Ross Mirskin
Linear Format Essay
New York City. What first comes to mind when we think New York City? Is it
the nightlife, the diversity, the hustle and bustle, the Upper East Side? Now imagine
an adolescent, somehow trying to navigate this monstrous city. The Upper East side
of Manhattan and the stigma that comes with it, private schools that make the
competition of college look meager, and the social pressures of fitting in with some
of the wealthiest teens in the world, and the life they lead. This is how I grew up, just
without the guaranteed trust fund and ultimate lifestyle that many of my peers were
lucky to be born into. Sure I was privileged. I mean I did attend private school my
whole life, had all the tutors I needed, and went on exotic vacations with both family
and friends. Although it may sound weird after hearing that, I did come from a
modest and humble family. This is where my struggle begins. Now that I have
temporarily moved from New York to attend Emory University, will I be viewed as
the “gossip girl” Upper East Sider, or the kid I truly believe I am. Do I even believe
that I am not the typical New York City stereotype anymore, or can there exist a
balance between the two life styles I mentioned? The purpose of this essay is to
explore my life as an adolescent growing up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan
and my constant battle to decide whether I fall under New York City adolescent
stereotypes or the kid from a hard working blue collar family who has always had to
work harder then most to succeed.
The “fast life” is what always comes to mind when I think of New York City
stereotypes. Spending exorbitant amounts of money on clubs, food, clothes, and
anything else you can really imagine that would cost a lot of money. Fifteen year old
kids who practically just finished puberty can be found throwing thousands of
dollars around at clubs like it’s a twenty dollar bill. Spending summers partying in
the Hamptons or Europe instead of working, skipping school to rent hotel rooms for
the day, and other extravagant lifestyle choices that would make anyone jealous, yet
question how this is actually real life. But in the end, what does it matter to them?
Most of my friends and a large portion of my school come from such immense
wealth that many do not need to work a day in their life. Some really do live their life
this way and treat school as a chore that they must complete before they open the
door to their trust fund, but most have a better perception of reality. To clarify, not
everyone on the Upper East Side has this stereotype. Not everyone who lives there
or in New York for that matter can afford a forty-thousand dollar private school
tuition, tutors for hundreds of dollars an hour, million dollar country houses, and
vacationing during every holiday. It is the portion of New Yorkers who can afford
this privileged lifestyle, even if most of them are down to earth, hard working
people, who you would never be able to tell that they had such incredible wealth. It
is the elite few that have no guidance or supervision and loads of money to spend
that bring about the stereotype. As my mom likes to say it’s the 20% that makes the
other 80% look bad, and I can vouch for this coming from a New York City private
school with a reputation that was partially shaped by the few outliers. So, where
does this leave me?
The anthropologist Clifford Geertz coined the term “participant observer.” I
have been both a participant and an observer of the New York City stereotype as I
experience every day kids my age living the “fast life,” while at times I do lead the
stereotypical New York City life. First things first, I am not a clubber. Additionally, I
do not have thousands of dollars to throw around and while some of my friends do,
they certainly are not doing it on a constant basis. However, I certainly have had
some pretty awesome experiences. I went on a Euro trip with six of my best friends
this summer, partied in the Bahamas for Spring Break with friends, went to private
school since I was born, and had multiple tutors in multiple subjects, and that is just
some of it. Certainly this is not cheap, so while I say I am not one of these typical
adolescent New Yorkers, my opportunities are certainly better then most. However,
my parents had to work extremely hard to provide these opportunities rather than
some of my friends who had it easier. So does this mean I live the “fast life?” For
most of my life, that was what I was trying to avoid and I was doing a pretty good
job I thought. I had a nice, yet fun group of friends, I worked tirelessly to get into
Emory, and I did not fold to the social pressures in an environment where kids get
forced to be something different than what they are every day. It is possible to have
privilege and to have an amazing life full of awesome experiences, without flaunting
your wealth. To be appreciative of your opportunities rather than jaded and entitled
is also significant, and rather than take everything for granted, I feel responsible to
succeed as the least I can do to repay my parents for their support. There is a
difference between earned and unearned privilege and many of my friends, who
have never made a cent in their lives feel that they somehow deserved this blessed
life. To have a perception of realty, to understand how privileged your life is, and to
not take anything for granted are all things I have learned that have kept me
grounded and working hard to strive for success.
Now that I am down at Emory, and gone from my New York City bubble
where these stereotypes are considered normal, you would think my life has
changed. I would be making friends from all over the country, all over the world for
that matter, and ditch the “fast life” to be with more down to earth people. You
would be wrong. I am still best friends with my two closest friends from high school
who also came to Emory, and the rest of our little five man crew is from Chicago. Out
of a group of twenty boys and about 20 girls, I would say there are about three out
of the forty that are not from the tri-state area. The frats we want to join are
notorious for their brothers being primarily white, Jewish New Yorkers. So, however
much I claimed that I want to branch out and leave New York behind, it is not true to
this point. I even give the kids from suburbia grief about how much better life In
New York City is then in Long Island, Westchester, and New Jersey. Also, they give
me glances and beef, especially those who I am meeting for the first time, about
being from the Upper East Side as if I am obviously the typical stereotype. For
however much I try and act normal and prove that I am not what they initially
thought, supposedly I am doing a poor job. People even think there is a city-
suburbia divide, and to be honest for however much we hang out there might be.
