properly, for the sake of all these poor people, who just want to live their own lives as we
Excellent! 38
all normally do.
Text Five
Illegal immigration
VForm
When did the illegal immigration starts
? What are the most common reasons why
VTense
Cut
39
people left
their countries and opt for a
criminal migration?
Illegal immigration started in 1492 and nowadays, in 2013, the International Organization of
VTense
Migration estimated
that 25.5 to 32.1 million people of the world's total 214 million
Good!
international migrants are unauthorized immigrants
. In most of cases illegal immigration
Spl
occurs from countries with socio-economic proiblems
to countries where the economy is
VForm
VForm
well developed. People is
obliged to left
their native country because of the lack
40
Spl
of work. It is very difficult to live in a place wich
doesn't give you anything,
WChoice
Verb Pattern
neither
the possibility to have
a daily meal.
Punctuation
Punctuation
Unfortunately noone
tries to improve those peoples
Sing/Plu
WChoice
conditions
. In effect
there are a lot of modern companies from industrialized
Cut
countries that opt for the
outsourcing in countries with lower socio-economic
circumstances.
These economic choices should be positive also for the countries of arrival because in this
way the foreign companies could give the opportunity of work to local people, but in most of
Good!
cases there is only an explotation of raw materials and of human labour
. This happens
41
WOrder
Cut
in Congo, from
where people immigrate because of the
lack of work in spite of
Spl
collocation
the presence of foreign companies wich
only do a raw materials explotation
error
VForm
, such as that of gold, and doesn't
help the local people offering them work.
The problem is that nobody cares about those peoples
42
situation won't improve very soon.
The solution should be find
VForm
from
Punctuation
conditions
Sing/Plu
so the
WChoice
local governments with the help of foreign
43
companies, but it could be a very difficult compromise.
Text Six
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT? NO MORE, THANKS.
676 are
VTense
the people
44
killed by capital punishment all over the world in 2011, but we
have to add to this figure thousands of people who have been put to death in secret in Iran
Good!
good collocation
and China
. According to Amnesty International
, today there are still 58
WOrder
countries that keep in force
capital punishment: 17 in Africa, 14 in America, 13 in
Asia, 13 in Middle East and only one in Europe (Byelorussia). Among them there are not only
totalitarian countries like China, Iran or North Korea but also democratic ones like
MissingW
good collocation
United States, India and Japan. These shocking facts and figures
MissingW
45
tell us that
death penalty is still a problem more than we could expect.
WOrder
Supporters of capital punishment probably think it is fair to put to death a murderer
, or
another criminal like that, because he deserves it. Other people try to justify it saying it is a
MissingW
Sing/Plu
deterrent against
who are going to commit this kind of crimes
. Evidently,
VForm
WOrder
the former have not reflect
enough on the issue and speak probably
moved by
GoodWordChoice
strong feelings of anger
towards criminals: they think as Hammurabi did,
the ancient Babylonian king, who wrote in his code: “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a
Good!
Spl
tooth”.
Surely, the later
haven't read anything about Cesare Beccaria's " On crimes
and punishments”.
Beccaria, an Italian philosopher, wrote that capital punishment is juridically unfounded,
humanly unfair and useless from a rational point of view. It is unfounded because we, as
MissingW
VTense
citizens, could not give to
State, which we created
for our safety, the right to
WOrder
put to death us
. Additionally, it is unfair as we don't have the right to take somebody's
Good!
life in any case
: it would be nothing but a murder and a legal
GoodWordChoice 46
WChoice
47
revenge
. At last
, it is useless, in fact murders have never
been stopped by the fear of death penalty.
In conclusion, the only possible solution is the abolition of capital punishment, trying to
change our mind about the idea of penalty itself. The German philosopher Hegel said that a
MissingW
criminal, even the worst, must have the right to be re-educated by
State in order to
WForm
realize the wickedness of his actions and to find a new place into
society. According to
WOrder
Hegel, we have always
to bet on human capacity to change for
GoodWordChoice
MissingW
better
. So, if the aim of State is to protect and help us,
death
48
penalty is only a form of revenge, not of justice.
Text Seven
49
The 14th December 2012 seemed to be a day as all the other winter days in the Sally Hook
Elementary School in Newtown (Connecticut): all the children were in their classes and the
collocation error 50
teachers were explaining the lesson
as every day, but suddenly something
GoodWordChoice WForm
terrible transformed that day
in
a terrible day, a day that every
American would like to forget.
