Reflection of Feelings: Part 2
MCFC/MHC/CC Residency 1
Learning Objectives
• From this presentation, you will be given
information to:
– Support clients in experiencing and naming
underlying feelings
– Develop your advanced empathy skills
– Explore your concerns with helping clients
through reflection of feeling
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How do I KNOW what my client is feeling?
• At times, clients may not understand their feelings, are not
aware of their feelings, do not know how to experience their
feelings, or mislabel their feelings.
• It is often difficult to express feelings (the more personal the
feelings, the greater risk individuals may perceive in
allowing themselves to become vulnerable enough to
express them).
• We can perceive our clients feelings by checking:
– Their Non-verbals
– Their content
– Our perception
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How do we understand the feelings that our
clients are expressing or not expressing?
• The feeling interpretation process is something we must
learn to do as counselors and teach our clients to do.
• The goal is to become aware of the intentions and
underlying motivations behind expressed feelings.
• Examples of underlying motivation:
- to reject
- to love
- to cooperate
- to hurt
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- to avoid
- to demand
- to understand
- to support
- to resign
- to defend
- to protest
How do we understand the feelings that our
clients are expressing or not expressing?
• It is important to remember that feelings do not always get
expressed. At times, feelings are not always recognized,
accepted, and demonstrated constructively, which can
lead to suppression and denial.
– Example: Someone is irritating you, and instead of
expressing it, you bottle it. Over time, anger develops and
you withdraw from the relationship.
• Suppression and denial can alter your ability to accurately
perceive an event or it may bias your judgment
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Understanding the Root of the Feeling
• The root structure of a tree directs its
growth. If there is some pathogen to the
roots, then the branches will express it.
• For example, substance use/abuse in
clients is likely not the underlying issue,
but rather, the expression of that issue.
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Root Feelings
• There are 3 primary ROOT conditions that lead people to
counseling:
Guilt/shame
– Bitterness/resentment
– Rejection
–
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Activity
• What is the primary root feeling in the following examples?:
- Depressed
- Frustrated
- Pleased
- Loved
- Fearful
- Embarrassed
- Anxious
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What is Advanced Empathy?
• Advanced empathy goes “behind” the spoken messages.
• Advanced empathy goes deeper than reflection of feelings.
• Advanced empathy goes beyond the expressed, to the
partially expressed and the implied.
• Advanced empathy helps clients identify themes and make
connections.
• Advanced empathy is naturally challenging, in that it places
a demand on clients to look deeper at themselves and their
issues.
*Compare: “you feel frustrated” vs. “you feel frustrated and it seems like
you wonder if it is worth continuing to strive for…”
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Advanced Empathy
• Funneling:
– This is the process of
taking the very broad
and general information
the client shares and,
through advanced
empathy skills, focusing
it so the client can better
understand his or her
underlying emotions.
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Potential Areas of Discomfort
•
What if you are wrong about the client’s
feeling(s)?
•
•
•
The client will correct you in most cases.
You can add a “check out” to make sure.
Not a big deal unless you are ALWAYS wrong.
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Potential Areas of Discomfort
Emotional intensity of client:
•
Not all clients express emotions in same way and
not all clients express emotions the way counselors
expect them to:
– Some clients have a sensorimotor emotional
orientation – they experience (truly feel) the
emotions
– Some clients have concrete emotional
orientation – they can name feelings, but don’t
experience them.
– Some client have an abstract emotional
orientation – these clients will think about
emotions.
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Checking Out
•
Occurs when counselor wants client feedback to see if
he/she is understanding correctly, is genuinely confused, or
has a “hunch” that bears trying out. Counselors use this to
have client confirm or correct the statement.
–
–
–
•
Brief phrase or question to make sure on right page: “Am I hearing
you correctly?” of “Is that close?”. This technique combines well
with paraphrasing and summarizing.
Confusion: “I’m a little confused right now. You just said….. And
then said…” (this is also a confrontation)
Hunches: “That seemed to hit home; Am I right?”
Be sure to speak genuinely. Clients can perceive how
genuine you are.
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An Example
• Peter says to his counselor: “What seems to be really bothering
me is a problem with sex. I don’t even know whether I’m a man or
not, and I’m in college! I don’t go out with women. I don’t even
think I want to. I may…. Well, I may even be gay… Uh, I don’t
know” (falls silent and looks at floor)
– Counselor Response:
• “What I hear you saying, Peter, is that you are confused about
your sexual identity because you are not interested in dating
women. This makes you feel bad about yourself and you wonder
what is wrong with you. Am I hearing you correctly?”
• Response = paraphrase, reflect feeling, check out
– Note: Your personal opinion about the client’s issues (with a confirmatory or
defamatory valence) are not appropriate here.
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Activity
In small groups, identify the correct feelings
expressed in the following scenarios:
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Choose the right emotion and level of intensity for
this client statement:
•
“I am just so sick and tired of that jerk thinking he can take credit
for all of my ideas at work!”
– Miserable
Disturbed
Annoyed
Seething
•
“I am so tired. I feel like everyone in my life is a parasite…sucking
the life out of me. I never have time for myself.”
– Puzzled
Sorrowful
Depressed
Vexed
•
“I just don’t know what to do. Now that my husband has been laid
off, we are getting behind on our bills and we don’t have anywhere
else to live. I know we will be kicked out of hour home soon.”
– Ill-at-ease
Awkward
Embarrassed Worried
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•
“ I hate graduate school! I don’t know why I thought I could do
this. It seems like everyone else has it all together, you know.
They do well on exams and turn their papers in on time. I am just
not as smart as they are and can’t get things done right!”
– Ashamed
Hesitant
Inferior
Worthless
•
“I don’t know what to think about my son. He back talks
me…treats me like a dog! And I gave birth to him!!! I try to talk
with him and he ignores me.”
– Aggravated
Discarded
Overlooked
Afraid
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Summary
• In conclusion, there are many considerations to have when
reflecting feelings.
• Appropriate reflection includes manifest and latent feeling
• The goal is to help clients reframe statements of their own
feelings for optimal communication.
• The reflection technique allows clients to have ownership of
their feelings
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References
Egan, G. (2010). The skilled helper: A problem management
and opportunity development approach to helping (9th ed.).
Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole (Cengage Learning). ISBN: 9780-495-60189-0 or 0-495-60189-6 hard.
Egan, G. (2010). Exercises in helping skills: A manual to
accompany the skilled helper (9th ed.). Belmont, CA:
Brooks/Cole (Cengage Learning). ISBN: 978-0-495-80632-5
or 0-495-80632-3 soft.
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