Advanced Empathy, Validation, Immediacy
Week Five
Fixing vs. Exploring Probes
• “Fixing” is our natural response when given a
problem
• Goals of stage 1 probes:
•
•
•
•
Clarifying & better understanding the issue
Making a better empathy statement
Avoiding assumptions
Assumptions check list: Do you understand…
• The
• The
• The
• The
situation?
feeling?
meaning?
connections between the three?
Oh god not the triangle again
Stage II Goals
• Identify common themes
and underlying issues
• Go deeper
• Help the individual obtain
a new perspective
• Focus on the particular
areas of concern
• Allows counselor to use
intuition
Matching Game
(Feeling words are so cool.)
Advanced Empathy
• What is it?
• Hunch with evidence
• Why use it?
• Provides insight, deeper understanding, clarity and
focus
• Moves session forward
• Identifies themes
• Connects islands of thought
• Makes the implied explicit
…still advanced empathy
• When?
• After established rapport
• Underlying feelings present.
• Ask yourself:
• What is the person only half saying or saying in a confused
way?
• What is the person hinting at?
• What implicit messages your do you hear?
• How do you use it?
• Empathy formula
• Evidence
…still advanced empathy
• Remember:
• Don’t just use a different word for what is
already implied by session
• Allow the risk!
…Still advanced empathy
•Advanced empathy insurance! You can try
some of these
•Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like…
•I’m getting the impression that…
•Just to make sure we’re on the same page…
•This may be a long shot but…
•This is what I’m hearing you saying… is that correct?
What feelings could she be having?
“I hear so many different things from people I care
about. I have a few friends who are lesbian or
bisexual. I’ve talked to some of them and they are
really supportive… so are some of my straight friends.
However, my parents believe that homosexuality is
unnatural… and they are very vocal about their dislike
of lesbian, gay, or bisexual people. Then, I hear all
kinds of mean and hurtful comments from other
people that I hang out with. I wonder what all of
these people would think if I told them that I was a
lesbian. Would some like me or not like me dependent
on whether or not I identify myself as a lesbian? I
don’t want to lose any of my friends… but are they
really my friends if they would no longer like me
solely because I am a lesbian.”
Validation
• What?
• It’s okay to feel that way!
• Why?
• Acceptance of feelings
• Affirms feelings aren’t wrong
• When?
• Guilt
• Conflicted
• “I shouldn’t feel this way…”
(^a little corny)
More Validation
• How?
• It makes sense that you feel _______.
• Examples:
• “From what you’ve been saying, it makes sense
that you’re angry.”
• “We’ve been talking for awhile about how difficult
it has been for you to accept your father’s drinking
problems. It seems very understandable that
you’d feel uncomfortable going home for breaks.”
• “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but you did
call and that takes courage.”
More Validation
• Remember:
• Use only when needed:
too much use can sound
minimizing.
• Use with confidence!
•Validate
FEELINGS
rather than
ACTIONS!
Actions
Feelings
Immediacy
• What?
• Focus on the “here
and now”
• Focus on issue giver
• Why?
• Current feelings
Immediacy Continued
• How?
• Need these:
• “Here and now” of issue
• Focus on issue giver – not others involved
• Use if necessary:
• “Here and now” of counseling session
• Process of session
• Physical behavior
• How the session is going
• You as a counselor
Demos – from you!
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Ayellet & Courtney: Validation
David & Maxine: Immediacy
Maryam & Kate: Advanced Empathy
Danielle & Nayla: Probes