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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Yesterday I had a strange experience. My deodorant ran out, so I used my wife's. It worked fine, but there was a weird
side effect. When I drove downtown--I discovered I had completely lost the ability to parallel park.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." – Proverbs 22:6
Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. — Psalm 33:12
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Some of the Jews were persuaded and joined Paul and Silas, as did a large number of God-fearing Greeks and not a
few prominent women. — Acts 17:4
Thought: Women have always played an important role in the work of God. This was especially true in Macedonia
(Philippi, Thessalonica, and Berea) in the first century. In each of these places, many of the leading women of the
community were touched by the Gospel. We know they played important roles in supporting the missionary enterprise
(Lydia) and sharing the Gospel with those around them (Euodia and Syntyche). Why not take time today to let a godly
woman in your congregation know how important she is to the Lord's work and to you.
Prayer: Almighty God, thank you for godly women of faith. Bless them and their service and make it powerful and
effective to your glory. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to
phil@heartlight.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Corinthians 8:3 NIV = But the man who loves God is known by God.
TODAY IS MONDAY – AUGUST 03, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 145 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is HAMMOCK APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: I’ve always wanted one of these, but there’s no room in the
on-air studio.
Today is NATIONAL WATERMELON DAY. The U.S. Department of Agriculture says cold watermelon is much less
nutritious than room temperature watermelon. ***MARLAR: The report came from the office of the Undersecretary of
Killing All Summertime Joy.
Today is WATCH "SESAME STREET" WITH A CHILD DAY. ***MARLAR: This holiday brought to you by the number
one, the letter “K”, and the color green.
Today is LOST VOYAGE DAY. On this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage
that took him to the present-day Americas. ***MARLAR: Of course, he was truly looking for INDIA. Christopher
Columbus became a national hero because he got lost. That’s right, ladies… even back in 1492, men never stopped
to ask for directions.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Assistance Dog Day
Friendship Day
National Psychic Day
Watermelon Day
COMING UP NEXT
TUESDAY, AUGUST 04
Coast Guard Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day
National Night Out
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 05
National Oyster Day
National Underwear Day
THURSDAY, AUGUST 06
Hiroshima Day
National Fresh Breath Day
National Root Beer Float Day
FRIDAY, AUGUST 07
Braham Pie Day (Homemade Pie Day)
International Beer Day
Kool-Aid Day
Lighthouse Day
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day
Tomboy Tools Day
Twins Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 08
Dalek Day
International Hangover Day
International Cat Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Middle Child Day
Odie Day
National Bowling Day
National Garage Sale Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors’ Porch Night
SUNDAY, AUGUST 09
International Day of The World’s Indigeneous People
Veep Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 10
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
Smithsonian Day
S’mores Day
ON THIS DAY
1492: Christopher Columbus set sail half an hour before sunrise from Palos, Spain. With three ships, Nina, Pinta, and
Santa Maria and a crew of 90, he sailed for Cathay, but found instead a New World of the Americas, first landing
October 12 at Guanahani on San Salvador Island in the Bahamas.
1953: South Africa refused to allow Mexican tennis star Pancho Segura play in their country, objecting to his "South
American Indian blood."
1966: Comedian Lenny Bruce died of a morphine overdose.
1977: After building and testing 25 units, Radio Shack issued a press release introducing its TRS-80 computer. Within
weeks, the company had thousands of orders.
1984: Mary Lou Rettom edged past Ecatarina Szabo 79.175 to 79.125 by scoring a perfect 10 on the vault in her final
routine in the all-around competition to win America's first women's Olympic gymnastic gold .medal. Szabo dominated
the remaining gymnastic events to take three individual gold medals home to Romania.
1986: Despite pouring rain, some 82,000 Brits watched the Chicago Bears whip the Dallas Cowboys 17 to 6 in the
first All America Bowl in England. The fans seemed especially to enjoy 340-pound William "The Refrigerator" Perry,
and an unknown streaker who dashed across the field wearing only socks.
1989: Methusaleh the rattlesnake died at Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. Methusaleh was captured fully grown in
1960, so he was at least 30 or 31 years old, which may have made him the oldest rattlesnake in history. So they
stuffed him.
1989: ABC-TV debuted Prime Time Live, a news show anchored by Diane Sawyer and Sam Donaldson.
1991: Hazel Stout of Portland, Oregon, set a world skydiving record. Hazel was 88 years old.
1992: Millions of South African blacks joined a nationwide strike against white-led rule.
1997: The world’s oldest person, 122-year-old Jeanne Calment, died in Marseille, France. ***MARLAR: So they
stuffed her. Oh, wait… wrong story – that was the rattlesnake story from 1989.
1998: Vietnam’s Finance Ministry set fee caps for officials on the public speaking circuit. Commune-level officials could
charge only $2.30 a speech, though higher-ranking officials could demand a whopping $7.60.
1999: Salesman Simon Thompson got a shock when his car broke down in west London and Prince William and
Prince Harry stopped to help him push it down the street and out of the way. He said the 17- and 14-year-old Royals
acted as though it was no big deal.
