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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Earl Nightingale once said, “People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be - whether
they will admit that or not.” That means I’m here because I want to be, and you’re listening because you want to…
boy, that worked out well for both of us, didn’t it?
I was petting my cat before leaving the house this morning, and she hissed and bit me. Apparently she's as much of a
morning person as my wife is.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." -- Hebrews 13:16
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while
and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." --James 4:14
We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. — 1
John 4:16
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel, "First seek the counsel of the LORD." — 1 Kings 22:5
Thought: This verse is from the wonderful story of Micaiah the prophet. Jehoshaphat knew not to trust the counsel of
false prophets. He was adamant that before they went into battle with anyone, God's people needed to first seek the
counsel of the Lord! This should also be our approach to life. So often we ask God to bless what we've already
decided rather than spending time in prayer, fasting, and Scripture seeking our Father's will. Let's not rush our
decisions. God has promised that he would lead us with his Spirit, let's not rush the Spirit's input, or even worse, ignore
it and then ask God to bless us anyway!
Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, ruler of all nations and Sovereign over all creation, please guide my decisions as I
seek your will and your glory. I want my life, my family, my work, and my ministry to be lived in your will. I want to be
your servant and not seek my own way and my own glory. Thank you for sending your Spirit to help illuminate your
Word and lead me and to equip and empower me to serve you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to
phil@heartlight.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Genesis 9:16 NIV = Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant
between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 16, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 100 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
If you’ve ever wondered where the term “okay” originated, now you’ll know. Today is OKAY DAY. On this date in
1840, the O.K. Club was organized as a Democratic political group. The initials O.K. stood for Old Kinderhook, the
New York hometown of President Martin Van Buren. The initials eventually came to mean "okay."
Today is STOP THE WORLD DAY, a day to pause, calm down, and be nice. ***MARLAR: “Stop the World” is only
figurative though. If it really did stop, we’d fly off into space at twice the speed of sound… which would not help us
pause, calm down, or be nice.
Today is NATIONAL COLLECT ROCKS DAY. ***MARLAR: They’ll fly off the Earth with you at the same speed – so
you should be able to collect them fairly easily.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Anne Bradstreet Day
International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer
Mayflower Day
National Guacamole Day
Play-Doh Day
School Backpack Awareness Day ***Huh? Are backpacks corrupting our kids without our knowing it?
Stay Away From Seattle Day
Stepfamily Day
Trail of Tears Commemoration Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
Citizenship Day
Constitution Day
International Country Music Day
RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)
Time’s Up Day
VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
Air Force Birthday
Chiropractic Founders Day
Constitution Day/Pledge Across America
Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day
National Ceiling Fan Day
National Cheeseburger Day
National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day
National Respect Day
World Water Monitoring Day
Clean Up The World Weekend
National POW/MIA Recognition Day
National Trademen Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
Clean Up The World Weekend
AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day
Big Whopper Liar Day
Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids
Fall Astronomy Day
International Eat An Apple Day
International Coastal Clean up Day
National Gymnastics Day
National Seatcheck Saturday 2015
Talk Like a Pirate Day
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
Clean Up The World Weekend
Puppy Mill Awareness Day
Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play
Wife Appreciation Day
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21
International Day of Peace
Respect For The Aged Day
World Alzheimer’s Day
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22
American Business Women’s Day
Car Free Day
Chainmail Day
Dear Diary Day
Elephant Appreciation Day
Hobbit Day
Ice Cream Cone Day
International Day of Radiant Peace
National Centenarian’s Day
National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day
National Voter Registration Day
National White Chocolate Day
National Woman Road Warrior Day
Yom Kippur
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)
Mabon
Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)
National Rehabilitation Day
Restless Legs Awareness Day
ON THIS DAY
1630: The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.
1810: Mexico began its revolt against Spanish rule.
1908: General Motors was founded by William C. Durant.
1919: The American Legion was incorporated by an act of Congress.
1940: The United States first adopted peacetime conscription when President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the
Selective Training and Service Act into law.
1974: President Ford announced conditional amnesty for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders.
1975: Papua New Guinea became independent.
1982: Lebanese Christians massacred hundreds of Palestinian refugees in Beirut.
1987: The Montreal Protocol was signed by 25 nations, limiting production on substances that harm the ozone layer.
To date, 168 nations have joined the protocol.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
681: The Third Council of Constantinople adjourns, having settled the Monothelite controversy in the Eastern Church.
The Council, which proclaimed the orthodox belief of two wills in Christ: divine and human, condemned as heretics, the
Monothelites, who believed Christ had only "one will."
