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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I will not be nervous during the following program because the program director has granted me complete immunity. -HaLife
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
"You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household." --Ephesians 2:19
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a
shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. --Mark 6:34
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him,
and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. — 1 Corinthians 2:14
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. — Proverbs 26:20
Thought: Ol' Smokey The Bear said: "Only you can prevent forest fires!" Basically, that's what the Wiseman says
about gossip. We can turn down the heat, douse the fire, and let the quarrel die. How? By not supplying juicy morsels
of gossip, by ditching the urge to spread destructive innuendo, and by refusing to keep alive an ugly rumor. Without
gossip, the bitterness of a rivalry can dissolve and relationships can mend.
Prayer: Forgive me, O God, for the times I have kept gossip alive or have entertained the conversation of a gossip.
Please bless and heal those whom I have wounded with my participation in gossip. Give me the strength to say only
what is helpful to bless others, the courage to mend the relationships that I have damaged because of reckless words,
and the wisdom to know how to discourage those seeking to spread gossip. In Jesus' name I ask it. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to
phil@heartlight.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV = We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of
God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
TODAY IS MONDAY – OCTOBER 05, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 81 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL NOISY MUNCHING DAY, a day to annoy others by eating ice, pickles, chips, anything crunchy
and loud. ***MARLAR: That’s my normal diet anyway.
Today is BE NICE TO LAWYERS DAY. ***MARLAR: Or they’ll sue.
Today is LONG WALK DAY. ***MARLAR: Something people love to tell lawyers, usually involving a short pier.
Today is DO SOMETHING NICE DAY. ***MARLAR: Like tell a lawyer to take a long walk off a short pier.
Today is NATIONAL DEPRESSION SCREENING DAY. ***MARLAR: What doesn’t make sense to me is that you can
go in to get tested for depression, and the results could be “positive” – meaning you’re depressed. But the tests could
come out “negative” – and that SOUNDS depressing.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Child Health Day
Day of Unity
International Day of No Prostitution
Techie’s Day
World Day of Architecture
World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day
World Habitat Day
World Teachers Day
COMING UP NEXT
(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 06
Ecological Debt Day
Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
Mad Hatter Day
American Libraries Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 07
Balloons Around the World Day
Emergency Nurses Day
National Kale Day
Pet Obesity Awareness Day ***Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.
Walk To School Day
You Matter To Me Day
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08
Alvin C. York Day
Fall Astronomy Day
National Pierogy Day
Universal Music Day
World Octopus Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09
Clergy Appreciation Day
Leif Erikson Day
National Chess Day
National Pro-Life Cupcake Day
World Post Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10
Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)
International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
International Newspaper Carrier Day
International Stage Management Day
National Handbag Day
National Kick Butt Day
Native American Day
Naval Academy Day
World Day Against The Death Penalty
World Homeless Day
World Mental Health Day
World Porridge Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11
Ada Lovelace Day
General Pulaski Memorial Day
International Day of the Girl
National Face Your Fears Day
National Food Truck Day
Southern Food Heritage Day
Yom Kippur
MONDAY, OCTOBER 12
Columbus Day (Observed)
Day of the Six Billion
Emergency Nurses Day
Free Thought Day
National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
International Top Spinning Day
National Fossil Day
National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day
S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)
Spanish Language Day
Stop Bullying Day
World Arthritis Day
ON THIS DAY
1892: The Dalton Gang, notorious for its train robberies, was wiped out while attempting to rob two banks in
Coffeyville, Kansas. Four members of the gang and four citizens were killed. Gang member Emmett Dawson survived
serious wounds and was sentenced to life in prison.
1930: Laura Ingalls completed the first transcontinental airplane flight by a woman. She flew a bi-plane from New York
to California in four days. ***MARLAR: Which episode of “Little House” was that?
1969: "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC television. (audio clip)
1974: American David Kunst became the first person to walk around the world. The stroll took four years and 21 pairs
of shoes. He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles.
1989: Evangelist Jim Bakker was convicted of using his TV show to defraud followers of over $150-million.
1995: In Kumi, Uganda, a thief was convicted of stealing an elderly man’s big edible rat. The ratnapper was sentenced
to 12 strokes of the cane and ordered to trap five edible rats for his victim. ***MARLAR: A greater punishment would
be forcing him to eat the rat.
