Janthe Bagadion
Mae T. Laderas
Peaches G. Nuarin
Ateneo de Manila University
MA in Religious Education
The Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising
Children
INTRODUCTION:
A. Statement of the Problem
It is in the family that we learn our values. “The family is the divinely instituted place for
generosity, humility and charity to first take root and, with divine assistance, to be cultivated
from infancy, through childhood and adolescence, into adulthood”1
In Philippine context, there is a need to fully understand that receiving the Sacrament of
Matrimony is the start of a unity between two married people that will create a harmonious
relationship with God towards a new life.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment that no one can dissolve. “So they are no longer two,
but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”
(Mt.19:6). “By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in
the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Their belonging to each other is the real
representation, by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with the
Church.” 2
As couples are united in marriage, they should also be ready for the responsibility in
raising children and contribute to the development of the society. “According to the plan of God,
1
2
Fr. John Hardon , S.J. “The Catholic Family Vocations.” Institute on Religious Life
John Paul II, “Familiaris Consortio” 13
60
marriage is the foundation of the wider community of the family, since the very institution of
marriage and conjugal love is ordained to the procreation and education of children, in whom
they find their crowning.”
Marriage in the Philippines is an event well-prepared by couples and of the whole family
from the entourage to the reception and is a celebration that even last for a couple of days. It is a
day when couples pledge their love with each other in the presence of God and His church.
During the marriage rites, the couple is asked about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each
other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children.
The covenant in Marriage in the Sacrament of Matrimony in relation to the living faith as
Parent in relation to the Code of Canon Law 774 no. 2 states that “Parents above all others are
obliged to form their children in the faith and practice of the Christian life by word and
example”.3
Couples don’t usually understand the connection between the vows made in marriage to
their role as parents. It is like a one day event that serves as a turning point of their lives where
they change their civil status. There are even couples who don’t remember the words spoken
during the rites itself. How will they see the relation between their vows with their role as
parents without understanding the purpose of making their vows?
Considering these alarming issues and consequences, this paper is the modest attempt to
answer the problem: How can the Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the
role of parents in raising children.
B. SCOPE AND LIMITATIONS
3
Ibid. no. 14
61
The topic will deal with the importance of the Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for
Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising Children in order to draw a connection to the
covenant made by couples in marriage and their obligations as parents.
We will be using the Catholic Marriage rite as one of our sources in understanding
marriage as “Covenant Love”. There is an article by David Padfield, “Wedding Vows Are Sacred
Vows” that explains the vows couples exchange on the day of their wedding. We will use that as
our reference in our attempt to explain the vows made during wedding and its significance to
couples as they start to build their own families.
This paper will be divided into two sub-topics which includes Part I focusing on Marriage
founded in love, its essence and vows and it will also focus on the understanding on Marriage as
Covenant Love as a unique sacrament that is built into the very nature of our human reality.
Part II will highlight the Marriage Rite as a guide to the couple as they were being asked
regarding their freedom, faith and acceptance in upbringing of children.
Though this paper gives emphasis on marriage as the start of a Christian family where
couples would eventually become parents to their children, we also recognize that there are
marriages where procreation is not possible. Children then could mean adopted children or
children from institutions to whom they would want to extend their help.
The target audiences for this paper are couples preparing for marriage in urban setting to
have a deeper understanding on becoming a responsible parent someday through the grace of the
Sacrament of Matrimony.
62
C. SIGNIFICANCE OF THE PROBLEM
Objective Significance: “Marriage is a unique sacrament in that it is built into the very
nature of our human reality as created male and female through God’s love in the image of God
who is love and called to a covenant of loving one another in sharing God’s own divine love.“4
Through this relationship, we also build a family that is a vital cell of society that plays a big role
in upbringing children that is grounded with faith and practices.
Subjective Significance: The couple preparing for marriage will have a deeper
understanding of the covenant they will make during the celebration of the Sacrament of
Matrimony and to bridge the gap between Church teaching on the sacrament and the family. This
paper will help to strengthen the relationship between spouses and to have seriously assume their
responsibilities over their children.
D. METHODOLOGY:
The pressure of many things undone demands the people to step back and look
objectively to the true and deeper meaning of the Sacrament of Matrimony
as basis for
understanding the role of parents in raising children.
We observed a typical problem among couples preparing for Matrimony—they focus on
the event as simply a big celebration and forget that it is a sacrament and a potential source for
understanding family life and parenthood.
