MADDvocate A D VO C AC Y A N D S U P P O R T F O R T H E V I C T I M S O F D R U N K D R I V I N G • S P R I N G 2 0 08 When the bonds of friendship are broken by tragedy —PAGE 14 Survivors turn senseless deaths into something positive —PAGE 18 XXX Still healing fi 20 years XXXX after the nation’sfi most XXXX catastrophic drunk driving crash XXX —PAGE 22 XXXXX unseen injuries How families H f ili cope with ih ttraumatic raumatic brain injuries—PAGE 8 FdMASP08_01_cover.indd 1 4/25/08 8:35:23 AM contents 8 Invisible Injuries After a traumatic brain injury, victims and their families struggle to rebuild their lives. 14 Broken Bonds Dealing with the death of a friend can be as devastating as losing a family member, or maybe even more painful. But the grieving process is not always recognized by society. 18 Making Sense of Senseless Tragedies Out of tragedy sometimes come unexpected gifts. Read the inspiring stories of three victims. DEPARTMENTS 3 In the Know News and notes for drunk driving victims. 13 Legally Speaking Helping victims get disability benefits. 6 Court Reporting News from courts nationwide. 22 Healing Journey Twenty years after the nation’s most catastrophic drunk driving crash, a mother looks back—and forward. MADDvocate ® A MADD Publication 511 E. John Carpenter Frwy., #700 Irving, TX 75062-3983 1-877-MADD-HELP (1-877-623-3435) www.madd.org 2 ■ EDITOR IN CHIEF Debbie Weir, MSW, LMSW EDITORS Shelley Flannery, Jenn Woolson EDITORIAL EXECUTIVES Heidi Castle; Janie Loveless, BA, MLA; Leslie Moore, JD; Amy Stewart, LMSW ART DIRECTORS Sharon Jones, Monya Mollohan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Toni Miller PREP SPECIALIST Julie Fong PRODUCTION MANAGER Laura Marlowe CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Charles A. Hurley CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER Debbie Weir MADD NATIONAL BOARD OF DIRECTORS Glynn R. Birch—President Laura Dean-Mooney—Secretary Brian Demers Deborah Duncan Paul D. Folkemer—Chairman of the Board Lelia S. Haddle Lew Hollinger Leonard R. Jacob Chris E. Johnson—Vice-Chairman of the Board David Levy Jeffrey Levy L. Anthony Pace—Treasurer Paul V. Romero Linda A. Rothwell Kathryn Stewart Robert Strassburger Traci L. Toomey, Ph.D. Nina Walker Theresa Paulette Winn Jan Withers MADDvocate® is published twice a year by Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). All editorial content ©2008 MADD. All rights reserved. MADDvocate is published by McMurry, McMurry Campus Center, 1010 E. Missouri Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85014, 1-888-626-8779. MADD is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to stop drunk driving, support victims of this violent crime and prevent underage drinking. The MADD national office is at 511 E. John Carpenter Frwy., #700, Irving, TX 75062. Phone: 214-744-6233. Please let us know if your address has changed or if you no longer wish to receive this magazine. Issues of MADDvocate are also available online at www.madd.org. Click “About Us” then “Publications.” MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_02_TOC.indd 2 4/25/08 8:34:43 AM in the know Serving Thousands of Victims MADD continues to grow and serve a substantial number of victims each year. Still today, more than 13,000 people are killed in drunk driving crashes annually. An additional 500,000 victims are injured. For every person involved in an alcohol-related crash, there is a network of family, friends, co-workers and neighbors affected by the tragedy. MADD continues to strive to serve more and more victims. is an awesome achievement, Acknowledging Losses, Fostering Hopes accomplished by more than While MADD’s annual Victim/Survivor Tribute will be held during the 2008 1,500 local, committed MADD MADD National Conference at the Hilton Anatole Hotel in Dallas, Texas, victims/ victim advocates. We know survivors may attend the tribute even if they’re not attending the conference. there are many, many more Coordinated and implemented by MADD Victim Services, the event begins people in dire need of our free at 7:30 p.m. September 5 and highlights the memories of loved ones who’ve victim services. We will con- been killed, while also honoring the victims/survivors injured in impaired tinue to dedicate ourselves to driving crashes. In 2007, MADD served more than 50,000 victims of drunk driving crashes. This serving more people. If you After a loved one is killed or injured in a drunk driving crash, an important are interested in becoming part of the healing process is to honor and remember victims/survivors. The a volunteer victim advocate, Victim/Survivor Tribute is one of several ways MADD helps to acknowledge please call 1-800-GET-MADD losses, cherish memories and foster hopes. (1-800-438-6233) or visit www.madd.org. The tribute features a photographic slide show of victims/survivors from around the country. Please RSVP by calling the Victim Services Department at MADD’s National Office, 1-800-438-6233, if you’d like to attend but are not planning to be at the entire National Conference September 4–6, 2008. Spring 