TIPS FOR VISITING THE HOME OF AN AMERICAN FAMILY
(compiled & adapted
by Paul Champoux, ISI)
QUESTIONS?
As an international student or visiting scholar, you may have noticed many contrasts
between the customary ways of doing things in the United States and your home country.
People are quite different here! You probably still have unanswered questions in your
mind about Americans and their culture.
You may be curious about the American host who invited you to visit for a day, or to
stay a few days in their home. Perhaps you wonder if the customs and practices of
Americans you already met represent the attitudes and behavior of all Americans -including your host. Maybe you are afraid that you might do the wrong thing, and offend
your new American friends.
The following suggestions may assist you and make you feel more comfortable as
you get to know your host family.
WHAT TO EXPECT
You do not need to be an expert on American culture to enjoy your stay with your
host. Maybe they have not met anyone from your culture, either. They probably will
view your visit as a learning experience for themselves as well.
You both hope to do the "right thing" right away. Your host wants you to feel
comfortable and to enjoy your stay in their home. As they sense your genuine
appreciation for their opening their home to you, they will overlook any cultural mistakes
or miscommunication. A feeling of being accepted and appreciated will quickly replace
your concern about doing or saying anything wrong.
Americans are very conscious of time. Unlike many other cultures, when Americans
set a schedule of activities for specific times, it is improper to arrive more than a few
minutes after the time you agreed on. In fact, you should try to be ready a few minutes
early, or arrive right on time. If transportation was arranged for you, it is the driver’s
responsibility to pick you up on time.
NAMES AND GREETINGS
Even if your hosts are much older than you are, they probably will want you to
address them by their first names, not their family name. This is not disrespectful.
Rather, it indicates your host family's desire to relate to you as a friend. If you are not
sure how to address your hosts, ask what name they would like you to use.
Your hosts will want to please you by pronouncing your name correctly. If they
have difficulty, write it on a paper for them, sound it out slowly and help them practice
saying it.
Most Americans greet a new acquaintance with a handshake. After becoming
friends, some hosts may hug their guests when they depart. This is a way Americans
show warm feelings toward a new friend. The appropriate response is a brief hug in
return, if you feel at ease doing that.
ENJOYING MEALS WITH AN AMERICAN FAMILY
Most Americans eat "family style." That means that food is passed around the table
to each person, and you are given the opportunity to select what food to put on your plate.
It is customary to request another serving of food if you want more, and if you see that
more is available in the serving dish.
Americans usually are informal when eating, and almost always converse with each
other. They often talk about the day's activities, and you should feel welcome to join in
the conversation.
While they are eating, they may say things to you such as:
-"Go ahead," or "help yourself" -- This is an invitation to serve yourself as much
food as you would like to eat.
- "Make yourself at home" -- Your host family would like you to feel comfortable
and relaxed as though you were in your own home.
- "Would you like some more?" -- When someone offers more food, feel free to say
"yes" if you really want more. If you say "no" out of politeness, your host will think that
you do not want any more. They do not want to force you to take something you don't
want.
DIETARY RESTRICTIONS
If you mentioned any dietary restrictions to the person who arranged your home
visit, your host already will know about those foods, which you do not eat. During a
meal, if you are offered food you do not wish to eat, simply say, "No, thank you."
CONVERSATION
Staying with a host provides a great opportunity for you to exchange ideas and learn
more about American culture. Your hosts also will be interested in learning about your
people and customs. They may ask questions about your family and your culture to know
you better as a friend. You may discuss topics such as music, food, games, roles of men
and women, religion, history, and government.
You may want to compare similarities and differences between American culture
and your culture. You might discuss your first impressions of America, difficulties you
experience in living here, and what you hope to learn from your time in the United States.
Your host will want to show respect for your country and culture, and you will for theirs.
Do not wait for your hosts to bring up a topic for discussion. Feel free to ask about
their family life and other areas of interest about which you would like to learn more.
It is acceptable to:
- ask for a tour of their home, if you are interested.
- ask your hosts to repeat something if you did not understand. You may ask as often
as necessary.
- ask about their viewpoint of America and its people.
- ask your new friends why they decided to
host an international student.
It is usually not acceptable to:
- ask adults their ages, how much money they make, or why they have no children if
they have none.
- stare at a person.
- ask for financial or legal help.
GIFTS
Your host does not expect you to bring a gift. But if you decide to bring a gift, a
small memento of your visit is appropriate. Usually Americans will open a gift at the
time they receive it.
You may want to leave a "thank you" card or note to tell your host family that you
appreciate their hospitality. You may also send them a letter soon after you return from
your stay with them.
PETS
Americans may seem very attached to their pets. Dogs and cats often are treated like
family members, and roam throughout the house. Sometimes Americans even kiss their
pets. Most pets are tame, clean, and usually are not dangerous. When their dog first
meets you, be cautious about approaching it, but do not show fear and do not back away.
Do not make sudden movements toward a dog. After you have been in the home awhile,
and the dog knows that your host accepts you, the dog may approach you gently and wag
his tail. Then you can pet him.
If pets make you feel uncomfortable, let your host know. Then they usually will keep
their pet in another room while you are visiting.
SMOKING
Most hosts do not smoke, and are not accustomed to people smoking in their home.
If you need to smoke while visiting, politely explain that you wish to step outside to
smoke.
IF NEW QUESTIONS ARISE
Always assume that your host's actions and words express their kindness and good
will toward you. Some actions might carry a different meaning in American culture than
they do in yours. In the same way, you might surprise your host by something you say or
do which is odd in American culture. Your hosts will assume that it must mean
something else in your culture.
The key to good cross-cultural friendship is to withhold judgment of an action until
you can discover its intended meaning. It is appropriate to ask your host about actions or
attitudes that seem unusual to you.
Hosts are chosen from the most considerate families in the community. However, if
something is said or done which disturbs you, please tell the ISI staff person, or whoever
arranged the visit for you.
HAVE A GOOD VISIT !