1498: Tomas de Torquemada, the first Spanish Inquisitor General, dies. He burned over 2,000 victims, tortured
thousands more, and in some areas, immolated as many as 40 percent of those accused.
1672: Puritan Anne Bradstreet, America's first noteworthy poet, dies.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
o
o
o
Actress/comedian (“Saturday Night Live”, Shallow Hal) Molly Shannon 51 (audio clip)
magician David Copperfield 59
Actor (Parenthood, “St. Elsewhere”, “7th Heaven”) Ed Begley Jr. 66 (audio clip)
BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1925 : Charlie Byrd
1925 : B.B. King
1943 : Bernard Calvert (The Hollies)
1943 : Joe Butler (The Lovin' Spoonful)
1944 : Betty Kelly (Martha and the Vandellas)
1948 : Kenney Jones (The Small Faces, The Who)
1948 : Ron Blair (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers)
1950 : David Bellamy (The Bellamy Brothers)
1954 : Frank Reed (The Chi-Lites)
1963 : Richard Marx
1968 : Marc Anthony
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
What unit is used for counting molecules?
Molecules are so small that in most cases they can't be counted one by one, but there is a unit of measurement for
counting molecules. Logically enough, it's called a mole. One mole of a substance is the amount that contains
602,214,199,000,000,000,000,000 molecules. This number, written in scientific shorthand as 6.022 X 10^23, is called
Avogadro's number after an Italian scientist named Amedeo Avogadro who did some important work in molecule
counting during the 19th century. One mole of carbon atoms is twelve grams (less than half an ounce). One mole of
air at normal pressure and temperature fills 22.4 liters, a space as big a large balloon.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you
could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at
ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Some good news and some bad news this weekend from Jimmy Needham. He shared a picture with his arm in a
sling and reported: I fell off the stage today. The pain train rolled into town and I climbed on board. However, the good
news is that Jimmy said he was fracture free. http://t.co/aqoWbat2WI
Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald says airports are an introverts nightmare. He tweeted: must find a quiet place!
Third Day members Mac Powell and Mark Lee made the most of their day off Saturday in Hawaii. They toured the
Diamond Head Crater in Honolulu but also got in quite a bit of football. Mac shared that they were watching three
college football games at the same time by using the hotel TV as well as their iPad and iphone.
Aaron Shust says: I've learned from my mistakes. This year Aaron has decided to NOT post a picture of the pig this
year at the Crestmont Pig Roast.
A reality check for Mercyme Guitarist Mike Scheuchzer. He shared a conversation he overheard while sitting next to a
family on a bus back to the hotel - The dad said: MercyMe? Man... I love them, but I wouldn't know any of them except
the lead singer... I could spot him, but I wouldn't know any of the rest of 'em"
Another video from Sanctus Real. This time they gave some advice to new bands, answering the question: What
would we tell ourselves as a young band starting out? Listen to their thoughts here: https://t.co/YIlMjZGKZN
Football is back and it may be a little to much for Casting Crowns' Juan DeVevo to deal with. After a series of
frustrated posts regarding the Jacksonville Jaguars, he wrapped up his posts by saying: Sorry, everyone. Should've
known to do my therapy before posting.
WEIRD & WACKY
Utah twins pregnant again with 2nd set of twins photo
LINDON, Utah (AP) — Kerri Bunker and Kelli Wall know a thing or two about twins. The two women are identical twins
who already each have one set of twins. Now, they are getting ready to each have a second set of twins next spring,
KSL-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1KbrJBy). "To have twins twice...
New York grilled-cheese truck wins top street food award
NEW YORK (AP) — A New York grilled-cheese food truck whose proceeds go to help formerly incarcerated youths
has won the top Vendy award for best street fare. The Street Vendor Project sponsors the annual event. It announced
this year's Vendy Cup winner is Snowday, a truck specializing in...
Cars in Reno, Nevada, damaged by watermelons
RENO, Nev. (AP) — Police say vandals have been lobbing watermelons at cars in a Reno, Nevada, neighborhood.
KOLO-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1Kl0Y21) Sunday night's vandalism happened in Angelique Ybarra's northwest Reno
neighborhood. A watermelon dented the side of her car in July, and she...
New England experts concerned by sighting of invasive turtle photo
BOSTON (AP) — Two odd-looking Chinese soft-shelled marsh turtles raised for food in Asia have been seen south of
Boston, and there's concern they could eventually threaten local ecosystems if they become established in New
England. New England Aquarium experts said Saturday it is possible...
Police: Exotic Australian bird loose in New Hampshire
BOW, N.H. (AP) — Police are warning a New Hampshire town to watch out for an emu on the loose. Bow police say
several people have reported seeing an emu wandering around Saturday morning. They say they don't know where
the bird belongs. Emus are among the largest birds in the world and are...