2000: George W. Bush accepted the Republican presidential nomination at the party's convention in Philadelphia,
presenting himself as an outsider who would return "civility and respect" to Washington politics.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
(None today)
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS






actress (Virginia Bryce on “Angel”, Vanessa Dunphy on “Over There”) Brigid Conley Walsh 43 (audio clip)
Actor (Platoon, Wall Street, Dr. Perry Cox on “Scrubs”) John C. McGinley, 56 (audio clip)
Actor (Dennis on the classic “Dennis the Menace” TV show) Jay North, 64 (audio clip)
actress (Mrs. Freeman on “Will & Grace”, Bernetta Campbell on “Moesha”, Harriette Winslow on “Family
Matters”) JoMarie Payton 65 (audio clip)
Author/columnist/TV host/white-collar felon Martha Stewart 74
Actor (“The West Wing”, Apocalypse Now, Spawn) Martin Sheen, 75 -- Martin has played the Presidents four
times: Jed Bartlett on TV's “The West Wing”; in the TV movie Medusa's Child; as John F. Kennedy in the miniseries “Kennedy”; and as the "future" president (in a premonition) Greg Stilson in the original The Dead Zone
movie. (audio clip)
BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1902 : Ray Bloch
1917 : Charlie Shavers
1918 : Les Elgart
1921 : Richard Adler
1926 : Tony Bennett
1929 : Arthur Wood (The Climax Blues Band)
1935 : Gordon Stoker (The Jordanaires)
1936 : Kenny Hodges (Spanky and Our Gang)
1941 : Beverly Lee (The Shirelles)
1946 : John York (The Byrds)
1949 : B.B. Dickerson (War)
1951 : John Graham (Eart, Wind & Fire)
1953 : Ian Brainson (Pilot)
1961 : Randy Scruggs (The Stray Cats)
1963 : Ed Roland (Collective Soul)
1963 : James Hetfield (Metallica)
1966 : Dean Sams (Lonestar)
1985 : Holly Artnstein (The-Dream)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Is it true that bumblebees' bodies shouldn't be able to fly?
If bumblebees tried to fly by flapping their smallish wings or kept them stationary, using them to gain lift from air
currents, as do airplanes, we would probably call them stumblebees. The wings are too small in proportion to their
body to bring that off. In fact their anatomy seems so improbably built for flight that the buzz among some people is
that we simply don't know how bees do it. But we do. Bees gain lift by vibrating their wings up and down about 200
times a second (rather than simply flapping them like birds do). That vibration also makes the characteristic bee sound.
Musical notes are created on string instruments in the same way… by vibration. Although, I'm sure none of these bugs
is capable of playing "The Flight of the Bumblebee."
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you
could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at
ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
The Newsboys are in South Africa for a series of concerts on the other side of the globe. But it's not all work for the
members of the band. Several members were tweeting pictures of the sun setting over the southern tip of the continent
while drummer Duncan Phillips was at a BMW store checking out what he described as his favorite bike ever.
Switchfoot reported a good news/bad news situation last week. The members of the band were able to make it to
their flight on time in spite of a bus breakdown; that's the good news. The bad news, however, was that none of their
gear was able to make the flight. However, front man Jon Foreman refused to let the bad news control his happiness.
He tweeted: The day started with no gear for tonight-no guitars, drums, keys, nothing... Making rock from scratch! I
love a challenge. A couple songs, a couple friends, a couple stories - we're livin'!
A Tobymac fan named Carlos pointed out an interesting fact this week. He tweeted: There are more dogs named after
Tobymac than any other CCM artist. Carlos added: I know of at least 5. Tobymac replied: Hahahaha! An honor?
Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo says his visits to their local Cross Fit location bring on a variety of thoughts. Jaun
tweeted: Not a day goes by when I visit this place that I don't think "WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?!??" But
then, a little later on in the day I think "WHY WONT MY LEGS MOVE?"
Josh Wilson faced a shipping nightmare last week. Fedex delivered 3,000 of his new CDs to his home as Josh
prepares for the CD release show. But when the truck showed up Josh found that it was too big to turn around in his
culdesac. However, the story had a happy ending. Josh simply followed the truck to a local CVS store and unloaded all
the CDs in their parking lot. Josh's new album, "That Was Then, This is Now," releases in August.
A reminder from Matt Hammitt: That moment it hits me, I've read from Facebook, Twitter and the news today. Sadly,
I'll read last, what I should've read first. Gods Word.
Tenth Avenue North's Mike Donehey says his day Thursday got off to a great start. Mike says a girl on his flight told
him that the Tenth Avenue North song By Your Side helped her understand the Gospel for the first time.
The Newsboys were recently able to fulfill one young man's wish. They were able to hang out with the young man
through a get together set up by the Make a Wish foundation. However, the name of the young man wasn't quite as
clear. On their official twitter page the band tweeted: such a blessing to hang out with our new pal Weston! At the
same time drummer Duncan Phillips posted on his own twitter site: So awesome to meet Newsboys new bestie
Preston.
Aaron Shust had a unique group of friends during his morning quite time last week. He was out on their front porch
and tweeted that he was surrounded by birds, bees, chipmunks and a rabbit. Aaron said: kinda cool, kinda freaky.
