EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER
Lesson 8.1
Purpose
The student will understand the importance of a
positive self-concept, interpersonal relationships,
and the relationships of sound social, emotional, and
mental health practices to wellness.
The student will understand the consequences of
personal actions as they relate to personal, mental,
and social health.

Key Concepts
The learner will:
 establish skills to cope with feelings
appropriately.
 identify and develop behaviors necessary for
people to cooperate with others by practicing
respect, understanding, responsibility, and selfdiscipline in relationships.
 evaluate how personal actions affect others.
 promote personal, mental, physical, and social
health by examining common emotional
characteristics
which
apply
to
typical
adolescents (i.e., mood swings, link to peer
values, sexual attractions).
Teaching Tips
 Respect individual and cultural differences within
your class.
 Respect your students right to privacy.
 Make sure the class is a safe place where
students feel comfortable expressing their
feelings.
MCS Standard 1
Students should be able to effectively demonstrate
knowledge and skills for good mental, social,
emotional and physical health and safety.
Specific Expectation 5
Communicate emotions, feelings, and ideas in
positive ways and demonstrate skills (collaboration,
negotiation, refusal, goal-setting, decision-making,
and conflict resolution) for effective, responsible
interpersonal relationships.
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students can effectively communicate with
different audiences, through a variety of
mediums, to achieve different purposes.


Students can listen attentively and understand
the intended message or main ideas expressed
in spoken forms of communication.
Students can read with comprehension and
identify the main points expressed in written text.
Students can identify and assess the benefits,
risks, and consequences of decisions and
actions.
Time
1 class meeting
Materials
Paper
Pencil
Chalk
Chalkboard
Dealing With Emotions Appropriately Discussion
Sheet
Case Study Discussion Sheet
All Bottled Up Handout
Teen Troubles Role-play
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Appropriate
Consequences
Emotions
Inappropriate
Infatuation
Love
INVESTIGATION
Large Group Discussion and Brainstorming Sessions
Begin a class discussion by asking the students to define the word – emotion. After a definition is established, ask
the students to list as many emotions as possible in one minute on a sheet of paper.
Explain to students that the way we deal with and express emotions appropriately takes planning, skill, and
maturity. Establish definitions for words – appropriate and inappropriate. Have each student select four of their
most powerful emotions and list the appropriate and inappropriate ways to express these emotions. Explain to
students that the way we deal with and express emotions appropriately takes planning, skill, and maturity.
Use the following example on the emotion of anger:
 Appropriate response: Try to communicate with someone who will listen and help you understand why you
feel the way you do.
1