Our sub-conscious attitude is either your New York City or your not. We have our
city lingo, our bravado, and our experiences that we brought to us to college that
have yet to fade, partially because there are three of us who haven’t spent a
weekend apart since the ninth grade. Anyway, college is still a new experience and
old habits take a while to break so maybe this is just us missing New York or not
having adjusted to life outside the city, but it will clearly take time for me to prove
that there is more to me then the Upper East Side stereotype.
So, I have talked about stereotypes, now its time to move on. It would be an
oversight not to discuss the cutthroat competition that comes with growing up as an
adolescent on the Upper East Side, especially because I have gone to about five
different schools in my eighteen years of schooling. There was recently an article in
New York Magazine about applying to Nursery School in New York City. The article
was rather long, but to sum it up in just a few words, applying to nursery school in
New York City is more daunting then applying to college. Children who are just
learning to speak are put through rigorous interviews, testing, and that’s
discounting the aspect of connections, money, and counseling that various people
get. The nursery school I went to, the 92nd Street Y, is considered a ”baby ivy.” I don’t
know if it is just me but it sounds a little ridiculous to relate a nursery school to an
ivy league school. Then, I attended three different schools between pre-K and high
school, each harder then the last to get in. High school admissions in New York City
is even harder to get into then pre-K. There are around 8 elite private high schools
that thousands of kids apply to and those who apply to specialized public school
compete with 30,000 kids for 2,000 spots. In the world of New York City private
high schools it is all about connections, unless you are the best and brightest, and
sometimes that does not even matter. The article I mentioned before placed my high
school as the hardest school to get into without a connection. I wonder if I had a
connection and if I did, whose spot I took and were they more qualified then I was?
The worst part is, after all this heartache, we haven’t even gotten to college
admissions in the most competitive atmosphere in the world.
At least a third of the senior class throughout New York City private schools
are already in the school of their choice due to a connection, a donation, or a legacy.
The rest are constantly tutored and prepped to get into the college of their choice. At
a certain point friends can no longer be friends because they are competing for the
same school and can only talk about college. What makes it worse is that despite the
fact there are thousands of colleges throughout the country, there are only thirty or
so that New York City kids truly fight for admission. At a certain point the
conversations shift from the basketball game or the high school gossip to who has
the connections, the most money, and who are the smartest.
It is a sad that the competition gets so fierce, but kids have successful parents who
push their kids to the limit and use their unlimited resources to ensure the best for
their child, no matter deserving or not. At times the pressure is just insurmountable.
I noticed how hard it became to compose myself and instead of focusing on the best
I could do, I also began focusing on the competition. However, the cutthroat and
competitive atmosphere is a part of life growing up in New York, and if you can
survive the competitiveness of New York, you can make it anywhere.
So far I have made it seem as if I hate New York. As if I want to run away from
the stereotype that I am perceived as, and take the first bus out of town. This could
not be farther from the truth. I love New York. I want to live my whole life in New
York and could not imagine living anywhere else. While I am a little wary of saying
that I am an “upper east sider” because of the negative connotations it has, at the
same time I am a proud New Yorker who flaunts where I am from. After all, what
could be so bad about New York City? “The city that never sleeps” is the most
diverse place that I can think of. It is a place where I can explore and try something
new everyday. There is a never a dull moment or a time that I can say I feel bored.
This project had me thinking of my favorite place in New York and after days of
going back and forth I couldn’t do it. There was just to many places I love. Whether it
be local restaurants, sporting events, Broadway, museums, Central Park, or
Greenwich Village, there is so much variety and so much to explore. New York
allows us to leave our comfort zone and try something we could have never
imagined doing or a place that we thought we would never go, and that is what
makes New York so special.
Besides the variety and diversity, New York is so sacred to my heart because
that is where my family is. Family is the most important part of my life. We even
have a family crest, a silver dog tag, with the Hebrew letters Mishpacha written on it.
However ironic it may be, Mishpacha means family, and it is a constant reminder
that our family is always there to support us. As an only child, I look at my other
family members who wear the chain as a brotherhood, a symbol that people always
have my back when in need, and care about my well-being. Now that I am no longer
in New York, and at Emory for the next four years, I miss my family more then ever.
I miss the little things that I thought I never would. For example, my mom yelling at
me to do my homework, my cousins trying to beat me up, or my dad challenging me
to a race. I realize that everyone, especially my parents, have invested a great deal in
me so that I could have the best opportunities to succeed. Now it is my turn, even
with all this new responsibility and freedom, to come through and make them
proud. However, no matter what I do, I know that I will always have the support of
my family, and will never forget my New York roots.
Everyday I continue to face this constant struggle. I have never given much
thought to my life and how privileged it was and what other people thought of New
Yorkers until just a few years ago, and I am really beginning to explore it now more
than ever. Sometimes I hate the Upper East Side stereotypes and would rather lie
about where I live so I don’t feel judged. Other times, I welcome it and flaunt where I
am from and make it seem like the best place in the world, which I really think it is.
As I begin my transition into this new life away from New York City I am more
conscientious then ever of being judged. The transition is hard enough by itself that
it is hard to deal with the added pressure of feeling like a pariah. Luckily there are
plenty of New Yorkers with me who must be feeling the same sentiment, and for the
non- New Yorkers who are subject to judge then I will just be myself. My whole life I
have worked incredibly hard and have built certain moral standards that I live by to
not seem to city. Sure, as I have said time and time again, I am a participant and an
observer however hypocritical that may be. One day I can be the exact person that I
am describing when I talk about the Upper East side stereotype, and the next I can
be scoffing at what my peers do. However, as long as I remain passionate and
hungry for success as well as remember my roots and morals then I am confident I
will be just fine.