While modern people use sex, they also deify it. Their preoccupation with their genitals
betrays the fact they have made an ultimate concern out of something less than the
Ultimate One.
R. Paul Stephens
The statistics are troubling but if you only knew how close to home these stats were you
would be horrified. Most of you have no idea what disaster lurks right within your own
home.
For 26 years I have heard what seems like every form of sexual confession, over and
over I have heard (through sobs) about acts and addictions, and even crimes and in
nearly every case I have been told…and no one knows.
…and my wife has no idea about my pornography addiction
…my husband is clueless about the affair
…my parents don’t know about my masturbation problem
…if my friends only knew that I am a pedophile
I don’t tell you this to scare you but to wake you up. Here are just some of the sexual
dysfunctions and sins that may have found their way into your life…
Casual attitude toward virginity
Adultery – shacking up with someone else’s spouse
Pornography
Chronic masturbation
Pedophilia
Bondage and Sadomasochism
Multiple sex partners
Phone sex
Swinging/ sex clubs
Voyeuristic sex
Sex clubbing
The ongoing epidemic of oral sex among teens and children (Former Pres. Clinton)
New epidemic of anal sex among teens (Kobie Bryant)
Throw in the movies we watch, the clothes we wear (or don’t wear), the music we listen
to and Houston…we have a problem.
· Sexually transmitted diseases – the gift that keeps on giving
· Unwanted babies and aborted babies
· Marriages destroyed
· Careers shattered
· Education ruined
· Parenting influence lost
IL – former church leader
Then there’s your problem – you are so stuck aren’t you? You are caught in a cycle of
crushing guilt, promises to never do that again…and soon enough you join the army of
lemmings rushing back to the internet for another peak and yet another bout of
masturbation.
Sexual dysfunction and sin is not theoretical – it is your life. So, let me take some time
to study God’s kingdom ethics regarding sex but let me return eventually to what I hope
will be words of healing.
How does God feel about sex? What are his biggest concerns? What are the conditions
He wants established for a sexually healthy world?
There are three conditions that are at the foundation of the sexual ethics of God’s
kingdom:
1. Celibate singleness
2. Faithful heterosexual monogamous marriage
3. A lust free mind
I’d like to show why each condition is crucial to a healthy sexual ethic.
But once again, a reminder…. of the overall purpose of ethics – to be a blessing and
to provide hope for people in our world (not restrictions)
We will spend a good deal of time in one passage of scripture but address it in others:
1 Corinthians 6:12-20 page __________
Background: A church that had loosened their sexual ethics
· sex to them was a biologically natural instinctual thing – like food for the stomach (Vs.
13)
· the result – an oversexed congregation (next chapter…”with so much immorality”)
So as to counter this sexual disaster Paul offers one of God’s conditions…
Celibate Singleness
1 Cor. 7:1-7
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there
is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own
husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife
to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.
In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I
wish that all men were as I am . But each man has his own gift from God; one has this
gift, another has that.
· singleness as a good thing – two of the most prominent leaders is scripture were
single – Paul and of course Jesus.
· Celibate singleness is a must. If you are unmarried then in God’s sexual ethics you are
to abstain.
Why?
Fall back to 1 Cor. 6: 16-17 – when you have sex something quite mysterious
happens…you become one flesh. And, you are now so intricately woven into the fabric
of that other person that when you walk away…something tears and you leave some of
you behind.
The truth is that whenever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a
transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or
eternally endured
C.S. Lewis, Screwtape Letters
Another reason to abstain – you are baby making machines…designed to bring another
life into the world.
Another reason to wait – every sexual experience will color the next (esp. your
marriage) (and don’t’ believe for a second that you are just getting better for Mr. Right)
Another reason – multiple partners increased risk of STDs (you are having sex with
everyone they have had)
Finally – esp. for younger ones…having sex may trap you into a marriage you shouldn’t
have…
“Sex outside of marriage can fool you into believing you have found the one you should
marry. You can be tricked into thinking you are in love with physical intimacy
David Gudgel, Before you Live Together
I know there’s no magic in a piece of paper (marriage license) but it is the best
insurance you have for the safest sex.
