NLPPOWER: Flirting For Fun and Profit
Flirting For Fun and Profit: Approach and Approachability for Women Part 2
The primary problems that most women deal with in the area of approaching and
approachability are
1. Signaling They Would Like a Man To Approach Without Sending Out Slut Signals
2. Extricating them From an Interaction That Is Not Going Well.
3. Getting the “Right” Guy To Make An Approach
The primary problem most men deal with is Fear of Rejection and Recognizing When a
Woman Actually Wants Them to Approach.
In this brief report we will focus on simple ways of extracting yourself from an interaction
that preserves the self-esteem of the man you talking to. The following are merely
examples of potential ways to establish in advance some graduated ways of signaling
the interaction is over without resorting to verbal attacks or defensive behaviors. (Aka
“The Bitch-Shield” to use a common vernacular)
A Quick Note About Playing Hard To Get – DON’T!
Myth – Playing hard to get is the fastest way to attract the guys you want
Reality – Women who play hard to get usually go home alone and only get approached
by the “wrong” type of guy.
Why?
It’s true that “Being hard to get” makes you more valuable in the eyes of someone who
is interested in you. The problem is that the “way” most women are taught to play hard
to get is analogous to holding up a sign that says “Stay Away” NO Trespassing or
“approach at your own peril!
It also guarantees that the “kind of men you actually want” the ones who embody both
confidence and respect for your boundaries, who put your needs and values first
probably WILL NOT Approach you.
Why? Because the body language women are socialized into using to portray being
hard to get actually projects “stay away” instead of I’m in demand and a lot of people
want me”
The corollary to that is that the kind of men who ACTUALLY will approach a woman
who is giving off classic “hard to get” body language are actually the people most likely
David Snyder,
www.nlpower.com
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NLPPOWER: Flirting For Fun and Profit
NOT To Care About Your Boundaries and Only Interested in Their Own Needs and
Desires.
There is a more effective way to signal hard-to-get that will actually raise your perceived
value to the men around you without portraying you as aloof, cold, bitchy or
unapproachable.
The guys you want the ones who have the balance of balls, brains, respect and caring
WILL NOT approach you until they receive a signal that indicates to them that you
ACTUALLY want them to approach you (see flirting report one – Approach and
Approachability cues.)
Something to Think About…
Moving on…
Ending a Conversation Elegantly: Interaction Extraction and Ejection
Most women try to end a conversation with a man the same way they try to end a
conversation with another woman. Unfortunately because of the differences in the way
men and women perceive non-verbal cues and subtle social dynamics and interactions
the average man will NOT perceive the cues that signal the end of the conversation as
readily as would be obvious to another woman.
This does not mean guys are stupid, at least most of the time. It just means they are
paying attention to different things and don’t necessarily have the sensitivity to detect
the aforementioned cues.
So what do we do about it…?
Well, the biggest challenge women face in extraction is one of escalation of signal.
Meaning once they have exhausted all the ways they know of to end a conversation that
would work on a woman, there no more level of progression they have in their repertoire
except to become overly defensive, mean or even insulting in order to get a man to stop
trying to push the interaction forward.
Now sometimes women NEED to be that direct and Confrontational, however most
times it’s just due to the fact that they simply don’t have the tools.
Here are a few suggestions for upping the level of signal while preserving the fragile
self-esteem of the man you are talking to…
David Snyder,
www.nlpower.com
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NLPPOWER: Flirting For Fun and Profit
a. Look off to the side as if seeing someone, touch them on the arm and say,
excuse me, “I have to get back to my friends now.”
Or…
Looking off to the side as if seeing someone “Please Excuse Me, I Have to go
now…”
b. Make a Look like You Just Spotted a Friend, Extend a Hand and Say “It was nice
to meet you.”
c. Excuse Me, I need to get my drink
d. Grab their hand and say “I really enjoyed talking to you but I have to run.”
EMAIL SOLUTIONS…
You can learn a lot about a person via email Intelligence, Wit, Imagination, and Style
etc.
By going to email first you can create a safe distance to interact with someone who may
just be having a bad day and not putting their best foot forward during the approach,
and also allow for the possibility of future interaction.
e. Why don’t you give me your email, I’m sure we could develop out connection
online first.
f. It’s been really nice talking to you, why don’t we continue this conversation via
email, what is your email addresses? Thanks, I’ll talk to you soon.
Extra Guidelines for ejecting…
Practice Setting and Keeping Good Boundaries before You Make Eye Contact
Always leave the men (or women’s) Self-Esteem Intact
Make your rejection as “loving” but as definite as possible.
David Snyder,
www.nlpower.com
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NLPPOWER: Flirting For Fun and Profit
Even if you are NOT going to sleep with him, be his girlfriend, or even merely continue
the conversation – Give Him the Acknowledgement and Appreciation for putting himself
out there that he deserves.
Make him feel good about the approach and interaction even though it didn’t
work out.
I hope you enjoyed this short, report on simple easy ways to make approaching and
ejecting a little more easy and comfortable for you.
Remember setting and holding your boundaries is the key to making many of this
seemingly “soft” rejection techniques work. You have to be gentle, loving but definite in
your delivery.
Looking forward to seeing you at our next NLPPOWER Event.
Sincerely,
You’re Friend,
David
David Snyder,
www.nlpower.com
david@nlppower.comPage 4