WEIRD & WACKY
Cops: Man buys car after taking $150,000 left by ATM workers
MAHWAH, N.J. (AP) — One of two men suspected of making off with a bag containing $150,000 in cash that was
mistakenly left behind by ATM workers bought an SUV with the money hours later, police said. Alton Harvey, 42, of
Hillside, was arrested Wednesday after police traced a white van that...
Cops: Man impersonated brother to avoid $7K in unpaid tolls
FORT LEE, N.J. (AP) — Authorities say a New Jersey motorist assumed his brother's identity to avoid $7,500 in
unpaid tolls after he was stopped for not paying another toll on the George Washington Bridge. A spokesman for Port
Authority of New York and New Jersey police says officers arrested...
Chicken, beer a bad recipe for home burglar who fell asleep
LAKE WORTH, Fla. (AP) — Chicken and beer make for a bad burglary. A Florida family tells police they came home to
chicken bones and empty beer bottles scattered about their kitchen floor and a would-be robber passed out on their
couch. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office reports that...
Michigan taxidermist recreates football rivalry photo
LANSING, Mich. (AP) — A Lansing-based taxidermist used the longtime rivalry between Michigan State University and
the University of Michigan as inspiration for his latest creation. Nick Saade, a full-time taxidermist for 18 years, recently
made a football display with 22 stuffed chipmunks...
Texas businessman finds cellphone that fell from plane photo
WICHITA FALLS, Texas (AP) — A Texas businessman used an app to find his iPhone in a rural pasture after it fell
about 9,300 feet during a flight from Houston. HASH(0x13e0130) Wilson says he and a pilot were traveling home
Monday in a Beechcraft Bonanza when a pressure change caused the...
Aggressive cobra found at Houston high-rise apartments
HOUSTON (AP) — An aggressive 2-foot-long cobra captured at a luxury high-rise apartment complex in downtown
Houston has been euthanized. Houston police were summoned to The Rice Apartments after residents spotted an
albino monocled cobra on the third floor over the weekend. Police used a...
Wandering turkey causes stir at University of Michigan photo
ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) — A wandering turkey is causing a stir at the University of Michigan. HASH(0x1402790) The
school's deputy police chief Melissa Overton says: "He hasn't hurt anybody, but he's a very aggressive bird," as well as
a traffic hazard. Police say they started getting calls...
New Hampshire baby receives lifetime hunting-fishing license
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — A 6-month-old New Hampshire boy has become the first child to get a newborn hunting and
fishing license in the state. Daylen Brickley's grandfather read about the state program in a hunting and fishing
magazine. The family from Milford bought the license July 23, the...
Soup kitchen offers free meal for return of Jesus statue
PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — "Have you found Jesus?" That's what employees at a Rhode Island soup kitchen are
asking after a religious statue disappeared from the kitchen's garden. Pawtucket Soup Kitchen Director Adrienne
Marchetti says on Wednesday that she last saw the statue, which depicts...
US court says drug-sniffing dog fails the smell test photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Lex the police dog from central Illinois is far from top dog in drug-sniffing skills. That's the core
finding of a potentially influential new ruling from the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which considered the question
of how much police should rely on their K-9 partners...
Diner en Blanc: New York leads world's biggest popup picnic photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five thousand people dressed in white got together for the world's largest popup picnic at a
location revealed only at the last moment. Guests for Tuesday's Diner en Blanc, French for Dinner in White, showed
up at one of 24 designated spots where the secret venue was...
HEALTH & FITNESS
UN Ebola mission winds down, WHO takes reins in West Africa photo
LONDON (AP) — The United Nations Mission for Ebola Emergency Response is officially winding down Friday,
handing its leadership role and senior staff to the Geneva-based World Health Organization as efforts to contain the
deadly virus continue. The temporary body, also called UNMEER, was...
Once a sideshow, former preemies praise doctor years later photo
LONG BEACH, N.Y. (AP) — At age 95, Lucille Horn often reflects on her long, full life, with a husband and five
children, and how it might not have happened if not for the renegade doctor who put her in a Coney Island sideshow
when she was just days old. Horn is among thousands of former...
Experimental Ebola vaccine could stop virus in West Africa photo
LONDON (AP) — An experimental vaccine tested on thousands of people in Guinea exposed to Ebola seems to work
and might help shut down the ongoing epidemic in West Africa, according to interim results from a study published
Friday. There is currently no licensed treatment or vaccine for Ebola,...
Health law's nonprofit insurance co-ops awash in red ink photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Fed up with the insurance industry, Democrats used the health care overhaul to create
nonprofit co-ops that would compete with the corporations. Now a government audit finds co-ops are awash in red ink.
Only one out of 23 — the co-op in Maine — made money last...
Lawsuit accuses CVS of overcharging for generic drugs
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — CVS Health Corp. deliberately overcharged some pharmacy customers for generic drugs
by submitting claims to their insurance companies at inflated prices, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday in federal
court in San Francisco. The suit says those inflated prices led to...
Feds release updated strategy against AIDS in America
NEW YORK (AP) — U.S. health officials have updated their strategic plan for fighting AIDS, setting new goals for
reducing infections and deaths. The new document "seizes on the rapid shifts in science as we've learned more about
this disease," said President Barack Obama, in a statement. The...