Police: Shoplifting suspect had raspberry cookies in pants
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — Police in Pennsylvania say a repeat shoplifter has been caught with his pants up — but full of
raspberry cookies. HASH(0x13e1900) Kaylor, who has six previous retail theft arrests and four convictions, was
checking out at Martins Food Store in Altoona when a clerk...
Dog park committee enlists land-clearing specialists: goats
PORTSMOUTH, R.I. (AP) — A new dog park in Rhode Island got some help from a group of land-clearing specialists:
goats. Organizers used a herd of the ravenous ruminants to clear brush from a plot of land in Portsmouth that will
eventually be turned over to man's best friend. HASH(0x141b470)...
Colonoscope helps Thai police recover stolen 6-carat diamond
BANGKOK (AP) — The good news for the Chinese visitor to Bangkok was that a doctor had successfully removed a
foreign object from her large intestine that could have damaged her digestive system. The bad news: It was a 10
million baht ($278,000) diamond the woman was accused of stealing from a...
Concerns over aggressive goats lead to Idaho trail closure
CLARK FORK, Idaho (AP) — The U.S. Forest Service has temporarily closed a northern Idaho hiking trail over
concerns about aggressive mountain goats after one animal bit a hiker and others reportedly tried to head-butt or
charge visitors. HASH(0x1413d50) Visitors to the trail have been...
Oklahoma man reunited with wedding ring he lost 39 years ago
BOLTON, N.Y. (AP) — An Oklahoma man has been reunited with the wedding ring he dropped in a New York lake
nearly 40 years ago. HASH(0x13d2570) Soon afterward, Jim Flynn lost his wedding ring in the lake. A woman from
Seattle who vacations every August on property next door to the Flynns'...
Missing 100-pound tortoise found unharmed on side of NJ road
UNION TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — A 100-pound tortoise is back with its owner after meandering more than a mile away
from its northern New Jersey home. NJ.com reports (http://bit.ly/1iESjwR ) a motorist spotted Sulley on the side of a
road Friday and called the state police. Pattenburg Volunteer...
HEALTH & FITNESS
Panel backs aspirin for heart health in only certain adults
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government task force says a daily low-dose aspirin could help certain people in their 50s
and 60s prevent a first heart attack or stroke — and they might get some protection against colon cancer at the same
time. The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force issued draft...
New Ebola death reported in northern Sierra Leone
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone on Monday announced a new Ebola death in a northern district that
had gone nearly six months without reporting any infections. The announcement marked another setback in ending
Ebola transmission in Sierra Leone, which has totaled nearly 4,000 Ebola...
NFL's safety campaign includes rule changes and PR effort photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Jim Gossett has been paid to watch football games for more than 30 years: for three decades as
an athletic trainer at Columbia University and four seasons as an injury spotter for the NFL. But this season, stationed
high above the field at MetLife Stadium, Gossett is able to...
Big jump in number of immigrants losing health law coverage photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A change in government procedures has led to a big jump in people losing coverage under the
Obama health care law because of immigration and citizenship issues. More than 400,000 had their insurance
canceled, nearly four times as many as last year. The Obama administration...
Heroin epidemic puts pressure on schools to get antidote photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — The heroin epidemic that has been taking the lives of teenagers for years is creeping into
even younger age groups and putting pressure on the nation's schools to keep a fast-acting overdose antidote within
reach of every nurse and teacher. Although overdoses at school...
In Zimbabwe, a cemetery has become an exercise hotspot photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Caroline Vumbunu believes that exercising among the dead helps prolong her life. Every
morning, the 59-year-old takes power walks in the Warren Hills cemetery in Zimbabwe's capital. She's not alone. The
cemetery has become a workout site for dozens of other Zimbabweans...
Fitness programs help campus rabbis shape up photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — As an Orthodox Jew, Rabbi Moshe Gray may not need a cross. But CrossFit? That's another
story. Gray, the director of a Jewish center at Dartmouth College, hits the high-intensity core strength and conditioning
program five days a week. And he's not the only campus rabbi...
California lawmakers approve right-to-die legislation photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California lawmakers gave final approval Friday to a bill that would allow terminally ill
patients to legally end their lives. The measure faces an uncertain future with Gov. Jerry Brown, a former Jesuit
seminarian who has not said whether he will sign it. Senators...
Study suggests getting blood pressure even lower saves lives photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Aiming lower saves more lives when it comes to controlling high blood pressure, says a major
new study that could spur doctors to more aggressively treat patients over 50. Patients who got their blood pressure
well below today's usually recommended level significantly cut...
