Peer Pressure: A Call to Action
By Stacy Cutler, LCSW
As a parent of a teenager, as someone who grew up in the tri-town area, and as a mental
health professional who works with children and adolescents, I'd like to talk with parents
about the subject of peer pressure. Parents are a young person's best hope in dealing with
peer pressure. How might we work individually and together as a community to support
all children?
As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to be healthy, happy, to
reach their potential. We want them to develop respectful, meaningful relationships, and
to have and be good friends. We want them to learn healthy ways to manage stress and
tough emotions. And we want them to discover and develop their interests, talents,
passions. Finally, in the context of this flash drive, Marijuana-Free: Navigating the Teen
Years, we want to help them to stay away from all drugs, including marijuana. We want
our young people to say yes to their hopes and dreams and say no to drugs.
Peer Pressure
One of the factors in your child's choice whether or not to try marijuana is peer pressure.
Studies show that children and adolescents are more susceptible than adults to peer
pressure. Developmentally, adolescents have a strong need to develop and maintain
relationships with their peers. This is normal and natural but can become a problem when
a child's friends or peers are smoking marijuana. It can be difficult as a parent to know
how to talk to kids about this and how to help them to stand up to negative peer pressure.
Peers do play a large role in the social and emotional development of children and
adolescents. Their influence begins at an early age and increases through the teenage
years. It is natural, healthy and important for children to have and rely on friends as they
grow and mature. And peers can be positive and supportive. They can help each other
develop new skills, or stimulate interest in books, music or extracurricular activities.
However, peers can also have a negative influence. They can encourage each other to
skip classes, steal, cheat, use drugs or alcohol, or become involved in other risky
behaviors. The majority of teens with substance abuse problems began using drugs or
alcohol as a result of peer pressure.
Kids often give in to peer pressure because they want to fit in. They want to be liked and
they worry that they may be left out or made fun of if they don't go along with the group.
And there may be particular challenges for rural areas and small towns. Because the
population is smaller and there may be fewer choices for socializing, peer pressure may
play a large role.
You are your child’s greatest and most enduring role model.
So what do we do about peer pressure? As a parent, our relationship with our child serves
as a model and framework for all of the other relationships that our child will have.
Never underestimate the amount of influence that you have on your child. It is never too
early or too late to become the kind of role model that your child needs.
Emotional Health
All of our children and teens need certain things to grow and be healthy. You may know
that your child needs to eat balanced meals and get enough exercise, but do you know
what they need to be emotionally healthy? Research shows that emotionally healthy
teens are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Folks at the Search Institute in
Minneapolis have been studying what young people need to stay strong and healthy. Put
a copy of the 40 Developmental Assets on your refrigerator. You’ll notice that you and
your family already do naturally many of the things that have been shown to support
healthy youth development. A next step is to put the developmental assets to work
intentionally for your child’s and family’s well-being.
Youth are exposed to peer pressure to use marijuana at increasingly younger ages.
Know the facts about marijuana and talk to your child about them. Don't wait. Talk to
your child before he or she is exposed to peer pressure. Arm them with the information
that they need to make a positive choice.
Talk to your child specifically about peer pressure.
Let them know you expect them to stay away from peers who pressure them to do things
that seem wrong or dangerous. Teach them how to say "no," and practice how to avoid or
get out of situations that feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Develop backup plans to help kids
get out of uncomfortable or dangerous situations. For example, let them know you'll
always come get them, no questions asked, if they feel worried or unsafe. Encourage
them to spend time with other kids who resist peer pressure. It helps to have at least one
friend who is also willing to say "no." Let them know that if they have problems with
peer pressure they should talk to a grown-up they trust, like a parent, teacher, or school
counselor.
Help your child or teen find healthy ways to relax and have fun.
Young people
are always looking for ways to have fun. They can also get bored easily.
Drugs offer what seems to be a carefree “high” with little or no effort. Help your teen
develop an interest in different hobbies, clubs, and activities. Look for healthy ways to
reduce boredom and too much free time. Take an active interest in what is important to
your teen. Sometimes putting in the extra effort to drive your child to activities or host
drug and alcohol free parties or get-togethers can help teens to develop the social
connections that they need while limiting their exposure to unhealthy peer pressure.
Kansas City Psychologist Dr. Val Farmer has become a major voice in the area of rural
psychology. Read what he has to say about raising a healthy child in a small community:
What is it like to raise a bright, socially popular child in a small community? The
rural environment with its fabled closeness and warmth provide an extra level of
protection and security to life—to a point. During the teenage years, this smallness
and closeness can boomerang.
Parents of high achieving teens are surprised by how many risks their normally
sensible children take with alcohol. Rural teens drink, drive drunk and ride with
drinking drivers more frequently than their urban counterparts. Despite solid
parenting, church participation, family love and traditional values, parents are
amazed and aghast by the powerful influence of peer pressure on their child’s
behavior.
Pressures parents face.
Parents in small communities have the same kind of social pressure. Why?