1997: When the First United Methodist Church women’s group in Tulsa lit all 95 candles on Mabel McCullough’s
birthday cake, it set off the fire alarm. It did not trigger the sprinkler system, but five engines and two ladder companies
of firefighters showed up for the party. ***MARLAR: I thought “Holy Fire” was just an expression!
1998: Fergie, Duchess of York, hosted the first episode of her "chat" show "Sarah: Surviving Life" on Britain's Sky TV.
1999: Actor Kevin Spacey received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
2003: A Brazilian mother and daughter who hadn't seen each other for 17 years met up when they were put in the
same prison cell in Sao Paulo's Pinheiros prison. The daughter, arrested for robbery, had run away from home at age
eight. Mom was doing time for drug dealing.
2006: A 22-year-old man attempted to drive 310 miles in reverse on a remote Australian Outback highway after his
transmission failed, blocking his forward gears. He drove about 12 miles before Western Australia state police spotted
his car roaring in reverse down the highway at about 40 mph. An alcohol breath test was negative, but police charged
the backer with reckless driving.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
869: The Fourth Constantinople (8th Ecumenical) Council opened under Pope Adrian II in the West and Emperor Basil
I in the East. During its six sessions, the council condemned iconoclasm. It was the last ecumenical council held in the
East.
1744: Following his ordination, David Brainerd, 26, began three years of intense missionary labors among the Indians
along the Susquehannah River in New Jersey. Increasing illness from the elements led to Brainerd's premature death,
after only three years.
1833: Birth of William G. Tomer, American Civil War veteran and Methodist hymnwriter. It is to his tune, FAREWELL,
that today we sing the hymn, "God Be With You Till We Meet Again."
1969: Death of Harry Emerson Fosdick, 91. He pastored Riverside Church in New York City 1926-46, and authored
the enduring hymn, "God of Grace and God of Glory."
1989: Ten months after being indicted by a federal grand jury, televangelist Jim Bakker, 50, was found guilty on 24
counts of mail and wire fraud. Three weeks later, on October 24th, Bakker was fined $500,000 and sentenced to 45
years in prison.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
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
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actress (Finding Neverland, Sense And Sensibility, Titanic) Kate Winslet 40
singer-actress (Breaking All The Rules, Diary Of A Mad Black Woman) Heather Headley 41
actor (Scott Scanlon on “Beverly Hills 90210”) Doug Emerson 39 (audio clip)
actress (“Melrose Place”) Josie Bissett 43 (audio clip)
actor (Paparazzi, Vampires, Mullholand Falls) Daniel Baldwin 55
actress (Animal House, Star Man, Raiders of the Lost Ark) Karen Allen 64
BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1907 : Mrs. Miller
1924 : Bill Dana
1935 : Margie Singleton
1938 : Carlo Mastrangelo (Dion & The Belmonts)
1938 : Johnny Duncan
1939 : Abi Ofarim
1942 : Richard Street (The Temptations)
1943 : Steve Miller
1947 : Brian Johnson (AC/DC)
1948 : Lucius Ross (Funkadelic)
1949 : B.W. Stevenson
1949 : Brian Connolly (Sweet)
1954 : Sir Bob Geldof (The Boomtown Rats)
1974 : Heather Headley
1980 : Paul (Good Charlotte)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How did the tradition of the diamond engagement ring begin?
In 1477, Archduke Maximilian of Austria presented a diamond to Mary of Burgundy, and that is how the tradition of
offering a diamond ring got its start. Currently, Canada has the highest diamond-engagement-ring acquisition rate in
the world, as 85 percent of all Canadian brides received diamond engagement rings in the year 2000. In the United
States, it was 74 percent.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you
could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at
ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
A challenge from Laura Story: When Martin and I were hurting, our church Perimeter Church stepped in and blessed
us immensely. My challenge to you: Join a service team at your church. It’s an opportunity to bless others and change
lives into a Better Broken.
Selah member Todd Smith says his daughter Charlotte is only 5, but she is already a prayer warrior! Todd posted:
This afternoon she prayed over a friend who is braving and fighting cancer! Tonight she prayed over mommy who has
a video taping tomorrow!
Congratulations to Matt Maher. He announced this week that he's going to be a daddy again. Matt tweeted:
introducing Richard Callum Maher, due February 2016. Matt added that C A L L U M is Gaelic for "dove of peace"
https://instagram.com/p/8R38O5oUUN/
Blanca has a new definition of torture: When you're so hungry and you decide to go grocery shopping.