Inappropriate response: Reacting with physical violence or cruel remarks.
Ask students to volunteer to share their responses and hold a discussion focusing on the consequences of
inappropriate reactions. Discussion points may include how inappropriate reactions affect student’s reputation,
popularity, parent’s opinions, grades, and other relationships.
APPLICATION
Choose one or more of the following:
1. Case Study
Materials: discussion sheet – Case Study and pencils
Give each student a copy of the discussion sheet- Case Study. Give the students several minutes to react to
the case study and complete their sheets. Organize the students into work teams of three or four students.
Have them discuss the possible prescriptions for the problem and purpose the best prescription for their team.
Allow teams the opportunity to share and hear from other teams. Discuss.
2. All Bottled Up
Materials: discussion sheet All Bottled Up and pencils
Give each student a copy of the discussion sheet – All Bottled Up. Give them several minutes to read through
the discussion sheet and list their answers. Organize the students into work teams of three or four students.
Have the students work together to analyze their sheets. Have teams of students share. Discuss.
Give each student a copy of the handout – Role-Play: Teen Troubles. Have them pick one of the situations on
the handout. Have two members of the group role play the situation from the “inappropriate” response point of
view and state two consequences resulting from the inappropriate response. Have the two remaining group
members role play an “appropriate” response to the same situation and state two consequences that could
result from appropriate responses. Encourage comments/suggestions from the entire class after the roleplaying scenario.
HOMEWORK
Choose one of the following:
1. Cartoon
Materials: paper, pencils, markers, colored pencils, etc.
Draw a cartoon of something that makes you angry and include a constructive solution. Pick the top five or
ten cartoons and make arrangements to display them in the school for all the students to see. Teacher and
students together can determine the assessment criteria.
2. I Guess I Could’ve…
Materials: paper and pencils
Very often we wish we had handled situations differently, or we think of great things we could have done long
after an incident is over. Write a one page entry about a personal experience involving a strong emotional
reaction that could have been handled differently. Explain how your actions affected the person you cared
about, including yourself.
GLOSSARY
1. consequences – the results of an action
2. emotions – strong feelings of any kind, such as joy, grief, fear, hate, love, anger, and excitement.
3. infatuation – exaggerated fondness or passion: foolish love.
4. love – 1. a warm and tender liking: deep feeling of fondness and friendship; great affection or devotion. 2.
strong or passionate affection for a person one desires sexually.
5. appropriate – Suitable or fitting for a particular purpose, person, or occasion.
6. inappropriate – not appropriate; not suitable or proper.
2
Dealing With
Emotions
Appropriately
When you are angry or upset, we often perceive the other person as an enemy or opponent in
a contest. Like in an athletic event, we think of either winning or losing. It is difficult to
remember that we both have some of the same emotions – not “me” against “you” but both of
us tied up with common emotions and feelings that need to be resolved:
SITUATION
EMOTIONS (2)
APPROPRIATE
RESPONSE
Your brother turns the TV
off the channel you were
watching.
Someone breaks in front
of you in line at a game.
Your parents blame you
for something you didn’t
do.
The school bully tries to
pick a fight with you.
Your best friend told you
not to tell.
Your teacher accused
you of cheating on a test
and you Didn’t.
Your girl or boyfriend
forgets your birthday.
3
Case Study
You are the counselor. It is your job to read the case study
and analyze the situation in order to provide a prescription for the
individuals involved.
below
Emmit completed his insect and leaf collection for his biology class. He just made the deadline.
The project will count 50% of his grade and cannot be turned in late or incomplete. Michael,
Emmit’s best friend, picks up Emmit’s project to look at it. Emmit sees him, yells, and lunges to
grab the project from Michael. As Emmit lunges, he trips, and he and Michael fall to the floor.
The project hits the floor, falls apart and becomes totally unorganized. It will take hours to put
the project back in order. This would make the project late.
Emmit screams, “Why don’t you keep your filthy hands off my work, you idiot? You better have
it fixed by the end of 2nd period, or I will tear your project apart!”
Michael yell back, “You’re an idiot, you broke your own project. I wouldn’t help you if you were
the last person on earth!”
NAMES OF PEOPLE INVOLVED:
#1
#2
DIAGNOSIS:
Identify the feelings of each person involved
#1
#2
POSSIBLE PRESCRIPTIONS FOR THE PROBLEM:
#1
#2
#3
BEST PRESCRIPTION:
4
“All Bottled Up”
Often we feel frustrated and angry, and don’t know how to
deal with these emotions. We “bottled up” our emotions or
feelings until we can’t take it anymore, and we explode. We
feel totally out of control.
Doctors say that it is important to find appropriate ways
to release our emotions. Otherwise, these feelings can lead
to many physical and emotional problems.
Learning to deal with our emotions constructively or
appropriately will not only help us stay healthy physically
and emotionally but can help us handle conflicts and become
more caring individuals.
Your Challenge:
It is not always easy to find constructive or
appropriate ways to deal with people or situations
that make you feel frustrated or angry before you
get “boiling mad”. List 6 ways that you can express
your anger without hurting yourself or others.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
5
Role Play – Teen Troubles
Teenagers usually have disagreements with the following people or
groups of people. Maybe the exact situation has happened to you
before.
Pick one of the following activities to role-play in front of the class.
Two of the group members can role-play inappropriate responses and
the remaining two members can role-play appropriate responses to
the same situation. For each situation, role-play 2 or more
inappropriate responses and 2 or more appropriate responses. Include
at least 2 consequences for each type of response.
1. Friends – You told your best friend that you were in love with
someone at school. The next day, you find your friend flirting
outrageously with your love.
2. Parents – You have been grounded from the phone until your math
grade improves. At 10:30 P.M., one of your parents picks up the
phone to use it, and you are on it. Your parents ground you for the
entire weekend for disregarding your punishment.
3. Acquaintances – You overhear a group of classmates at lunch
laughing about your old tennis shoes. They are old, but they are the
best you have.
4. Teacher – Your science teacher tells the class to take notes from
the overhead. You are working on your math homework that is due
next period instead of taking notes and paying attention. Without
saying a word, the teacher takes your math homework, tears it up,
and throws it in the garbage.
6
Assessment Rubric for Role Play: Teen Troubles
Distinguished – 4 points
 Includes 2 or more inappropriate responses
 Includes 2 or more appropriate responses
 States at least 2 consequences of inappropriate responses
 States at least 2 consequences of appropriate responses
 Works well together as a real team
 Everyone assumes responsibility for a role (s)
Proficient – 3 points
 Includes 1 inappropriate response
 Includes 1 appropriate response
 States at least 1 consequence of inappropriate response
 States at least 1 consequence of appropriate response
 Works well together
 Almost everyone assumes responsibility for a role (s)
Apprentice – 2 points
 Role-plays but does not distinguish between
appropriate/inappropriate responses.
 Offer no consequences of either type of response.
Non-responsive – 0 points
 Makes on attempt to do the activity
7
LOVE VS. INFATUATION
Purpose
The student will understand the consequences of
personal actions as they relate to personal, mental,
and social health.
Key Concepts
The learner will:
1. recognize appropriate socialization skills.
2. promote personal, mental, physical, and social
health by demonstrating that there are variations
among individual’s physical, emotional, and
social growth rates which are quite evident in
adolescents.
3. promote personal, mental, physical, and social
health by examining common emotional
characteristics
which
apply
to
typical
adolescents (i.e., mood swings, link to peer
values, sexual attractions).
4. identify and develop behaviors necessary for
people to cooperate with others by increasing
self-knowledge and identifying qualities found in
meaningful relationships.
MCS Standards 1 and 2
 Students should be able to effectively
demonstrate knowledge and skills for good
mental, social, emotional and physical health
and safety.
 Students should be able to make and
communicate sound judgments about the
influences of culture, media, technology, and
other factors on personal, family, and community
health and fitness.
Lesson 8.2
Teaching Tips
 Stress that there are different kinds of
relationships ranging from casual to intimate.
 Discuss emotional characteristics that relate to
adolescents.
Time
2 class meetings
Materials
Transparencies:
 Infatuation Is…
 Physical Attraction Is…
 Love Is…
 Reasons Frequently Given by Teens for
Becoming Sexually Involved
 Reasons Frequently Given by Teens for
Postponing Sexual Involvement