Fluoride debate hits Colorado's largest water utility
DENVER (AP) — Colorado's largest supplier of public drinking water is in the midst of a debate over how much
fluoride — if any — to put into its delivery system after the federal government announced new standards in April. The
discussion at Denver Water, which serves about one...
Only small increase in US girls getting cervical cancer shot
NEW YORK (AP) — More U.S. girls are getting a controversial vaccine, but the increase last year was only slight. A
national survey released Thursday found 60 percent of adolescent girls received at least one of three doses of the
vaccine against human papillomavirus, or HPV. It was 57 percent...
Free checkups helping Special Olympics athletes stay healthy photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — They arrived in Los Angeles by the thousands to run, jump and swim and to play such team
sports as soccer and softball. This week, however, Special Olympics athletes from around the world also are taking
part in what could be called the Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat events....
Planned Parenthood seeks fed study of fetal tissue research photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Under fire for its role in providing fetal tissue for research, Planned Parenthood asked the
government's top health scientists Wednesday to convene a panel of independent experts to study the issues
surrounding the little-known branch of medicine. Planned Parenthood's...
Brilinta? Brintellix? FDA warns of drug name mix-ups
NEW YORK (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration said Thursday that some doctors and pharmacies are getting
confused by the similar names of an antidepressant and a blood-thinning medicine. The FDA says it's not aware of any
patients who took the wrong drug, but the agency says it has...
NEWS KICKERS
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Prosecutors say a Philadelphia man robbed a New Jersey bank four months after he was released from prison for
robbing the same place five years earlier. They claim that 54-year-old Keith Ney entered the Cape Bank in Atlantic City
on April 23 and gave a teller a note that said he had a gun. Ney had been released from prison last December and
was still on supervised release. ***Well, you know what they say – find something you love to do and find a way to
make money at it…
A Peoria, Arizona, couple discovered two worms inside the salmon they purchased from a grocery store. *** Worms?
Well how the heck do you think those salmon were CAUGHT in the first place?!?
A driving instructor in China lost his job after he was caught driving home drunk after a banquet thrown by his students.
*** Sounds like he’s just a non-traditional educator and is using reverse psychology as a lesson.
7-Eleven says they will be testing a delivery service. The company announced the news Wednesday, saying the new
service is a partnership with Postmates, which also teamed up with Chipotle recently to offer delivery in some cities.
***This comes after announcements from Dunkin Donuts, KFC, McDonald’s, and others about home delivery testing. I
may never have to leave the house ever again. Now send me my cola-flavored Super Slurpee!
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Roughly two-thirds of women complain of forgetfulness or "brain fog" during menopause. Now two new studies add to
the growing body of research suggesting that cognitive decline and memory problems associated with menopause are
real and may be linked to fluctuating levels of hormones in the brain. ***MARLAR: So, what about us men? Can we
have an excuse too? Please? I could really use one.
Women and young people are the most active users of social media today, and women in their 30s make up more
than half of heavy contributors — that is, they engage in six or more social media activities. That’s according to a
report by Netpop Research, a San Francisco-based research firm studying Internet trends. ***MARLAR: So
apparently women and teenagers talk more – no matter what method they use.
Scientists have created a pill to treat phobias. ***MARLAR: It’s effective for everything except the fear of taking pills.
Consumer blog Consumerist had a post on Redbox users who think handicap parking spaces are designed for them.
The temptation is there -- you're just going to pull up for a minute or two to pick up or return a movie from the Redbox
kiosk and the handicap parking spots are right there. It would be so much easier to pull into that spot than find one
elsewhere and trek back. But, as Consumerist points out, it's illegal and rude and you just shouldn't do it. ***MARLAR:
Unless you're renting a movie starring Adam Sandler – at which point you can make a solid argument for being
mentally handicapped and legitimately use that parking space.
WONDER WOMAN
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Mouse-flavored Cat Food”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Michelle Krajecki, “Unmedicated Silent Birth”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When
last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey had encouraged all of the jungle animals to keep dropping coconuts on their
heads. He called it “clunking”. And while all of the animals were doing it, Sully would not – but now Sully is angry,
because he found his nephew clunking – because he saw Millard do it!
CLOSE: Banning clunking? Is that really the answer? Is clunking truly as bad as Sully is making it out to be? Tune in
again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 08/09, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last
time, Marvy Snuffelson finally broke down and told the truth about why the island had no food and why trash was piling
up everywhere. It wasn’t because others weren’t doing their jobs, but because Marvy had nailed down the calendar
clock to always be Saturday…
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another
inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use
of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright
law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Traditions in the theatre aren’t always a good thing.
School administrators at Glenbard West High in Glen Ellyn, Illinois cancelled the upcoming student play because
students chose to hold one rehearsal in their underwear as a way to counteract stage fright. The girls wore togas and
the boys wore boxer shorts, claiming the practice was an old theater tradition. One of the students rehearsing for the
play commented, "None of us are mad at getting suspended, detentions, anything else. We just feel it was very wrong
to cancel our show.” ***MARLAR: And no… the play was NOT entitled, “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” I sure wish it
had though.
