November 16, 2015
MINNESOTA
Update 15-19
PENDLETON JUDICIAL TRAINING UPDATE
Prior training updates (110) can be accessed by clicking on: Judicial Training Blog
THE FIVE MOST COMMON REGRETS THAT PEOPLE HAVE AT
THE END OF THEIR LIVES (including attorneys & judges)
PERSONAL NOTE: This is my first update since the Supreme Court ordered my removal from the
District Court Bench. Although I am disappointed in the court’s ruling and would describe my initial
reaction as one of shock and disbelief, I am neither angry nor upset.
The decisions I made regarding the needs of my family and my residency were mine and I accept
full responsibility for those decisions and their outcomes.
To my many friends and colleagues who have reached out with expressions of support and concern,
thank you! I am looking forward to the future and am convinced that this new chapter in my life
will be as exciting and rewarding as was the last.
END OF LIFE REGRETS: That brings me to the subject of this post. No matter who you are or what
you do, at the time of your impending death, you will look back on your life with a much different
perspective than you have now. Only by then it might be too late to do anything about it.
ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS NOW, WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO CHANGE:
1. If you had a crystal ball to see what you would regret as you were dying, would you make
changes now?
2. Do you ever imagine what thoughts might go thru your mind during the final years, months,
and days of your life?
Who better to answer these questions than Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who has spent
years helping patients be as comfortable as possible in the time just before their deaths. Shared
originally on her blog, “Inspiration and Chai,” I have enclosed a summary of the top five regrets
of her deathbed patients, with quotes from her blog as she recorded them.
http://bronnieware.com/regrets-of-the-dying/
Former Judge Alan F. Pendleton, alan.pendleton@mnlegalupdates.com, Pendleton Judicial Training Blog
MINNESOTA
November 16, 2015
Update 15-19
THE FIVE MOST COMMON REGRETS THAT PEOPLE
HAVE AT THE END OF THEIR LIVES
Regret #1: I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you living your best life right now? Why not?
“This was the most common regret of
all. When people realize that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on
it, it is easy to see how many dreams
have gone unfulfilled. Most people had
not honored even a half of their dreams
and had to die knowing that it was due
to choices they had made, or not made.
Health brings a freedom very few
realize, until they no longer have it.”
Bonnie Ware.
Image by Jorge Rayan
Regret #2: I wish I had not worked so hard
This one speaks for itself.
“This came from every male patient
that I nursed. They missed their
children’s youth and their partner’s
companionship. Women also spoke of
this regret. But as most were from an
older generation, many of the female
patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply
regretted spending so much of their
lives on the treadmill of a work
existence.” Bronnie Ware.
Image by Alan Cleaver/Flickr
Former Judge Alan F. Pendleton, alan.pendleton@mnlegalupdates.com, Pendleton Judicial Training Blog
November 16, 2015
MINNESOTA
Update 15-19
Regret #3: I wish I had had the courage to express my true feelings.
Getting the words out is essential to your growth as a well-rounded happy person.
“Many people suppressed their
feelings in order to keep peace
with others. As a result, they
settled for a mediocre existence
and never became who they were
truly capable of becoming.”
Bonnie Ware
Feelings are not just useless
emotions. Expressing them can be
the first step to self-actuating and
becoming a newer version of
yourself.
Image be Garry Knight/Flickr
Regret #4: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Is there someone you treasure who you have not spoken with in much too long?
“Good friends are so important to us
and somehow we think that “life”
getting in the way is a good enough
reason to go without seeing them.”
Bronnie Ware.
EVERYONE MISSES THEIR
FRIENDS WHEN THEY ARE
DYING.
Image by Jason Hutchens
Former Judge Alan F. Pendleton, alan.pendleton@mnlegalupdates.com, Pendleton Judicial Training Blog
MINNESOTA
November 16, 2015
Update 15-19
Regret #5: I wish that I had let myself be happier.
If you did not wake up joyful today, why not? What can you do to change that?
“This is a surprisingly common
one. Many did not realize until
the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in
old patterns and habits. The socalled ‘comfort’ of familiarity
overflowed into their emotions,
as well as their physical lives.
Fear of change had them
pretending to others, and to
themselves, that they were
content, when deep within, they
longed to laugh properly and
have silliness in their life again.”
Bronnie Ware
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How
wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose
happiness.
FEW PROFESSIONS ARE AS WORK INTENSIVE & STRESSFUL AS THE PRACTICE OF LAW
(THIS IS TRUE FOR BOTH ATTORNEYS & JUDGES)
THESE ARE FIVE UNIVERSAL WAKE-UP CALLS WE ALL NEED TO BE REMINDED OF
Please feel free to share this post with friends, family and anyone else close to you
Recommended: Bronnie Ware has released a full-length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the
Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how it
was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. This inspiring memoir is
available internationally through Hay House, with translations in 27 languages.
Former Judge Alan F. Pendleton, alan.pendleton@mnlegalupdates.com, Pendleton Judicial Training Blog