Adam Lanza, who was 20 years old and had psychological problems, killed his mother (a
WChoice
collocation error
teacher of
the school in Newtown), in her house; then he reached
the school and killed 26 people: 20 children, from 5 to 10 years, and five adults (the school
Good!
supervisor, a psychologist, two teachers and a boy). After that, he committed suicide
.
51
collocation error
WChoice WOrder
And he made
all these actions with a gun which regularly
52
belonged to him: in fact, he had a real weapons arsenal in his house and also some NRA
(National Rifle Association) certificates.
Sing/Plu
WChoice
This horrible event is only one of the many episodes of massacre
which are
VTense
53
happened in a country that is considered one of the most democratic
Sing/Plu
country
in the world.
WChoice
At that
point the question is: could this massacre (and also other previous
massacres) be avoided? The answer is probably (and unfortunately) yes and the reason is to
WChoice
WChoice
research
in the so nowadays debated
gun control.
Gun control has its roots in the second Amendment of the United States Constitution that
states “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the
Good! 54
people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”.
This Amendment was
WChoice
WForm
born
because arms were seen as the only way for Americans to defense
themselves from the European colonizers at the end of the 18th century.
Nowadays, after the recent carnages, the US President Barack Obama would like to change
VTense
this Amendment in order to stop the massacres, but he met
the opposition of
good collocation
NRA
, that is the US lobby of arms producers in the USA. NRA promotes the
Cut
right for the
citizens to bear arms, but behind that aim, there are economical and political
Good!
interests
.
VTense
First of all in 1934 it supported the National Firearms Act, which is
the first major gun
control legislation in the USA; secondly, in 1968, it supported the Gun Control Act: these two
acts created a system to license gun dealers. After the massacre in Newtown it proposed to
WOrder
the US government a “National School Shield Program”
in order to make schools
nicely organised text
safer thanks to the presence of policemen.
55
Is this a real and effective solution to the problem? I really don’t think so!
WForm
syntax 56
For example, in the USA, you can buy munitions
of arms
at the supermarket
WChoice
without any control
!
So, one of the only possible solutions for this important social issue is the one proposed by
Barack Obama at the beginning of 2013: a radical change of the laws about arms control,
WChoice
Sing/Plu
WForm
57
which
aim is to limit guns
sells
and to introduce stricter controls for
arms dealers.
58
59
The second solution that hasn’t been tried yet is a national campaign of information
60
about a more safe and responsible use of arms.
The last solution could be the introduction of suitability tests for arms dealers that should be
61
repeated every year in order to control the person who bears arms.
In conclusion, I hope that the US President will really fight to solve this problem and that these
WOrder
good collocation
solutions one day
will become true
! In that way, the death of innocent
WChoice
people would
be prevented and there will no more people like Adam Lanza with the
62
legal possibility to kill!
Text Eight
Cut
Sing/Plu MissingW
Surfing on
the internet or reading some newspaper
is simple to find
63
some information about child labour. Is this already a problem in the world? All over the
MissingW
Cut
world
are 200 million the
children who have to work for about 10 hours every
Extension
day, without having any kind of education
.
64
Of these children 126 million have to work hard and have risky and unsafe jobs, which
GoodWordChoice
damage them physically and morally
.
WChoice
Moreover 8 million have to endure the most violent and brutish forms of depletion
65
as slavery, sexual trade, forced labour or enrolment as soldiers.
GoodWordChoice 66
Now we can say yes, this is already an important social issue
.
inappropriate register
Nowadays lots
of multinationals use child labour to make their products
WChoice
WChoice
with less
costs. Coca-cola can be
an example, but there are
inappropriate register
lots
more. Coca-cola use the children in El Salvador to cut sugar canes,
inappropriate register
67
this causes them lots
of physical problems to arms and legs.
VForm
MissingW
WChoice
Furthermore these children have not
education,
problem that brings
WChoice
Cut
to a general state of ignorance of
the
workers.
Cut
What can the world do? In the first place the
multinationals have to be more
WChoice
Cut
present
in the countries where the
child labour is used. The local governments
WOrder
WForm
inappropriate register
have also
to be more strict
: in the past lots
of
good collocation
WChoice
Cut
agreements have been stipulated
among
the
countries to
syntax
68
safeguard children
rights, but these have no effect if there are not controls . These
WOrder
WChoice
situations have to be immediately
denounced
and all the cases have to be
VForm
judge
in a court of law.