TOP TEN
TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ON VACATION:
10. Yes, Honey, I'm sure I gave you my wallet yesterday!
9. What's wrong, Mister? The water in these here parts is always that color!
8. Cool dad! How did you make all those lights flash on the dashboard?
7. Don't worry! I hear that the conditions in Mexican prisons have really improved in the last few years!
6. At least we still have each other! Honey?! Honey?!
5. Maps? I don't need no stinkin' maps!
4. No, officer, we're not laughing at you!
3. Was the snake brown with yellow stripes, or yellow with brown stripes?
2. You say the hornets' nest just happened to fall out of the tree when you were walking under it? What are the
chances?!
1. Gee, I would have never thought you were a Christian!
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man has been dubbed the dumbest criminal in Scotland.
FILE #1: David McGregor was sentenced to 28 months after admitting a list of offenses which included assault, fraud,
and attempted theft. Among his less successful exploits was failing to conceal an offensive weapon when, following a
confrontation at a pub, an axe fell from where it was hidden up his sleeve. On another occasion he successfully
passed a fake $17 note at a store, but was caught after he was heard bragging about it as he left, where he was a
regular customer and staff knew his name. He once tried to use a stolen bank card to buy cigarettes and get $87 cash
back. The staff was suspicious because the card was in a woman's name.
FILE #2: An unshaven man wearing a black evening gown, fishnet stockings, calf-high boots and a black wig robbed a
gas station in Monterey, California. The armed man stuffed $290 in cash into an ensemble-matching black purse.
About 35 minutes after the robbery, a police officer spotted a black car with fishnet pantyhose hanging from the front
driver's side door, dragging on the ground. The car was pulled over and he was arrested and booked for investigation
of armed robbery.
FILE #3: Returning a pair of pants to the store because they're too small is a fairly common occurrence... unless you're
returning stolen pants. An unidentified woman stole a pair of pants last week in Ohio only to get home and find they
were a couple of sizes too small. So she called the store to see if she could come back in and exchange them for a
larger size. It was a rather small store and the manager couldn't remember selling those pants so he reviewed the
store's security cameras and sure enough he spotted the lady stealing the pants. He called her back and told her to
come on down. He also called the cops who came on down and arrested her.
STRANGE LAW: Believe it or not, in the state of Oregon it is actually a law that dishes must "drip dry."
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
If reporting illegal drugs to the cops – make sure you don’t have any illegal drugs yourself.
A trucker stopped his 18-wheeler in Louisiana recently and dutifully called police to say he thought someone might
have planted illegal drugs on his rig. Stephen Boyter asked the local Sheriff's Office for a search of his tractor-trailer.
Not leaving well enough alone, before deputies began the search, Boyter added that the methamphetamine in the cab
was his, though any other drugs they might find weren't. Boyter said he used it to stay awake on long hauls and had
been up for about 48 hours when he began thinking someone was following him, and called authorities. (Isn’t paranoia
one of the side effects of using meth?). He's now sleeping in the local jail.
PHONER PHUN
KEEPING COOL
So what do you put into your refrigerator during the summer months to keep cool other than food? The folks at Mars
Candy wanted to know and got some unusual answers. The results of their survey include:
 Lipstick: to keep it from melting.
 Perfume: to keep it from going bad.
 Facial sprays: Keep them cool to keep you cool.
 T-shirts.
 Flip-flop sandals
 Underwear (8% of people actually said this).
What's the weirdest thing in your fridge? Let us know!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Name two men in the Bible who did not die.
ANSWER: Enoch (Genesis 5:24) and Elijah (II Kings 2:11)
QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE
QUESTION: Woodpecker scalps, porpoise teeth and giraffe tails have all been used as... what?
ANSWER: They’ve all been used as money.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over
from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The average person will consume twelve thousand gallons of water in a lifetime. (True)
2. The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a Model T. (False - it's a 1925 Huptmobile)
3. Money is made of cloth, not paper. (True - it's made of woven linen)
4. One billion seconds is about 3 years. (False - it's about 32 years)
5. The belly button of a typical blue whale is eight feet across. (False - it's eight inches across)
6. In Singapore, there are an average of 26 restaurants per square mile. (True)
7. The typical chicken hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year. (True)
8. Worldwide consumption of beef exceeds that of any other meat. (False - pork is at the top)
9. Lettuce is a member of the rose family. (False - sunflower family)
10. Alaska could hold the 21 smallest states. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been
removed!
SCIENTISTS CLONE __________ (DINOSAUR)
GAINESVILLE, FL – Scientists at the University of Florida have successfully cloned a dinosaur, a spokesman from the
university said yesterday.
The dinosaur, a baby Apatosaurus nicknamed “Spot,” is currently being incubated at the University of Florida’s College
of Veterinary Medicine.
The scientists extracted DNA from preserved Apatosaurus fossils, which were on display at the university’s museum of
natural science. Once the DNA was harvested, scientists injected it into a fertile ostrich womb.
“Ostriches share a lot of genetic traits with dinosaurs,” said Dr. Norman Trudell, a biology professor at UF and the
project’s leading scientist. “Their eggshell microstructures are almost identical to those of the Apatosaurus. That’s why
the cloning worked so perfectly.”
