Year 7 Short Story
Assessment
Criterion Focus: A, B, C
The Criterion
A: Content – Compose an effective short story
B: Organisation – Organise ideas in a conventional,
story structure with logical order (development; crisis;
resolution; ending)
C: Style and Language – Focus on descriptive writing
skills, showcasing ‘show’ not ‘tell’. Use correct
grammar, syntax and varied sentence structures.
Planning Your Story
 Imagine you are an explorer who travels to far away
places.
 On your last trip things went wrong and you lost
contact with the outside world. After one week you
were found and you are now writing the story of
your experience.
 Start with the point when you knew things were
going wrong and end with the point when you were
found.
Planning
 On your planning sheet include details about:
 How you have arrived here (aeroplane; car; boat; bus, etc)
 Where will your story be set? Where have you been exploring?
 The difficulties you faced before you were found (crash
landing; loss of contact with the outside world, no food/
water, etc)
 How you felt at each stage of your journey? (Development;
crisis; resolution; ending)
 Remember, ‘Show’ not ‘tell’
Opening paragraphs - describe what you see
and how you feel (from the point when you
knew things were going wrong)
 Think carefully about your opening sentence – will
you begin with a short sentence for suspense/ use
dialogue/ ask a question, etc?
 Explore the examples of openings looking for good
practice. Which one do you like best? Which
features might you steal?
Example openings – which
features might you steal?
“You keep away from the Birdman, Gracie,” my father had warned me often
enough. “Keep well clear of him, you hear me now?” And we never would
have gone near him, Daniel and I, had the swans not driven us away from the
pool under Gweal Hill where we always went to sail our boats.
Why the Whales Came, Michael Morpurgo
The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table lamps alight
– hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the sideboard beside her,
two tall glasses, soda water, whiskey. Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket.
Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come home from work.
Lamb to the Slaughter, Roald Dahl
Crucially remember,
‘Show’ not ‘Tell’
 Similes:
The snow was sprinkled on the hilltops like icing sugar on a cake.
 Metaphors:
A sea of mist descended on the valley.
 Personification:
The wind whistled sadly through the trees.
 Emotions through physical features
 Adding colour
‘Show’ not ‘Tell’ examples
 Include physical symptoms
The girl yawned, with heavy eyes, because she was tired.
 ‘Show’ using features of your setting’s context:
The unfortunate rhythm of the teacher’s voice begins to send me silently to
sleep. Eyes drooping, as if taunting the Prefects to isolate my insolence.
 Try adding colour to your sentences:
The darkness waiting from behind my eyelids offers a welcomed release
from the unfortunate rhythm of the teacher’s voice…
Possible opening sentences
for your first paragraph
Describe what you see and how you feel (from the point when you
knew things were going wrong).
“We’re going down, we’re going down! Mayday.
Mayday!”
The direct glare of sunlight on my eyelids, the glimmer
of green in the distance, the straining to see the path
in ahead, led me to believe that I might be
hallucinating.
Is it over?
Hell. This could only be described as hell.
Opening paragraph
Focus on including either 1 or 2 similes in this paragraph:
The glare of the sunlight was as fierce as an alligator wrestling
with it’s prey.
The rain beating down was like 300 daggers stabbing every part
of my exposed flesh.
Or 1 or 2 metaphors:
The sunlight was a constant whip of pain against my skin.
Daggers of rain stabbed me with every step.
Second stage – Focus on the senses.
You realize you are stranded.
Sense
Sight
Sound
Smell
Touch
Taste
Description
Explore the example of how senses
have been used effectively
The attic door creaked open. Something rustled in the darkness. I
stared, but could see nothing beyond the vague shapes of old
suitcases and trunks piled high. It smelt damp. I struggled up into
the attic and wedged the door open. Light poured into the darkness.
The darkness in the head of the house. I balanced carefully upon the
floor beams. I knew that if I stepped onto the plaster I could fall
straight through into the room below. A cobweb brushed my face
and I felt the sudden tickle of a spider crawl across my cheek. As I
made my way forwards, it grew darker and colder. I was blocking
the light from the attic door. There were piles of old newspapers,
brown paper bags tied with string, cardboard boxes and ancient,
moth-eaten rugs that smelt of mothballs. Thick dust powdered every
surface. I kept thinking that I would slip and put my foot through
the floor. I stopped at a pile of old camping equipment. It was a
jumble of guy ropes, torn canvas, poles, wooden pegs, metal skewers
and a mallet. It was there that I saw the hand. It was quite still – and
white. At first I thought that it was marble. But then it moved.
Craft your paragraph to include
as many senses as you can

Sight:
I stared, but could see nothing beyond the line
of trees in front of me.
A flicker of light lit my path.

Sound:
 Smell:
Moth-eaten rugs that smelt of mothballs.
Rain seemed to release a renewed scent of
nature in the forest.
Something rustled in the darkness.
 Taste:
A high pitched howl could be heard in the
distance.
A taste of salt hung in the air.

Touch:
A cobweb brushed my face and I felt a sudden
tickle of a spider crawl across my cheek.
Branches snapped on my clothes and skin
Dust clogged my throat and nose.
Self and Peer assessment
 Peer assess your partner’s work using the ‘Making a
Difference’ criteria. Which key words best describe
your partner’s use of:
1. Similes and/ or metaphors in the opening
paragraph
2. The senses in the second paragraph
9 - 10:
Original/ Impressive/ Emphasis
7 – 8:
Varied and Sustained
5 – 6:
Clear, showing Understanding
3 – 4:
Basic, indicating Awareness
1 – 2:
Simplistic/ Unclear