To Marry or Not: That is the Question
(Cohabitation vs. Marriage)
Chen Xiaoling
Class 9, Grade 3, No.911
This paper is submitted for the partial
Fulfillment of the course
“Contemporary British Culture and Society”
Faculty of English Language and Culture
December, 2005
To Marry or Not: That is the Question
(Cohabitation vs. Marriage)
Thesis: While marriage has declined and cohabitation has increased, cohabitation is not a good
alternative to marriage.
Outline:
Ⅰ. A brief introduction to the theme of this paper: Marriage over Cohabitation
Ⅱ. The current situation of marriage and cohabitation
A. The declining marriage and skyrocketing cohabitation in UK
1. Marriage on the rocks in Britain with more people set to cohabitate
2. Government statistics
B. The similar situation in China
1. Dropping marriage rate with increasing divorce tare (statistics)
2. More cohabitation cases
Ⅲ. Why cohabitation becoming popular
A. People’s attitude to marriage and cohabitation in both UK and China
1. Conclusions&statistics from national social survey
B. Reasons for cohabitation
1. A good way to 'test out' the relationship
2. Increased intimacy
3. Less complicated dissolution
4. Trial marriage
Ⅳ. Facts behind Cohabitation: Marriage over Cohabitation
A. Cohabitation provides far less benefits than Marriage
B. Evidences of a research
Ⅴ. Conclusion
To Marry or Not: That is the Question
(Cohabitation vs. Marriage)
In his famous poetry “Marriage”, American writer Gregory Corso has ever written,
“Should I get married? Should I be good? Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and
faustus hood?”1 In fact, this question is still troubling persistently British young adults today.
Traditionally, marriage has had a special status in British law and society. Marriage developed as
a way to provide stability for families and for all of society. However, in stead of getting married,
there is a main trend that more and more people choose to cohabitate. As marriage has declined
and cohabitation has increased, there are some reasons to think that the rise in cohabitation has
caused the decline in marriage. This paper will focus on the current situations of marriage and
cohabitation in Britain, the underlying reasons for this cohabitation trend and the harmful effects it
brings.
 The Current Situation of Marriage and Cohabitation---Declining
Marriage & Skyrocketing Cohabitation
Marriage is on the rocks in Britain, with the proportion of unmarried people set to exceed
that of married people within 25 years as more men and women opt to live together without
constraints, according to government statistics published in Sep. 2005.2
It is reported that in 2001, there were 286,100 weddings in the UK – 6.5 per cent fewer than
in 2000. The number of first marriages peaked in 1970 at almost 390,000, and has since fallen to
less than half this number – 171,900 in 20013.
1
<The Happy Birthday of Death > by Gregory Corso 1960, P29
2
http://www.statistics.gov.uk/
http://www.britain.tv/community_british_marriage_decline.shtml
3
The proportion of married men is expected to fall from 53 percent in 2003 to 42 percent in
2031, while the percentage of married women will decline from 50 percent to 40 percent, Britain's
Office for National Statistics predicted in 2005.
The "Population Trends" report predicted on the other hand that the number of unmarried
couples living together will almost double from two million in 2003 to 3.8 million in 2031.
The projections are based on the recent steep fall in marriage rates for people aged under 30.
As the older generation dies, a new generation of people who prefer cohabitation to marriage will
take their place.
Situation in China:
While China saw 1.613 million couples divorced in 2004 while 8.341 million couples
registered to marry that year, according to statistics of the Ministry of Civil Affairs. Compared
with the statistics of 2003, 282,000 more couples divorced with an increase rate of 21.2 percent4.
China’s marriage rate peaked in 1981 at about 2.08%, and has dropped since then.
People prefer to stay single and tend to marry later in life. Much alike the situation in
Britain, there is also an increasing number of couples choose to cohabitate in China especial in the
urban area. Although the rate is till lower than that of Western countries, it is at least 20 times
greater than two decades ago and ranks Shanghai top in China's Cohabitation statistics.
A decrease in the number of marriages and an increase in cohabitation both have come in the
wake of a large increase in divorce in the last thirty years both in UK and China.
 Why Cohabitation Becomes Popular?
1. Attitude towards Marriage and Cohabitation
4
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-03/01/content_420456.htm
Just a generation or two ago, it was scandalous for an unmarried man and woman to live
together. Today, most couples who marry live together first -- "shacking up" has gone mainstream.
Cohabitation without marriage in Britain is expected to double by 2021. The British Social
Attitudes Survey 2000 reveals that this is now widely accepted in Britain both as a partnering and
parenting structure, and regardless of whether it is undertaken as a prelude or alternative to
marriage.
· 59% of the British population agrees that "even though it might not work out for some people,
marriage is still the best kind of relationship.
· 69% agree that "too many people just drift into marriage without really thinking about it."
· 9% agree that "there is no point getting married - it's only a piece of paper".
· When asked whether they thought it was a good idea for couples who intend to get married to
live together first, 56% thought that it was "a good idea".
· 67% thought it acceptable for a couple to cohabit, even if they don't intend to marry.5
Not surprisingly, young adults strongly favor cohabitation.