New federal food safety rules issued after deadly outbreaks photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Food manufacturers must be more vigilant about keeping their operations clean under new
government safety rules released Thursday in the wake of deadly foodborne illness outbreaks linked to ice cream,
caramel apples, cantaloupes and peanuts. The rules, once promoted as an...
Veterans' home eases some restrictions after deadly bacteria photo
QUINCY, Ill. (AP) — The scent of chlorine permeates an Illinois veterans' home where nine elderly residents have died
from a recent outbreak of Legionnaires' disease. Although a ban on showers has been lifted, hand-written signs still
warn against drinking from fountains and stacked cases of...
NEWS KICKERS
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NBC has announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump on "The Celebrity Apprentice.”
*** “You’re Fired” is being replaced with “Hasta la vista, Baby."
Police say a 22-year-old woman accused of shoplifting $300 in merchandise from a Minnesota sporting goods store -then fought with security guards before running away -- arrived at the scene of the crime in a limo. ***She obviously
had to shoplift – because she had spent all of her money on her transportation to the sporting goods store. Has this
woman not heard of Uber?
An 11-year-old boy was arrested after stealing a car and leading deputies on a chase in the Seattle area. Deputies say
the boy stole the car after finding a hidden key. *** As punishment, his parents took away his allowance – so he’s
making extra money now driving for Uber.
Seventeen hours and 35 minutes is how long you can expect to be in the air if you book tickets for the world's longest
nonstop flight, set for takeoff from Dubai and landing in Panama City. Beginning Feb. 1, Emirates Airline will offer the
flight. ***To make the planes lighter for the super-long flight, they had to get rid of us as much weight as possible. So
be sure to go to the bathroom before you board – you’re not going to like the lack of in-flight restrooms.
Humans of the world, no more bears in your snaps, OK? Your insistence is officially ruining the forest for everyone
else. Officials in Colorado have closed Waterton Canyon because they’ve seen people using selfie sticks to try and get
as close to the bears as possible, sometimes within 10 feet. Park managers closed the canyon to humans until bear
activity subsides. *** Although, I’d think if you let idiot humans continue to do this, the bears will eventually take care of
the problem themselves.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Your cell phone may be harming your hearing, says author and researcher Naresh Panda, M.D. She led a study of
100 cell phone users and the results show that four years of heavy cell phone use (about an hour a day) diminished
the users' ability to hear high frequencies, making it hard for them to distinguish between certain sounds. ***MARLAR:
At least, that’s what we think she said. It was kinda hard to hear her over the phone.
According to a new Yale study, some skin cancer survivors still like to tan. ***That's like having survived the movie
Pixels, and yet going back for another Adam Sandler picture.
Researchers say that peeing in the ocean is actually good for marine life. ***However, peeing in the swimming pool is
not good for the Marines.
Radhakant Baijpai has been the Guinness record holder for longest ear hair since 2003. Amazingly, in the time since
his official recognition, the Indian grocer has been able to double the length of his world-beating tresses from five to 10
inches. Baijpai tells us that he uses a special herbal shampoo to help his ear hair to grow. *** We tried to get a phone
interview with him, but he doesn't hear well.
WONDER WOMAN
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Zero Location on Phone”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Rich Praytor, “Midnight Mass”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last
time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear
insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot –
but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.
CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the
Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 19/20, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When
last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were on the lookout for the perfect picnic spot so they could have the
perfect picnic. They’ve already passed some great places, and everyone wanted to stop and have their picnic… but
Gruffy still isn’t satisfied, and is insisting they move on!
CLOSE: Is he kidding?!?! There can’t possibly be a better spot than that – and everyone is hungry and tired! What
more does Gruffy want? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use
of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright
law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Showing videos to fish in fish-farms sounds pretty stupid - but experts say doing so could improve the little
fishies chances of survival in the wild.
A researcher believes they could learn which predators to avoid by watching videos of one of their own being killed.
(Not that this method has helped mankind at all - we have shoot-em-up videos everywhere and still don't avoid the bad
guys) The researcher has suggested a highly trained fish could then be put in with other fish to teach them how to
react to predators. Culum Brown says after putting one of its predators behind a glass screen, the 'Expert' fish would
show the others how to react. The researcher from Edinburgh University believes the survival training will improve the
chances of fish released from Hatcheries. Studies suggest just 5% of the five billion hatchery-reared salmon released
worldwide survive to adulthood. Mr. Brown suggested that a more drastic lesson would be to show the shoal footage of
the predator in action. ***MARLAR: Hey, the fish already are in schools - why not learn something, right?