Audio Adrenaline's Brandon Bagby is preparing for Christmas. In addition to playing guitar for the band, Brandon is
also quite a painter. He announced this week that his shipment of 3" x 3" canvases had arrived! Brandon plans to use
the canvas to create tiny oil paintings that can be used as Christmas Ornaments
https://instagram.com/p/8R9O5zS7JI/
Casting Crowns Melodee Devevo is trying a new look. She shared this week that it was time for a change so she now
has bangs. Her husband, and fellow Crowns member, Jaun had the perfect response. He said: It doesn't enhance or
diminish the hotness, just puts it in a different frame.
http://EyeEm.com/p/73486785
A special announcement this week from Love and the Outcome. Chris announced that he and Jodi found out this
week: our peanut is a he-nut. The couples baby boy is due early next year
WEIRD & WACKY
TNT wedding favors caused evacuation at Denver airport
DENVER (AP) — A wedding gift was no joke to TSA agents checking bags in a screening room at Denver
International Airport. An agent watching an X-ray monitor spotted wax and fuses inside a checked bag at the airport.
TSA said the bride and groom's names both start with a "T," so their wedding...
'Christmas jar' cash theft at library spurs aid by author
DOVER, Ohio (AP) — The cash donations stuffed into the large glass container on the circulation desk at Dover Public
Library were meant to be an anonymous holiday gift to a needy family, a gesture inspired by the book "Christmas
Jars." Now its author is extending that charitable spirit to the...
Man of Steal? Cops say Superman shirt was suspect's undoing
UPPER DARBY, Pa. (AP) — Police in the Philadelphia suburbs say the Man of Steal was undone by his Superman Tshirt. HASH(0x1417400) Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood says a man wearing a T-shirt with the Superman
shield broke into one home on Sept. 24 and a second on Tuesday. In that...
Repent! Undercover New Hampshire cops nab cell ban violators photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Michelle Tetreault's daughter didn't know what "repent" meant when she spotted a man with
a sign around his neck warning "Repent! The end is near!" But she's plenty sorry now that her mom is facing a $124
traffic ticket for using her cellphone to snap a picture of the...
Philly police say suspect got manicure, robbed nail salon
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police are seeking a robbery suspect with nice nails. They say a man got a manicure at a nail
salon on West Rockland Street in Philadelphia on Sunday and then robbed the place at gunpoint. Surveillance video
shows the suspect grabbing money from one worker and then taking...
Chicago Botanic Garden's 2nd corpse flower is blooming
GLENCOE, Ill. (AP) — A suburban Chicago garden with a disappointing rainforest plant that refused to bloom now has
a new star attraction. The Chicago Botanic Garden announced Tuesday that a second corpse flower is not only on
display in its semi-tropical greenhouse, but it is blooming. Garden...
Cow goes rogue in central NY, eludes capture for months
NEW HARTFORD, N.Y. (AP) — Police hope a farm device used to feed cattle will help corral a cow that has been on
the loose for months in a central New York town. Officers in New Hartford have put feed in a headlock feeder and
placed the device along a road outside Utica where the rogue cow has...
Florida couple invites strangers to crash their wedding
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — Inspired by the popular movie "Wedding Crashers", a Florida couple is actually asking
strangers to crash their wedding next month. Lee County sheriff's deputy Paul Johnson and Shelly Osterhout say the
more the merrier. They're hosting the Oct. 10 wedding at an outdoor...
Groups hope to save tree grown from seeds taken on Apollo 14
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Boise, Idaho, residents are trying to save a tree that was grown from seeds taken aboard the
Apollo 14 mission to the moon. The Idaho Statesman reports (http://bit.ly/1JCwyDp) the loblolly pine planted in 1977
on Lowell Elementary School's campus is dehydrated and infected...
Mistaken text message leads to love for St. Louis couple
ST. LOUIS (AP) — A married St. Louis couple is sharing their unlikely love story about three years after the mistaken
text message that forged their relationship. HASH(0x13ffc50) Upon their second meeting two days later, they each
arrived at a Kirkwood coffee shop at different times and...