WOrder
Repetition
Also
we as citizens can do something: we can
boycott the products of all
69
these multinationals, in this way we make them change their way of working.
Cut
70
Thanks to the
technological improvement the world is knowing all about this
phenomenon. The governments are working hard and their effort is having good
collocation error
71
WChoice
effects
: child labour is lower and lower, but we can already
fight to
72
make it disappear. Let’s fight together!
Text Nine
CHILD LABOUR
VTense
What would you think if you hear
about H&M or Zara and child labour?
73
syntax
After all it isn’t a question so strange
as these “giants of fashion” have recently been
WOrder
accused of using, for their clothes
, Uzbek cotton produced by children.
VForm
Now the real question is another, have
children the same rights everywhere in the
Good!
world
?
WChoice
The answer is not so easy as it seems because, nowadays, this represents
a
good
problem especially in the poorest countries, like central Asia, where the industrial giants
collocation
WChoice
GoodWordChoice 74
moved on
in search of cheap workforce
.
Uzbekistan is one of the largest exporter
Sing/Plu
of cotton in the wold and the government
???
wants to leave the situation unchanged, in fact every years it sends over
one million of
MissingW
children to
fields.
WForm 75
Cut
The refuse
of international monitors into the country, the
threats of expulsion
Cut
Spl
76
and the
loss of employement
are some of the causes of this phenomenon.
How can we help them?
We can end forced child labour just
MissingW
urging the Government of Uzbekistan to allow
good collocation
the International Labour Organization to monitor the cotton harvest
, or our
syntax
government can utilize diplomatic and economic leverage to support children
rights or
Cut
good collocation
ask to
companies to ensure that Uzbek cotton is not in their supply chain
.
Cut 77
In my own view, I think
that even children have rights that everyone all over the world
must respect. An Asian child is not different from any other child.
Sing/Plu
What would you do if your child lived in the same conditions
?
78
Fight together for them!
Text Ten
WHO CAN SAY "I DO"?
79
Cut
WChoice WOrder
It was a
love at first sight. Directly
, they recognized that they are a
perfect match. They dated years and all these years they were totally crazy about each
Extension
Repetition
other
. After dating years
, they were ready to pop the question. Sounds
like a classic fairy tale, but this fairy tale doesn't have a happy end with a wedding. Why? It is
80
because the heroes of this story are the same sex.
This sad story illustrates one of today’s most important issues of human rights. Two per cent
of the world population don’t have the same human rights as others and they are threatened
GoodWordChoice
WForm WChoice
and persecuted
, because of their sexual directing
. In
my
Sing/Plu
81
mind one of the most terrible wrong
is that homosexuals aren’t equal in front of
nicely organised text
law, for example in marriage issues. This is due to the fact that
many
WOrder
people have still
outmoded attitudes and prejudices towards
GoodWordChoice
homosexuals
.
Cut
GoodWordChoice
However, the
opinions are changing step by step
. Already eleven
countries, Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal,
WForm
Spain, South Africa and Sweden, allow same-sex couples to marriage
and the
inappropriate register
Cut
discussion about the matter is going on
in the
Parliaments around
82
the world. For instance an animated discussion about same-sex marriage laws is going
inappropriate register
on
also in the United States. Ten years ago 60 per cent of the
WChoice
Cut
Americans went
against the
same-sex marriage but nowadays half of the
inhabitants support it. One of the reasons why all these people have changed their minds is
83
that they have met homosexuals. Also an ex-opponent of gay marriages, Hilary Clinton,
Cut
made her stand clear on the Monday of the
last week. She said that homosexuals are also
84
well extended idea
equal and fully authorized citizens, who earn the same human rights
.
In my opinion is that is two people are ready to commit, love and take care of each
WForm
85
other’s
for better or worse, the government shouldn’t forbid their opportunity to
Cut
WForm MissingW
syntax
the
marriage
.
Only solution to this problem is the changing laws
,
GoodWordChoice
but before that we have to change the political atmosphere
. Every one of us
should maintain the discussion about the gay rights. We should be more open-minded and
Cut
good
love all people. We shouldn’t keep unpleasant matters behind the
closed doors
collocation
86
. We should open the doors and try to change people’s outmoded opinions one
Good!
by one
.