After identifying the problem arises from the
situation, the writers decided to do research through reading books, sharing and critiquing of
articles on family in THEO 248 class that led to the decision to bridge the gap on Matrimony and
4
Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics
(Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997). no. 1996
63
family and to have a deeper sense of understanding the uniqueness of marriage: a marital union
that must be fruitful in God’s union.
The following steps helped the writers to come up an outline of the whole paper. The
paper will start with the Introduction of Philippine context of Matrimony and family. Part I will
focus on Marriage as Covenant Love. Part II will show the connection of marriage rite to the role
of parents in raising children and finally, the writers will answer the problem: How can the
Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the role of parents in raising
children?
PART I:
(A Second Look on the Vows of Marriage:)
Is there a need to have a second look on the Vows that couples uttered when they took the
Sacrament of Matrimony? Generally speaking, Filipinos highlight the celebration of marriage
and it is one of the most glamorous occasions that Filipinos celebrate. Quoting from Catechism
for Filipino Catholics 1877, “Marriage and family life, then, are acknowledged as among our
highest cultural values. Among Filipinos, marriage is an affair not only of two individuals, but
also between two family groups.”5 Many couples do not take their vow seriously on the day of
their wedding because they were too busy thinking on the ceremony , the visitors and other
matters that they were not able to pay attention on the vow itself. This is one of the reasons why
there is a need to have a second look on the Vows for it is there we could see the basis of the
relationship of being husband-father and wife-mother.
5
Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics
(Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1877
64
While it is true that the very foundation of every relationship is love, there is also a need
to acknowledge especially for young lovers that love is not only feelings for each other but it
goes beyond. It involves our Will. This is why some authors would say that “Love is not a noun
but a verb.” Husband and wife should constantly be aware of their marriage promises. Gaudium
et Spes 48 states,
Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love "are no longer two,
but one flesh" (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an
intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience
the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day.6
This concept has been given emphasis in another church encyclical, Familiaris Consortio 20.
Accordingly, husband and wife should grow in communion with one another by being faithful to
each other through mutual loving service. Marriage, in this sense, following Familiaris
Consortio, is a covenant.
The way we understand covenant is not confined with the written
contract wherein there is an expiration within the given period of time. Rather, this is really
based from the deep recesses of a person being shared mutually with the other person. This
agreement of two parties could also be seen or rooted in the Old Testament’s relationship of
Yahweh and his People. Deuteronomy 7:7-8 says:
It was not because you were more numerous than any other people that the LORD set his
heart on you and chose you — for you were the fewest of all peoples. It was because the
LORD loved you and kept the oath that he swore to your ancestors, that the LORD has
brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from
the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
God had chosen His people not for any reasons but God loves. With this, the love in marriage
should spring forth. Love is an act of the will not only an attraction to the person but seeing and
doing what would be the best for the other to grow and mature as God created us to be. The
6
Gaudium et Spes 48
65
mutual respect and observance of this covenant makes it sacred because through the married
couple they are becoming witnesses to the living God to others. Moreover, this covenant with
one another is not limited within the two parties but rather there is also a responsibility or a call
to reach out to others such as raising children and being with the community. Familiaris
Consortio further states that;
…couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the
reality of children, who are a living reflection of their love, a permanent sign of conjugal
unity and inseparable synthesis of their being a father and a mother.7
Therefore, the love of the couple should also be seen by the fruits they bear, raising their children
to grow and mature as Christians.
Following the 1980 Synod of Bishops on the Family, Familiaris Consortio emphasized
four general tasks for the family:
1. Forming Community of Persons;
2. Serving Life;
3. Participating in the Development of the Community;
4. Sharing in the Life and mission of the Church.
The first task was already been discussed a while ago, it should be clear to the couple that once
they enter into married life, there is a task that they will be forming a community of persons.
The second task deals with the roles that members take part in the family. “Parents also serve
life by educating their children. They have the primary responsibility of educating their children
in the essential values of human life, such as a correct attitude of freedom, a sense of true justice,
7
Familiaris Consortio. 14
66
and even more importantly a sense of true love, especially of the poor.”8 The third task would be
the family’s contribution to the development of the society. Then, the fourth would be the
family’s partaking in the evangelization of the church. Echoing from Evangelii Nuntiandi, “The
parents not only communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can
themselves receive the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.” 9 Thus, parents have the task to be
the first evangelizers in the family.