 Unexpected Results of Having Sex
 Facts for Teachers Regarding Abstinence
Respect Response Discussion Sheet
Resistance Skills: Learning How to Say No and
Mean It Handout
Abstinence Armor, Love vs. Infatuation Test
Handout
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Abstinence
Abstain
Acquaintances
Friend
Infatuation
Love
Sex
Sexual relationship
True love
Specific Expectations 1-5, 2-1, and 2-2
 Communicate emotions, feelings, and ideas in
positive
ways
and
demonstrate
skills
(collaboration, negotiation, refusal, goal-setting,
decision making, and conflict resolution) for
effective,
responsible
interpersonal
relationships.
 Assess the impact of culture on personal, family,
and community health and fitness.
 Evaluate the effects of media on personal,
family, and community health and fitness.
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students can identify and assess the benefits,
risks, and consequences of decisions and
actions.
 Students
can
perceive
issues
and
circumstances from different points of view.
 Students can use the “scientific method” to solve
problems and create understanding.
8
INVESTIGATION
Large Group Discussion
Introduce this lesson by explaining to the students that throughout life people experience a variety of relationships
– from casual to loving. Some of these relationships will be close, long-lasting relationships and some will not. For
example, at school you know a great many of your peers. Most of them, however, are just classmates to you –
you do not consider them friends, only acquaintances. Even among friends, there may be some individuals you
feel closer to than others. This very special kind of relationship develops over a long period of time. Explain that
during this lesson we will focus on understanding confusing feelings that are very natural during adolescence.
Ask students to take out a sheet of paper and a pencil. Inform the students that you will say four words – one
word at a time. After they hear each word, they should write down their first response to that word. Discuss their
responses before going to the next word.
1. The first word is infatuation.
Possible answers may be: crush, physical attraction, love at first sight, chemistry, etc.
Explain that mistaking emotional feelings of infatuation for love is a common mistake, and it will take time to
know if it’s infatuation or love. Show transparency – Infatuation Is… Discuss.
2. The second word is physical attraction.
Possible answers – appearance, sexuality, shallow, making love. Show transparency – Physical Attraction
Is… Discuss.
3. The third word is love.
Possible answers may be marriage, romance, happily ever after, etc.
Explain that love is a very powerful emotion that needs to be cultivated over a long period of time and that
there are many forms and expressions of love. Explain that we will love many people throughout our lifetime.
Ask students to name categories of peoples we will love during our lifetime. Hopefully, they will include
parents, friends, siblings, extended family, teachers, coaches, etc. Stress that there are different ways to
show affection for another person. You do not have to relate sexually to a person to share with them on an
intimate level. It is wise to wait to become sexually intimate until you know you have found the person you
know you want to spend the rest of your life with. Explain that we should wait and reserve an intimate physical
relationship for that one special person who we will spend a long period of time with as an adult – marriage.
Show transparency – Love Is… Discuss.
4. The fourth word is intimate.
Possible answers may be: loving, affectionate, sexual, close, etc.
Explain to students that there are many ways people can communicate that they care for someone other than
having sex or sexual intercourse. Affection can be expressed in many ways – through gestures, actions,
verbal communication, or written comments or appreciation rather than getting involved in a sexual
relationship. There are many consequences related to sexual intercourse. Inform that this will be discussed in
a future lesson.
Ask students to brainstorm ways they demonstrate affections for family members and close friends. List all of
the students’ responses on the chalkboard. Students’ responses may include: spending time together, doing
things for each other, sharing experiences, writing cards or letters, telephoning, giving a gift, confiding in
them, being honest with them, hugging, holding hands, etc.
Ask the following questions:
1. Why is it a good idea to wait to have a sexual relationship?
2. What are some factors that influence teens to think “everyone” is doing it?
Allow students to discuss their responses to these questions.
9
APPLICATION
Day 1
Choose one or more of the following:
1. What Do You Think?
Materials: paper and pencil
Place students in groups of three or four to brainstorm and write their reasons for each of the following:
a. Reasons for becoming sexually active
b. Reasons for postponing sexual involvement
c. Unexpected results of having sex
Have each group share their brainstorms and make one list for each. Display the lists for all students to see.
Leave this up throughout the year and reflect back on it from time to time.
2. The Tree
Materials: chalk and chalkboard or poster and markers
Draw a tree on the board. Label the trunk with the phrase – Teenage sexual involvement. Draw three main
branches and label them: 1. Unwanted pregnancy, 2. Contracting HIV or AIDS, and 3. Transmission of
STD/STI. Have students copy the tree and complete it by adding and labeling branches to show the
relationship or the “Unexpected Results of Having Sex” to each other. (See example in packet). This should
make students aware that one negative result does not stand alone, but causes a rippling effect to several
others.
Day 2
Choose one or more of the following:
1. Respect Response
Materials: Discussion sheet – Respect Response and pencils
Inform students that they should expect a person that they go out with or care about to treat them with respect
at all times. Ask students to think of someone they like, have liked in the past, or a future relationship they
hope to have.
Give each student a copy of the discussion sheet – Respect Response. Have them put a check mark under
the first set of “Yes” and “No” responses to answer the questions concerning the behavior of that person
toward you. When the students have finished, ask them to reword each statement to show the amount of
respect you did or would give that person. Put these responses in the second column of the “Yes” or “No”
responses. Allow students to share their responses. Discuss.
2. I Would…
Materials: paper and pencil
Divide class into groups of 3 or 4 students. Read the following scenario: “You are at a party with no adult
chaperons. Someone turns out the lights and everyone begins kissing… And more. Your date pressures you
into going further than you are ready for or comfortable with.”
1. Write down 2 statements you can say to your date to let him/her know your feelings and what your
limits are.
2. Write down 2 actions you can take to remove yourself from this situation.
3. Write down 2 actions you could have taken beforehand to avoid being in this situation.
Ask for volunteers to share their responses.
Give each student a copy of the handout – Resistance Skills. Go over the handout with students. Let them
practice with a partner doing #1 and #2. Discuss and write down other reasons under #2. Ask students what
is meant by the statement at the bottom of the page: It’s never too late to choose abstinence.
Show transparency – Abstinence Armor. Lead large group class discussion by asking for examples they can
give under each choice.
10
HOMEWORK
Day 1
Watch a television program that involves love relationships. List all of the emotions you see on the show with
respect to love relationships. Look for “true love”, infatuation, and physical attraction. Be prepared to discuss in
class. No explicit shows.
Day 2
Select one of the following:
1. Advertisers use the desire for love that most people possess to sell their products. They try to make people
think their product will make buyers attractive, self-confident, sexier, and more likely to be loved. Bring in two
magazines or newspaper advertisements that are examples of this tactic. No explicit magazines.
2. Pick one of the results of having sex. Imagine that this result happened to you. Write at least one paragraph
telling the effect this had on your life.
Day 3
Choose one of the following:
1. Have students ask their parents to discuss an experience they had with infatuation as opposed to true love.
Have them think up questions to ask their parents interview style or just pose the question to see if they can
relate an experience.
2. Write a letter to a friend who has told you of plans to have sex with his/her partner. Each of the persons are
14 years old and have been going together for six months. They have decided they are truly in love and will
marry either during or after college. In the letter offer reasons or tips to encourage your friend to abstain from
entering into a sexual relationship.
GLOSSARY
1. abstain – to do without something; hold oneself back from: refrain.
2. abstinence – choosing not to be sexually active; choosing not to use alcohol or drugs.
3. infatuation – exaggerated fondness or passion; foolish love.
4. love – 1. a warm and tender liking; deep feeling of fondness and friendship; great affection or devotion. 2.
strong or passionate affection for a person one desires sexually.
5. sexual relationship – the level of sexual involvement in a relationship between two people.
6. true love – caring more for another person’s well being than for your own.
11
Infatuation is…