Cut
In conclusion, we still have the big problems of the
human rights in our society. The lack of
WChoice
the equal marriage laws maintains the
unequal society and goes against
international human rights. We should break the taboo on sexuality and give everybody an
well extended idea
MissingW
opportunity to love
. And I hope that soon in
future we can see the
world, where also the heroes of our story get their happy end and they can live happily ever
87
after.
Text Eleven
WChoice
Spl
Child labour represents
one of the today's most important issues. It concernes
88 89
the exploitation of children in any work, which deprives them of their childhood and it's
Spl
very harmful for their phisical
and mental development.
good collocation
VForm
The number of children
who is
forced to work is
GoodWordChoice
dreadful
: worldwide, about 300 million children work, many full-time. This
Cut
Spl
is not a misprint and the most of them are employed in the
developping
countries, such
nicely organised text
90
as
Asia and Africa. For example, in India, as also in some African
conuntries ( Congo,Kenya etc ) children,
aged 5 to 14 are employed in factories, mines, where they have to carry out the so-called "
GoodWordChoice
collocation error
hazardous jobs "
, which means jobs that can expose
collocation error Cut
children's life to
a
risk. In Congo, children must " dig the ore by hand "
and carry heavy sacks of ores on their backs.
91
92
However, according to the statistics , the majority of child labor is found in rural
GoodWordChoice
Sing/Plu
settings
, rather than factory
. Children are employed by their
parents in several agricultural activities such as farming, fisheries and so on.
WChoice
This is largely due to poverty, which encourages
child labor, because the income
well extended idea
from a child's work is important for the survival of the entire family
.
Cut
WChoice
The
lack of school facilities represents
another big problem and even though
93
they're available, they're too far away and difficult to reach, so children fail to get their
inappropriate register
good register
education
and remain illiterate
.
Good!
94
WChoice
How can this social issue be solved ?
One possible solution might regard
Cut
95
the improvement of the
government controls , which should pay more attention to child
labor and punish people, who commit a similar violation. However, there are several laws (
Punctuation
Punctuation
such as in India and in other asian
/ african
Countries ) that prohibit
syntax
children's exploitation
, but despite them, nothing has really changed in these countries
over the past years.
96
register WChoice
In conclusion, ' till
there are still some multinationals, such as Nike, H&M
WChoice
which keep using child labor, in order to have less
costs, a solution to this problem
97
will never be found.
Text Twelve
The increasing number of refugees caused by the Arab Spring
Good!
VTense
42.5 million people. That is the number of people who are
displaced by conflicts all
around the world by the end of 2011. Of these, 15.2 million were refugees.
WChoice
According to a new report of
the Norwegian Refugee Council, 3.5 million people
GoodWordChoice
were newly displaced during the year 2011, a jump of 20 percent
from
GoodWordChoice
2010. Furthermore, it reports that one of the key factors
for this increasing
VForm
number of refugees over the past few years are
the conflicts which are coming
WChoice
along
with the Arab Spring. From these 3.5 million newly displaced people, 830.000
Repetition
lived in countries who were or still are involved in the Arab Spring
.
But how can the UNO help in solving these problems and thus decrease this
WChoice
Good!
uprising
number of refugees?
syntax
The main reasons for people who must leave their country
or region are war, political
WChoice
well extended idea
persecution and insufficient
living conditions
. The UNO already
VTense
98
tried
to operate in these countries and to find solutions. The problem is too complex
WChoice
Verb Pattern
and the influence of the UNO too insufficient
for finding
one way to
99
Punctuation
solve it, but there are measures to help the countries to help themselves: One
possible measure is to take a firm stand against the new governments in the affected
countries. The UNO must show them clearly with a resolution that the restrictions on the
WForm
well extended
freedom of the press and political persecution are not
longer tolerated
idea
???
. These two problems will always cause refugees
.
Another possible measure is to finally approve a resolution about Syria in the UN Security
VTense
good collocation
Council. This conflict is
the trouble spot
of the region over the last two
VForm
years. Russia and China must be convinced that there has
to be sanctions against
100
Syria and the UNO must take sides
for the revolutionary government.
good
In conclusion there are several ways for the UNO to alleviate the refugee problem
collocation
WChoice
which is coming along
with the Arab Spring. But there is no way to solve
Spl
it. A country can never develope
a healthy democratic system when other countries force it
101
MissingW
WChoice
to.
Democracy has to grow peacefully within the country and
formed
by
102
its own people. And without a democratic system there will always be refugees.