PART II:
(The Marriage Rites)
Looking through the Rites of Marriage, there are three things that are involved; the first is
the Intent. Couples are asked to state their intention or the purpose why this day they are in front
of the altar and the congregation. Second is the consent. This is where the minister would also
ask the couple if they had come on their freewill – voluntarily and consciously submitting
themselves to receive the sacrament. Then, the third is the blessing of rings and the exchange
of vows. This would be the symbol that the love and faithfulness of the couple has should be
forever.
The Intent. As the priest ask the couple to state their intention and as the couple respond
on their willingness that they came freely without reservations to submit themselves to one
another, the priest would also remind the couple of their “consecration in Baptism” and pray that
they may “assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity”. The union of the couple
must be faithful as Christ, the bridegroom who is absolutely faithful to the Church as His bride
8
9
Familiaris Consotio 37
Evangelii Nuntiandi 71
67
and in this analogy; we can say that being faithful to one another is essential in building a
Christian family.
Marriage is the foundation of building a Christian community and ordained to procreation
of children (FC 14). In the rites of marriage, couples are asked: “Will you accept children
lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” With this,
couples are being admonished to be aware and to embrace their roles for their future offspring.
The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and
qualified by His laws, and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal
consent. Hence by that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept each
other a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting
one. For the good of the spouses and their off-springs as well as of society, the existence
of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone.10
Thus, when they become parents, spouses receive from God the gift of a new responsibility.
Their parental love is called to become for the children the visible sign of the very love of God. 11
Their children are usually called the fruit of their love to each other, “bunga ng pagmamahalan”
as we call it in our native language. Nonetheless, their fruitfulness does not only show in having
children but also their love being a witness to the divine love reflected on the good example
shown to others in the community.
It must not be forgotten however that, even when procreation is not possible, conjugal life
does not for this reason lose its value. Physical sterility in fact can be for spouses the
occasion for other important services to the life of the human person, for example,
adoption, various forms of educational work, and assistance to other families and to poor
or handicapped children. 12
Gaudium et Spes 48
John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 14
12
Ibid. 14
10
11
68
In this regard, our church, acknowledges that there would be couples who, for whatever reasons,
would never have a biological child. Yet, this would never be a reason for them to become
“parents”. When a child is born because of their loving relationship, they must become one to
remain a family in Christ. The parents pour out their love to their children and perform the
duties to provide for their children’s need, guiding them in faith formation and creating a good
environment so that they will create a harmonious community that is grounded in the name of
love. “This gift of life is not only physical. It is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of
moral, spiritual and supernatural life which they hand to their children and through the children
to the Church and to the world.”13 It is also a role of a parent to serve life by nurturing it through
by cooperating with God as we are made in His image and likeness. Parenting must also mean
educating the children by words and deeds, parents must practice what they teach to their
children by being a living example of their words.
Family as basic unit of the society means that each member of the family is not only a
member of his/her family, but of the whole community. The parent tries to express their love of
God and Christ with the Holy Spirit by participating in the development of the society. This is
the third task mentioned in the Familiaris Consortio, Participating in the development of
Society.
“The very experience of communion and sharing that should characterize the family’s
daily life represents its first and fundamental contribution to society.”14 Likewise, this also leads
to the fourth task which is sharing in the life and mission of the church. “In a family which is
conscious of this mission, all the members evangelize and are evangelized. The parents not only
communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can themselves receive
13
14
Ibid. 28
Ibid. 43
69
the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.”15 The more we are close to other people in doing well
for the society, the closer we commune with the Trinity.
The consent. Along with their intent, the priest asks the couple if they had come on their
freewill. Once again, the couple is asked if they voluntarily and consciously submit themselves
to receive the sacrament of Matrimony that God may seal the love they profess before God and
His Church. The couples are asked to join their right hands, and declare their consent before God
and his church with their family and the community present as they say:
VOWS FORM A
G. I, GROOM, take you, BRIDE, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good
times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of
my life.
B. I, BRIDE, take you, GROOM, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good
times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of
my life. (b) forever. (c) all the days of my life.16
As the couple receives the Sacrament, they themselves become a channel of grace to each other
and as one, are called to be examples of being good Christians, building a community that
radiates that love with the grace of God. Definitely, we acknowledge that the love relationship
of the couple started even long before their marriage.
This does not start their love relationship __ presumably they have been in love with each
other for quite some time already. What they are doing is publicly vowing their exclusive
and permanent love relationship, making it a sacrament, a public, efficacious sign of
Christ’s redemptive love to each other, their offspring, and their community.”17
Going through the rites of marriage, during that special day, the couples pledge to take each
other to be his wife or her husband as they say; I, GROOM/ BRIDE, take you, BRIDE/ GROOM,
Evangelii Nuntiandi 71
http://contemporarycatholics.org/Marriage_Ceremony.html Access May 9,2014
17
Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics
(Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1898.