Titanic's last lunch menu, from Money Boat, goes for $88,000 photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The Titanic's last lunch menu, saved by a first-class passenger who climbed aboard a lifeboat
whose crew was said to have been bribed to row away instead of rescue more people, sold at auction for $88,000 on
Wednesday. The online New York auctioneer Lion Heart Autographs...
HEALTH & FITNESS
Public health emergency declared due to lead in Flint water photo
DETROIT (AP) — Officials in Michigan declared a public health emergency Thursday over the city of Flint's water, after
months of resident complaints about its smell and taste, in response to tests that showed children with elevated levels
of lead. A day after Gov. Rick Snyder said the...
EPA sets new ozone standard, disappointing all sides photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration on Thursday established stricter limits on the smog-causing
pollution linked to asthma and respiratory illness, drawing swift condemnation from business leaders and Republicans
who warned of damage to the economy. The Environmental Protection Agency...
Low-nicotine cigarettes cut use, dependence, study finds photo
A new study might help the push for regulations to limit nicotine in cigarettes. Smokers who switched to special lownicotine ones wound up smoking less and were more likely to try to quit, researchers found. The study only lasted six
weeks, and researchers call the evidence preliminary. But they...
Here they come again: Broader health care debate for 2016 photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — After seven years of wrangling over what's now known as "Obamacare," you might think
people would be tired of big ideas for revamping the country's health care system. The presidential candidates must
not have gotten the memo. The 2016 hopefuls in both parties are offering...
England, Wales ban smoking in cars with children inside
LONDON (AP) — Smokers who light up in vehicles with children inside will face fines in England and Wales as antismoking measures are expanded to protect young people from the dangers of second-hand smoke. The ban went into
effect Thursday but police are not expected to issue a rash of fines...
Cooling towers blamed for Legionnaires' disease at prison
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Dirty cooling towers were to blame for an outbreak of Legionnaires' disease that has
sickened dozens of inmates and at least four employees at San Quentin State Prison since late August, according to a
report Thursday. Tests showed two of the towers on the roof of...
Rare Q fever outbreak reported in American medical tourists photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five Americans came down with an unusual illness after traveling to Germany for a controversial
treatment involving injections with sheep cells, health officials reported Wednesday. The treatment is not permitted in
the United States. The five New York residents received the...
In New Hampshire, substance abuse at center of 2016 campaign photo
MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — Sitting among hospital leaders, law enforcement and recovering addicts in New
Hampshire's largest city Wednesday, Jeb Bush heard a sobering statistic: In the past 30 days, 102 people overdosed
on drugs in Manchester alone. Ten died. "It is all over the place, it is...
UN: HIV patients should start treatment immediately photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization has revised its HIV guidelines to recommend that anyone who tests
positive for the virus that causes AIDS should be treated immediately. That guidance fits with what is already
recommended in many developed nations, including the United States. The...
New NYC Legionnaires' disease outbreak kills 1, sickens 12
NEW YORK (AP) — A new Legionnaires' disease cluster discovered in the Bronx has killed one person and sickened
12 others just a month after the largest outbreak of the disease in New York City history, health officials said
Wednesday. The new cluster is centered in the Morris Park...
House Republicans advance bill to undo health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans advanced legislation Tuesday to dismantle President Barack Obama's
health law that could actually reach the president's desk. The House GOP has voted more than 50 times to repeal all
or parts of the health law. Almost all the bills died in the Senate. But...
NEWS KICKERS
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Four men have been arrested for breaking into car rental lot at Newark Airport and taking three Camaros and a
Mustang for joyrides while high on marijuana. ***How those cars obtained the pot, we’ll never know.
A guy in China was arrested for stealing more than 70 license plates. He told officers he was just having some fun.
***Commit a felony, buddy, and you’ll get to see how much fun it is to MAKE license plates!
Siri will be able to perform a new trick when Apple pushes out its new iPhones. The virtual assistant will always have
an ear open, listening for users to summon it by saying, “Hey Siri.” ***Which is strange – because with then name Siri
and that female voice, it sounds more like Big Sister than Big Brother.
A poultry manufacturer has recalled over half a million pounds of chicken believed to contain pieces of metal. ***
Okay, I think we’ve finally gone too far with genetically modified foods when we now have cybernetic chickens.
