Chapter 4 Assignments
Based on a careful reading of Chapter 4, edit the following exercises to improve their
effectiveness. The first example has already been completed in italics.
FLABBY EXPRESSIONS
Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby phrases.
1. We cannot complete the construction at this point in time due to the fact that building costs
have jumped at a considerable rate.
We cannot complete the construction now because building costs have jumped
considerably.
2. In the normal course of events, we would seek additional funding, but in view of the fact that
rates have increased, we cannot.
3. In very few cases has it been advisable for us to borrow money for a period of 90 or more
days.
4. Inasmuch as our sales are increasing in a gradual manner, we might seek a loan in the amount
of $50,000.
5. Despite the fact that we have had no response to our bid, we are still available in the event
that you wish to proceed with your building project.
LONG LEAD-INS
Revise to eliminate long lead-ins and other wordiness.
6. This is an announcement that parking permits are available in the office.
Parking permits are available in the office.
7. We are sending this message to let you know that you need to come in for your regular
checkup.
8. This is to inform all employees that they should feel free to submit any changes in insurance
plans now.
THERE IS/IT IS FILLERS
Revise the following to eliminate there is/it is fillers.
9. There is no one who is better able to lead our team than you.
No one is better able to lead our team than you.
10. There is an opportunity for all employees to meet in the conference room each month.
11. It is the manager who prepares all departmental reports.
12. There is trash scattered around the company parking lot.
13. We were told that it was the assistant who sent the e-mail.
REDUNDANCIES, SLANG, CLICHÉS
Revise the following to eliminate redundancies, slang, and clichés.
14. First and foremost, we plan to introduce an improved benefits plan.
First, we plan to introduce an improved benefits plan.
15. Last but not least, Troy collected together data to support his argument.
16. It was the consensus of opinion of members of the committee that the committee should
meet at 11 a.m. in the morning.
17. If you will refer back to the contract, you will find that there are specific specifications that
prevent overspending.
18. This memorandum serves as an advance warning that all books and magazines borrowed
from the library must be taken back to the library by June 1.
19. In view of the fact that our last presentation bombed, we are at this point in time convinced
that we must boil it down to just the most absolutely essential selling points.
20. Because we don't want to get burned again by a low turnout, we are good to go with
rescheduling the meeting from December to sometime in the month of January.
BURIED VERBS
Revise these sentences, centering the action in the verbs.
21. Can you bring about a change in our company travel policy?
Can you change our company travel policy?
22. We have made a decision to accept the contract figures.
23. Customers definitely show a preference for the smaller model.
24. The board must give its authorization to the project before we can begin.
25. Please make a correction in my account to reflect my late payment.
26. We request that you give consideration to a reduction in staff.
CLEAR, PRECISE WORDS
Revise the following sentences to include clear, concrete, and precise language. Add appropriate
words.
Example They said it was a long way off.
Revision Management officials announced that the merger would not take place for
two years.
27. Our new copy machine is fast.
28. Please let her know soon about the change in meeting date.
29. They said that his report could have been better.
30. We need your advice as soon as possible.