PIGGYBANK - 1.
PIGGYBANK
By Scott Smith
November 24, 2013 (V3)
CAST
Timmy
Dad
Mom
(DAD is sitting at his desk. TIMMY
runs in with his piggybank.)
TIMMY
Dad, dad I just opened up my piggybank! I only have this
note inside, I think I was robbed!
(Timmy hands Dad a piece of paper.)
TIMMY (cont'd)
Can we hunt down the robbers?
DAD
No son, you weren't robbed, you've just overdrawn your
account.
TIMMY
Oh-ver drawn?
DAD
Yes, Timmy you took more money out of your piggybank than
you put in.
TIMMY
I haven't taken any out since mom gave me twenty dollars for
doing my chores!
DAD
Do you have a copy of your bank statement for this month?
TIMMY
Bank statement?
DAD
The piece of paper I gave you on the fifteenth.
TIMMY
Oh yeah! It's on back of the picture this raccoon I drew
(Timmy pulls out a folded piece of
paper with a raccoon on one side
and a bank statement on the other.
REVISED - 2/18/2014
PIGGYBANK - 2.
He hands it to Dad. Dad reads it
shaking his head.)
DAD
Well there's your problem, son. You have fifty-seven dollars
worth of shaking fees.
TIMMY
I only shook my piggy bank four times this week!
DAD
Yes, but you're only allotted three shakes per month. You
were charged twenty-eight ninety-seven for shake-age
overage.
TIMMY
Ok, so when do I get my money back?
DAD
Oh you won't, but you do need to make sure you get your
account back in the black before your credit is adversely
affected.
TIMMY
Cred-it?
DAD
Yes son, if you have bad credit you'll never be able to
finance your next big wheels bicycle. You need to put more
money in your piggybank.
TIMMY
That's easy! I'll just ask mom to give me a raise in my
allowance. Mom!
(MOM enters from stage left)
MOM
Did I hear someone say my name?
TIMMY
Mom, I'm oh-ver drawn on my piggybank. I need a raise in my
allowance.
MOM
Ha ha. Haven't you been reading the family newsletter?
DAD
Son, there's been talks of getting off the gold star
standard.
REVISED - 2/18/2014
PIGGYBANK - 3.
MOM
And the job market is so tight, we'll actually be cutting
back your chore hours.
TIMMY
So I don't have to do as much around the house? This is
awesome!
MOM
If you say so sweetie, but you'll be making less allowance
and we'll also be cutting your chocolate milk privileges.
TIMMY
But mom, chocolate milk was half the reason I do my chores!
Is there anyway I can keep doing them? I need money!
MOM
Sorry, we bought a new dishwasher and don't need you
anymore. Have you thought about opening up your own
business?
TIMMY
I could open a lemonade stand like Steve down the street.
MOM
Great! Go pull yourself up by your sneaker straps.
DAD
Yes, but you'll need to take out a small business loan to
purchase your capital.
TIMMY
Cap-i-tal?
DAD
You'll need to purchase your lemonade mix, acquire water
usage rights, and I know for a fact the area between the
maple tree and the rose bush is not zoned for lemonade
stands, so you'll need to give your mom and I kickbacks.
TIMMY
Oh ok. Uh mom?
MOM
Yes, dear?
TIMMY
What's a kick back?
MOM
Bribes sweetie, what Chicago was founded on.
REVISED - 2/18/2014
PIGGYBANK - 4.
TIMMY
Ok dad, give me a small business loan.
DAD
Haha I'm not going to just hand over money to whoever wants
it. What if the lemonade market I've artificially inflated
crashes and you can't pay?
MOM
Grandma can't keep bailing Dad out, pookie.
DAD
What makes you qualified for this loan?
TIMMY
Um. Oh! I have a lemonade stand badge from Boy Scouts!
DAD
Yes, but you got that last year, the lemonade market has
fundamentally changed since then. What you need is more
after school tutoring.
TIMMY
Ok, sign me up.
DAD
Tutoring's expensive son, but I'm sure I could finance a
student loan for you real quick.
(Dad types away at his computer,)
DAD (cont'd)
There you are, just call up Ms. Stevenson and tell her
you'll be enrolling in her afterschool program. I'll just
put an additional negative ninety thousand dollars on your
bank statement.
TIMMY
Uh...ok...
DAD
In thirty years when you've paid off your student loan come
back and we can talk about financing that lemonade stand.
MOM
Ok Timmy, now run along, your father and I have another
appointment at three.
(Timmy leaves stage right head.)
REVISED - 2/18/2014
PIGGYBANK - 5.
TIMMY
(to himself)
I still just think I was robbed.
DAD
Alright dear, shall we go evict Suzie from her Barbie Dream
Home?
(Black Out.)
(The O'Jays - For the Love of
Money)
REVISED - 2/18/2014