REFLECTION PAPER
Have you ever thought about what makes a person unlovable, and why is it hard to love
the difficult person in our lives? Some people may be unkind, controlling, annoying, or like to
spend time with others who are negative. On the other hand, what makes someone loveable?
Is it the things they do or say? What traits make a person likable? Is it their friendliness,
sweetness, or sense of fun? Or is it their capacity to love others?
In our lives, there are people we encounter whom we find difficult to love. And with
that, there will be instances in which we are torn between to bluntly tell him/her that you don’t
like him/her attitude or not to tell him/her because she might get offended and just talk behind
her back to relieve frustrations/stress. This scenario happened about three months ago, we have
this acquaintance of ours whom I looked up to but it turned out that she is someone who is
difficult to love. It started with her being mean and nosy and we just found out that she is
talking behind our backs and with that, we confronted her that we don’t like her attitude towards
us and told her that instead of her talking behind our backs, she should’ve told us personally.
Despite of that, we still tried to recognize here as someone we knew just by casually talking to
her. But days passed, we are back of being ‘strangers’ again just by ignoring the presence of
one another. With the hope to settle things up, we tried to talk to her but no matter how we
tried, she just distanced herself.
In that situation, I can relate it to the deontology by Kant. According to him,
deontological (duty-based) ethics are concerned with what people do, not with the
consequences of their actions. Do the right thing in matters of morality. Do it because your
conscience tells you to do so; do not transgress moral laws because you fear the consequences
if you do not. Do not lie; avoid deceit at all cost. And with that, I realized that what we did is
just right.
According to the article "White lies are acceptable, even necessary part of many lives¨,
lie telling is a universal behavior that serves an important function in human social
relationships. Although lying is almost universally condemned as immoral and deceptive, it
may sometimes serve beneficial functions for both the person doing the lying and for the person
who is lied to. A need to lie sometimes arises in order to protect a friend or oneself. There are
times when it is imperative to lie in order to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. An example of
trying not to hurt someone's feelings would be keeping silent, refraining from expressing how
you truly feel because you are afraid that doing so will cause conflict or offense. However,
others disagree with the idea that honesty should always be the best policy. They believe that
it is okay to tell white lies every now and then so as not to hurt someone’s feelings. Despite
this, I understand that the truth may hurt sometimes, but lying will not make the situation better.
Immanuel Kant has a different point of view. He does not believe that lying is ever
acceptable. According to him, lying destroys a person's ability to distinguish among lies, thus
harming his or her integrity; lying also hurts other people because it alters the truth in ways
that are often hurtful.
I have learned that the key to dealing with difficult people is not to mirror their behavior.
It’s unproductive to judge or criticize others for judging or criticizing you, because all that does
is create a negative environment. If someone has hurt you, you must remember that the one
thing they don’t have control of is your feelings. You do. Harboring anger toward them can
only do harm to you. I've also learned that it is possible to love someone who does not
reciprocate your feelings, and there's nothing you can do about that. Learning how to return
love for hate is the hardest thing anyone can do, but it feels so much better.