Those in the scientific community say the dinosaur cloning – the first ever of its kind – is a milestone for genetic
engineering.
“I used to think this kind of thing could only happen in the movies,” said Dr. Sven Bjornsen, a UF chemistry professor.
“But we’re making it happen right here in our lab. It’s astounding.”
The cloning attracted the attention of a wide variety of animal rights activists and religious groups. They claim that
animal cloning is unethical and immoral.
PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk criticized the scientists for performing potentially life threatening threats on a new
species.
“These scientists brought an animal from the Jurassic age back to life – just to watch it suffer!” she said.
But Dr. Trudell doesn’t seem to be bothered by the activists’ quibbling. He says that the opportunities afforded by
dinosaur cloning are endless.
Within ten years, we could repopulate the world with dinosaurs,” he said. “We could harvest them for civic service, law
enforcement, or even mass transportation.”
“Imagine riding to work on a dinosaur,” he continued. “Wouldn’t that be incredible?”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE
EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
JOKE #1
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies
in the west."
"What?!?" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
JOKE #2
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She
explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah
commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four
times.
"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the
steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said. "To make
the gravy!"
JOKE #3
Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all about serving his full term. The
warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early.
Jimmy replied, "Well, this will be the first time since getting married that I’ll be able to finish a sentence."
USELESS FACTS
A toadstool is the spore-producing body of a fungus. Contrary to belief, only a few toadstools are poisonous.
***MARLAR: But after you find out a toadstool is a spore-producing fungus, you don’t want to eat one anyway.
The earth tilts at a 23.5 degree angle. For part of the year the north part is tilted towards the sun and experiences
summer, then it changes and tilts away from the sun and has winter. ***MARLAR: That's one reason we have
seasons. Another reason is so fashion designers will know when to introduce their new line of clothes.
FEATURED FUNNIES
THOSE AMAZING ANIMALS AND KIDS!
While waiting in the car for her husband to come out of the post office, a mom was playing the game "What does this
animal say?" with her three year old daughter. "What does the birdie say?" the mom asked. "Tweet, tweet," said the
girl.
"What does the lion say?" "Roaarrr!"
"And what does the snake say?" Mimicking her Sunday school teacher, she replied in a sinister voice, "Go ahead, you
can eat the apple!"
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Have you ever seen the Alfred Hitchcock movie, “The Birds”? Apparently that’s not as far-fetched as we once
thought. Truthfully, I thought it was a terrible movie with absolutely no plot whatsoever. And the idea that birds could
work together to terrorize people was, well, unfathomable. Well, it looks like I've been proven wrong… again! In
Sonoma, CA, a wandering flock of hens and roosters have been attacking neighborhood children for no reason. City
officials have voted to ban the belligerent birds. The Santa Rosa Press Democrat reports that the Sonoma council,
faced with horrific stories of mounting chicken aggression, decided it was time for the chickens to go; approving a plan
to roust them from the downtown plaza and distribute them to local farms. One theory circulating in Sonoma is that too
few hens among the many roosters has made the chickens more aggressive. ***MARLAR: Either that, or they’re
ticked off at Colonel Sanders and to them, all humans look the same.
INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION
THE ANT AND THE CONTACT LENS
Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death, she went with her
group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the rope, and started up the
face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the safety
rope snapped against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact lens.
Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she
looked and looked and looked, hoping it had landed on the edge, but it just wasn't there. Here she was, far from home,
her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it.
When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be
found. She sat down, despondent, with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to make it up the face of the
cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord
run to and fro throughout the whole earth". She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every
stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me".
Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the
face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?" Well, that would be startling
enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it.
Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist.
When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging
that contact lens with the words, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully
heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You".
I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, "God, I don't know why you want me to carry this
load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will". God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
GOOD MEDICINE
Read: Proverbs 17:17-22
A merry heart does good, like medicine. —Proverbs 17:22
In a Better Homes and Gardens article titled “Laugh Your Way to Good Health, ”Nick Gallo made an observation that
echoes what Solomon wrote thousands of years ago:“A merry heart does good, like medicine”(Proverbs 17:22). Gallo
said, “Humor is good medicine-and can actually help keep you in good health.”He quoted William F. Fry, M.D., who
describes laughter as “inner jogging ”and says that it’s good for a person’s cardiovascular system.
Comparing laughter to exercise, Gallo pointed out that when a person laughs heartily several physical benefits occur.
There’s a temporary lowering of blood pressure, a decreased rate of breathing, and a reduction in muscle tension. He
said that many people sense a “relaxed afterglow.”He concluded, “An enduring sense of humor, especially combined
with other inner resources such as faith and optimism, appears to be a potent force for better health.”
Christians, above all others, should benefit from laughter because we have the greatest reason to be joyful. Our faith is
firmly rooted in God, and our optimism is based on the assurance that our lives are under His wise control.
Don’t be afraid to enjoy a good laugh—it’s good medicine. —Richard De Haan
Laughter is a remedy
For sorrow and for care;
It brings joy to troubled souls,
To damaged hearts, repair. —Sper
He who laughs, lasts.