marked by feelings of insecurity. You are
excited and eager, but you are not
genuinely happy.

marked by doubts and unanswered
questions. There are little bits and pieces
about your beloved that you would just as
soon not examine too closely. This scrutiny
might spoil the dream.

void of confidence and trust.

an emotion that might lead you to do things
you’ll regret later.
12
Physical Attraction Is…

characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual
desire, and anxiety.

based on fantasy – not reality.

obsession with the physical appearance of
self and the other person.

all-consuming mentally. The other person is
all you think about – at the expense of other
friendships/family.

a relationship where both need the other to
feel complete.

the need to rush things, like sex or
marriage, to establish a hold on the other
person. A strong desire to have the other
person “belong” to you.

extreme jealously and sense of urgency not
to lose the other person.
13
Love Is…

patient, kind, and understanding.

mature.

a true friendship.

calming, securing, trusting, and
unthreatening.

an absence of control/manipulation.

a give and take relationship.

total unselfishness between two people.

open communication.

sensitive to each other’s wants and needs.
14
Reasons Frequently Given
by Teens for Becoming
Sexually Involved

Curiosity

Pressure

Low self-esteem

An “It won’t happen to me” attitude

“Everyone else is doing it.”

To hold onto boyfriend or girlfriend

To feel more mature

Lonely

Love

See it on TV, in the movies, and hear about
it in music
15
Reasons Frequently Given
by Teens for Postponing
Sexual Involvement