Bobby Jindal's campaign would like us all to know that the cast of "Duck Dynasty" supports him for president and not
Donald Trump. ***Apparently religious mountain people are a huge voter base.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A new study reveals many men think they're leaner than they are. The study showed a quarter of overweight guys
guessed their weight range was at least one category less than it was in reality. ***MARLAR: Man, I feel sorry for
those guys… they aren't truly lean and fit stud-muffins like I am.
A survey conducted by tire company Continental shows one in three women don't know how to change a flat tire.
And 4% of women don't know where the spare tire is located. ***MARLAR: And 2% of women said the spare tire was
around their husband's mid-section.
Many people are walking around with hidden defects in their brains but these flaws are harmless. A Dutch study at
Rotterdam's Erasmus MC University Medical Center found 13% of test subjects had secret brain abnormalities.
Researchers believe more and more defects will be picked up as brain-scanner devices are improved and doctors
need to learn which flaws are harmless and which require treatment. ***MARLAR: I’ve also heard there’s a Dutch
study that says 13% of people have flaws in their brains, but that the flaws are harmless.
A recent PPP poll looks at conspiracy theories. 51% of Americans believe that there was a conspiracy in the JFK
assassination. 15% believe that the government controls out thoughts through TV. 13% believe that Obama is the antiChrist, which is just below the number of people who believe that Bigfoot is real (14%). And my personal favorite: 4%
of Americans believe that Lizard People control politics. ***MARLAR: Which is my favorite, because it's the only
statistic that actually reveals reality.
WONDER WOMAN
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Space Vacuum Bags”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Thor Ramsey, “Hair and Fitness”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last
time, all of the jungle animals, not being able to figure out what to do with their day, decided to leave the decision up to
a new animal… a small lion. And because lions are known as “the king of the jungle” they left the decision up to the
little lion as to what to do… and he wanted lunch!
CLOSE: I know it’s good to be the king, and the animals think that they need a king to make decisions, but it doesn’t
look as if the little lion has much of an idea on what to do with his royal position! Find out what happens next time, As
the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 10/11, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last
time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle
animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into
the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!
CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next
time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use
of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright
law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Ever heard of a football protest with pudding?
Tennessee Titans fan Clay Travis vows to eat nothing but pudding until the NFL allows broadcasts of his favorite team
in the Caribbean. Travis went to law school at Vanderbilt in Nashville, but now lives in the U.S. Virgin Islands and can’t
watch his favorite team, the Titans. The NFL doesn’t let the local sports bars televise games that are not being
broadcast locally. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to go on a complete hunger strike, so he decided to eat only
pudding. ***MARLAR: Yeah, that will show them!
TOP TEN
TOP TEN THINGS DON’T LEARN IN SCHOOL
 Rule 10: Life is not fair -- get used to it!
 Rule 9: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something
BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
 Rule 8: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car
phone until you earn both.
 Rule 7: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
 Rule 6: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
-- they called it opportunity.
 Rule 5: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.




Rule 4: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying
your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you
save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 3: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they
have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This
doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 2: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 1: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
You can call him The Birdman of Havana!
FILE #1: Carlos Rodriguez Avila could find himself perched behind bars after his alleged scheme to smuggle exotic
birds into the United States failed. Carlos ruffled the feathers of customs officers when he arrived in Miami and was
searched. Customs officials found 44 birds strapped to his legs under his pants. He was charged with unlawful
importation and possession of birds and making false statements to customs officers. A number of the birds did not
survive. Carlos faces up to 10 years in prison and a $500,000 fine if convicted on both counts.
FILE #2: Thousands of dollar bills stolen from a restaurant in California's high desert could not have been more clearly
marked: The Homestead had a tradition of customers writing messages on the currency and hanging it on the walls.
Authorities allege that didn't stop 34-year-old Donald Dejarnette from using some of the cash last week to pay for – of
all things - a court fine. Kern County sheriff's Sgt. Tyson Davis said a clerk immediately recognized the bills. Some
even had "Homestead" written on them. Dejarnette and four others have been arrested on suspicion of taking $8,000
from the restaurant. About $1,000 has been recovered.
FILE #3: Authorities in Malaysia report two armed robbers didn't plan ahead. The bandits had to leave behind nearly
$800,000, because they didn't have a big enough getaway car. Police say the robbers hijacked a security van with 1.3
million dollars inside. Authorities say the bandits also stole a compact car to make their escape. But a local police chief
says they were stupid, because the car was small and money bags are big. Police are searching for the two bandits
and are questioning security guards to find a possible inside man.
