CONVERSATIONS
THAT
MATTER
Discussion Guide
Year 2
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(This section is provided as background only and is not part of the 2014 program)
Introduction: Conversations that Matter
Fr. Tom Smolich, SJ
President - Jesuit Conference USA
For the last ten years, the Catholic Church has taken unprecedented steps in
the protection of minors from sexual abuse. While much needed to be
remedied, and our efforts have not been perfect, this commitment is now part
and parcel of who we are as Church and as the Society of Jesus.
Through the Conference of Major Superiors of Men, male religious in this
country developed the Instruments of Hope and Healing, a comprehensive
approach of outreach to victims of child sexual abuse and of concrete steps
toward its prevention. Included in these Instruments is a requirement of
continuing education for all religious in their communities.
In 2009, the Society developed an on-line questionnaire and four case studies
in an adult learning format to meet this requirement for the succeeding three
years. This program and its structure were well received, as they provided the
impetus for important conversations among Jesuits on issues we are often
reluctant to engage: affective needs, appropriate boundaries, and healthy
internet usage, to name a few. This 2009 program serves as the foundation for
our continuing education for the next five years. This new program has been
christened Conversations that Matter.
As part of Conversations that Matter, every Jesuit working or living in the
United States will take a yearly on-line questionnaire which refreshes our
knowledge about the problem of sexual abuse of minors and the abuse of
power in pastoral ministry. The questionnaire also presents information on
changing guidelines in these areas. For example, revisions in Vatican policies
now include sexual abuse of vulnerable adults and possession of child
pornography as offenses which disqualify a priest or religious from ministry.
We need to be up to date on such changes.
In addition, each year, every Jesuit will engage a case study and discussion, and
will be asked to increase his knowledge and competency on key aspects of our
spiritual, ministerial, and affective lives. By engaging these sometimes
challenging realities, we will be building deeper bonds as "friends in the Lord"
and better preparing ourselves to be effective and compassionate ministers of
God's love.
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This move from an "all at once" program to yearly continuing formation is
intentional. We all learn better with regular, ongoing input. Others involved in
helping or healing ministries have regular continuing education requirements.
Pope John Paul II's apostolic exhortation Pastores Dabo Vobis proposed the
integration of human, spiritual, intellectual and pastoral development as the
foci for ongoing priestly formation. Such integration does not come all at once;
it requires engaging issues that are significant and challenging; it requires
continuing dialogue and prayer.
Our ongoing response to the scandal of sexual abuse of minors has put us on
this path. We can never be complacent on issues of child safety and
protection. But we also realize that education and conversation need to be a
regular part of our lives as brother Jesuits.
We cannot preach the Gospel to others unless we do our best to live the Gospel
with our own brothers. We do that by sharing our hopes and struggles, our
questions and graces with one another--- during this program and in personal
discussions and rec room chats in the days and weeks that follow. Though this
can be difficult, God's presence is never far from us.
Let me thank all those who have made this program possible, particularly St.
Joseph's University and the Saint John Vianney Center. I also thank you for
your participation in these conversations that matter.
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Case 2: Carla and Father
Donald
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The Case of Carla and Father Donald.............................................. 6
Objectives..................................................................................................... 6
Questions to Consider ............................................................................. 6
Introduction to Scene and Video Script ........................................... 6
Points of Discussion ................................................................................. 9
Didactics .....................................................................................................10
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Case 2: Carla and Father Donald
Objectives
To help you understand:
1. How grooming for inappropriate sexual activity may occur.
2. Ways of responding to people who make allegations of sexual improprieties.
3. Appropriate boundaries in ministry and pastoral situations with adults.
4. Measures to safeguard children and communities against possible sexual offenders.
Questions to Consider
1. When a person shares her or his story of abuse, what immediate response from us
will best assist in the healing process?
2. In what way would you initially respond to someone who alleges sexual misconduct
by a fellow community member?
3. How do you balance providing pastoral care to a person making an allegation with
the need to gather further information and seek counsel?
4. Who would you contact if a minor made an allegation of sexual abuse by another
person?
5. What can assist you in offering compassionate pastoral ministry and maintaining
appropriate boundaries?
Introduction to Scene and Video Script
Carla is a recent graduate of a Catholic preparatory school. She is home following her
freshman year in college. She has made an appointment to visit Father Mark, the
superior of the local religious community. He had been well acquainted with Carla
from the high school English class he taught some years ago.
Carla: Father Mark, I am so afraid and don't know where to turn. You know how much
I admired and trust Father Donald. I don't know what to do. I'm here because I thought
you could help me.
Father Mark: I'll do whatever I can. I can see how upset you are. What can I do to help
you?
Carla: I am so confused. I just needed to tell someone. Father Donald was always so
clear about what we needed to do when we felt conflicted about sex. He made it seem so
black and white -- that if we ever wanted to be intimate with one another that we could
simply hold back, remind ourselves that we weren't ready for sex, and ask God to help us
set limits. What he said gave me comfort. It kept me out of trouble. I never dreamed it
would get this messed up.
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Father Mark: Carla, how is it messed up? Tell me what's happened.
Carla: This is not easy…. We're having an affair. Or I should say we were having an
affair. Don will deny it but it's true. I told my college counselor, and she encouraged me
to come and talk with you.
Father Mark: I'm shocked. And I'm worried about you. On the one hand, I can't
believe Father Donald could do this but I also know you wouldn't be here if it didn't
happen. I'll listen to whatever you have to tell me -- no matter how disturbing. Take
your time and tell me what happened.