Text Thirteen
Spl
Over 215 milion defenceless children work everyday. Is it possible for the twentyth
Verb Pattern
Good!
century world accept
this situation?
Just think about your children, your
WChoice
little brothers and sisters: would
you imagine them working full-time in a small dirty
Sing/Plu 103
room without any safety condition
?
WForm
Spl
Although the denial of children
rights is an evident sign of ignorance, worlwide
Sing/Plu
there are many areas that employ children, such as agriculture, factories
work and
well extended idea
mining.
According to a recent survey, in 2010 the nation with the highest
VTense
MissingW
number of exploited children is
Africa, in particular
Sub-saharan Africa,
well extended idea
where more than the 50 per cent of children from 5 to 14 years work
.
MissingW
collocation error
International Labour Organization (ILO) is at the front line
to
Verb Pattern
104
Spl
encourage
employment opportunities
and children
protection. It
VTense
promotes
the World Day Against Child Labour on 12 June 2013, to expand the antiwell extended idea
child labour movement
.
The employement
Spl
of children dates back
GoodWordChoice
WChoice
to far
Industrial
syntax
Revolution time, when the work was too much
that everyone had to take part in
MissingW
WChoice
MissingW
developing
English economic. By
time passed,
Victorian Age, the
GoodWordChoice
VTense
world wars and colonies sprawling all around the world
need
the
presence of children. Miners, chimney sweeps, domestic servants, workers used to become
Cut 105
the normal activities of little boys and little girls. The
normality wasn't just play and
Verb Pattern
MissingW
Verb Pattern
smile
and thinking about how marvellous
is being
a child,
Verb Pattern
Verb Pattern
WForm
but work
hard and cry and struggle
against hungry
and
WForm
Verb Pattern
Verb Pattern
thirsty
and regret
been
born.
The problem is really serious, because even if there are associations and laws and political
GoodWordChoice
WChoice
efforts to limit this plague
, industries
can hide and deny
MissingW
using children. Moreover, although peolpe are aware of brands that exploit child
WChoice
GoodWordChoice
labour, because of their convenient
prices and good quality
they
GoodWordChoice 106
carry on buying those products
.
We need a profound switch of
GoodWordChoice
WForm
Verb Pattern
mentality
, a base- action aiming
at destroy
radically
well extended idea
even the thought of exploiting children
.
Spl
Colloc
WChoice
To conclude, people need to bare
in mind
the essential point, that
is
Verb Pattern
protect
future men and future women and fight for their untouchable rights. What
MissingW
MissingW
children and
ILO hope
is to reduce the number of children exploited to
WForm
107
108
zero: not
let this hope remain
a dream, let it come alive!
Text Fourteen
WChoice
the most valuable thing you have in this world concerning
work?Money?
110
You can earn it somehow. Time? That's
really important, but to be successful at your job
well extended idea
what really matters are ideas
: having brilliant ideas can assure you work
WChoice
and success for the
life. But are brilliant ideas actually equally protected by laws all
WChoice
111
over the world? Intellectual property represents
a growing problem nowadays.
What's
109
Cut
112
Applying for a
copyright isn't
so easy: you have to deliver the required documentation
113
(which isn't
that easy to produce) to many institutions and..is that enough? European laws
syntax
concerning copyrights are so many and so complex
, that it's very difficult to get it
WChoice
nicely organised text
through
: as a matter of fact
if you deliver your request only in
WOrder
your country it won't be always
considered effective in other European countries and
collocation error
MissingW
you will be forced to apply in
many
international institutions too.
What's more is that, after many efforts you have made for your idea to become a
collocation error
MissingW
copyright
and be considered effective in Europe,
laws aren't the
same all over the world and in many countries your copyright would not have the same value
well extended idea
GoodWordChoice
as it has in Europe
. You must be aware of the fact that
if
114
your idea is stolen, you will have to face
with different laws and with a very long and
115
difficult legal process abroad.
There are many countries that are very hostile to
Sing/Plu
116
117
copyrights
and intellectual property and
China is just an
example of this
Cut
tendency
.
There is no question about the fact that it's very difficult to solve problems dealing with
well extended idea
international diplomacy and with laws
, but I think that it should be created
syntax
GoodWordChoice
an international organisation
to deal with this kind of
Sing/Plu
problems
, to be able to protect people whose ideas have been stolen and who can't
face all alone the enormous problem that intellectual property theft represents all over the
Good!
world
. Besides, national laws concerning copyrights should be simplified too, because
Cut
Good!
getting a
copyright is very difficult and requires a lot of effort and documentation
.
