Young Life Campaigners
4-19-05
Sex and Dating III: Drawing the Line


Last two weeks: we went over some Scripture that emphasized the
importance of sexual purity, the importance of our own body, and the
importance of self-control, the consequences of sexual sins (spiritual,
physical, and emotional). We looked at the following Scripture: I
Thessalonians 4:3-9; II Peter 1: 3-11; and I Corinthians 6: 9 –20.
Then we discussed the importance of maintaining high standards when
we date – even at a young age. We should be seeking someone that we
can marry – so look for best friend qualities. Also, we discussed not
being “unequally yoked” with people with a different faith and how we
should date consistently with our values.
NOTE: Remember God loves us despite our flaws – many of us have
messed up in many ways, including sexually. Now is not the time to feel
guilty, but to raise your standards for the rest of your life!

Today, we get into the topic that is kind of awkward, but maybe the most
important and relevant in the high school world. What physical boundaries
should we draw in our dating lives – where do we draw the line?
I. THE BIBLICAL VIEW
Hebrews 13: 4 -- “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy
between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”
1.
What does this mean for you in high school? Do you think it still
applies?
2.
Sex was designed by God for marriage. Key point: it was designed by
God!
Remember I Corinthians 6: 14 – 16 (From The Message):
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as
physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to
become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids
commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever – the kind of sex that can
never “become one.”
There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin,
we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for Godgiven and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize
that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you
can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The
physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you.
God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”
II. LOVE v. LUST
1.
True love is with mind and body (intellect/reason and emotions). Lust
is temporary, emotional, and inferior to real love.
2.
Self-discipline in the physical part of relationships is a way to love the
other person and obey God. The ability to think and reason, and thus
control our emotions, is also what separates us from animals.
III. DRAWING THE LINE
 Why do we need a line, anyway? God gives guidelines to protect us – He
wants to protect us from consequences of sex outside marriage. God wants
the best for us and our relationships – not to take away our fun.
Ephesians 4: 17 – 5:5

Have you “put off” your “old, worldly nature?”
 WHERE IS THE LINE??? The big question, but there may not be a definite
answer. However, this much we can say (awkwardness drum roll…):
 Location, location, location. Kissing above the neck and keeping your
hands away from certain areas is a very good idea.
 Oral Sex. Let’s not lie to ourselves, oral sex is sex – bottom line. You
cannot get more intimate than that. Dr. Brewer calls it “junk food sex.”
 STDs and oral sex – higher risk in many areas (exception is AIDS)
The stakes are high. Dr. Brewer writes:
“With or without sexual involvement, most broken relationships can cause
great pain. When we become vulnerable with another person emotionally or
sexually, we can be deeply and sometimes permanently wounded if this
relationship is terminated.” More sex = more pain -- guaranteed.
IV. PROTECTING THE LINE
1. Take it slow. The sooner you start kissing and getting physical, the more
you will be tempted to keep going further.
2. Drinking and using drugs impairs your judgment. If you are drunk or
high, the likelihood that you will do something you regret sexually increases
astronomically.
3. Another way to draw the line: what would you do if Jesus were sitting
next to you? Because he is! Another way to look at it: pretend you have to
turn in a videotape of what you did to your parents, pastor, or the Aderholts
(whatever works for you).
 NOTE: If you are ashamed enough where this would be a terrible thing (more
than just awkward PDA kind of stuff), then it is wrong! We know what is right
and wrong, because God has written it on our hearts and minds.
4. Don’t get more aggressive physically to compensate for other areas in
the relationship!
 Do you agree this happens?
 Consider what Dr Brewer writes about this: “The one permanent factor
to remember in temptation is, that sin always crushes or hardens the
spirit and the human heart. In other words, it backfires! It fails to
deliver what it promises. People get more physical when relationship
weakens, and verbal communication falters.”
V. THE MODER LIE – HAVE SEX WHEN YOU ARE “IN LOVE”
 Why is this a lie?
 How many people believe it?