Focus Plan
Texarkana Independent School District
GRADING
PERIOD:
writer:
5th Six Weeks
PLAN CODE:
E10.4.5
Deanna Henderson
Course/subject:
English II
Grade(s):
10
Time allotted
for instruction:
One block period
FoCUS TEKS and
Student Expectations:
The Cutting Edge
In this lesson, students examine the writing of short story author
Raymond Carver as well as their own writing to explore how editing can
affect the text, content and context of an author’s work.
Objective 6
The student will demonstrate the ability to proofread to improve the
clarity and effectiveness of a piece of writing.
(2) Writing/writing processes. The student uses recursive writing
processes when appropriate.
Supporting TEKS and
Student Expectations:
(C) The student is expected to proofread writing for appropriateness of
organization, content, style, and conventions.
Title:
Lesson TOPIC:
TAKS Objective:
Concepts
Edit
Enduring Understandings/Generalizations/Principles
The student will understand that
To edit means to prepare for publication, correct, revise, change, rewrite,
improve.
Analyze
To analyze means to examine, study, investigate, question, evaluate, etc.
Redundancy
Redundancy is the use of a word or words whose meaning is already
conveyed elsewhere in a passage, without a rhetorical purpose.
Wordiness
Wordiness means using an excessive number or words in writing or
speech.
Passive verbs
Passive verbs indicate that the apparent subject of a verb is the person or
thing undergoing, not performing, the action of the verb, as in “We were
given work to do.”
Active verbs
Active verbs indicate a verb whose subject is the person or thing performing
the action described by the verb.
I.
Sequence of Activities (Instructional Strategies)
A.
Focus/connections/anticipatory set
 Prior to class, move student desks into pairs. As students enter the room, invite
them to respond to the following prompt written on the board prior to class:
Write an original sentence on a piece of paper. Trade papers with your partner
and edit the sentence to improve it. If possible, try rewriting the sentence a few
different ways. Changes could be made in areas such:
- redundancy (unneeded luxury vs. luxury; completely finished vs. finished)
- wordiness (the boss with ambition vs. the ambitious boss)
- passive verbs (the door was opened vs. he opened the door)

B.
Once sentences are written and edited, share revisions with your partner and
explain the reasons for our choices.
Instructional activities
(demonstrations, lectures, examples, hands-on experiences, role play, active
learning experience, art, music, modeling, discussion, reading, listening, viewing,
etc.)
 As a class, discuss the role and responsibilities of an editor. Students may view
these responsibilities according to the U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of
Labor Statistics (http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos089.htm). The following might also
be written on the board or used as a handout:
Editors review, rewrite, and edit the work of writers. They may also do original
writing. An editor’s responsibilities vary with the employer and type and level of
editorial position held. Editorial duties may include planning the content of
books, technical journals, trade magazines, and other general-interest
publications. Editors also decide what material will appeal to readers, review and
edit drafts of books and articles, offer comments to improve the work, and
suggest possible titles. In addition, they may oversee the production of the
publications. In the book-publishing industry, an editor’s primary responsibility is
to review proposals for books and decide whether to buy the publication rights
from the author.

Ask several student pairs to share their sentences and revisions, as well as the
feedback they exchanged about their work.

Explain to students that they will be examining an excerpt from a text written by
famous American short story author Raymond Carver, and editing it to better
reflect their interpretation of the action, characters’ personalities, setting, impact
on the reader, and such.

If possible, allow time for students to read “Beginners,” Mr. Carver’s original text,
or the full text or synopsis of “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”
(which has been heavily edited). This will offer students a deeper understanding
of the excerpt they will revise.

Distribute copies of the ending - Handout # 1 – Two Different Endings of the
Same Story without the title or description of the text (found on page 5 of the
PDF file found online at http://www.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/Carver.pdf).

Students may make their changes directly on the paper or rewrite the entire text
to include their changes.

Encourage students to consider the spirit of the text while make their edits. In
addition to the list of editing suggestions offered during the Focus/Anticipatory
Set, include the following:
-add and/or remove details
-move/remove action or dialogue
-add/remove details about setting

After students have completed their work, allow time for discussion about their
most important changes.

Explain to students that Mr. Carver’s first stories were heavily edited prior to their
publication.

Present each group with the heavily edited version of the text they worked on,
found online at http://www.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/Carver.pdf). Handout # 2
– The Ending of “Want to See Something?” by Raymond Carver in
Beginnings and The Ending of “I Could See the Smallest Things” as edited
by Gordon Lish in What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
C.

Allow students time to read and compare the edited version to the original text
and review the edits they made.

Which excerpt was more enjoyable, Mr. Lish’s or your own? Why? How did the
edits affect the reader’s experience with the work? Encourage students to
support their answers.
Guided activity or strategy
 As a class, read and discuss the article “The Real Carver: Expansive or
Minimal?” Handout # 3
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/teachers/featured_articles/20071019friday.html,
focusing on Handout # 4 – Questions to Accompany “The Real Carver:
Expansive or Minimal?”
1. Why does Tess Gallagher want Raymond Carver’s book to be published with
the original versions of his stories?
2. How did Raymond Carver try to set the record straight regarding his work?
3. Why do you think it would be illegal for Ms. Gallagher to try to publish Mr.
Carver’s original stories through another publishing house?
4. Why types of changes did Gordon Lish make to Mr. Carver’s work?
5. Do you feel Mr. Lish’s changes were appropriate for an editor to make? Why
or why not?
6. What argument did Mr. Carver make for restoring his tales to their original
versions?
7. Who do you believe should have final say over the version of a text that is to
be published? Support your answer.
8. Why do you think Max Rudin considers the full text of “What We Talk About” a
historical document?
9. What do you think Olivier Cohen meant when he said “you have to think twice
before publishing materials which the writer has not validated”?
10. How do you think this philosophy affects the work of Mr. Carver? Why?