118
Intellectual property theft isn't considered
an important issue as it should be: it concerns
Sing/Plu
not only songs and artistic contents
theft, which often people talk about, but also
well extended idea
ideas that can really be successful in everyday life!
If having the same laws
WOrder
about that in each country is a
too optimistic aim, maybe it's a reasonable idea to
inappropriate register
Sing/Plu
good collocation
get
copyrights
to be more easily accessible
and
WChoice
119
more
protected all over the world.
Text Fifteen
Il Giornale is pro right-wing, Il Fatto quotidiano is pro left- wing, alsoWOrder Il
Foglio supportVForm the right- wing and L’Unità the left- wing, and so on. In Italy, in
every newspaper you read, you cannot find objective news.Good!
This is the result of the interference of politics partycollocation error in theCut
information120. Some of our politicians are at the same timeWChoice owner of
newspapersSing/Plu publishing housesgood collocation and also play an important role
in politicsWForm life. If a newspaper is owned by a politician it haveVForm to publish
only praisesWForm about his actionWForm and the result is that news areVForm nonobjectiveGoodWordChoice. 121 122Newspapers play an important role in keeping the
people informed. One of the consequence of this123 is that people who have a strong
political opinion continue reading and also accept them124 as referential newspapers.
But people who haven’t gotinappropriate register strong political ideas can’t125 find a
newspaper in which readVerb Pattern neutral information and news. If somebody126
had the ability to control127 what the newspapers were allowed to write it would be
impossible to have a neutral information???.
There are a number of options .128 These includesVForm the introduction of an
independent regulatory body, underpinned by lawgood register, whichWChoice
function is to impose rules and limits in order to regulate the objectivity of published
news. Newspapers would be free not to join the regulatory body. But those that
refused to would face sanctions, including the payment of huge penaltySing/Plu.
In conclusion the solution proposed here is probably one of the most efficient to solve
this enormous problem but our politicians will MissingW unlikely moveVerb Pattern in
this way, because of earnedWChoice money and votes129. So we hope in theWChoice
EU intervention. Please, save our freedom of speech!130
1. If you use this expression "Have you ever thought of....?" It generally means "Have ever
planned to/intended to.....?" which is not appropriate here!!
2. Good start :-)
3. Why would "above" be better here? Look in your monolingual dictionary or simply on
Google to find examples
4. Can you make this into a compound?
5. The increase of life expectancy???
6. "Many alternatives to this use of fossil fuel in harmful ways have been widely documented,
and one well known solution is, for instance, to use ecologically sound means of transport
such as bicycles or the underground." Why does this work better?
7. Link to what you said before with something like "As another example of cleaner enery use"
8. These ideas are good but can you organise the text better? The last one, in particular,
seems to just be "added on" after the others. You could link by refering your reader back
to the problem of industry as opposed to transport, for instance.
9. A nicely developed discussion with a clear conclusion although look at my comments. You
have some good language use but some things could be both better linked and
expressed.
10. Avoid contractions in formal writing.
11. The two ideas are not a "contrast" so why use "but"?
12. This would be a good opportunity to use the "adverb+adjective" type of compound we
looked at in class.
13. What does this mean?
14. Good, this is the most natural position to put "in my opinionn".
15. See note 10
16. Too vague, really. You need to restate your topic clearly here.
17. A balanced discussion with clearly organised ideas on the whole, although be careful with
word choice and reference: when should you use "this" and "that" and when should you
use "it"? Some good vocabulary too though and a logical conclusion to your line of
reasoning.
18. Avoid contraction in formal writing.
19. This is a compound so use the singular form for the defining noun.
20. See note 18.
21. You need to add something to this clause such as: ".. one that has been reported
worldwide".
22. I think you need to start a new sentence here. Why?
23. Unclear reference
24. This last sentence really needs to be rewritten. You are trying to write complex sentences,
which is good, but, unfortunately, it sounds a bit confused, and this makes it difficult for the
reader to understand.
25. Start a new paragraph here, and make sure the layout is clear.
26. Do you really mean that these children are like all the other children, or are they different?
27. Start a new sentence here.
28. Why would it be better to use "such as" here?
29. See note 25.
30. You have some good ideas and some good vocabulary but quite a few vocabulary
problems too. You should also work on your syntax. Use complex sentences but not if
they are confusing for your reader. Link ideas logically and make sure that you have
chosen appropriate language to express them.