Fear of pregnancy

Fear of getting a sexual transmitted
infection/disease

Afraid parents will find out

May be painful

Against religious beliefs

Might interfere with future plans

Not financially ready for the responsibility
of a baby

Not physically or mentally ready for a
sexual relationship

Might ruin reputation
16
17
Facts for Teachers Regarding
Sexual Abstinence
Delaying sexual intercourse can be advantageous for several reasons. Use the
following information to present the advantages of abstinence within the context
of a discussion on decision-making or love relationships.
 The majority of teens practice abstinence.
 Fifty one percent (51%) of males and fifty eight percent (58%) of females at
age 16 have never had intercourse.
 Thirty percent (30%) of teens believe the right age to begin having sex is 18 or
older.
 Seventy nine percent (79%) of teens believe other teens start to have sex
earlier than they should.
 Personal reasons adolescents give for choosing abstinence.
 religion
 choosing abstinence can be a sign of real emotional maturity and requires
honesty to be able to resist pressure from someone you love
 Medical reasons adolescents give for choosing abstinence:
 100 % effective method of birth control
 100 % effective method of reducing the risk of HIV infection – AIDS and
STD/STI
 reduces the risk of cervical cancer
 Relationship reasons adolescents give for choosing abstinence:
 Abstaining may allow a couple time to develop a deeper friendship. They
may spend more time talking, building mutual interests, sharing their good
times with other friends, and establishing intimacy that is other than sexual.
 Abstaining can be a test of love.
 Abstaining may teach the couple to be more loving.
18
Respect Response
Does This
Person:
YES NO
Do You:
YES
NO
1. Choose friends who are responsible?
2. Seem sincerely interested in what I say
and do?
3. Treat all people, regardless of their
gender, race, religion, or other differences,
with respect?
4. Avoid put-downs to me or to my friends?
5. Make responsible decisions that are legal,
safe, healthful, and respectful of self and
others?
6. Remain drug free?
7. Have a healthy/healthful attitude about
members of both sexes?
8. Say No to sexual activity?
9. Never harm me, other people, or property
in anyway? Exhibit non-violence?
10. Encourage me to do my best in school?
19
Resistance Skills: Learning How To Say NO
and Mean It
1. Say NO in an assertive way.
 Look directly at your partner.
 Say NO in a confident and firm voice.
 Talk with your partner about your limits.
 Suggest more appropriate ways of showing affection.
2. Give reasons for saying NO.
 I want to follow the beliefs and guidelines of my family and church.
 I want to maintain a good reputation.
 I want to protect myself from STD/STI and HIV.
 I want to have self-respect and respect from you.
 I am not willing to risk a pregnancy that I am not ready for emotionally,
physically, or financially.
 I want to pursue my long-term goals.
 Others –
3. Use nonverbal behavior to match your words:
 Do not lead someone on.
 Do not get into behaviors that result in strong feelings and expressions
such as…
 unchaperoned parties
 using drugs/alcohol that will change your ability to make responsible
decisions
 places where you are totally alone
4. Avoid being with teens who pressure you to be sexually active.
 Demand respect for yourself and treat others with respect.
 Be willing to end a relationship with someone who does not respect your
limits.
5. Influence others to make responsible decisions.
 Set a good example for others to follow.
 Share your decision to choose abstinence with your friends.
20
Abstinence Armor
Choices you can make to give you strength to resist
pressure to become sexually active.
1.
Establish relationships with trusted adults.
2.
Develop loving family relationships.
3.
Select friends who choose abstinence.
4.
Date other teens who choose abstinence.
5.
Be involved in activities that promote positive selfesteem.
6.
Select entertainment that promotes sex within
marriage.
7.
Avoid situations that tempt you to be sexually
active.
8.
Do not use alcohol or other drugs.
9.
Establish personal goals, both short and long term.
10. Learn to be assertive and use wise decisionmaking skills.
21
Love vs. Infatuation Test
Name ____________________________________Date _______________
Part I
Read the following statements. Identify each as a characteristic of infatuation, physical
attraction, or love.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Couple is always alone.
Open communication.
Relationship lacks confidence and trust.
Might lead you to do things you will regret.
Patient, kind, and understanding
Being obsessed with your appearance
Trust and security
Not realistic concerning faults of partner
Giving up your friends for your partner
Exciting and eager, but not genuinely happy
Part II
The following statements are typical of what a teenager might say as a result of a relationship.
Tell whether the statement reflects love, physical attraction, or infatuation. (Since there is only
a fine line between infatuation and physical attraction, some statements apply to both.)
1.
2.
3.
4.
My parents are gone for the night. Let’s go back to my house.
Tell me about your day.
I will do anything to keep him as my boyfriend.
Of course, I understand why you are late. I know your puppy got
sick and you wanted to take him to the vet.
5.
She says she loves me, but I see her talking and flirting with
other guys all the time.
What can I wear on my date tonight? I’ve got to look absolutely
fabulous.
I don’t mind if you go out with your friends. I know I can trust
you.
I am only complete when I am with you. You are my world.
Nothing else matters to me but you.
Every time I see him, I am so scared and excited. I can’t think of
anything to say. Why is love so miserable?
I know he hit his last girlfriend, but he loves me more. Beside,
she deserved it.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
22
Part III
Multiple Choice: Circle the correct response
1. Which of the following is an example of saying “NO” in an assertive way?
a. avoiding places that promote sexual experimentation
b. setting a good example
c. saying “No” in a confident and firm voice
d. avoiding alcohol and drugs
2. Which is an example of non-verbal behavior that can lead to abstinence?
a. Do not lead someone on.
b. End a relationship with someone who does not respect your limits.
c. Suggest appropriate ways of showing affection.
d. Give reasons for saying “No”.
3. Which of the following is not a reason for saying “No”?
a. I want to maintain a good reputation.
b. I am lonely and curious about sex.
c. I want to follow the guidelines of my family and church.
d. I want to have self-respect and respect from you.
Part IV
Short Answer
1. Define sexual abstinence.
2. List 5 reasons given by teens for becoming sexually involved.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
3. List 5 reasons for postponing sexual involvement.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
4. List 5 unexpected results of having sex.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
5. Discuss one personal reason for choosing abstinence.
6. Discuss two medical reasons for choosing abstinence.
7. Discuss two relationship reasons for choosing abstinence.
23
STEREOTYPES – NO WAY
Purposes
The student will understand roles, values,
responsibilities, contributions, and life cycles in
family structures.
The student will understand the need for and
process of personal goal-setting and the effect on
future outcomes.
The student will understand the importance of a
positive self-concept, interpersonal relationships,
and the relationship of sound social, emotional, and
mental health practices to wellness.
Key Concepts
The learner will:
1. recognize family influence in the development of
personal values and how they will affect future
decisions.
2. define gender discrimination and harassment.
3. analyze values according to personal beliefs.
4. appraise changing roles throughout the life
cycle.
5. analyze how personal choices can affect future
outcomes.
6. respect individual and cultural differences.
7. identify traditional and non-traditional roles and
responsibilities of males and females.
MCS Standard 1
Students should be able to effectively demonstrate
knowledge and skills for good mental, social, and
physical health and safety.
Specific Expectation 5
Communicate emotions, feelings, and ideas in
positive ways and demonstrate skills (collaboration,
negotiation, refusal, goal-setting, decision-making,
Lesson 8.3
and conflict resolution) for effective, responsible
interpersonal relationships.
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students
can
perceive
issues
and
circumstances from different points of view.
 Students can distinguish between fact, opinion,
and interpretation.
 Students are knowledgeable of cultural diversity
in a global society.
Teaching Tips
 Be sensitive to ethnic and cultural differences.
 Remember that self-esteem is linked to family
traditions, language, customs, and other aspects
of the student’s environments.
 Allow students to express an unpopular or
minority opinion or position without feeling
threatened.
 When expressing your own personal opinion,
make it clear that it is your personal opinion or
value or belief and not necessarily the “right”
point of view.
Time
1 class meeting
Materials
Learning to Be A “Man” and A “Woman” Discussion
Sheet
Professionally Speaking Discussion Sheet
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Culture
Discrimination
Norms
Stereotyping
Values
INVESTIGATION
Large Group Discussion
Explain to the students that there are various influences on our lives that are determined by our culture. Culture is
the sum of the way we live. It includes our beliefs, religion, and customs. Our culture provides guidelines for our
behavior. Introduce the term – norms. Explain that our culture determines our norms – the standards or rules for
behavior. Norms define whether behaviors are appropriate or inappropriate. Introduce the term – value. Define
value as any belief or quality that is important, desirable, or prized. Explain that values also play an important role
in defining the appropriateness of one’s behavior. If a person makes a decision that doesn’t agree with their
values, then they may be unhappy. Explain that norms and values vary from culture to culture and within cultures.
Ask students to think of some examples of norms that are considered appropriate for our country, but may seem
inappropriate in another country. Examples may center around: the roles of women, dress, religion, types of
education, touch, personal space, etc. Discuss these.
24
Now ask students to think of some other influences on their behavior – particularly on their behaviors with
members of the opposite sex. Answers may include: siblings, peers, church, family, TV, movies, videos, music,
books, and magazines.
Write the word – stereotype on the board and ask students for definitions and some examples of stereotypes they
may hear or see everyday. Explain to students that stereotyping people according to gender, race, religion, and
age gives the perception of barriers or obstacles and can limit options for the future. Stereotyping can also limit
our options and personal relationships and gender roles.
Ask students to discuss gender stereotypes and some of the common problems in opposite sex relationships.
Possible topics for discussion may include: who pays for the date, what type of date will it be, who is allowed to
ask out a date, pressures to “act” certain ways, etc.
APPLICATION
Choose one or more of the following:
1. If I Were… Transparency
Materials: transparence or butcher paper and markers
Instruct the class that they will now examine male and female roles. Divide the class into small, same gender
teams. Ask each team to write five endings for the following sentences on a transparency or on a piece of
butcher paper to share later.
Male Team
“I’m glad I’m a man because…”
“If I were a woman, I could…”
Female Team
“I’m glad I’m a woman because…
“If I were a man, I could…”
Give an example to help the student get started. When the groups have completed their task, have them
share their sentences.
Discuss the responses using the following questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Were any of the responses the same for both groups?
Was it harder for boys or girls to come up with reasons why they are happy to be their gender.
Was it harder for boys or girls to state the advantages of being the opposite gender?
Which of the advantages of being a man are real reasons and which are stereotyped reasons?
Which of the advantages of being a woman are real reasons and which are stereotyped reasons?
Is it possible to be a man and still have or do some of the things listed under “woman”?
It is possible to be a woman and still have or do some of the things listed under “man”?
2. Learning To Be A “Man” and A “Woman”
Materials: discussion sheet – Learning To Be A “Man” and A “Woman” and pencil
Divide the class into small, mixed gender teams. Give each student a copy of the discussion sheet - Learning
To Be A “Man” and A “Woman”. Ask each student to work through his/her sheet. When all the members of the
team have finished, discuss the items together.
3. Professionally Speaking
Materials: discussion sheet – Professionally Speaking and pencils
Give each student a copy of the discussion sheet – Professionally Speaking. Read the instructions aloud and
allow time for students to work through each item. Lead class discussion following the guidelines at the
bottom on the discussion sheet.
26
HOMEWORK
If you are male, write a paper describing what it means to you to be a man.
If you are a female, write a paper describing what it means to you to be a woman.
ASSESSMENT
Have students collect right examples of magazine pictures that show the “opposite” of a stereotype. For example,
women in high-power jobs (police, business, military), or in physically demanding roles, and men cooking, caring
for children or showing emotions or sensitivity. These must be in collage form on one-fourth poster board or
similar sturdy material. Students should attempt to balance men and women examples. Ask students to be
prepared to show their collage in class and tell why they chose those particular pictures.
GLOSSARY
1. culture – civilization of a given people or nation at a given time; its customs, arts, conveniences, etc. 2.
behavior that is socially taught, rather than instinctive or individual.
2. discrimination – a difference in attitude or treatment shown to a particular person, class, etc.
3. norms – 1. standards for a certain group type, model, or pattern. 2. average; mean.
4. stereotyping – use of an exaggerated and oversimplified belief about an entire group, such as an ethnic
group, a religious group, or a certain sex.
5. values – principles that one considers important and that guides one’s life.
27
Learning to Be a “Man” and a “Woman”
Messages you receive every day of your life from parents, teachers, peers, the media,
society in general, shape your perception of what it means to be a man or a woman.
Unfortunately, a lot of messages you receive are not in your best interest and are based on
stereotypes. It is easy to confuse these messages with what is real.
Look over the following statements. Check the ones you believe are true.
Males
_______ 1. The more pain I take, the more masculine I am.
_______ 2. Showing feelings is feminine.
_______ 3. The more alcohol I can hold, the more manly I am.
_______ 4. A real man doesn’t need sleep.
_______ 5. A man should not cry. If he does, he’s a sissy.
_______ 6. A man should take care of himself with no help.
Females
_______ 1. Being independent is masculine and unattractive.
_______ 2. My self-worth is based on whether or not I have a man in my life to take care of me.
_______ 3. It’s O.K. if I do the same job as a man and do not make the same amount of money.
_______ 4. I can only work in nurturing type jobs.
_______ 5. Being ambitious is only appropriate for men.
_______ 6. Being confident is masculine.
28
Professionally Speaking
Even though either gender can and does perform the following jobs, indicate
whether you associate them with a male or a female. Put “M” for the ones you
associate with males, and “F” for the ones you associate with females.
1. pilot
16. politician
2. teacher
17. hairdresser
3. U.S. President
18. professional ballplayer
4. bank officer
19. secretary
5. doctor
20. plumber
6. nurse
21. college professor
7. airplane mechanic
22. telephone repairman
8. electrician
23. coach
9. flight attendant
24. day care provider
10. minister
25. bus driver
11. author
26. principal
12. lawyer
27. police officer
13. professional dancer
28. fire fighter
14. judge
15. CEO (Chief Executive Officer)
Boss of a company
Discuss how these professions have change over the past few decades.
Which ones do you think would have been open to only one sex in the
1960’s? Which one would you consider doing? Explain why you chose some
and why you did not choose others.
29
Rubric for Assessment Activity
Distinguished (4 points)





