Name: Demy Siu
Class: 1A (30)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Good beginning!
First of all, civilized people should be able to write. They
should love or work together in villages, towns or cities. They
should form a government to protect themselves. They should
trade with other people. They should make and use metal
objects. They should follow religious too. I think ancient
Egyptians had shown all these features, so I think they were
civilized people.
Ancient Egyptians invented one of the oldest forms of writing
in about 3500 B.C. They carved pictures on tombs, monuments
and temple wall …
They had formed a government. The pharaoh was the head of
ancient Egypt. All the people should obey and work fir him.
Ancient Egyptians built big temples to worship different gods.
They also believe that their king, pharaoh was a god.
Some of the ancient Egyptians were merchants. They built
ships made of reeds to sail in the Mediterranean Sea and the Red
Sea. They traded with people living there. And most of the
ancient Egyptians are famous.
Every dead pharaoh had a golden mask, so they made and used
of metal objects.
Not good enough!
Lastly, they did all the things above not by oneself, instead they
did together, so they lived and worked together in villages.
Therefore I agree that ancient Egyptians were civilized people.
Good works!
‘Civilized’ well defined!
Appropriate evidence was given, but more information/key words could be
included.
Last paragraph weaker, not a good evidence!
But overall very good!
Name: So Yau Man
Class: 1A (32)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Civilization means citizens or people living in a village, a town
or a city. Historians use this word to describe how people live in
a village, towns or cities. They think that civilized people should
able to write, live and work together in villages, towns or cities,
have a government and made laws to protect themselves, … trade
and … religion.
Ancient Egyptians were one of the civilized people. The
examples are as follow. First of all, they have begun writing.
Egyptian writing is called hieroglyphs, they wrote on paper made
from papyrus reed with ink.
Most ancient Egyptians were farmers, so they always dug
waterways to irrigate crops and to store up the floodwater. They
invented the plough and the shaduf to make farming easier. This
example means that, they all are work together.
Ancient Egyptians also have king. Their king is called
pharaoh. They Egyptians believed in many gods and goddess.
Some of their gods had a human body and a head of a bird or an
animal. They also believed that their king was a god.
Ancient Egyptians included all main features of civilization.
So I agree that Ancient Egyptians were civilized people.
Good work!
‘Civilization’ well defined in the beginning!
Ideas were well supported with explanation!
But the 2nd paragraphs too long!
Name: Leung Sui Ki
Class: 1A (20)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Good!
Good!
Ancient Egyptians were able to write, they had pen and ink to
write. They wrote on paper made from papyrus reed with ink.
Hieroglyphics are a kind of pictures. This is oldest form of
Egypt writing. It also means that Ancient Egyptians know how
to write before writing on paper.
Ancient Egyptians have a government to protect their lives and
property. They had law to protect and they formed a
government. Ancient Egyptians have king to manage people.
It means the first pharaoh to rule over the whole of Egypt and they
believed that their king was a god. Ancient Egyptians have
social classes. Nobles, priests and officials are people, who with
special rights and they give advice to the Pharaoh. Farmers,
craftsmen and merchants are commoners. Criminals and slaves
are people, who with no rights. Commoners and people with no
rights need to obey and work for the Pharaoh.
Name: Tinny Li
Class: 1A (24)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Good beginning!
I agree that ancient Egyptians were civilized people. Civilized
people should be able to write, live and work together in villages,
towns or cities and have government to protect their lives and
property.
Good!
Secondly, the ancient Egyptians had their own government.
The pharaoh was the head of the ancient Egypt. There were
three classes of people that ruled by the pharaoh. People with
special rights were in the first class, they were nobles, priests and
officials. Commoners were in the second class, they involved
farmers, craftsman and merchants. Criminals and slaves were in
the third class, they were the people with no rights.
Name: Li Tsz Wah
Class: 1A (23)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Good beginning!
Good!
I think that Ancient Egyptians were civilized people. Do you
know why? It’s because they have shown many features of
civilized people. For example, they were able to write; live
together in villages, towns or cities; have a government to protect
their lives and property; have trading and religion.
They made some ships that were made of reeds to travel
between Mediterranean Sea and the Red Sea. And they have
some markets for people to exchange things, so it can show that
they have trading with each others.
They have religion too. Because they have many temples and
they thought that their gods or goddesses had animals or bird face
and Human body.
Right approach!
Satisfactory work!
But some parts need more explanations!
Name: Chan Lok Sze
Class: 1A (4)
‘Ancient Egyptians were civilized people’ Do you agree?
Teacher’s comments
Moreover, they knew how to made and use different metal
This paragraph is well
objects. They invented plough and shaduf to help them farm.
writes, good!
They also dug waterways to irrigate crops and to store up the
flood water. So that they will have water when no rain. So they
have four harvests a year.