31. see note 18
32. This is OK but we usually put the currency symbol before the figure: $10,000
33. A good start, wth shocking statistics and a clear explanation afterwards :-)
34. You could link these two sentences.
35. See note 32
36. This is a good example of how to paraphrase language you have read in an article, whilst
quoting your source :-)
37. Make it clear where your new paragraph begins.
38. Well organised, interesting discussion, with logically organised text and effective
language.
39. Good, starting with questions, but make sure the question forms are correct.
40. How can you link the next sentence to the one you have just written?
41. You are giving an example here, so you could link by using a phrase like "for instnace"
just to emphasize the way you are organising your ideas.
42. see note 18
43. Your ideas are logical as is your conclusion and you have some good use of vocabulary.
You should, howr, work in particular on your verb forms which are often wrong. There are
quite a few problems with spelling as well.
44. make this into a relative clause.
45. Add something to this like "even more" "perhaps more".
46. This is good word choice, but an even nicer collocation is: "legalised murder".
47. Murders or murderers?
48. A nicely written discussion with some excellent use of language. A few problems such as
word order, tenses etc. but very clearly expressed, with appropriate references :-)
49. Why would "like" be better here than "as"?
50. See note 49.
51. Try not to start a sentence with "and" or "but",
52. This is an example of something you have probably read in an article, but in this case the
register is too informal for the rest of your style so be careful.
53. This is OK but it is better to say "considered to be"
54. This is a good example of a clear quoatation where the reference and the text are
specified. :-)
55. Good use of a question.
56. This would be a good opportunity to use a compound.
57. In this case "control" is ok but it is not used so frequently in English with the meaning of
"checks". Check the difference in meaning between "check" and "control". What does
"control" mean in phrases like "out of control" for instance?
58. see note 18
59. Make this into a compound.
60. Link attributive adjectives with a comma not "and".
61. See note 57.
62. Nicely developed discussion, with clear examples and the conlusion takes us back to the
beginning again, which is very effective. :-) Be careful with your verb forms, tenses and
word order.
63. I'm not sure this question is quite right. How could you change it?
64. see note 60
65. Why would "such as" be a better word choice here?
66. Good, I can see how you are structuring your discussion with question/ answer, and it
works well but it might be better to ask something like:
"How true is it though that child labour is a worldwide problem?" and then aswer with "In
the light of statistics such as these it is obvious that it is an important social issue."
67. How could you link the last two sentences to make one complex one?
68. see note 57
69. Use a modal verb here.
70. You can't use the continuous aspect with state verbs.
71. add a verb here like "becoming". Why?
72. Good final comment :-). You have some good ideas, and provide examples which are
very clear but you have to be careful of word choice, syntax and register. Several of the
word choices you have made are actually "Italian in English words" so be careful.
73. see note 18
74. Be careful when you take phrases from your reading and "make them your own". You
must be sure that you inderstand how the language is being used in the original text and
whether you are using it in the same way. I imagine that you read "the industrial giants
moved on" but "move on" in English means to go from something to something else,
which is probably how it was used in your source text. This is not made clear in your
discussion, so either add something, to make it more obvious to the reader, or choose a
different expression.
75. see note 74
76. This central part is not very clear. You need to extend these ideas more fully.
77. Why do you need to say "I think" if you have just said "In my view"?
78. Your ideas are logical and you have some good language use but you need to extend
your ideas more at times to make them clearer for your reader. Be careful with word
choice too.
79. Nice title :-)
80. A very catchy beginning. Well done :-)
81. If you look up "law" in a monolingual dictionary you'll probably find that a nice expression
to express the idea you want to here is "in the eyes of the law".
82. Why moght it be better to use "one" rather than the article here?
83. Why might it be better to use "even" here instead of "also"?
84. What is the difference between earn and deserve? Look in your dictionary to check this.
85. See note 10
86. Nice creative reference to the "closed doors" reference above :-)
87. A well organised discussion with a nice start and a good conclusion coming full circle to
your beginning again. You could review the use of articles in English and be careful with
the form of the words you choose.
88. why might it be better to use "which" and make a relative clause here?
89. See note 10
90. This is OK but why might it be better to use a mor complete phrase to link like "and this is
also true in India"?
91. When you start a new paragraph leave a space or indent so that it is clear to your reader
that you are moving on to a new section.