Contains a minimum of 8 examples in collage form.
Examples reflect stereotype ‘opposites’.
Includes examples of both men and women in opposite roles.
Shares collage with class.
Clearly verbalizes why each example was chosen.
Proficient (3 points)





Contains at least 6 examples in collage form.
Examples reflect stereotype ‘opposites’.
Includes examples of both men and women in opposite roles.
Shares collage with class.
Verbalizes why each example was chosen.
Apprentice (2 points)




Contains at least 4 examples in collage form.
Some examples reflect stereotype ‘opposites’.
Includes an unequal number of examples of men and women.
Shares collage with class.
Novice (1 point)
 Contains only 2 examples that may or not be in collage form.
 Some examples reflect stereotype ‘opposites’.
 Shares collage with class, but verbalization of reasons is unclear.
Non-responsive (0 points)
 Makes no attempt
30
Optional Extended Activities
1. Go to a toy store or look at a magazine from a toy store (many
copies of magazines are available at Toy-R-Us or Kay-Bee-Toys.)
Decide which toys seem to be advertised exclusively for one gender
or the other, and which ones can be used by both. Complete the
following chart either using a picture of the toy or the name and
description of the toy.
2. Watch commercials on a channel devoted to children’s
programming, such as cartoons on Saturday morning –
Nickelodeon, FOX Kids, or the Cartoon channel. Organize the
toys/products advertised into a chart designed with the same
headings as above.
3. Discuss the following questions:
 How could listening to songs or videos which many people
consider disrespectful to members of the opposite sex affect my
respect for the opposite sex?
 Do I hold the opinion of the artist or group who is singing?
 How popular are these songs or videos?
 If they are very popular, why, in your opinion, is that so?
 Can I see why someone would be offended by these songs?
31
CAN WE TALK?
Purpose
The student will understand the importance of a
positive self-concept, interpersonal relationships,
and the relationships of sound, emotional, and
mental health practice to wellness.
The student will understand the consequences of
personal actions as they relate to personal, mental,
and social health.
Key Concepts
The learner will:
1. identify and develop behaviors necessary for
people to cooperate with others by utilizing
effective communication skills; increasing selfknowledge and identifying qualities found in
meaningful relationships; and practicing respect,
understanding, responsibility, and self-discipline
in relationships.
2. evaluate how personal actions affect others.
MCS Standard 1
Students should be able to effectively demonstrate
knowledge and skills for good mental, social,
emotional and physical health and safety.
Specific Expectation 5
Communicate emotions, feelings, and ideas in
positive ways and demonstrate skills (collaboration,
negotiation, refusal, goal-setting, decision-making,
and conflict resolution) for effective, responsible
interpersonal relationships.
Lesson 8.4
Teaching Tips
 Remember
that
learning
effective
communication skills is new to most teens. Be
patient and give them opportunities for lots of
practice.
 Praise students when you see or hear them
using effective communication skills.
 Be aware of the fact that young men in our
culture are often socialized to disguise or hide
their true feelings rather than to express them.
At the same time, young women in our society
are sometimes taught to be passive.
Time
2 class meetings
Materials
Keys for Good Communication Transparency
“I” Messages and “You” Messages Handout
Using “I” Messages Activity Sheet
Index cards
Inappropriate Responses – Listener Discussion
Sheet
The Scenario Assessment
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Active listening
Non-verbal communication
Respect
Verbal communication
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students can listen attentively and understand
the intended message or main idea expressed in
spoken forms of communication.
 Students
can
perceive
issues
and
circumstances from different points of view.
32
INVESTIGATION
Large Group Discussion
Explain to students that this lesson will focus on using good communication techniques. Good communication
involves several components. Ask students to think of the many ways people communicate with each other.
Answers may include; verbal, non-verbal, body language, facial expressions, written, sign language, etc.
Explain that the expression of feelings can be very difficult. Sometime, we are afraid our feelings will be rejected
or laughed at, so we hide them or express them in an inappropriate way. Use transparency – Keys for Good
Communication to discuss the points identified there including:
1. Remain Calm
5. Maintain Eye Contact
2. Use “I” Messages
6. Don’t Use Put-Downs
3. Be Clear and Direct
7. Don’t Send Mixed Messages
4. Use Active Listening
8. Give Feedback
Now focus on verbal communication. Go over handout – “I” Messages and “You” Messages. Make sure students
understand concept before moving on.
Direct the lesson to non-verbal communication. Introduce this activity by telling the students that much of our
communication is non-verbal, or without words. Non-verbal includes hand gestures, facial expressions, posture,
etc. We often communicate our feelings indirectly, for example, rolling our eyes is a non-verbal way of expressing
irritation or disgust.
Now focus on active listening. Explain that everyone has experienced how it feels to be talking to someone who
doesn’t seem to pay attention. Give each student a discussion sheet- Inappropriate Responses – Listener. Ask
them to become familiar with the examples of obstacles which hamper effective communication listed at the top of
this sheet. Explain that all of these exemplify inappropriate responses of the listener. Make certain students
understand before moving on.
APPLICATION
1. I Messages
Materials: activity sheet - Using “I” Messages and pencils
Tell the students that they are going to practice using “I” messages to convey feelings in a non-aggressive
way so that the listener does not get defensive. Give each student an activity sheet – Using “I” Messages and
allow ten minutes for the students to complete their sheets. When all of the students have finished, allow
volunteers to share their responses. Discuss.
2. Charades
Materials: index cards with examples of emotions written on them
Conduct this like “charades”. Examples of emotions can include the following: surprise, anger, boredom,
disbelief, joy, close-mindedness, disagreement, and agreement.
Ask students to volunteer to draw one card from the stack. Without speaking, they are to communicate the
emotion on the card. Have the other students guess what emotion is being conveyed. Discuss.
3. Stop, Look and Listen
Materials: clock
Now, ask each student to find a partner. Explain that for two minutes one of the partners will tell a story while
the other partner is an inappropriate listener- one who does those things at the top of the discussion sheet. At
the end of two minutes, as the storyteller continues, the listener will stop the inappropriate listening and begin
appropriate listening. After two more minutes have passed, allow the partners to change role. Use the
following questions for discussion:
42
1. What kinds of things did the “listener” say or do to make the speaker feel good or bad about themselves?
2. Did you feel the listeners were listening for the first two minutes?
3. How did it make you feel when your partner didn’t listen to you?
4. How do you let someone know you are listening?
5. How would you like others to listen to you?
HOMEWORK
Write a one-page paper about how you can improve communication skills with someone who lives in your house.
Share this with your parent(s).
ASSESSMENT
Have students complete the Scenario.
GLOSSARY
1. active listening – careful, involved listening in which one really pays attention to what someone is saying and
feeling and lets others know what you heard and understood what was said.
2. non-verbal communication – that act of sending messages through facial expressions and body
movements, rather than through spoken words.
3. verbal communication – the act of sending messages through spoken words.
4. respect – a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or
achievements.
43
44
“I” Messages and “You” Messages
A “You” message is one where you blame or shame the other person for any discomfort,
anger, or resentment you might feel over a situation. It can put the other person on the
defensive and results in a barrier to your relationship and unresolved issues. “You” messages
are usually the first thing we think of to blurt out when we are upset.
An “I” message, on the other hand, helps you assume responsibility for sharing without feeling
defensive. “I” messages pave the way for solutions in a relationship. You must stop and think
before you speak when you want to send an “I” message. Practicing this technique makes it
easier.
An “I” message is a statement that contains the following:
1. A specific behavior or event that has you upset.
2. The effect the behavior or event has on you.
3. The feeling or feelings that result from the behavior or event.
FOR EXAMPLE:
Your best friend runs late most of the time. On this particular night, you are going to a very
important basketball game. The tickets were expensive and hard to come by. Your friend picks
you up thirty minutes later than planned. What might you say? “You are always late and
inconsiderate. I’m sick of you!”
This is a “You” message. It blames or shames the other person. He feels attacked and will
probably become defensive. It will be a difficult situation to resolve and leaves no room for
change or behavior, solving the problem, or mending the relationship.
Suppose you say: “Because I had to wait for you, we will miss part of the game, and I feel
angry.”
This is an “I” message. You stated the particular behavior that has upset you (because I had to
wait for you, not because you were late), the effect of the behavior (we will miss part of the
game). It states your feelings about this event (I feel angry). It allows your friend to respond to
your feelings in a positive way by allowing them a chance to apologize or to explain the
reason.
Note: If your friend is always late and you respond each time with, “That’s okay”, when you
really are upset, you are harming yourself and your friend. You are being too passive by not
stating your true feelings. Chances are they will come out in other ways (possibly negative.)
Also, you are allowing your friend to get away with irresponsible behavior.
45
Using “I” Messages
Name
Date
Directions: Change each “you” message to an “I” message.
Example: “You always lie to me.” ----- “I have trouble trusting what you say. OR “I feel you are
not being honest with me.”
1. “You” message: You never call.
“I” message:
2. “You“ message: You’re late.
“I“ message:
3. “You“ message: That’s a stupid idea.
“I“ message:
4. “You“ message: You always ignore me when we go out.
“I“ message:
5. “You“ message: Don’t yell at me.
“I“ message:
6. “You“ message: You always flirt with your old girl/boyfriend.
“I“ message:
7. “You“ message: You borrowed my sweater and never returned it.
“I“ message:
46
INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSES - LISTENER
-Interrupts and prevents the speaker from finishing his or
her sentences.
-avoids or makes no attempt to make eye contact
-does not respond
-gives advice you didn’t ask for
-tries to top the speaker’s story with a better one
-puts the speaker down
-changes the subject
-refuses to answer
-laughs when the speaker is serious
47
Discussion questions:
1. What kinds of things did the “listener” say or do to make
the speaker feel good or bad about him or herself?
2. Did you feel the listeners were listening for the first two
minutes?
3. How did it make you feel when your partner didn’t listen to
you?
4. How do you let someone know you are listening?
5. How would you like others to listen to you?
48
The Scenario
Part One: Have two students act out the following scenario or have students
read it silently.
Girlfriend to boyfriend (or vice versa): “You make me sick!! You are always flirting
with other people when we go out!!
(Laughs hysterically.) (Answers defensively): “That’s your opinion!!”
“Naw, that’s a fact! You think you’re…”
(Interrupting) “I think you’re crazy!”
“Me? You think I’m crazy? You’re the crazy one. What about the other night at
the dance? You were the crazy one - dancing with my best friend five times in a
row and ignoring me!!!”
“Maybe if you’d learn to dance, I’d dance with you more often. You can’t even do
the Electric Slide”. (Turns away and walks off, angrily.)
Part Two: List words or actions from the scenario that show the inappropriate
responses on the part of the couple. Now, write the story, using “I” messages
and the tips for “Keys For Good Communication”.
49
Assessment Rubric
Distinguished (4 points)
 Identifies a minimum of 4 inappropriate responses in the scenario.
 Rewrite the situation using the 3 components of I messages.
 Rewrites the situation using no inappropriate responses.
Proficient (3 points)
 Identifies a minimum of 3 inappropriate responses in the scenario.
 Rewrite the situation using the 3 components of I messages.
 Rewrites the situation using no inappropriate responses.
Apprentice (2 points)
 Identifies a minimum of 2 inappropriate responses in the scenario.
 Rewrite the situation, but has trouble stating I messages.
 Rewrites the situation, but has at least one inappropriate response.
Novice (1 point)
 Identifies only 1 inappropriate response in the scenario.
 Rewrite the situation, but has trouble stating I messages and distinguishing
between appropriate and inappropriate responses.
Non-responsive (0 points)
 Makes no attempt to do the activity.
50
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Purpose
The student will understand the importance of a
positive self-concept, interpersonal relationships of
sound social, emotional, and mental health practices
to wellness.
Key Concepts
The learner will:
1. establish skills to cope with feelings
appropriately.
2. apply skills needed for conflict resolution.
3. identify and develop behaviors necessary for
people to cooperate with this by utilizing
effective communication skills
4. identifying qualities found in meaningful
relationships.
MCS Standard 1
Students will be able to effectively demonstrate
knowledge and skills for good mental, social,
emotional and physical health and safety.
Specific Expectation 5
Communicate emotions, feelings and ideas in
positive ways and demonstrate skills (collaboration,
negotiation, refusal, goal-setting, decision-making,
and conflict resolution) for effective, responsible
interpersonal relationships.
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students can effectively communicate with
different audiences, through a variety of
mediums, to achieve different purposes.
 Students can listen attentively and understand
the intended messages or main ideas expressed
in spoken forms of communication.
 Students can resolve or deal with conflicts in
acceptable ways.