LEFTOVERS
DANGLING PROTESTING PARTICIPLE
We've heard of dangling participles but how about a dangling protest? A Chilean man dangled himself from the
20th floor balcony on the JW Marriott Hotel in Miami to protest against local discrimination against tourists. Apparently
the guy tied a rope around his waist lowered himself off the balcony with a sign that read: "Say no to tourism until
Florida stops discrimination of tourists." Of course nobody really knew what on earth he was talking about, and after a
few hours he was persuaded by police to go back inside his room. He was immediately taken for a psychological
evaluation. ***MARLAR: This story is double the fun, because it’s just so much fun to say “dangling participles!”
Watch… you’ll be saying it all day now! “Dangling participles!” You can’t get it out of your head now, can you? See
what I mean?
LIFE... LIVE IT
SIT UP STRAIGHT
The average guy spends 67 minutes a day behind the wheel of his car. Poor driving posture increases your risk of
having back, neck and shoulder pain. Here are some ways to avoid these problems:
o Empty your pockets. A wallet in your back pocket raises one hip above the other, twisting your spine and
straining your lower back.
o Use the lumbar support in your seat, or buy a back-support cushion. It helps maintain the natural curve of
your spine. Also tilt your seat back to reduce pressure on your back.
o Close your window. Or open it all the way. Having the window cracked sends a breeze over your neck,
causing stiffness as your muscles contract.
o Always keep your thumbs on the rim of the steering wheel. Hanging them over the spokes can lead to
damaged and sore tendons.
JUST FOR FUN
MAYBE SHE SHOULD’VE BOUGHT A CHEVY
Carol Probst is good with a camera, which is a good thing as her insurance company would likely never have
believed her claim that a goat totaled her truck. The Midway, Utah woman grabbed her camera and began
snapping photos when she discovered that a goat had made its way into her garage and on top of her Dodge truck.
The goat began walking in circles, stomping on the roof, and using its horns against the windshield and the truck’s
paint job. Animal control finally showed up to put the goat out of commission with a tranquilizer dart and release it
back into the mountains. ***MARLAR: You’d think she would’ve been able to avoid the ram. After all, her truck was a
“Dodge!”
FUN LIST
SIGNS YOUR I.T. GUY IS A REDNECK
 Got his tattoo using a laser printer
 Instead of a mouse, uses a possum
 Has several PCs in his front yard, up on blocks
 Dog is asleep underneath his front I/O port
 He has a laptop rack in his truck
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...
GOOD NIGHT
What really happens when your head hits the pillow? Sure, sleep fulfills some very basic needs--like maintaining your
physical and mental health, not to mention preparing you for those crucial daytime hours. But a lot more happens after
the lights go out. Did you know that sleep affects your memory, your heart, and even the health of your teeth? Here,
are some of sleep's strangest facts.
 Flexing Memory - From a special vacation to a holiday gathering, long-term memories are predominantly
formed during sleep when the brain replays recent experiences.
 Sleep to a Better Beat - A good night's sleep is essential for a healthy ticker. Lack of sleep can lead to
hypertension.
 Snooze and Smile - Tossing and turning can affect your smile. A Journal of Periodontology study shows that
the amount of sleep you get can significantly affect your teeth. Researchers speculate that sleep shortage
impairs the body's immune system, something that can lead to bad teeth.
 Sleep to Your Own Rhythm - If you find yourself awake and energetic late at night, you may have a genetic
mutation. The altered gene may explain why some people prefer late nights.
 Getting by with Less - Some people can survive on very little sleep, while others require many hours to
function normally. If you still perform relatively well when sleep deprived, the reason could be your genes.
TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!
(Mondays Only)
(TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!) IF I WERE A TREE...
Janitors are upset in one town because of some trees that were planted.
Here's another example of how this world has become so "me-me-me" in its thinking. There are two janitors in
Brooklyn, Ohio that have filed a grievance against the school system saying they were jilted out of overtime pay from
two weekends. What happened was that they were not called to work on those days... volunteers came in instead and
planted a few donated trees and plants around the school as a memorial to a 2nd-grader who died from a brain
aneurysm. These two janitors say they were cheated out of time-and-a-half pay for those two weekends. ***MARLAR:
Unbelievable. Next you'll probably hear of these jerks suing the parents of the kid for the money. If you're going to be
this heartless, shouldn't you just go ahead and apply for a position at the IRS and get it over with?
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
A Boston bus driver’s 90-second pit stop put a smile on a lot of people’s faces. John Lohan — a bus driver for nearly
20 years — stopped at a neighborhood lemonade stand in West Roxbury, a neighborhood in southwest Boston, and
treated his seven passengers to a cold cup of lemonade. The small gesture left the passengers grinning from ear to
ear and also made the day of the four young girls running the stand. Lohan paid them $10 for $3.50 worth of
lemonade.
http://abcn.ws/1OxE3QR
The Queen of England isn't above off-roading to insure she gets to church on time. It seems that a couple was walking
in the middle of the street with their two young children in Windsor Great Park when the Queen, driving her Jag,
approached the couple from behind. Rather than waiting for the couple to move out of the way, the Queen steered
onto the grass, passing the couple, and then returning to the street. They even caught photos of it happening! So…
what stops you from getting to church?
http://on.mash.to/1GwlV3h
Fostering 29 children is no simple feat, but for a lawyer in Kansas, providing a home for more than two dozen kids over
the years was the relatively easy part. According to NBC News, Kansas City attorney Gene Balloun has also helped
more than 1,000 kids find permanent homes by using his legal knowledge to help foster parents adopt — for free.