TOP TEN
TOP TEN COMPLAINTS FROM BIBLICAL WIVES
10. Eve to Adam: You never take me anywhere different to eat!
9. Sarah to Abraham: Maybe if you stopped treating me like your sister, we could start a family! (Gen. 12:19)
8. Elizabeth to John the Baptist: I cook you a nice meal and all you want is locust, locust, locust!
7. Pharaoh's Daughter to Moses: Stop parting the bath water, Moses, and wash behind those ears!
6. David's mom to Jesse, her husband: Do you really think it was a good idea to get David that sling? He's going to put
someone's eye out with that thing!
5. Manoah's wife to her son Samson: Can't you clean the sink after you shampoo? I'm sick of all these long hairs!
4. Elizabeth to Mary: I love talking to you, Mary, really I do, but can you speak a little softer? This kid just won't stop
doing the rhumba in my tummy! (Luke 1:44)
3. Mary to Joseph: I TOLD you to make reservations!
2. Herodias to her daughter: I told Herod that if he didn't do something about this John nut, I would make sure the
problem came to a head!
1. Pilate's wife to Pilate after the resurrection: You never listen to me, do you? How do you feel now Mr. Wash-YourHands-In-Public? (Matt. 27:19)
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A bride's restraining order get her own groom arrested during the wedding ceremony!
FILE #1: In Meadville, Pa., a man was hauled off to jail in the middle of his wedding ceremony when police realized
that a recent restraining order, petitioned for by his bride, was still in effect.
FILE #2: Two Florida men were recently arrested for robbing a jewelry store. When questioned as to why they robbed
the place, the men said they needed the money to pay college tuition. Not just any college either - they were looking to
get the $2,500 needed to pay tuition at Palm Beach Community College POLICE ACADEMY! They then said they
thought it would be "educational" to see how real police handle a robbery – up close and personal!
FILE #3: An unsuspecting mom was assaulted by a kooky criminal who passed up her purse and instead grabbed a
bag full of dirty diapers. The woman was changing her baby's diaper when she felt someone pulling at the bag near
her leg. Cops said the guy was last seen running from the parking lot with the diapers and other baby items.
STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin it is illegal to kiss on a train.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Sure, I’ll let you arrest me... but can I finish my beer first?
Authorities in the Florida Panhandle say they arrested a convenience store shoplifter who demanded to drink the 12ounce beer he had stolen before being taken into custody. The Bay County Sheriff's office says the man told the
deputy he had recently lost his job of 13 years and wanted to drink beer. The man became combative when the deputy
wouldn't let him finish it. George R. Linthicum II was charged Wednesday with shoplifting, battery, possession of
marijuana not more than 20 grams and smuggling contraband into a detention facility.
PHONER PHUN
The Vent-Lines are open! Give us a call and complain about whatever you want to complain about... you get 20
seconds, and then we’re hanging up on you!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What three young men had a father who was 500 years old?
ANSWER: Ham, Shem and Japheth: the sons of Noah (And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem,
Ham, and Japheth. - Genesis 5:32)
QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE
QUESTION: What would you get if you asked for a "pottle" of ice cream at the supermarket?
ANSWER: The term "pottle" is the legal measurement describing an amount equal to two quarts. Legally, there is no
such term as "half-gallon." So if you asked for a pottle of ice cream at the supermarket, you'd probably get a dumb
look from the stock clerk.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over
from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
01. Israel is one fourth the size of the state of Missouri. (True)
02. The slang word "geek" originates from the 1970s. (False = it derives back as far as 1611, referring to the scorn of
others' villainy.)
03. The slang word "cool" derives back as far as 1825. (True)
04. In 1979, President Carter apologized to Austria for pieces of Skylab falling on their country. (False = he had to
apologize to Australia)
05. The human small intestine is approximately 11 feet long. (False = it's closer to 21 feet long!)
06. Only 15% of people past age 18 get converted to Christianity. (True)
07. The typewriter was patented in 1768. (False = it was June 23, 1868 that the typewriter is patented.)
08. The first commercial product to use transistors was the radio. (False = it was a hearing aid in 1952. The radio used
transistors two years later.)
09. One US gallon of pure water is about 8 pounds. (True = 8.345 pounds)
10. One inch of rainfall over one acre of ground would equal 2,178 gallons of water. (False = it's actually closer to
27,143 gallons of water.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been
removed!
ANOTHER _______ WASHES ASHORE (HUMAN FOOT)
VANCOUVER, BC – A human foot has washed up in Vancouver — the eighth such grisly find the last four years.