II.
HOMEWORK: Students choose a piece of writing they have done during the
school year, such as an essay, report, case study, lab report, etc., and revise it to
make it clearer and/or more effective. Revised papers can be presented and
explained in a future class.
D.
Accommodations/modifications
E.
Enrichment
STUDENT PERFORMANCE
A.
Description
 In preparation for this focus lesson, the teacher should prepare photocopies of
the following handouts: (one for each student)
Handout #1 - Two Different Endings of the Same Story
Handout # 2 – The Ending of “Want to See Something?” by Raymond Carver in
Beginnings and The Ending of “I Could See the Smallest Things” as edited by
Gordon Lish in What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
Handout # 3 - “The Real Carver: Expansive or Minimal?”
Handout # 4 - Questions to Accompany “The Real Carver: Expansive or
Minimal?”
Handout # 5 - The Everglades—More Than You Might Expect (with a teacher
copy which includes corrections)
 The teacher should have the following materials available:
Pens/pencils
Classroom board
 The teacher should select student groups prior to class.
B.
Accommodations/modifications
Students requiring accommodations/modifications may use the Learning Lab, have select
peer grouping, and/or have extended time.
C.
III.
IV.
Enrichment
Students requiring enrichment may choose from the following activities:
 Develop an original lesson plan that teaches editing skills to younger students.
Include an activity that involves peer editing, as well as a list of guidelines on
what to look for and how to comment on another person’s work.
 Search the Internet to find tips on peer editing. Compile the best ideas into your
own guide for peer editing, including examples of sentence starters, what to look
for, etc.
 Explore the role of an editor in the publishing process, especially in the world of
book publishing. Based on your findings, do you think Gordon Lish was within
his rights to edit and publish the heavily edited versions of Mr. Carver’s works?
Write a position paper exploring the facts and your personal views on this issue.
 Create a poster explaining what “minimalist style” means as it pertains to the
written word. Present examples, interesting historical facts, and authors that
employ this style.
 Research the life and experiences of Raymond Carver and create a script
describing an important event or argument that helped shape his career.
Assessment of Activities
A.
Description
Students will be evaluated based on participation in the opening exercise and class
discussions, thoughtful editing of the Carver piece, and careful revisions of their
previously written works.
B.
Rubrics/grading criteria
See Handout # 5 – The Everglades—More Than You Might Expect (teacher’s copy)
C.
Accommodations/modifications
The teacher should follow required accommodations/modifications.
D.
Enrichment
Students requiring enrichment may be given extra credit for their chosen activities.
E.
Sample discussion questions
 When, if at all, does a writer give up the rights to his or her ideas?
 How does publication change the value of a writer’s work?
 What role do you think an editor should play in the writing process? How far does
this role extend before the editor becomes a second author on the work in
question?
 What role does editing play in your own writing process? What purpose does it
serve?
TAKS Preparation
A.
Transition to TAKS context
In the TAKS ELA test, students are given two opportunities in which to engage in the
editing process. Students are asked to edit/proofread their individual TAKS essays, and
they are required to practice editing in the revising and editing section of the TAKS ELA
test.
B.
Sample TAKS questions
Handout # 5 – The Everglades—More Than You Might Expect
Now that you have reviewed the concepts that must be considered when you are trying to
improve the clarity and effectiveness of a piece of writing, you are ready to help a fellow
student revise and edit her paper. You are going to read Claire’s paper. You may come to
some words or sentences that you think she should change. When this happens, write
notes in the margin to tell what is wrong and how you would fix it.
V.
Key Vocabulary – spearheading, radically, hone, posterity, adjunct, pungency, dubbed
VI.
VII.
Resources
A.
Textbook
Glencoe McGraw-Hill, Writer’s Choice Grammar and Composition
B.
Supplementary materials
Handout #1 - Two Different Endings of the Same Story
Handout # 2 – The Ending of “Want to See Something?” by Raymond Carver in
Beginnings and The Ending of “I Could See the Smallest Things” as edited by
Gordon Lish in What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
Handout # 3 - “The Real Carver: Expansive or Minimal?”
Handout # 4 - Questions to Accompany “The Real Carver: Expansive or
Minimal?”
Handout # 5 - The Everglades—More Than You Might Expect (with a teacher
copy which includes corrections)
C.
Technology
“The Real Carver: Expansive or Minimal?” found online at
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/teachers/featured_articles/20071019friday.html
“Beginners” found online at http://www.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/Carver/pdf
U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics
(http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos089.htm).
FOLLOW UP ACTIVITIES
(reteaching, cross-curricular support, technology activities, next lesson in sequence, etc.)
A.
Review of skills
- redundancy (unneeded luxury vs. luxury; completely finished vs. finished)
- wordiness (the boss with ambition vs. the ambitious boss)
- passive verbs (the door was opened vs. he opened the door)
B.
Next lesson in sequence
 The next lesson in sequence should be the comparison and correction of
Handout # 5 – The Everglades—More Than You Might Expect

VIII.
Students requiring enrichment may present their chosen projects.
Teacher Notes
 This focus plan is based on the following website:
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/teachers/lessons/20071019friday_print.html

Handout # 5 is taken from TAKS Study Guide, 2003.