Lesson 8.6
Students can work with team members from
diverse backgrounds to accomplish group goals.
Students can persevere when tasks are not
easily accomplished.
Students can identify and assess th4e benefits,
risks, and consequences of decisions and
actions.
Teaching Tips
 Remind students that there does not have to be
a winner or a loser in every conflict.
 Use skills learned in other lessons such as
effective communication skills and decisionmaking skills.
 Insist that students attack the problem and not
the person or individual.
 When there is a conflict, both individuals are
responsible for finding the solution.
Time
1 class meeting
Materials
Conflict Resolution Skills Transparency
Self-Assessment Handout
Conflict Resolution Styles Handout
Identifying Conflict Styles Handout
Paper
Pencil
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Arbitration
Conflict
Consequences
Frustration
Mediation
Negotiation
Perception
51
INVESTIGATION
Large Group Discussion
Ask the students to think of a definition of the word – conflict. Possible answers will be argument, disagreement,
fight, struggle, or quarrel. Explain to the students that conflict is a natural part of our lives. Conflict can be small as
an argument or as big as a war. Conflict occurs whenever people are working, playing, or living together. Every
conflict has at least two sides, and each side thinks that it is right. In a conflict, people can get hurt. They can
have their feelings hurt, lose something they want, or become injured or killed, or they may simply feel frustrated
and angry. Explain to the students that we do not all “see” a conflict with the same eyes. Our perceptions are
shaped by our experiences, beliefs, values, knowledge, and skills. Use transparency – Conflict Resolution Skills
to discuss techniques to use for conflict resolution.
Ask students to think about real conflicts they have encountered in their lives. Instruct the students to think of one
conflict they have had with a peer and one conflict they have had with an adult (parent, teacher, etc.). Ask the
students to write down each conflict on a separate sheet of paper. Tell the students to change the names of the
people involved. Divide the class into small groups of three or four students. Have each student select and share
one of their conflicts with their group. In doing so, group members will offer suggestions and their perceptions of
the conflict. Students are to list on a sheet of paper all of the ways the selected conflicts could be resolved.
Discuss conflict resolution strategies for positive and negative results. Instruct the groups to select one conflict
and role play the conflict using positive, effective skills (compromise, mediation, negotiation, communication, etc.).
APPLICATION
Select at least one application from each of the following categories: perception, communication, conflict
resolution, and settling disputes.
PERCEPTION
1. What Do We Mean?
Materials: paper and pencils
What do we mean when we say someone:
 wears rose colored glasses
 has blinders on
 has tunnel vision
 is short-sided
2. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Materials: nothing
How do different cultures view beauty? What are some things we do in our culture that may be perceived as
strange to other cultures? (pierced ears, high heels, permanents, mini-skirts, women’s status) Discuss.
COMMUNICATION
1. Your Body Language Is So Loud
Materials: nothing
Role play and interpret body language: lift one eyebrow, wink, tap fingers, slap forehead, etc. Discuss how
body language can create conflict.
2. Communications Collage
Materials: magazines, newspapers, construction paper, poster board, markers, scissors, etc.
Make a collage of people communicating various emotions.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
1. No Rules
Materials: You decide what materials are needed based on the game.
105
Give the students a game to play without rules. (basketball, bingo, jeopardy, volleyball, etc.). Discuss why
rules are needed to play games. Extend the concept of rules to life.
2. Tug-O-War
Materials: rope and marker
Allow students to have a tug-o-war. Ask students what determined who won? (physical strength) Would it be
wise to solve all conflicts using tug-o-war? (the strongest always wins) Would it be fair? Explain that in tug-owar there is a winner and a loser rather than working together to resolve a conflict. It is important for the
students to start seeing conflict as a common problem to be resolved by pooling energy and working together
as partners. This is call a win-win situation. Conflicts can be handled fairly and constructively by learning
some rules and everyone becomes a winner.
SETTLING DISPUTES
1. Settling Disputes
Materials: Handouts – Self-Assessment: Conflict Resolution, Conflict Resolution Styles, and Identifying
Conflict Styles; and pencils
Give each student a copy of each handout and discuss.
2. Peace Maker
Materials: reference materials
Conflict provides an opportunity to look at a problem creatively, from a fresh perspective. Throughout history
people have spoken out for justice and helped create a better world. Select a peace maker from history and
find out what that individual did and how they accomplished this difficult task. Some examples include:
Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King, Jr., William Penn, Susan B. Anthony,
Jane Addams, Cesar Chavez, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. Create posters or flyers to share this
information with other students.
3. Peace Maker’s Award
Materials: to be determined
Design a peace maker’s award and present it to someone at your school. Judging criteria should be
determined by teacher and students.
HOMEWORK
Discuss with someone who lives in your house a situation which has the potential of becoming a conflict if left
unattended.
ASSESSMENT