Vancouver police said that a person reported seeing “the remains of what appears to be a human foot and leg bones
in a running shoe” shortly before 5 pm on Tuesday.
“It was quite disturbing — quite a discovery to make,” Vancouver Police Constable Jana McGuinness told WWN.
A police statement said that the shoe was found floating in the water next to the Plaza of Nations marina in the False
Creek area, which was cordoned off to allow the British Columbia Coroners Service to begin their investigation.
The discovery marks the eighth human foot to wash up in British Columbia since August 2007 and is the 12th to
appear in the coastal region from British Columbia to northwestern Washington in that time.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE
EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
JOKE #1
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone,
and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts,
"Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks
Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Barack Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name
anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says,
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let
me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with
the Pope on the balcony.
But, by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese
tourist next to me asked, 'Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'"
JOKE #2
A caller to the national travel agency was inquiring about quarantine regulations for transporting birds into Canada
from the United States. Lawrence gave him the information. The caller thanked the agent and then said, "May I ask a
question? What do they do about the birds that just fly over the border?"
JOKE #3
Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald's. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for
the first time. His first customer ordered a Milkshake.
"Ted," his manager said, "remember to say 'Welcome to McDonald's' to each customer before they order."
His second customer ordered a Cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, "Remember
to ask each customer if they want fries with their order."
At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. "Give
me all the money you got in that register kid!"
Ted took one look at his manager, thought for a second, and quickly said, "Would you like that for here or to go?"
USELESS FACTS
Scientists discovered the male Y chromosome repairs itself. ***MARLAR: And as a male gene, it was repaired using
duct tape.
In England, a man was told by a hospital he had pancreatic cancer and one year to live. So, he quit his job and spent
as much money as he could on restaurants, hotels and vacations. He's now suing the hospital because of a wrong
diagnosis. Turns out he’s not dying. ***MARLAR: But is now reeeeeally wishing he had.
FEATURED FUNNIES
WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A PILOT
When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying
around these days.
Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments. I guess
they should be able to read a road map, too.
Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared if it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.
Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they
are much closer to them than we are.
The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because
most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.
I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to
work.
. . . from the eyes of a child.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
HOLY EMBARRASSMENT!
It can be tough sometimes to sit still in church. One teenaged boy learned just how tough during a prayer
meeting.
The boy apparently was fidgeting with the back of a pew in front of him --when his finger got stuck in a pencil hole.
Really stuck. He tried everything he could think of to get free. He pulled and tugged. He tried again and again. He
probably even prayed - after all, he was at a prayer meeting. But he was careful not to interrupt the service. He didn't
say a word about his little problem to anyone for 45 minutes. In fact, he waited until the service was completely over
before saying anything. After that, the church-goers tried lubricating the teen's finger with cooking oil from the church
kitchen, but that didn't work. The finger was really stuck. At 8:30 p.m. firefighters were finally called to help. After trying
everything they could think of, firefighters used a small handsaw to cut out a tiny section of the pew. "No harm," said
the pastor. "A little damage to the pew maybe, but no real harm."
INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION
JUST BECAUSE, FOR THE SINGLE LADIES...
o Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine
any less.
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from
being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.
Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a
thing.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
In 2001, See You At The Pole took place just a week after the 9/11 attack.
On the third Wednesday of each September, millions of students meet at their school’s flagpole to pray. They pray for
their school, their families, their friends, and their country. In 2001, just days after the 9/11 terrorist attack on the
United States, See You at the Pole took place with the theme, “Desperate for God.” And after the attacks, many
people were.
But how often are we desperate for God? If He is really the “air we breathe,” (to paraphrase a Michael W. Smith song)
we must live every moment of our lives by Jesus’ words in John 15:5, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Somehow, though, we try to struggle through our lives by ourselves… until a tragedy hits… or we are overwhelmed by
depression… or we experience heartbreak. Now, suddenly, we’re desperate.
God responds to our cries of desperation, but does He want to be the last resort for the children He loves? The One
we turn to only after all other avenues have led to dead-ends?
When David was in the desert, he wrote these words: “O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts
for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” He had a constant need for God. He
worshiped Him to satisfy his heart’s deepest longings. He desperately longed to know God intimately.
Our cry of desperation may finally come from a sense of our inadequacy. It may awaken in a broken heart that realizes
the need for Someone greater, and we will cry out as David did for “more” of God.
LEFTOVERS
NOT A HOT TIME IN CARCERATION
A Prisoner sues the prison because it doesn't serve spicy food!
