Michelle Thomson, U3110524
Topic 5: workshop: head of another character
Lessons from a Mother-in Law on being a housewife.
(A reason to move inter-state).
“Straighten your letter box! What will the neighbours think…it’s been bent for six
months! Get Harry to push it until it’s straight. Get him some decent shoes, he needs to
wear gentlmens shoes…he can’t possibly go around town with what he’s wearing, what
will people think?! Gentlemen don’t wear those shoes! Get him something respectable
and make sure he polishes them every day, we don’t want our son going out looking like
a hobo! It’s up to you to make him straighten his tie. Tell him to straighten his tie and
while he’s at it, get him to shave his beard off! It doesn’t suit him…makes him look like
a wild hillbilly…he’ll look younger with it shaved off?! It’s because we care…you need
to wash your t-towels in bleach, or the neighbours will think you live unhygienically!
You don’t know your husband, girl. He pushed an entire wardrobe on top of my head and
ran out the door screaming, never returned home again! If it wasn’t for the mattress
underneath me, I would have been flattened! Wash your t-towels in bleach…be sure to
soak them over night first or rats might feast on them and what will the neighbours think
if you bring back the bubonic plague! We only tell you this, because we care! Make sure
you put a teaspoon of water into the carrots before you cook them in the microwave or
they’ll end up dry and tasteless…don’t try and tell me you don’t need to use the
microwave, I don’t know where I’d be if I couldn’t cook everything in it! Never mind
Harry’s opinion that all my cooking is tasteless. Has harry shaved his beard off yet?! Get
him to do some gardening and straighten that letter box while he’s at it. Remember to
make sure to get a vacuum cleaner with good suction…it’s all the dust coming out of the
air vents in the car that’s making him cough! Get him to shave his beard off, then bits of
food won’t stick to it and he’ll cough less. We care about the both of you, that’s why you
need to straighten your letter box…you won’t get any help from your neighbours if they
think you’re rif raf! Count your blessings, girl. You’ve missed a speck of dust,
there…and there…make sure you vacuum thoroughly or Harry will keep coughing. Any
one would think he was doing it just to get rid of us. You don’t appreciate our advise! It’s
because we care! Buy better tea towels. These ones look like second hand diapers! Look
before you leap, make sure you check that they’re a respectable brand…you don’t want
those hanging on the line and when you hang them out, make sure you give them a good
shake, like this…first. You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?! Do you need a
cushion? You look like you’re sinking below the table! You need to wash everyday…you
need to learn to bake cakes…Malcolm says he’s survived all these years on mine…
we’ve been married for 60 years, longer than you’ve been on the planet, girl! We’re still
happy, just because we argue all the time…it’s because we care…you don’t know what it
is to suffer, girl. Nobody wants you when you’re old…nobody cares…one day you’ll find
out what it is to be old.”