Gene has already represented foster parents in 1,035 adoption cases. His next goal, at the age of 86, is to reach 2,000
families helped.
http://nbcnews.to/1HMBBkQ
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Well, I sincerely hope you've enjoyed listening to today's program as much as I've enjoyed screwing it up.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in
Chicago.)
Following Your Dreams Is Dangerous
Is there such a thing as an “entrepreneur gene?” You know, something innate that becomes the drive for some to take
risks. To step out on their own. To follow their dreams.
I’m pretty sure my father had that innate drive. While family security was important, he had the urge to take on new
things. His limited efforts in this way were not met with success. For a number of reasons.
My wiring definitely has some of that. I have stepped out aggressively more than once, raising capital for a new
venture. And then I helped my wife start a publishing business several years ago. Additionally, I helped launch two
nonprofits. It’s fun to be in the “start with a dream and see it work” business.
The verdict on whether genetics is involved is mixed. But what seems to be a very common indicator for success is a
little more clear. And it has to do with…family money.
First, an Inc Magazine story on this topic reports findings from The Department of Twin Research and Genetic
Epidemiology at Kings College, London. In short, their research concluded:
• 37 to 48 percent of the tendency to be an entrepreneur is genetic.
• The tendency to identify new business opportunities is in your genes.
• Self-employment income is heritable, which means that genetics affect not only the tendency to engage in
entrepreneurship, but also the ability to perform it.
• The tendency to have personality traits such as extroversion, openness, etc., has a genetic component. This
suggests that your genes could affect your tendency to be an entrepreneur by influencing the type of personality you
develop.
(see http://www.inc.com/adam-heitzman/how-entrepreneurship-might-be-genetic.html)
But the success factor of entrepreneurship comes from a second article. It’s titled, “Entrepreneurs don’t have a special
gene for risk—they come from families with money.” (http://qz.com/455109/entrepreneurs-dont-have-a-special-gene-
for-risk-they-come-from-families-with-money/)
Here we learn that “the most common shared trait among entrepreneurs is access to financial capital—family money,
an inheritance, or a pedigree and connections that allow for access to financial stability.” When basic needs are met,
it’s argued, it’s easier to be creative. Safety nets encourage more risk taking.
A University of California Berkeley study of entrepreneurs revealed most were white, male, and highly educated. Not
all, but most. And without family money, success chances drop quite a bit.
On the personality trait side, resilience stands out, along with extroversion and openness as noted earlier. And
genetics do play a factor here. It’s still risky business. But as one woman who runs in circles of entrepreneurs says,
“Following your dreams can be dangerous.”
This information was quite revealing to me. If I was counseling others on whether to take the leap and start a new
venture, I would now have an even more cautious mindset. At least as it applies to business startups.
To the contrary, the spiritual life often demands from us a “leap of faith.” Hebrews, chapter 11, is a classic piece of
scripture on the “halls of faith.” Here are a few verses specifically about Abraham:
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give
him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God
promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who
inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city
designed and built by God.” (Hebrews 11:8-10 NLT)
For a person to have an authentic spiritual life—which will certainly impact our work life as well—faith comes into play.
To move confidently into areas where insecurity dwells, it is best to know the voice of God. The sensitivity to hear
God’s voice comes by abiding in Him. Leaps of faith are not such big jumps when our hearts are properly tuned.
And in terms of “family wealth” as a safety net, remember: God not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills…he owns
the real estate as well.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more
in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 31, 2015…
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation---This time, Tom Cruise is hanging from the side of a plane in flight. The next
“Mission Impossible” film probably has him hanging from the side of a rocket. Anyway, this particular story has Ethan
Hunt (Cruise) fighting the Syndicate and is aided by Rebecca Ferguson. Also in the cast are Simon Pegg and Jeremy
Renner. “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The Gift---Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall have to come to grips with a secret when an old friend visits. This film is
directed and also stars, Joel Edgerton. “The Gift” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Vacation---Ed Helms is married to Christina Applegate and Ed plays the son of Chevy Chase from the “National
Lampoon” vacation films. Here, he decides to take his family to Walley World and retrace the childhood steps. For
fans, Chevy Chase has a cameo and also in the cast are Chris Hemsworth and Leslie Mann. “Vacation” is rated PG
13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)---Jesse Eisenberg plays a reporter from “Rolling Stone” magazine
who wants to have an interview with writer David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel). This is set in the mid 1990’s. “The
End Of The Tour” is rated R. No rating.
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places is based on the Gillian Flynn novel about a 25-year-old murder in Kansas. Stars Charlize Theron.
The Diary of a Teenage Girl is based on the book by Phoebe Glockner and stars Kristen Wiig.
Fantastic Four, and what more can one say? Comic book heroes are back.
Nicki and the Flash has Meryl Streep as a rock star who is asked to help the family she abandoned.
#####
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opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,
OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid
you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with
permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via
his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.