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Matthew Dirschel
Roxanne Heimann
Communication Theories
29 January 2014
Interpersonal Communication
The close relationship that I will examine using the Dialectical Perspective is with
my best friend, Jared. Jared and I met this past summer while being involved in Les
Miserables at one of the community theatres in Davenport, Iowa. He was my understudy,
which meant that if I were sick, or for some reason could not do a show, he would step in
and play my part. There were many cast bonding parties, and after one of them at Happy
Joes Pizza, we were in the parking lot about to leave when we started talking about
school and some other things, and we found out that we had a lot in common. About an
hour into our conversation he had mentioned how he did not have many friends, so I told
him that I would be his and that we should hang out. It has been about eight months
since then and we share a close friendship that he and I probably did not ever see
resulting from that night at Happy Joes. Every time I am in town, I am hanging out with
him, more so than being at home with my family. I do not love many people, but I can
assuredly say that I do love my best friend. I value our friendship over most things, and
Jared is one of the most important people in my life.
One way that the autonomy-connection dialectic is displayed in our relationship is
through us going to different schools. I occasionally help him with some of his activities
back in Davenport and enjoy doing so, but I can get uncomfortable being involved when
he is “doing his thing.” I do not want to intrude on his activities when he asks for my
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help, or asks me to be around, and I also do not want to take away any experience he may
have had without me being there. I do not want to be in the way when he is doing his
school functions or be annoyingly connected. I ease tension by telling him that I would
feel awkward given the situation, and it helps me that he is understanding if I do feel that
way.
There are aspects of our friendship where the openness-closeness dialectic is
active as well. I am not big into talking about my emotions or feelings, especially if I am
feeling down or if it is a negative situation that involves my family. I am good at
speaking about positive things and such, but when it comes to deeper emotions or things
that hit close to home, I keep them to myself and deal with them personally rather than
talking to someone about it. If I needed to talk to someone, I could always go to Jared,
but I do not just go to anyone, and instead I prefer to deal with those issues
independently. Same goes with him, if he does not want to talk about something and says
so, I ease tension by backing off and understand that if he wants to talk about it, he will
come to me.
Since we go to different schools, the predictability-novelty dialectic is active all
the time. I come home for the weekends every once in a while, and leave typically on
Sunday night. I usually look ahead in the weeks or months to figure out when is a good
time to come back. So far this school year, there have been at least one or two events
every month that I went back home for. It was either because he was in a play or extracurricular event that people could come to, I had some family activities to come back for,
our good friend David had something going on, or I just needed to get laundry done and
get away from my roommates. I think that the time spent apart has kept our friendship
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fresh and always has us looking forward to hanging out the next time, because we are on
limited time. There are times when I do not know when I will be going back to
Davenport, or what we will be doing when I get back, and that helps to keep the
spontaneity high. We ease tensions by mostly Snapchatting and texting each other to
keep in touch in the meantime.
The one perspective that I encounter most within our friendship is the inclusionseclusion dialectic. As I had mentioned, I spend most of my time in Davenport hanging
out with Jared, which leaves very little time for other friends and especially time with my
family. I love my family and all, but I am the black sheep out of the six children my
parents had, so I feel out of the Dirschel-loop when I am in town. We spend most of the
time at his house, and occasionally go to mine, but I see his parents more than I see my
own. To ease this tension, I try to make it a point to eat lunch or dinner with my parents
at least one night while I am in town, or try to spend a few hours with them being home.
As far as other friends go, we hang out with our mutual friend David very often, and we
also sometimes hang out with some of Jared’s other friends or mine. As for my group of
close friends from high school, I do not see them as often in the first place, but we do all
spend time together once in a while. Another way that I ease tension is that I invite Jared
to spend time with all of them, and we do plan dinner and other activities with David.
Revelation-concealment dialectic is not typically an issue. There is not much
about our friendship that we have a need to not tell people about. I am not as interested
in someone else’s friendship or relationship to ask them very pressing or intrusive
questions, and I do not expect to receive any from my social network. Besides amounts
of disclosure that he has shared with me, or I with him, there is not anything that I would
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be hesitant to share if a person asked. I also do not make it a point to tell people what we
do when we hang out, because I get annoyed when others do that when I do not ask.
Being theatre and musical people, Jared and I do not have an issue with the
conventionality-uniqueness dialect. We describe our friendship as a “bromance,” which
makes our friendship unique in and of itself. I do not worry or think about keeping any
“traditional” or “unique” qualities about our friendship, and just allow it to happen
organically, rather than forcing anything. So far, there has been no need to ease any
tension, because it is nonexistent.
The Dialectic Perspective is rather interesting, and one of the more peculiar
perspectives that I have knowledge of thus far. It seems oddly specific, and not entirely
applicable to all relationships, however. The one thing that stuck out in my mind as
being specific was the conventionality-uniqueness dialect. I do not think that everyone
enjoys spontaneity as much as the author would lead the reader to believe. Although to
an extent, keeping things alive and interesting is important in any relationship, but
insinuating that all relationships desire to “behave in ways that are considered normative
or traditional” is not including people who go out of their way to break the conventional
way of doing things. The Dialectical Perspective helped me identify key elements in my
friendship with Jared that I appreciate more now. It has also enforced my view that we
have a healthy friendship to cherish, and be thankful for, because not many people have
the blessing of a best friend.