STRANGE LAW: In Houston, Texas it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Ever wonder what would happen if you ignored those barricades they set up on the roadways to keep you
from driving past them? One drunken man found out the hard way.
The Sheriff's Department in Kent County, Mich., says that David Postma, 22, drove around barricades and heavy
equipment to drive over a bridge. The problem was, the bridge was still under construction. Postma got half-way
across by driving on the unpaved I- beams making up the bridge's structure before his pickup truck dropped between
two of the open beams, falling 35 feet to the ground below. Postma was critically injured and a passenger was in fair
condition. A sheriff's spokesman noted "alcohol was a factor" in the crash.
PHONER PHUN
How much weight did you gain during your biggest pregnancy? Smallest pregnancy? Prizes go to the one who
gained the least amount of weight, and the one who gained the most during their pregnancies!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who is the only man mentioned in the Bible as being naturally bald?
ANSWER: Elisha (2 Kings 2:23)
QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE
QUESTION: Who was the first U.S. President who’s name contained all the letters from the word “criminal?”
ANSWER: Richard Milhouse Nixon. William Jefferson Clinton is the 2nd.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over
from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. Lightning strikes about 60,000 times per minute on this planet. (False - it's closer to 6,000)
2. Q & Y are the only letters in the alphabet that do not appear in any of the names of the United States. (False - Q
isn't used in any of the states names, but Y is - New York!)
3. A newborn baby breathes five times faster than an adult man. (True.)
4. A red-haired man is more likely to go bald than anyone else. (True.)
5. The oldest business in the United States of America is a company that still makes buggy whips. (False - it's the
cymbal company Zildjian which was founded in Constantinople in 1623.)
6. The Hallux is the medical term for your thumb. (False - it referes to your big toe)
7. The only athletics event in which you have to go backwards to win is Tug-o-war. (True.)
8. Asia is the largest continent on Earth. (True - it counts for 29.5% of all the land on Earth.)
9. Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice in Wonderland, was an Oxford University lecturer in Mathematics. (True.)
10. In the UK it's 999, in the US 911, but to call the emergency services in Australia, you'd dial 666. (False - you'd dial
000.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been
removed!
SUPER ________ CURES ALL WOUNDS! (HONEY)
A super honey has been produced that appears to cure all wounds and infections!
The bio-engineered product Surgihoney was tested on babies, new mothers, cancer patients and the elderly for over a
year in Hampshire hospitals.
Wounds and ulcers, including those infected with the superbug MRSA, healed within days, while the number of women
who suffered infections after giving birth by caesarean section has halved.
It has also healed the wounds of soldiers returning from Afghanistan, and been used to treat acne and to protect the
skin of cancer patients fitted with a catheter for chemotherapy.
Dr Matthew Dryden, consultant microbiologist at the Hampshire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, said: ‘It will
revolutionise wound care around the world.’
Honey has been used for its healing powers for thousands of years, although doctors favour penicillin and antibiotics.
However, Surgihoney, which is stored in 10g sachets, can kill bacteria, parasites and fungal infections while also
encouraging wounds to heal.
Dr Dryden said: ‘I have conducted numerous laboratory tests and compared it with honeys from around the world.
‘I found Surgihoney better for treating every type of bug. So for the past year I have been using it on patients and the
results have been amazing.
‘There are plenty of products that can kill bacteria but they often don’t help heal tissue.
‘Honey is a fantastic natural medicine. The important extra is that it kills the bugs but doesn’t damage the tissue.’
Surgihoney is being developed by Ian Staples, a businessman who once owned the Halfords motor accessories chain.
He bought an organic farm in southern Chile, set up beehives then funded scientific researchers in Ireland to identify
the unique health elements.
The honey has been licensed by the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Authority in the UK but is not yet
commercially available.
Originally reported by Valerie Elliott in The Daily Mail
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE
EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
JOKE #1
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "Means carrying a child."
JOKE #2
A Father asked his young son why he thought he deserved a weekly allowance.
"Well, for one thing," replied the lad, "I keep your wife occupied all day."
JOKE #3
The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark
flecks of seasoning, but two of the spots were suspicious.
"Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these particles in my soup - aren't they foreign objects?" She is scrutinizing his
bowl.
"No, sir!" she reassured him. "Those things live around here."
USELESS FACTS
Authorities in Kasmir India have banned the use of the word "widow" in official records, saying the word adds to the
woman's depression. The say they will use the expression "wife of late" instead. ***MARLAR: Sounds to me like the
authowities bwains are getting widower and widower.
Scientists have discovered that the Earth’s gravity is actually less in northern Canada. ***MARLAR: So, does that
mean I can move there and instantly weigh less?
At any time, about 0.7% of the world is drunk. So, roughly 50 million people are drunk right now. ***MARLAR: Wow, I
guess it really IS always five o’clock somewhere!
FEATURED FUNNIES
An honest seven-year-old girl told her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?"
gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Ever heard of “the baby diet”?
Claire Argo went to the doctor for back pain and left with a baby! The 27-year-old had no idea she was pregnant. In
fact, she was on a diet and had lost some weight. Doctors soon realized that Claire had more than just back pain -she was in labor! A trip to the hospital and four hours later, she gave birth to a healthy 8lb 3oz baby boy.
INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION
HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT - By Murray Lancaster
A little girl came home late for supper. Her mother made the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had
been.
The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie, whose bicycle was broken in a fall.
"But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles," her mother responded.
"I know that," the girl said. "I just stopped to help her cry."
Not many of us know anything about fixing bicycles, either. And when our friends have fallen and broken, not their
bicycles but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. We simply cannot "fix" someone else's life, even though
that's what we would like most to do. But like the little girl, we can stop to help them cry. That is the best we can do.
And that is a lot!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. (John 6.68 NRSV)
There were once twelve men sitting on a jury to try a case. Eleven of these men were active farmers. The twelfth was
a retired farmer. The eleven working farmers were for a verdict of guilty. The retired farmer was for a verdict of not
guilty. It was necessary that the verdict be unanimous. The eleven jurors worked diligently trying to convince their
retired colleague to switch to a guilty verdict. They were concerned about getting in their hay before a storm that had
been forecast for later in the day. The retired juror, however, just sat looking out of the window at the dark rain clouds
as they slowly approached. As precious time dragged on the eleven active farmers showed increasing signs of
nervousness. Finally, at the first clap of thunder, they panicked and all changed their votes to not guilty. Faith is
hanging in there when the day looks dark and the options are limited, because you know that somehow out there is
coming the victory of God. Thus you place yourself in His hands and you say with Simon Peter: "Lord, to whom can we
go? You have the words of eternal life...we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."
LEFTOVERS
Did you know that pastors tend to suffer from depression and anxiety more than the average American? Accord to
The Clergy Health Initiative at Duke Divinity School, the depression rate among pastors was at 8.7 percent while the
national ratio was 5.5 percent. Some of the stress contributors mentioned included dealing with numerous stressful
situations, doubting their call, a sense of guilt over not doing enough, and feeling socially isolated.
LIFE... LIVE IT
10 SIGNS HE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU
The list is for the women, but men can use the information to become better husbands and boyfriends!
o He calls for no reason
o He describes you to his friends
o He is nice to your friends
o He listens intently
o He's punctual on dates
o He doesn’t scoff at your interest
o He doesn’t mention previous relationships
o He loves to talk to you
o He makes actual dates with you
o He puts how he feels into words
JUST FOR FUN
WILL YOU MARRY ME, STILL?
A man and woman decided to get married recently - but the court clerk told them it wasn't necessary because
they were still married!
Two love birds were saved from committing the crime of bigamy after a court clerk searched marriage records and
discovered they were already hitched to each other. Georgina and Dale Beaver got married in 1982. Things didn't work
out, and they filed for divorce in 1992. They missed each other greatly though, so they started dating again in 1997,
but split up once more in 1999. In 2001 the on-again, off-again duo decided to give it one more try. They enjoyed each
other's company so much they decided to tie the knot again. But when they went to the courthouse in Carlise, PA, to
get a marriage license, they learned their lawyers failed to complete the paper work on their nine-year-old divorce and
they had been married all along. ***MARLAR: Whew… do you realize how many gifts that guy now owes his wife for
the missed birthdays and wedding anniversaries?!