This of course assumes the 2nd condition in God’s sexual ethics…
Faithful heterosexual monogamous marriage
God is down with sex. He invented a pretty cool thing in the right context of a faithful
heterosexual monogamous marriage.
Excerpts from Song of Solomon
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-for your love is more delightful than wine.
His left arm is under my head,
and his right arm embraces me.
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.
I have taken off my robe-must I put it on again?
Pretty steamy stuff. (IL – Craig Massey and the Song of Solomon)
Unfortunately some of it is lost on us…
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
that browse among the lilies.
But God wants us to enjoy and practice sex…for two reasons:
Proverbs 5:18-19
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
Malachi 2:15
Has not the L ord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one?
Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not
break faith with the wife of your youth.
Sex makes us extremely vulnerable to the other and creates children that make the
vulnerability that much more profound. So he is adamant about faithful
monogamy…stay married and do not commit adultery!
Exodus 20:14
"You shall not commit adultery.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge
the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Why? Faithful heterosexual monogamous marriages combined with celibate singles
make for healthier whole people, healthier whole communities and healthier whole
nations.
Remember the purpose of ethics!
What is the purpose of ethics?…”the ‘elimination’ of want, indignity and terrifying evil”
Anita Allen, The New Ethics
Which is a good segue into the last condition at the heart of God’s sexual
ethics…
A lust free mind
Ms. Allen suggest that the absence of ethics can open the door to indignity and
terrifying evil…
And so many of you are swimming in that stew. You are consumed with lust…you now
build it into your schedule, plan it…anticipate it…and what used to take a risky side trip
to the magazine store or video store or movie theater now takes about 5 seconds and a
few key strokes in the privacy of your own little sex club that doubles as your family
room or office.
Lust is killing you, and you know it.
Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy
practices, or bullying greed.
Ephes. 5:3 (the Message)
Why is lust so dangerous?
There are many reasons why lust is so destructive but let me mention just two…
Lust is a drug with addictive properties
1 Cor. 6:12
"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is
permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.
– it can master you
- it links the physical, emotional, and spiritual
- the effect wears off over time and demands heavier doses (frequency or depth)
- it takes us away from the “beneficial”…it is a wicked hobby that makes you absent
from life.
Dallas Willard: Lust hypnotizes us ….Lust enslaves our will à our will enslaves our
mind to create rationalizations à we do and say bizarre things that make no sense to
anyone
Lust is a God substitute
1 Cor. 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he
who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a
temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are
not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
- lust will always edge out God from within your conscience and experience
So, what to do about it? Is it possible to live with a lust free mind? In a moment I
want to get to that but before I do a few random comments:
Masturbation ? the Bible is silent except for the command to not be controlled by
anything and the command to not lust after another person.
Defacto sex? (is it sex if there is no intercourse? How far is too far?)
IL – My summer youth pastor
What that thinking has led to in so many is a faux virginity…we have an epidemic of
heavy foreplay, oral and now anal sex among teens and even children.
And it is wrong…and dangerous…and will have the same effect as intercourse on your
future…burning indelible images in your mind and soul that will take a lifetime to
shake…and maybe setting in motion dysfunctions that will hamper your future sexual
pleasures if you do get married.
So, what do you do if you have violated God’s sexual ethics? What do you do if you are
stuck? Addicted? Overwhelmed with guilt?
1st - There are resources on our web site.
2nd – Come to Jesus
Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, let us reason together,"
says the L ord .
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow
12 Suggested Steps to Sexual Repentance and Healing (practiced in the context of
authentic relationships…)
1. I admit I am powerless over sexual temptation and that my life has become
unmanageable.
2. I believe that only God can restore me to sanity.
3. I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of Jesus Christ.
4. I make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. I admit to God, to myself and to other human beings the exact nature of my wrongs.
6. I humbly ask God to remove my defects of character and shortcomings.
7. I take practical steps to protect myself and distance myself from further temptation
8. I make a list of all persons I have harmed, and become willing to make amends to
them all.
9. I make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would
injure them or others.
10.I continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong or fall, promptly admitted
it.
11.I seek through prayer and meditation in the scriptures to improve my relationship
with God, praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.I carry this message to others who struggle and seek to come along side them in
their repentance .
3rd – Get real with each other
- groups (authenticity)
- men’s ministry
4th – Parents – get a clue and parent your children