Introductions
Your introduction must exhibit INSIGHT, FLUENCY, and EVIDENCE!
If a student has time and is working for a nine, the first paragraph should have an
attention-getting opener. It should be an original lively approach, literate, concise, and
clear. The first paragraph must name the author and work, if possible. Also, it should
have a clearly stated thesis, not just an uninspired statement of the obvious. It should not
merely parrot or repeat the prompt. The introduction should also forecast the approach
that the student will use to develop the thesis, but without falling into rote five-paragraph
or simplistic organization. The organization of the essay will be controlled more by the
idea than the chronology of the story or the treatment of a series of literary techniques.
Sample Introductions:
Prompt: 1979. Choose a complex and important character in a novel or a play of
recognized literary merit who might on the basis of the character’s actions alone be
considered evil or immoral. In a well-organized essay, explain both how and why the full
presentation of the character in the work makes us react more sympathetically than we
otherwise might. Avoid plot summary.
1. • a bit too quick in moving the reader toward the main point (just a thesis)
In Albert Camus' The Stranger, a complex character who, on the basis of his
actions alone, might be considered evil or immoral, would be the character of Raymond.
Commentary: Note that this intro. just repeats a part of the prompt (I call this
parroting the prompt—don’t do it!). It does not indicate the reason for the choice, and
this choice of character is weak because the rest of this particular AP prompt indicated
that the author managed to develop reader sympathy for the character. In TS, little
sympathy for Raymond Sintes develops. The student should probably have chosen
Meursault. Although this essay might pick up, nothing of significance has been stated yet.
This type of beginning could lead to a lower half essay (3,4).
2. • may follow this direction: introduce the author and text, introduce the topic,
lead to focused ideas on the topic and text.
In Albert Camus' The Stranger, the character of Meursault may be seen as evil by
a majority of the members of his society. Through his callousness toward his mother's
death, his indifference toward Marie's love, and his wish for the hatred of the crowd,
Meursault can be seen in an evil light because these actions go against society's values.
Commentary: This intro. is a step up from the first because it makes a better
character choice and shows more knowledge of writing in that it contains the typical
three-pronged topic leading to a structured five-paragraph thesis. This type of intro. tends
to lead to an essay earning a 5 or 6 (mid-range). It creates a stiffly structured essay in
which your analysis is carved to fit the paragraphs.
3. Fully developed first paragraph:
In Albert Camus' The Stranger, the protagonist Meursault serves as a voice of
existentialistic philosophy. On the basis of his actions alone, Meursault is viewed as
either immoral or evil: Meursault fails to show emotion at or after his mother's funeral,
and without reason kills an Arab on the beach. However, by allowing the reader to
identify with Meursault, by revealing Meursault's apathy toward life as a motive for his
actions, and by hinting at Meursault's brief change in character to one that appreciates
and misses his old life, Camus forces the reader to sympathize with Meursault.
Commentary: The student addresses the double-pronged AP task. He develops his
points throughout the length of the introduction. This type of thorough opener usually
leads to a high score (7,8). It has the plenitude of detail that reveals intelligence at work.
There are signs of competence in literary and general vocabulary (protagonist, serves as,
existentialism), skill in syntactical structures (anaphora—by), as well as excellent use of
punctuation (correct use of colon!). However, what this paragraph needs to move up to a
nine is more stylistic pizzazz (notice how all of the above paragraphs begin with the same
phrase -- multiply that by the number of essays a grader reads in a day, between 100 and
200, and it will become evident why creativity in the first paragraph is water on the desert
of dry student writing). If this essay continues to be strong and develops a stronger more
independent voice, it might move up to a 9! Using “the reader” is perhaps acceptable due
to the wording of the AP prompt (makes us react more sympathetically); however, it is
from 1979! Please do avoid “the reader,” as it will lead to analysis of effect, rather
than analysis of the work itself.
adapted from: Mr. Averill