A Hong Kong court has thrown out an appeal by a Chinese man to cut his prison term short because he can't get spicy
food behind bars. Law Kwok-hing told the court on Tuesday he had a hard time adjusting to life in prison because
dishes from his native Hunan province were not available. "I am a native of Hunan and I like spicy food, but there is no
spicy food here." ***MARLAR: Is it not ironic that a man named Law wouldn't be able to understand the concept of
punishment?
LIFE... LIVE IT
COUPON CLIPPERS
As Americans continue to be concerned about the general cost of living in today’s unpredictable economy, they look
for ways to save and get the most “bang for their buck.” September is National Coupon Month and a reminder that
clipping coupons is an easy and fun way to save. According to recent research from the Promotion Marketing
Association’s Coupon Council, many consumers are already taking advantage of the savings opportunities.
o 89% of the overall population use coupons when shopping.
o Coupon users save an average of 7% on their grocery bill.
o Consumers who spend 20 minutes per week clipping and organizing their coupons can save up to $1,000 per
year.
o The typical family saves between $5.20 and $9.60 per week using coupons.
o Approximately $2.6 billion is saved annually by consumers using manufacturer’s coupons.
o More than $350 billion in coupons are offered annually.
JUST FOR FUN
TIP OR ELSE!
Not leaving a tip when you leave a restaurant is often considered rude. In New York, it’s considered criminal!
A man from the New York City area was arrested after his party of nine failed to leave an 18 percent tip, the
restaurant's mandatory gratuity for parties of six or more people, which had been added to his bill. Humberto Taveras
was arrested for not producing the $13.73 tip to the $77.43 bill at Soprano’s Italian and American Grill. He faces a
misdemeanor charge of theft of services and, if convicted, could serve up to a year in jail. Joe Soprano, who owns the
restaurant, said that he did not intend to have Taveras arrested when they filed the complaint. ***MARLAR: It takes a
lot of guts to mess with a restaurant named “Sopranos”.
FUN LIST
TOP FIVE WAYS TO TELL YOU MIGHT BE A JERK
 10 mph in the left lane seems like a good idea to you.
 You think kicking a man when he's down is the best time to kick him.
 You think lane changing is a competitive sport.
 You help little old ladies across the street, against the light.
 You actually enjoy talking to car salesmen.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...
BARBIE MISSING!
The search is on for Barbie. She's missing and police in Texas are searching for her... yes, I'm talking about
the doll!
Police in Texas are searching for a collection of 40 Barbie dolls. They fell off the back of a pick-up truck owned by
collector Alyson Burkett as she was moving from on apartment to another in San Antonio. The collection is worth about
$1,000 - including new and vintage dolls, all in their original packaging and in mint condition. ***MARLAR: Except for
the tire tracks across their torsos.
TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!
(Mondays Only)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Churches fitted with ornate stained glass windows may not be a thing of the archaic past just yet. According to the
Christian Post, the stained glass industry has been experiencing a decline in business in recent years, but research
among younger Americans indicates that stained glass could experience a comeback. An architect with the Aspen
Group, a company that specializes in building churches, says stained glass is seen more favorably by younger
generations." He cited recent research conducted by the Barna Group, which found that Millennials preferred more
traditional looking sanctuaries instead of so-called trendy buildings. http://bit.ly/1w0AIyq
Alex Collins desperately wanted to go hunting. So when he saw a Facebook invitation from the Chester County Sheriff,
he wrote a letter. In the letter Alex explained “It’s just me and my Mom and she’s too sick to do stuff. I hope you pick
me to go.” But according to the Good News Network, there was one problem: The sheriff offering the outing lived in
Chester County, South Carolina — not Chester County, Pennsylvania. But all was not lost. Sheriff Alex Underwood
stepped in, spending $220, much of it his own money, to outfit Alex before taking him on a hunting trip.
http://ow.ly/SesfB
The web site Mashable.com is doing something different. They are looking for the very first Real Miss America. The
online magazine wants to honor diverse role models and they are asking for your nominations in response to the
question: What woman in your life is making a difference in your community? http://on.mash.to/1K31VdK
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Hey, have a great day -- and be sure to watch out for all those normal people on the streets. --HaLife
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in
Chicago.)
Working at Misery
While I am not a big fan of catch phrases, I will now use one. I had an “aha moment” of my true career interest in 1991.
After three years in Dallas, Texas, working at two radio stations, my life had come to a point of satisfaction in a
“ministry driven” job. And then it became “life interrupted.”
A few years earlier, I had been doing marketing work in Sacramento, California. One of my projects was writing
brochure copy for a new trade show concept. The event became successful, and the company was developing similar
ones in New York and Texas.