More than one-third of Christian young adults in Britain say that "cohabitation before
marriage is all right" for both themselves and others, according to the results of a survey released
May 7 by the Evangelical Alliance in London. The survey shows that 33 percent of Christians
between ages 18 and 35 support the idea of couples living together before marriage, compared
with 82 percent of non-Christians.6
In China, in the 1980s, cohabitation between unmarried man and woman was a shameful act
in people's eyes. Nowadays, however, over 80 percent of the women surveyed adopt an indifferent
attitude, thinking it not necessarily to have a "marriage certificate" as long as a couple loves each
other.7 Observing urban China's new wave of platonic cohabitation, in the sense of what used to
5
6
7
Barlow, A., Duncan, S., and Park, A. British Social Attitudes, 18th Report: 2001-2002 Edition.
http://news.adventist.org/data/2001/04/0989940775/index.html.en
( 2003-09-21 08:12) (People's Daily)
be called "living in sin”, More and more young people in China have a rational and practical
approach to cohabitation.
Cohabitation is not a new trend now.
2. Reasons for Cohabitation
It’s obvious that cohabitation has become the enemy to marriage. For today's young adults,
the first generation to come of age during the divorce revolution, they find good reasons for living
together. A range of reasons are given for cohabiting rather than marrying. The Cohabiters think it
a good way to achieve some of the benefits of marriage without the risk of divorce. Couples who
live together can share expenses and learn more about each other. They can find out whether their
partner has what it takes to be married. If things don't work out, breaking up is easy to do.
Cohabiting couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to dissolve their union.
To be more specific, there are several aspects of consideration for people choosing
cohabitation:
1.
A good way to 'test out' the relationship
Living together enables the couple to better learn about each other’s habits and
character and see how we operate together day-to-day.
2.
Increased intimacy
The couple has more opportunities to share sexual and emotional intimacy without
getting married.
3.
Less complicated dissolution
Avoid loss of financial benefits such as alimony, welfare, or pension checks.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, there is no messy divorce.
4.
Trial marriage
Many couples consider premarital cohabitation as a kind of trial marriage or test
marriage. After cohabitating for a period of time, they’ll get married.8
8
http://www.aber.ac.uk/aberonline/uwa1302.html
 Facts behind Cohabitation: Marriage over Cohabitation:
Cohabitation provides far less benefits than Marriage
Although cohabitation is now becoming the main trend and is accepted in most social
groups in Britain, a careful review of the available social science evidence suggests that living
together is not a good way to prepare for a happy life. What's more, it shows that the rise in
cohabitation is not a positive family trend. Cohabiting unions tend to weaken the institution of
marriage and pose clear dangers for the society. Specifically, the research indicates that:
1. Living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce. One study found an
increased risk of 46%.
2. Living together outside marriage increases the risk of domestic violence for women and
the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children. One study found that the risk of
domestic violence for women in cohabiting relationships was double that in married
relationships; the risk is even greater for child abuse. The chart below shows the bad
effect it has on cohabiters’ children.9
9
Berthoud, R. and Gershuny, J., Seven Years in the Lives of British Families, London, p. 40.
3. Unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness and well-being than married
couples.10
We recognize the larger social and cultural trends that make cohabiting relationships
attractive to many young adults today. Unmarried cohabitation is not likely to go away. Given this
reality, we should hold in mind with this available evidence that marriage is still the only
acceptable way to form a relationship or a family.
Conclusion
It is widely believed that the institution of marriage enhances communal wellbeing, and
what’s more, marriage is the highest form of fellowship, affording a rocklike foundation on which
all that is best in the life of the nation is built.11Although people’s attitudes towards marriage are
changing and more and more people tend to choose to cohabitate, by all of the empirical evidence
at our disposal, not to mention the wisdom of the ages, the institution of marriage remains a
cornerstone of a successful society. Given the truth that cohabitation becomes the main trend in
both Britain and China, people should give deeper consideration about whether cohabitation is
really a good alternative to marriage and try to find a better way to solve the problems
cohabitation has brought.
10
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/
11
Elizabeth,(1900-2002)wife of King George VI and mother of Queen Elizabeth II,P21
References
1. Xiao Huiyun,2003,Contemporary British Culture and Society, Shanghai Foreign
Language Education Publishing Company, Shanghai
2. Berthoud, R. and Gershuny, J., editors, Seven Years in the Lives of British
Families, London: The Policy Press, 2000, p. 40.
3. Barlow, A., Duncan, S., James, G. and Park, A. (2001) Just a piece of paper?
Marriage and cohabitation. In British Social Attitudes: Public policy, social ties.
The 18th Report: 2001-2002 Edition. (London: Sage.)
4. Haskey, J., 1995, 'Trends in marriage and cohabitation: The decline in marriage
and the changing pattern of living in partnerships', Population Trends, Vol. 80, pp.
421-29.
5. <The Happy Birthday Of Death> by Gregory Corso 1960, P29
6. http://www.marriage.rutgers.edu
7. http://www.statistics.gov.uk
8. http://www.britain.tv/community_british_marriage_decline.shtml
9.
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn
10. http://www.peoplesdaily.com
11. http://www.aber.ac.uk/aberonline/uwa1302.html