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Andrew Hebert
Ms. Lisa Boyd
AP English12: English Literature and Composition
14 March 2006
A Weighty Proposal
FOR CREATING A NEW WORLD IN AN INDULGENT GARDEN OF EDEN
Many Americans today chose to live a life filled with more physical indulgences than
were once available. The American population is growing not in citizenry, but in pants size.
Obesity is becoming more and more common among Americans today. However, it’s not the
problem that many make it out to be. Obesity is not a growing problem, but a growing lifestyle
choice.
In years before many conveniences we enjoy today were not available. Those who now
chose to take full advantage of the time we live in are being characterized as obese. They simply
wish to take full advantage of the convenient food options now available. A fast meal leaves
more time available for many other more productive activities and those who take advantage of
this are simply managing there time wisely.
I myself am one who enjoys life’s culinary treats. As a human geographer, I am trained to
observe the world around me and I have seen so much of it that is not made for a plump man like
myself. I have ridden in public transportation that is not equipped for the majority of the now
growing population. We pay taxes that should go to provide us with a sizeable source of
transportation. However, public transportation is not the only one that needs an upgrade in size.
After years of flying cross-country in my studies, I am sick of airlines that are not equipped to
handle the larger travelers. Through the years, I have met many people my size who are as
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frustrated with this stubborn world as I am. I have now come to the only possible conclusion,
found a new world to accommodate the common person.
It is time to leave behind the world that has not grown as we have. No longer will we sit
in restaurant booths that are unreasonably small. For the last time will we be charged twice the
normal fair for airline travel. We shall always have somewhere to sit in this new world with
bigger seats for the larger man. Come with me and we shall sit on the throne of a heaven made
for the bigger man.
Through my travels, I have met many people who believe as I do and we have already
begun work on this new island of indulgence. Many of the smartest people in the world are
indulgent. Therefore, knowledge and expertise shall be no problem in the founding of this new
world. I have assembled a team that has already started work on this new world. We have come
up with a sturdy foundation for the island. What better to support an island of husky people than
other averagely sized people? If this idea is unclear to some, then I shall explain the foundation
for this great new world.
As many of my fellow indulgents have noticed, we float very well in water due to our
natural buoyancy. Of course, that shall make the best support for a new island. When many of
the larger people die, morgues are often un-equipped to handle them and gladly give up there
bodies for such a noble cause. We have begun to float these people in the ocean and began to
cover them with the necessary soil and foundation needed to start this world. We have quickly
discovered that the human body is extremely fertile and plant life is thriving. With this fertile
soil, food will be plentiful and readily available.
Energy was a concern during the initial planning of the new island, but we made a very
helpful discovery: fat burns long and hot. Therefore, we are now using some of the excess weight
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of these founding people to burn as an energy source that will easily power enough microwaves
for the entire population. Travel will be no problem as we have already developed a scooter that
runs off this same human fat. Roads will be paved wide enough for multiple scooters to travel
down all at once. As I mentioned before, a majority of the population has now chosen obesity as
a lifestyle choice. Therefore, the necessary professions will be easily covered. Government
officials shall be the most plentiful, so a sturdy government foundation will be in place from the
beginning. We shall be no longer limited in our clothing choices. All of the shops shall be fully
stocked with sizes that fit the common man.
The population shall be extremely friendly and understanding. After many years of being
discriminated towards, we have become very tolerant of others. I must remind you of the
stereotypical jolly big man. We shall be the jolly population. We shall no longer have to look at
sickly, under fed models advertising things in unreasonable sizes with an unrealistic notion of
beauty.
I hope that all will join me on this new island. It is a place where the common person may
finally dwell in comfort and convince among there indulgent brothers and sisters. Please, join me
in this new incarnation of the Garden of Eden—where we shall start a new world that is made for
the new population.