The owner of the trade show company called to tell me of this success. Then he invited my wife and I to join him for a
nice weekend in Austin, Texas, at the Four Seasons Hotel. We gladly accepted.
My friend Gary knew of my background and interest in business and marketing. Over dinner, he asked what it would
take for me to move from Dallas back to Sacramento to “head up operations” for his trade show business. Boom. Quite
the unexpected.
In short, I gave him my parameters. He later called and offered me the job. We accepted. I left my ministry related
work to go back to making money. And hopefully, lots of it for all parties concerned.
About a year later, I was at work and glanced at my watch. I gave a personal sigh and thought, “Good. About an hour
and I can head home.” And that’s when it hit me. Working in radio, I rarely felt like I was looking forward to ending my
day! Sure you get tired. But it was work I enjoyed and with which I connected. Especially…being on air.
Two months later, I was contacted about an on air job in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In an awkward but important
decision, I shared with my employer how I felt “called” back into radio. While painful to him, he released me from my
obligation and sent me on my way.
The bottom line to my story is that since then, I have avoided any significant management role. My satisfaction has
been met not by moving up any corporate ladder, but by seeking excellence in the work I enjoy most: being on air.
Fortunately, that opportunity is still available to me.
This came to mind recently in reading an article by Arthur Brooks. And it serves as a good follow up to my blog of last
week on Labor Day. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and an opinion writer for our
company, Salem Media Group.
Brooks’ piece, “Rising to Your Level of Misery at Work,” was recently published in the New York Times.
He reasons that in this age, people are not necessarily rising to their level of incompetence (The Peter Principle) but
more commonly to a level of misery. They have accepted promotions that drive them from what they love doing to
what they come to disdain. It’s about increasing pay, prestige, and responsibility.
Asks Brooks, “Why don’t people stop rising when they are happy? Because we are built to think that more is better —
more power, authority, money, and responsibility. So we incorrectly infer that promotions will equal greater satisfaction.
In an economy that has left so many people behind in recent years, this might seem like a nice problem to have. But it
is a problem nonetheless, as recent research clearly demonstrates.”
Some of that research shows that while poverty creates one kind of stress, wealth creates another. A performance
stress, if you will. These workers live under undesirable pressure.
Apparently, alcohol use increases with pay! Of those making over $75,000 per year, 81 per cent consume alcohol —
much higher than those making less. It’s probably also why yoga or meditation has become more popular. You know,
for stress — medicate or meditate … or both.
The reason I found Brooks’ piece to be a good follow up to my blog of last week is based on a single word: service. A
2014 article in the Journal of Positive Psychology revealed lawyers in public service roles were happier and more
satisfied in their work than those driven by high incomes.
And the clincher? As Brooks notes, “Through this added layer of intentionality, almost any work can be understood as
a genuine service job. The type of work is actually less important than the attitude of the worker.”
Jesus taught it this way: “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.” (Mark 10:43 MSG)
What a concept!
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more
in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…
Time Out Of Mind (opening in select cities)---Richard Gere has dropped out of the social structure to the point of
being homeless. He goes through New York City, just wandering, and trying to connect with himself and reconcile with
his daughter, too. "Time Out Of Mind" is rated R. No rating.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…
Sleeping With Other People---This film is a romantic comedy about two people with a definite problem. They cheat
romantically on people. Jason Sudeikis is one person and Alison Brie is the other person. They discover each
other and try to help each other get out of this pattern, only to find they really like being together. The cast includes
Natasha Lyonne and Amanda Peet. “Sleeping With Other People” is rated R. No rating.
The Perfect Guy---You look for the perfect guy and after dating a few, here he comes. At last. Sanaa Lathan falls for
Michael Ealy, but just who is he, anyway? Also in the cast is Morris Chestnut. "The Perfect Guy" Is rated R. No rating.
The Visit---What a premise for a horror film. It is about two children (Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge) who visit their
grandparents for five days. Strange things happen and this is how-much-grossness-can-the-audience-take. Who
directs the film? M. Night Shyamalan. “The Visit” is rated R. No rating.
SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…
Black Mass has Johnny Depp transforming himself into yet another memorable character. This time it is based on the
real life of the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger.
Everest takes the audience on a scary trip up Everest in 1996 when a climbing group met adverse weather
conditions. Stars Jake Gyllenhaal.
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials is next in the line of books to be put on the screen. Stars Dylan O’Brien an Patricia
Clarkson.
Sicario is about an FBI agent (Emily Blunt) who fights crime along the Mexico-U.S. border.
Cooties stars Elijah Wood as a teacher in a school where kids are turning into zombies.
#####
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opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,
OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid
you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with
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his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.