15
16
70
to be my wife/husband 18 …In these words, couples accept each other in a special way as a
person… in their very selves. This acceptance means: “I want you to be – to flourish, to
become your truest, fullest self”19 This would also mean that the couples will help each other
become a better person, a better Christian and parents – a call to which married life leads. It will
not be easy though but entails selflessness and love. Married couples then are called one –
“magkabiyak”. In this oneness, it requires the husband and wife to be fully aware of their mission
of responsible parenthood which today is rightly much insisted upon, and which also must be
exactly understood.
The blessing of rings and the exchange of vows. The ring would be the symbol that the
love and faithfulness of the couple have should be forever. As the rings are blessed, the priest
prays that the couple who wear them will live together in peace and compassion. The ring is a
sign of their love and fidelity in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. In
the exchange of vows, the couple pledge to one another that they will always be faithful to each
other till death do they part, but sometimes other couples prepare their own vows prior to the
wedding to make it more meaningful but then it is also grounded into the marriage rite. These
acts by which husband and wife are united in God’s love that has inseparable connection, they
are destined to continue raising up new lives where “children are really the supreme gift of
marriage and contribute very substantially to the welfare of their parents”.20
http://contemporarycatholics.org/Marriage_Ceremony.html Access May 9, 2014
Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics
(Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1909.
20
Gaudium et Spes 50
18
19
71
Conclusion:
The Sacrament of Matrimony serves as basis for understanding the role of parents in
raising children if the couples truly understand the commitment they are promising to one
another and accept the big responsibilities in making a primary community within themselves
that plays a pivotal role in renewing Christ’s life and forming communities of the Lord’s
disciples. The family journey together in faith-life initiated and guided towards maturity assisted
by educational institutions, formation of conscience, the life and worship is nurtured and
continue their loving relationship that is grounded in God’s love.
IMPLEMENTATION:
Topic: The Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of the Parent in
Raising Children
Audience: The couple preparing for marriage (Pre-Cana)
Session: 1 hour; 1 session
Opening:
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no
human being must separate.” Mt. 19:6.
“By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in
the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Their belonging to each other is the real
representation, by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with the
72
Church.” 21 “According to the plan of God, marriage is the foundation of the wider community of
the family, since the very institution of marriage and conjugal love is ordained to the procreation
and education of children, in whom they find their crowning.” 22
Context:
 In Philippine context, there is a need to fully understand that in receiving the Sacrament
of Matrimony is the start of a unity between two married people that will create a
harmonious relationship with God towards a new life
 Christian family starts in marriage
 The Catholic Marriage rite as one of our sources in understanding marriage as “Covenant
Love”.
 By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in the
most profoundly indissoluble manner.
 “Parents above all others are obliged to form their children in the faith and practice of
the Christian life by word and example”. (Code of Canon Law 774 #2)
Exposition:
The couple preparing for marriage will have a deeper understanding of the covenant they
will make during the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony and to bridge the gap between
Church teaching on the sacrament and the family. This paper will help to strengthen the
relationship between spouses and to have seriously assume their responsibilities over their
children.
This paper will be divided into two sub-topics which includes Part I focusing on Marriage
founded in love, its essence and vows and it will also focus on the understanding on Marriage as
Covenant Love as a unique sacrament that is built into the very nature of our human reality.
21
22
John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 13
Ibid. no. 14
73
Part II will highlight the Marriage Rite as a guide to the couple as they were being asked
regarding their freedom, faith and acceptance in upbringing of children.
Part I:
Marriage as Covenant Love
Part II:
Marriage Rite
 Intent
 Consent
 Blessing of Rings and Exchange of Vows
The Role of Parents in Raising Children
 Following the 1980 Synod of Bishops on the Family, Familiaris Consortio
emphasized four general tasks for the family:
 Forming Community of Persons;
 Serving Life;
 Participating in the Development of the Community;
 Sharing in the Life and mission of the Church.
Integration:
Worship: “Marriage is a unique sacrament in that it is built into the very nature of our human
reality as created male and female through God’s love in the image of God who is love and
called to a covenant of loving one another in sharing God’s own divine love.“23
23
Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics
(Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1996
74
Doctrine: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined
together, no human being must separate.” Mt. 19:6.
Morals: Parents have the duty to provide the needs of their children, guiding them in
faith and morals, and creating for them an environment for personal growth. (CFC 1026)
75