FUN LIST
WHAT DOCTORS SAY... WHAT THEY ARE REALLY THINKING
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank goodness I'm off next week!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...
BAD DRIVING IS IN THE FAMILY
You may have gotten your mom's eyes or your dad's temper, but what about their driving skills? A new study has
suggested that bad driving is hereditary. Researchers at the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety in Virginia said that
children of dangerous drivers had more accidents and more speeding fines than those of safe drivers. A childhood
spent in the back seat of a recklessly driven car was likely to instill bad driving habits. If parents had three or more
tickets for traffic offenses, such as speeding or driving through a red light, then their children were 38 per cent more
likely to have broken traffic laws. According to the study, sons of reckless drivers were twice as likely to have broken
traffic laws as daughters. ***MARLAR: The "How's my driving" bumper stickers will now say, "blame my parents".
TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!
(Mondays Only)
TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!
It’s just been discovered that British government education officials are worried about low scores on the
national literacy test for teenagers. So what do you suppose is their answer to this fear? Better teachers?
Longer school hours? Larger budget for classrooms, perhaps? No.
...The government officials are worried about low test scores from their students, so they’ve decided to change the
rules to make good test scores more easily attainable! First, they’ll give out extra points if a student has experienced
pre-exam stress due to selected circumstances… you get an extra 2-percent added to your score if your pet died on
exam day (1 percent if your pet died the day before the tests), you get an extra 3 percent added to your test score if
you witness a distressing event on exam day – though it isn’t all that clear what exactly constitutes a “distressing
event” – and you can even get an additional one percent added to your final standardized test score simply for
claiming you had a headache while taking the exam! But that’s not all… another way British education officials are
planning on bringing up scores on the standardized tests is to no longer taking off points for misspelling!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
A 16 year old has invented a wheel chair stroller so a disabled mom can wheel her baby outside. Sharina Jones was
shot when she was five years old and lost the use of her legs. Thirty years later, when she was expecting her first
child, she began to wonder how she would manage a stroller while in a wheelchair. Enter Alden Kain. The Detroit highschool student enrolled in a special design class and was paired up with Jones. After six months of hard work, his
prototype wheels was declared a success by Jones.
http://www.boredpanda.com/wheelchair-stroller-disabled-mom-alden-kane-sharina-jones/
Over 450 students packed Rice University’s Duncan Hall in Houston, Texas, on September 28 for an open forum
featuring Professor John Lennox on the topic, “Has Science Buried God?” In addition to the standing-room-only crowd
and those who watched from two overflow rooms on campus, over 1,000 concurrent viewers watched the live-stream
on the Ravi Zacharias website from dozens of different locations both inside and outside the US. Now the forum is
available online.
http://bit.ly/1FBWofP
Focus on the Family is offering a sneak peek of the Bring Your Bible to School commercial that will begin airing on
Fox News on October 5th (TODAY)! The effort to remind kids that it's okay to take a Bible to School was started by
Focus last year and they are hoping to see significant growth in the second year of the outreach. It takes place on
October 8. Watch the video at https://youtu.be/Qi9J-gRelSM
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
If you love someone, set them free -- then if they come back to you, you'll know it was truly meant to be. If they don't
come back, though, it's best to keep calling every couple of days, you know, just to see if they were trying to return but
maybe got hit by a bus or something. --Michael Whitmire
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in
Chicago.)
It Can’t Be This Hard
Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just
get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full
page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of
course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a
Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it
promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual
opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in
2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may
smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message,
belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple
phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and
the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome
greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been
empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive
through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC
grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken
fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been
out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks
away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The
young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies
who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have
what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan
favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible
verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a
passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to
that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all
but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for
a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat
you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more
in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…
The Walk---Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974
walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it.
Nerves of steel doesn't begin to say it all. Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated
PG 13. Rating of 3.
OCTOBER 02, 2015…
Freeheld---This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore is
Laurel (a police officer) and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they
discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.
The Martian--The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one
person is left behind, presumably dead. He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth
he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig.
Try this for survival. “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.
Sicario---Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug
group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are
high, especially where tunnels are concerned. It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also
in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
OCTOBER 09, 2015…
Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.
*Pan and this film is finally opening. It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh
Jackman.
Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.
The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.
#####
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you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The
opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,
OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid
you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with
permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via
his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.