Adult drinking. Recreation for adults frequently centers around drinking or
activities where drinking is present. Parental injunctions not to drink come off
as hollow and hypocritical in a social environment that is lubricated by
alcohol.

Rural permissiveness. Even when parents aren’t drinkers themselves, the
prevailing attitudes like, “Nobody is doing anything wrong,” and, “Alcohol is
OK, it is drugs that are bad,” undercut parental authority. When teens see the
vast majority of their peers drink, they come to see their parents as the ones
being rigid and out of step.

Lack of consequences. Being caught may not have adequate consequences.
School and community law enforcement officials often feel a lack of
community support for tough rules. When tough rules are in effect, parents
help their teens cover up drinking episodes or fight off the consequences.

Small town politics. When parents do intercede, pressure builds for other
parents to cover up or protect their children rather than be perceived as mean
and unsupportive. Likewise, it is easier for school administrators, coaches and
police officers to ignore the problem than to be hassled or condemned when
they do take a stand. Small town politics can be intimidating to public officials
and parents.
When the “in-group” drinks.
The small number of students creates a more intense kind of peer pressure. The
entire class might constitute the “in-group.” Rural teens strongly assert that their
peers don’t overtly pressure them to drink. What is striking is that most social life
centers around drinking. To be a non-drinker in a rural school is to risk not having a
social life at all.
In a large school, teens have more choices for finding acceptance in a non-drinking
group. In a rural school, one finds the social split between the “partiers” and the
“non-partiers.”
The non-partiers aren’t really a group. They don’t get together. The “non-partiers”
tend to have stricter parents, be more religious or be more serious about school
(brainy). Occasionally, teens from this group may attend parties and not drink or
drink only on special occasions - prom or graduation.
If most popular kids drink, they set the trend and put pressure on the rest. “Either
you are like us or you are out of it.” The fear of being lonely and socially isolated in
a small school is strong. It is hard to go against the grain when part of the task of
adolescence is finding approval from peers, refining social skills and asserting one’s
independence from parents. Other factors include:

Mixing of age groups. Rural schools are like one big family. Older students
invite younger ones to their parties. Younger siblings are included in their
older sibling’s activities. In large schools, junior high students aren’t invited
to high school parties. In the rural environment, the recruitment of partiers
crosses class lines.

Young adults and teen drinking. High school graduates who have remained in
the community have a vested interest in drinking parties. They do not have
enough numbers in their own social group, so they help sponsor the parties
and buy the booze.

Sponsoring parents. Some “enlightened” parents rationalize that the way to
teach teens to drink responsibly is to host the party and provide a “supervised”
atmosphere.

The senior year. Drinking accelerates during the senior year in high school.
“It’s our senior year. We have to party.” Being a senior gives an additional
layer of permission to an already permissive environment.
What can parents do?
Parents who don’t like what is going on feel as isolated as their teens in trying to
buck the cultural acceptance of alcohol. Despite that isolation, when parents are
willing to take a strong stand and have zero tolerance for teen drinking, this gives
teens the out they need to resist the drinking scene. It is OK to blame the parents.
Parents in small rural communities can band together to sponsor alcohol-free
activities. They can agree to conform to a single set of guidelines about supporting
school and law enforcement consequences for drinking offenses. They also can
communicate with each other about activities, curfews and chaperoning.
High achieving teens from quality families prefer and respond positively to
alternatives from the teen drinking scene. It’s true. But they won’t do it without
their friends. It is too big a risk. When enough parents and community members
join together and cooperate, drinking by rural teens will go down. Peer pressure can
be used in a positive fashion. All teens need is a choice.
For more information, see the American Academy for Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry’s Facts for Families: Marijuana and Teens