92. Do these statistics refer to the "Congo" or to other countries? Make this clear. It would
also be good to tell your reader which statistics you are talking about... where did they
come from?
93. See note 14 and in this case find a more specific way to refer backwards like "these", for
instance.
94. Good use of the number here :-)
95. See note 57.
96. New paragraph, leave a space or indent.
97. Most of your discussion has been a description of the children's ituation and you have not
discussed the companies and their cost saving strategies so don't bring in this new idea in
the conclusion. You have some good vocabulary although some word choice problems at
times. You extend your ideas well in some parts but you could work on the overall flow of
the discussion.
98. How can you link these two sentences showing that the second is a contrast to the first?
99. This is ok but it is a bit weak. You want to tell your reader that although it is difficult there
are possible solutions so you need a more complete phrase perhaps...
100. Why moght "take a stand" be a better choice here?
101. How can you link this sentence to the last one?
102. The last sentence is not really a logical follow up to what you just said... be careful. You
have some good ideas, which you express logically on the whole but be careful with word
choice and make sure you express your ideas fully so that your reader can understand
what you are saying.
103. Nice start :-)
104. Extend this explaining what it means... surely not employment opportunities for
"children"!
105. How can you link this to what has just been said?
106. How can you link the next sentence to the one that went before?
107. Why might it be a good idea to add something like "just" or "merely" here?
108. Nice final comment. You make some good points and provide background to your
discussion too :-) Be careful with the forms of the verbs and the verb patterns you use and
be careful with your spelling.
109. See note 10
110. See note 10
111. A nice start with thought-provoking questions which lead in to your topic :-)
112. See note 10
113. See note 10
114. What's the difference between "face something" and "deal with something"? Look in a
good monolingual dictionary to find the answer.
115. How can you link the next sentence to the last one?
116. It would be better to say "China, in fact, ...." Why?
117. Why would "one" be better here than the article?
118. It is better to say "considered to be"...
119. A nice beginning to this discussion :-) You have logical ideas which you extend well,
although some things could be linked in a better way at times. You have some highly
effective vocabulary but be careful with register and syntax at times.
120. or even ... "in the world of the media" why might this be better?
121. How could you link this sentence to what you have just said?
122. Start a new paragraph here. Indent or leave a space so this is clear to your reader.
123. What exactly are you refering back to here?
124. See note 106
125. See note 10
126. Does this refer to a single person? If not you need something like "people".
127. See note 57.
128. How can you link this to the last sentence?
129. YOu need to extend this a bit more to make it clearer.
130. Nice final comment. Your ideas are clear most of the time (except for one part in the
middle. You have some good language use but be careful in particula with your verb forms
and patterns and word choice.
Instances Annotatio Explanati Help link
n
on
41
Cut
Cut -- this
text is not
necessary
30 MissingW Missing
word or
words
22 Sing/Plu Singular/pl
ural error
6 Punctuatio Punctuatio
n
n
4 Repetition Repetition
of
informatio
n or
phrase
16
Spl
Spelling
24 VForm
Verb form
16 VTense Verb tense
86 WChoice Poor word
choice
31 WForm Word form
24 WOrder
Word
Categorie
s
Sense
Value
-1
Points
lost
-41
Grammar
-1
-30
Grammar
-2
-44
Punctuatio
n
Style
-1
-6
-1
-4
Spelling
Grammar
Grammar
Vocabular
y
Morpholog
y
Syntax
-1
-1
-1
-1
-16
-24
-16
-86
-1
-31
-1
-24
Points
gained
Instances Annotatio Explanati Help link Categorie
n
on
s
order
5
???
Incompreh
Sense
ensible
text
27 Good!
Good!
Content
1 Excellent! Excellent!
Content
Well done.
32 GoodWord
Good
Vocabular
Choice
choice of
y
vocabulary
16 collocation
error
5 nicely
organised
text
22
good
collocation
2
good
register
13 inappropri
ate
register
13
well
extended
idea
16
Verb
Pattern
3 Colloc
Good
collocation
2 Extension
Nicely
extended
idea
14 syntax
Problem
with
syntax
1 register The wrong
register
1
v patt
good verb
pattern
Value
Points
lost
-1
Points
gained
-5
1
1
27
1
1
32
-1
-16
1
5
1
22
1
2
-1
-13
1
-1
13
-16
1
3
1
2
-1
-14
-1
-1
1
Totals
1
-387
108