Carla: I came home from break and asked for an appointment to see Father Don. You
see, I started dating a guy that I really liked and found the easy answers I had in high
school weren't working for me anymore. Father Don had helped with those issues in the
past. I thought he would just help me recover my willpower and restore my limits but
instead he really helped me relax and reassured me that what I was feeling was normal.
He told me I wasn't a high school girl anymore. After that conversation, I felt so relieved
and unburdened.
Father Mark: Carla, I know talking about this isn't easy for you.
Carla: His voice and company were so soothing. Again, I was feeling so unburdened and
relieved. I came to see him as often as I could.
Father Mark: How often?
Carla: Every couple days while on break. I saw a side of Father Donald I had never
known. He didn't seem like his old self. I was so relaxed when I was ready to leave that I
gave him a big hug.
Father Mark: How was Father Donald not like himself?
Carla: You know how strict and distant he was with us in class. He was so tender and
warm and every time I saw him he seemed even more kind and understanding -- told
me our relaxation sessions were working.
Father Mark: What did he mean?
Carla: At our next session, he suggested we start where we left off. I hugged him and he
kissed me. He would encourage me to relax in his arms and we kissed one another more
and more deeply. And then he fondled me -- everywhere. I can't believe that I let him
touch me that way but I felt so helpless.
Father Mark: Carla, were you helpless because he was using force?
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Carla: Not really. But I felt like he was powerful and I was weak. I thought Don was
working so hard to please me and that I was special to him. I let him do whatever he
wanted -- again and again. That's why I thought we were having an affair
Father Mark: Carla, I'm so sorry.
Carla: When I went back to school, I kept replaying what happened, and I just couldn't
believe it. It reminded me of something that happened with someone else I trusted -when I was fourteen my uncle did something very similar. But I told myself this was
different. I was an adult now and Don wasn't attracted to me because I was a young girl.
I emailed and texted Don to tell him I loved him and that I could never forget what
happened between us. He texted back. He thanked me, but explained what happened
was pastoral "therapy." This is so messed up I don't know what to do. Can you help?
Father Mark: Carla, I'll need a little time -- a day or two -- to sort this out. Whatever
Father Donald's feelings for you might be, I know this to be true -- he has hurt you, and
what happened in your pastoral relationship with him never should have happened.
You asked me to help. I need to start by protecting you and making sure this doesn't
happen to anyone under Father Donald's pastoral care again.
Carla: I'm afraid for Don. I don't want to hurt him.
Father Mark: I understand that but do you want to risk him hurting anyone else? Carla,
I know it will take more time for us to understand what happened here. I mentioned I
needed a day or two to sort this out. Will you give me a little time to consult with some
other people who can help us? Let's meet again soon, no later than Wednesday. I'll
have some next steps to propose to you then -- to help you, Father Donald, and to be
sure others are not in danger of being hurt like you were.
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Points of Discussion
1. What is your reaction to this case?
2. In this case, Carla obliquely references an incident of sexual abuse when she was
a minor. What are Father Mark’s responsibilities as a mandated reporter?
3. What if Carla were a 17-year-old freshman at the time Father Donald became
intimate with her? What would Father Mark’s reporting duties and next steps
be?
4. How might the reporting of an incident of sexual abuse impact you (spiritually,
socially, professionally, etc.) if you needed to make the report about a friend? A
fellow relligious? A colleague?
5. Assuming Carla is over 18 years old and has not yet given Father Mark
permission to reveal what happened to anyone, what options does Father Mark
have?
6. Do you think that Father Mark responded to Carla’s story in a way that helped to
promote the healing process for Carla? How might he have done this better?
7. Is there anything Father Mark could have said to Carla to make it clear from the
beginning that he might need to break confidentiality and take action?
8. What are your legal responsibilities as a mandated reporter in your state?
9. What are Fr. Donald’s rights in this case? If you were accused of these same
allegations, do you know your rights?
(Please focus your discussions on questions #1, 2, 4, 6, and 9 above.)
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Didactics
1. The current pastoral landscape has changed for all religious in the United States.
Being a “mandated reporter” is part of that new pastoral landscape.
2. When a revelation of current sexual abuse of a minor is made to you, you must
directly report this allegation to the appropriate authorities.
3. Most state laws have a specific time requirement within which an allegation of
sexual abuse of a minor must be reported. Additionally, each province or
congregation might have a designated individual to whom allegations about
sexual abuse of a minor by a religious should be referred.
4. In some states, it is your responsibility to report any abuse of a minor that has
occurred in the past, regardless of the current age of the victim.
5. As a mandated reporter, it is your responsibility to know to whom you must
report current or past allegations of sexual abuse of a minor.
6. A person making an allegation about sexual abuse of a minor is often anxious,
fearful or hesitant about revealing the incident and should be ministered to with
patience, openness and compassion.
7. When an allegation of sexual abuse against a minor is made, authorities must not
only respond to the victim but also reach out to possible past victims and
potential future victims.
8. It is clear that the response to, and living within the context of, the sexual abuse
crisis has taken a toll on the personal, pastoral and professional lives of religious.
9. It is important to clarify verbally the limits of confidentiality in a pastoral
situation that is not under the confessional seal.
10. The USCCB’s Essential Norms and, typically, the policies of the abbey, province,
or congregation guarantee the rights of a religious accused of sexual abuse of a
minor.
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