Write a letter to “Dear Abby” or “Ann Landers”. In the letter tell about a conflict that you or someone you know
had. Make sure you change the names in your letter.

Write a reply to the letter offering a solution or solutions to the conflict. Follow guidelines on the Conflict
Resolution Skills Transparency and Conflict Resolution Styles Handout.

Underline each example that reflects a successful resolution skill.
1. Remain calm.
2. Set the tone.
a. avoid blaming, put downs, and interrupting
b. affirm others
c. be sincere
d. reserve judgements
e. avoid threats
f. separate the person from the problem
g. use positive non-verbal messages
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3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Define the conflict.
Take responsibility for personal actions.
Use I-messages to express needs and feelings.
Listen to the needs and feelings of others.
List and discuss possible solutions while evaluating each one. (Will the solution result in actions that are
helpful, safe, legal, respectful, and non-violent?)
8. Agree on solution.
9. Keep your word and follow the solution.
10. Ask for assistance of a trusted adult or obtain peer mediation if the conflict can’t be resolved.
GLOSSARY
1. arbitration – a way of settling a dispute or disagreement by agreeing to accept the decision of a person or
group that is not involved.
2. conflict – 1. a fight or struggle. 2. disagreement; argument; direct opposition.
3. consequences – results of an action.
4. frustration – being frustrated; being prevented from accomplishing.
5. perception – 1. the act of perceiving or taking in with the mind; observation. 2. the understanding that is
result of perceiving.
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Conflict Resolution Skills
1. Remain calm.
2. Set the tone.
a. Avoid blaming, put downs, and interrupting
b. Affirm others
c. Be sincere
d. Reserve judgements
e. Avoid threats
f. Separate the person from the problem
g. Use positive non-verbal messages
3. Define the conflict.
4. Take responsibility for personal actions
5. Use I-messages to express needs and feelings
6. Listen to the needs and feelings of others.
7. List and discuss possible solutions while
evaluating each one. (Will the solution result
in actions that are healthful, safe, legal,
respectful, and non-violent?)
8. Agree on solution.
9. Keep your word and follow the solution.
10. Ask for the assistance of a trusted adult or
obtain peer mediation of the conflict can’t be
resolved.
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Self-Assessment:
Conflict Resolution
Many people act before they think. One of the keys to successful conflict resolution is to think before you act. You
must be aware of the ways you cope with conflict. If changes are needed to help you be successful, you must
practice those skills you want to master. One of the first things you should do is examine the way you currently
handle problems.
Rank yourself from 1 to 6 in the following areas.
(1 = very good; 6 = very poor) Place a check in the
box you select.
1 2 3 4 5 6
1. I try to forgive others and to forget past
offenses.
I don’t bring past hurts to
an argument.
2. When I disagree with others, I try not to be
defensive when things do not go my way.
3. I remain calm when I don’t get my way. I
wait to see if I can work things out with
time and a cooling off period.
4. I am saddened when others fail, and I try
not to rub in mistakes. I don’t gloat over
other’s mistakes and failures.
5. I am sensitive to other’s feelings. I try to
give others the benefit of the doubt before
I make a judgement.
6. I am happy when a person achieves his/her
goal. I can be glad that the person is my
friend, and I celebrate his/her success.
7. I try to consider the point of view of
others instead of insisting on my own way.
8. I think before I speak. I decide whether or
not my words will be hurtful to another or
will be something I wish I could take back
later.
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Conflict Resolution Styles
There are 5 styles of conflict resolution outlined below. Refer to
these as you do the activity on the next page.
WIN
is the attitude that says, “Regardless of how you feel
or what you say, I am going to win.” In a WIN situation one
person walks away the victor, and the other person slinks
away the loser.
WITHDRAW
happens when one person decides the issue is
not worth the price emotionally, physically, or mentally to
stay involved. The person “checks out” of the situation.
YIELD
occurs when two or more people in a conflict give
into another person so that they will get along. The
attitude is “I’ll swallow my pride and go along with you,
even though I disagree”.
COMPROMISE
communicates I’ll
little.” In COMPROMISE a person
and agenda and allows the other
their demands. Both feel like it
little situation.
give a little to win a
sets aside their demands
person to achieve some of
is a win-a-little, lose-a-
RESOLVE
seeks to work through the conflict so a better
understanding can be reached. RESOLVE produces new goals
and a new relationship. RESOLVE is a win-win conflict
style.
In seeking a solution to conflicts, all the styles of
communication are valid at one time or another. There are
times in leadership when decisive action is needed. At
other times compromise might be more appropriate to achieve
the goals of individuals or groups. Perhaps the resolve
style is most satisfying in reaching negotiations. Yielding
can also be appropriate when it is apparent other methods
of conflict resolution are needed. The use of the five
conflict resolution types can vary according to the needs
of the situation. Knowing which style to use when conflict
arises is difficult. With practice and wisdom, healthy
communication can develop and peacemaking can be achieved.
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Identifying Conflict Styles
Below are several situations that may be familiar to you. They are
examples of the 5 different conflict styles discussed earlier. Read
aloud or role-play each situation. Decide which style of conflict
resolution it represents and write the style (Win, Withdraw, Yield,
Compromise, or Resolve) on the line.
Style
Situation
I have an idea! You want a hamburger. Lisa wants Chinese
food, and I want Mexican food. We only have 30 minutes before
the game starts, so we can’t to all these individual places. Why
don’t we go to the mall to the food court? That way everyone
can get what they want.
Don’t turn your back on me and walk away while I’m talking to
you. I am your mother! Frankly, I feel like I am talking to a brick
wall. You are so distant. I never know what you are thinking or
feeling. I just wish you would say something. You always go
into your room and close the door.
Every time we go somewhere, you always avoid making a
decision. You tell me to pick where we are going, what movie
we will see, where we will eat, or whatever. You tell me
everything is fine. I get tired of making all the decisions. Don’t
you have an opinion?
I am sick of hearing about how wonderful Dan is. I am sick of
you telling every word you say to each other, or telling me every
little detail of every argument you have. You are going to have
to choose. It is either he or I. Take me or leave me!
I have been thinking about our budget for the dance. Your
concern about us spending too much money is a good one. I
think we need to sit down and rethink our plans for the
decorations and entertainment. I am recommending we share
this job. Will you be co-chair with me?
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Rubric for Dear Abby or Ann Landers
Assessment Activity
Distinguished (4 points)
 Assignment includes a letter that tells of a conflict.
 A response (solution) to the conflict is given.
 A minimum of 4 passages is underlined that reflect resolution
skills/styles.
 Solution is realistic and should work to solve the conflict.
Proficient (3 points)
 Assignment includes a letter that tells of a conflict.
 A response (solution) to the conflict is given.
 A minimum of 3 passages is underlined that reflect resolution
skills/styles.
 Solution is realistic and should work to solve the conflict.
Apprentice (2 points)
 A letter and a response are given, but no more than 2 examples of
resolution skills/styles are offered.
 The solution is somewhat realistic and could work to solve the conflict.
Novice (1 point)
 A letter and a response is given, but only 1 example of resolution
skills/styles are offered.
 The solution is not realistic and would not solve the conflict according to
the guidelines in this lesson.
Non-responsive (0 points)
 Makes no attempt to do the assignment.
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SEXUAL ABUSE
Purposes
The student will understand the consequences of
personal actions as they relate to personal, mental,
and social health.
The student will understand the appropriate action to
take when personal safety is threatened.
The student will be aware of and appropriately use
health services, practices, and products.
The student will understand the importance of a
positive self-concept, interpersonal relationships,
and the relationships of sound social, emotional, and
mental health practices.
Key Concepts
The Learner will:
1. examine behaviors that threaten personal
safety.
2. recognize appropriate socialization skills.
3. evaluate sources of health information from
public and private organizations and agencies.
4. discuss assertive self-protection skills.
5. review types of abuse and evaluate appropriate
resources for help.
6. examine the causes and potential effects of
emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
7. identify community resources available for
victims of abuse.
8. evaluate high-risk situations and safety
precautions involving sexual offenses, possible
abduction, abuse, or violence.
9. discuss the possible emotional effects of abuse.
MCS Standards 1 and 2
 Students should be able to effectively
demonstrate knowledge and skills for good
mental, social, and physical health and safety.
 Students should be able to make and
communicate sound judgments about the
influences of culture, media, technology, and
other factors on personal, family, and community
health and issues.
Lesson 8.13
Specific Expectations 1-5 and 2-4
 Communicate emotions, feelings, and ideas in
positive
ways
and
demonstrate
skills
(collaboration, negotiation, refusal, goal-setting,
decision-making, and conflict resolution) for
effective,
responsible
interpersonal
relationships.
 Identify factors (e.g., social situations of teen
pregnancy,
poverty,
homelessness,
crime/violence, etc.) which affect personal,
family, and community health and fitness.
Lifelong Learning Standards
 Students can listen attentively and understand
the intended message or main ideas expressed
in spoken forms of communication.
 Students can resolve or deal with conflicts in
acceptable ways.
 Students can identify and assess the benefits,
risks, and consequences of decisions and
actions.
 Students
can
perceive
issues
and
circumstances from different points of view.
 Students know their roles and responsibilities as
citizens in a democratic society.
Time
1 class meeting
Materials
Paper & pencil
Homework Assignment Sheets
Vocabulary
Date rape
Incest
Rape
Sexual abuse
Sexual harassment
Statutory rape
Support group
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Investigation
Lecture
Define sexual abuse as “improper sexual behavior which occurs when someone takes advantage
of another person against his or her will.” The victim usually feels powerless to avoid or stop the
sexual abuse. Sexual abuse includes incest, sexual assault, sexual harassment, and rape.
Explain that when a family member sexually abuses another family member, it is called incest.
This includes any form of sexual activity between family members, whether between blood
relatives or stepparents or stepchildren. Children and adolescents are often victims of incest.
They also can be victims of sexual abuse by other people they know. Young people are
sometimes afraid to say NO to sexual abuse because the have been taught to listen to family
members and adults. They might feel too afraid to ashamed to tell anyone. However, young
people who have been sexually abused should not feel at fault for what has happened. Stress
that it is not their fault.
There are some steps people can take to stop sexual abuse. Discuss the following:
 Say NO in a firm voice!
 Leave if you possibly can.
 Find an adult you can trust and tell him or her what has happened.
 Keep talking until you get action.
Parents, or other relatives, teachers, counselors, ministers, and youth leaders know ways to stop
sexual abuse.
Explain that one type of sexual abuse is rape, which is forcing a person into sexual intercourse
against his or her will. Most rapes are committed by men against women. Many victims are
teenage girls. Boys and men can also be victims of sexual assault. Rape is not for pleasure but is
meant to hurt and humiliate the other person.
Explain that sometimes rapists are strangers. However, rapists often know their victims.
Rapists try to catch their victims off guard. Rape usually occurs in houses or cars, but it can
happen at parties, dances, or in dark, deserted places.
Teenagers can learn to protect themselves from rape. Stress the importance of not going out
alone and always walking or riding with friends or family. Keeping the car or house locked at all
times is also important. People need to stay aware of their surroundings and plan ahead. Stay
alert. If someone seems to be acting in a strange way – they block your way, get too close, or
stare – quickly move away toward other people and safety. If someone does attack you, yell for
help. Some experts recommend yelling, “FIRE!” This confuses the rapist and people usually
come running.
Discuss date rape. Teenage girls may be threatened by this. Date rape occurs when a girl’s date
forces her to engage in sexual behavior against her will. Her date may use physical force, threats,
and/or pressure. Explain that sometimes date rape results form unclear communication. Some
people send mixed messages. They might say NO with their voice but say yes with their behavior
or body. To prevent any problems, people need to clearly communicate their own limits for sexual
behavior. If a girl says NO and a boy forces her into sexual activity against her will, legally it is
rape. Date rape is a serious offense. If you do not feel right about the direction things are
heading, stop the behavior and say NO.
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Explain that most states have laws against statutory rape, which involves sexual behavior with a
girl under a certain age even if she agrees to the activity. The age ranges from 15 in some states
to 8 in others.
Discuss sexual abuse. Explain that sexual abuse is not only a physical form of abuse. People can
also abuse others with words or actions. When a person uses words to torment or threaten
another person about sex, it is called sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is illegal. Both men
and women have been convicted of this crime. You can stop someone from sexually harassing
you by telling them you will report them if they don’t leave you alone. Tell a parent, teacher,
counselor, or the police about the problem. You don not have to listen to such abuse.
Explain that sexual harassment can harm a person’s mental health and lower his or her selfesteem. So can behaving in a way that conflict with a person’s values. You may care for certain
people and want to please them. However, if they ask you to don something that you feel is not
right you should refuse. If they really care about you, they will understand. If they still insist, they
are sexually exploiting you – using you for their own selfish purposes.
Explain that sexual abuse can sometimes be prevented if a person can escape from the attacker.
However, there may be times when a person may not be able to escape from the attacker. Ask
students how a person copes with the effects of sexual abuse after it happens? Discuss. Anyone
who has been raped or sexually abused needs medical attention and emotional support.
Explain that victims of sexual assault need medical care from a hospital, emergency room, or
clinic. Doctors will give the victim medical care and later can testify that sexual abuse has
occurred. Victims should not clean up before going for medical care because they might destroy
needed evidence.
A person who has been attacked sexually should contact the police. Most experts believe that
victims should press charges against the person who abused them. Otherwise, the abuser might
repeat the crime again and again. Also, local police departments have an assistance program for
rape victims. Getting emotional support is important to help victims cope with the trauma of
sexual abuse. Most cities and towns have rape crisis centers. Counselors, teachers, or parents
can help victims get the services they need. Counselors can also help sexual abuse victims and
their families cope. A support group can give individuals the encouragement and friendship they
need to help them recover emotionally.
APPLICATION
Choose one or more of the following:
1. What Would You Do?
Materials: paper and pencils
Write a newspaper editorial on sexual abuse. Submit editorials to local newspapers.
2. Community Resources
Materials: Yellow pages, paper, pencils, construction paper, etc.
Divide the students into groups of three or four. Instruct the groups to compile a booklet with
community resources and phone numbers that would be helpful in sexual abuse. Make the
booklet available to the school’s guidance counselors and main office. Make sure the
booklets provide working and current information
3. Research Megan’s Law
Materials: reference materials
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Critique the law from all angles: those of the victim, the victim’s loved ones, the sex offender
and the loved ones of the sex offender. Write a summary of your findings.
HOMEWORK
Discuss with parents what our community could or should do to prevent sexual abuse.
ASSESSMENT
Select one of the applications. Together students and teacher can determine the assessment
criteria.
GLOSSARY
1. date rape – forcing a person to have sexual intercourse during a date.
2. incest – sexual activity between family members.
3. rape – forcing a person to engage in sexual intercourse against his or her will.
4. sexual abuse – improper sexual behavior.
5. sexual harassment – when a person threatens or torments another person about sex.
6. statutory rape – unlawful sexual intercourse with a female who is below a legal age, with or
without her consent.
7. support group – people with similar experiences who share their feelings to help them cope
with problems.
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