Workshop Assignment: Revising Long Write for Publication
Assigned: 3/14/13
Task:
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Revise (change by adding, rewriting, deleting) argument/point paragraphs only
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Identify areas for revision by color-coding sentences for purpose and effectiveness
Directions:
1.) Construct your sentence color code.
2.) Re-read your argument sentence without color coding.
3.) Re-read sentence by sentence to assign a color to your sentence.
4.) Look over your paragraph. What colors are missing?
5.) On a post-it, construct a “suggested revision” checklist for yourself.
6.) Complete your revisions based on your checklist. Follow your color coding to see if
you have made a powerful paragraph.
Paragraph Reminders:
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New point/argument = New paragraph
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Strong paragraphs are built of 5-8 sentences
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The sentences in a paragraph all serve different roles in helping to express the reader’s
argument:
Topic sentence = Introduces the focus/main idea of the paragraph
Statement sentence = Presents a supporting detail/reason to explain your topic
Descriptive sentence = Provides background information to set the scene for the
reader’s argument.
Evidence sentence = Presents key evidence that connects to the supporting detail
Explanatory sentence = Explains the significance and meaning of a reader’s
statement or evidence. These sentences show, “why?” and “so what?”
Concluding sentence = Recaps paragraph’s main point and links paragraph to
argument.
o
o
o
o
o
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These sentences may not all appear in a paragraph or occur in a paragraph in a set order.
The writer is responsible for logically crafting a variety of these sentences to develop their
argument.
Workshop Assignment: Revising Long Write for Publication
Sample Revision Work
My Color Key:
o Topic sentence = Introduces the focus/main idea of the paragraph
o Statement sentence = Presents a supporting detail/reason to explain your topic
o Descriptive sentence = Provides background information to set the scene for the
reader’s argument.
o Evidence sentence = Presents key evidence that connects to the supporting detail
o Explanatory sentence = Explains the significance and meaning of a reader’s
statement or evidence. These sentences show, “why?” and “so what?”
o Concluding sentence = Recaps paragraph’s main point and links paragraph to
argument.
Bobby realizes that the names and expectations which surround him in his life and
label him as “Pork Chop, Roly-Poly, Dough Boy, and Fluff” (12) should not define how he and
others see him. Bobby comes to this realization in his discussion with Mr. Kellerman on page
232 when Mr. Kellerman states, “‘That is so true,’ he says. ‘I believed every name…we just
accept them without even thinking about what they mean or even if they’re true.’” This
shows that Bobby realizes the power of the names people use in the world.
The lesson that Bobby learns is important to James Howe’s readers as well. This is
because Bobby’s realization shows readers how words, labels, and names are both powerful
and powerless. Readers who use these words on others can see from Bobby the hurt that
they create. Readers who are labeled with these words can see how they don’t have
power. This lesson is important for readers to understand.
Suggestions for Revision?
■ First Paragraph:
- add a topic sentence
- add explanatory sentences to explain the statements and evidence included
- add a concluding sentence
■ Second Paragraph:
- add a topic sentence
- add evidence to support my thinking
- explain the evidence and explain my statements
- consider revising concluding sentence to make stronger
Sample Revision Work
Paragraph 1:
Throughout the course of the novel, Bobby faces obstacles and relationships that lead
him to an important realization that changes the way he sees himself and the world around
him. Bobby realizes that the names that label him as “Pork Chop, Roly-Poly, Dough Boy, and
Fluff” (p.12) should not define how he and others see him. When Bobby is first introduced in
the text, he is a weak and voiceless character as he allows the names that other peers have
bestowed upon him to define how he and others perceive him. As the novel continues, the
cruel name-calling that Bobby witnesses in his world begins to impact how he sees the
power of the labels associated to him and his friends. Mr. Kellerman adds momentum to
Bobby’s realization about the power of the names used on page 232 when he says, “‘That is
so true,” he says. “I believed every name…we just accept them without even thinking about
what they mean or even if they’re true.’” This discussion between Bobby and Mr. Kellerman
confirms to Bobby the unfairness that exists within these words and motivates him to break
the power that he had allowed them to hold. Overall, Bobby’s daily experiences and
relationships with others lead him to the final realization that the names and expectations
that label him should not define how he or others see him
Paragraph 2:
Through Bobby’s character realization, James Howe expresses an important life lesson
for his intended reading audience to take to heart. The power of names and labels
dominates the interactions and self-perceptions of middle school students past and present.
By having Bobby realize the powerful and powerless nature of the labels, Howe is able to
show his reading audience that the names others place upon a person are meaningless and
do not truly represent the person inside. Howe expresses this idea clearly through Bobby’s
speech when he says, “‘These are our names. But they are only names…This is what I think
about names. I think that names are a small way of looking at a person.’” (pg. 249-250).
Bobby’s speech helps to express the life lesson to readers because Bobby brings attention to
how the use of labels and cruel names are powerful, in that they can hurt another person,
and powerless for they do not come from valid reasons. This is an important life lesson for
readers because words and names are often flung about without care. For readers who use
these words on others, they can discover from Bobby’s realization that they create hurt. On
the other hand, for readers who are the victims of these words, Bobby’s realization helps to
teach them that they are not alone and that these words do not define who they are now
or will be. Furthermore, from either reader’s perspective, Bobby’s realization expresses an
important lesson for the lesson emphasizes the meaninglessness of labels and names and the
importance of defining one’s self.