2008 | MADDvocate 3 in the know Keepers of the Keys Progress is clearly evident as states make significant legislative strides for ignition interlock laws. Campaign 2008: Join the MADDness Learn more about the WASHINGTON: It is the fifth state to pass a full first-offense inter- Campaign to Eliminate lock law, signed by Governor Christine Gregoire. Drunk Driving at MADD’s NEBRASKA: Governor Dave Heineman signed a bill requiring the 2008 National Conference, installation of an alcohol ignition interlock device for both first- and September 4–6 in Dallas. It second-offense drunk drivers. Nebraska is the sixth state to pass a promises you plenty of training, educating, netfirst-offense .08 interlock law. WEST VIRGINIA: MADD National President Glynn Birch attended Governor Joe Manchin’s bill-signing ceremony for West Virginia’s new law requiring ignition interlocks for all first-time aggravated working and fun. Participants can choose from more than 50 concurrent workshops, special tracks on diversity and law enforcement, and the closing night’s national president’s awards. MADD will corral delegates throughout the country to celebrate our progress and focus on the past, present and future efforts to make the Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving a reality. drunk driving offenders whose The conference will begin with the opening dinner blood alcohol concentration Thursday night, and conclude with the closing din- (BAC) is over .15 and for any ner Saturday night. convictions after the first. The Registrations made for the conference by mail law provides strong incentives or online by August 1 will save $75. The final clos- to install interlocks in the vehi- ing registration date is August 8. For more details, cles for first-time convictions with a BAC between .08 and .15. visit www.madd.org/conference. VIRGINIA: The Legislature has passed H.B. 1442 requiring convicted drunk drivers who violate the conditions of restricted licenses to install alcohol ignition interlocks. CALIFORNIA: California’s first-offender interlock bill has passed Walk Like MADD Walk Like MADD, our signature walk, is a through the Assembly Committee for Public Safety, and is headed fun, community-driven 5K fundraiser that to the Appropriations Committee. saves lives. Every step taken and pledge COLORADO: The Colorado House will soon consider a bill offering first-time convicted offenders a strong incentive to drive with an alcohol ignition interlock for up to eight months, instead of a license suspension. FLORIDA: Two measures related to alcohol ignition interlocks made helps raise awareness and supports MADD’s programs and services, making our communities and roads safer. Each of the 30 cities hosting Walk Like MADD have additional local sponsors. Together we can help make MADD’s would require a period of alcohol ignition interlock installation for all high BAC and repeat offenders. Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving a reality. Walk Like MADD is the new name for MADD’s previous fundraising walk, called Strides for Change. Please come join us! 4 ■ MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_3-5_ITK.indd 4 4/25/08 8:40:08 AM in the know BOOK REVIEW …And the Whippoorwill Sang by Micki Peluso For those of you who could never imagine having to say goodbye to a special loved one, especially a precious young child, take the time to read …And the Whippoorwill Sang. Author Micki Peluso has a true gift for storytelling. Be prepared to laugh hysterically one moment and then sink into your seat with consolation as you embark upon a 22-year journey through the lives of Micki and Butch, as seen through Micki’s eyes. You see the couple’s rocky beginning as you observe their personal lives just as they enter adulthood, but you soon realize that this precious couple was blessed with survival instincts. It’s genuinely difficult to set the book down once you begin to identify with its characters. You want to read on and on. Two journals intertwine within the pages of …And the Whippoorwill Sang. One spans two decades of the couple’s trials and triumphs, clearly chronicled by historic date. The other spans a shorter, 10-day journey that makes you feel like you’ve personally been there, on a neverending journey. I encourage you to get your copy and find a quiet place to absorb Micki’s personal life memories, which urge us “to weep… to laugh… to grieve… to dance.” Book reviewed by John M. Evans, MADD National Victim Services Training Manager Crackdowns Make Roads Safer Each Labor Day and December holiday season, MADD teams up with the U.S. Department of Transportation’s (DOT) National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), the Governors Highway Safety Association (GHSA) and the International Association of Chiefs of Police (IACP) on Drunk Driving. Over the Limit. Under Arrest., to crack down on drunk driving. The Labor Day enforcement crackdown includes sobriety checkpoints and saturation patrols as well as an $11 million national TV and radio campaign. The December crackdowns combine enforcement and a $7 million national TV and radio ad campaign through federal funding MADD advocated for and helped the DOT/NHTSA get. Data shows that while an average of 36 fatalities daily involve drivers impaired by alcohol year-round, the daily average jumps to 45 per day surrounding the Christmas holiday and even higher to 54 per day over the New Year’s holiday. Research has shown that highly publicized, highly visible and frequent sobriety checkpoints reduce fatal drunk driving crashes by up to 20 percent. High visibility enforcement is a primary focus of MADD’s Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving. To sign the Pledge to Eliminate Drunk Driving, please visit www.madd.org. Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_3-5_ITK.indd 5 ■ 5 4/25/08 8:40:25 AM court reporting ■ by Heather Estudillo MADD National Victim Services Specialist News From Courts Nationwide CHILD ENDANGERMENT ■ ALASKA—A 35-year-old man made his 11-year-old son drive because the father was too drunk to drive home himself. Police pulled the vehicle over after they witnessed the boy driving the wrong way on a oneway street. The father pleaded no contest to charges of reckless endangerment and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He was ordered to spend 15 days in jail and attend parenting classes. The father registered a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .193. CREATIVE SENTENCING OHIO—A 30-year-old woman with a BAC of .317, nearly four times the legal limit of .08, caused a crash seriously injuring a man. This was her third drunk driving conviction. She pleaded guilty to a felony charge that carries a mandatory minimum jail term of six months. She also was ordered to leave her wrecked vehicle in her front yard until she has completed probation in three years. ■ FLEEING PROSECUTION ■ WASHINGTON—A 29-year-old man jumped bond and fled to Ireland in 2001 after being charged with vehicular homicide and assault for causing a crash that killed three people and seriously injured three others. His BAC at the time of the crash was .12. He was placed on the U.S. Marshals Service most-wanted list in 2005 and was extradited back to the United States in 2006. In November 2007, he was convicted of three counts of vehicular homicide and three counts of assault. The judge sentenced him to the maximum of 14 years and three months in prison. He also will face 18 to 36 months of community supervision once released. MAXIMUM SENTENCE ■ 6 ■ ALABAMA—A sentence of life in prison was handed down to a 49-year-old man after he caused four wrecks, the first killing a 60-year-old woman. The following three wrecks took place as the driver fled the scene. He was eventually caught after a high-speed chase. The offender had a BAC of .17 and was also under the influence of the prescription drug Ambien. The man pleaded guilty to manslaughter and two counts of leaving the scene of an accident with injury and first-degree assault. ■ ARIZONA—A 41-year-old former U.S. Marine was killed by a 25-year-old man with a BAC of .118. The impaired driver stole two cases of beer, fled the scene, ran a red light and caused the crash that killed the victim. The offender was convicted of first-degree murder, negligent homicide, endangerment, two counts of aggravated DUI, unlawful flight from a pursuing law enforcement vehicle and shoplifting. He was sentenced to life in prison. ■ GEORGIA—The maximum sentence of 15 years, with three years of probation, was handed down for vehicular homicide. A 20-year-old man was killed after an offender with a BAC of .188 collided head-on with his vehicle while driving the wrong direction down the road. The local victim advocate says offenders are not typically required to serve all 15 years. The state average is around seven years. MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_6-7_Court.indd 6 4/25/08 8:44:15 AM DUI Official ■ CALIFORNIA—A 28-year-old deputy district attorney pleaded no contest to a single misdemeanor charge of DUI. She was stopped by a police officer, who tested her and found her blood alcohol concentration was .10. She was a prosecutor specializing in DUI cases. However, after this incident, she will no longer prosecute DUI cases. She was sentenced to 36 months informal probation, 48 hours in jail, completion of an alcohol treatment rehab program and fines. She also was demoted from a Level II to a Level I attorney, with a punishment of 30 days without pay and a pay reduction. REPEAT OFFENDER ■ CALIFORNIA—A jury convicted a 45-year-old man of second-degree murder after he caused the death of a 39-year-old woman and subsequently fled the scene. He had five previous DUI convictions dating back to 1990. The judge ordered him to serve 43 years to life in prison, with at least 30 years before he’ll become eligible for a parole hearing. Witnesses testified that the offender had been warned that he was too drunk to drive. Some people also said he had been offered a ride home but didn’t take it. OHIO—After causing a crash and leaving the scene, a 51-year-old man found driving on a suspended license with a BAC of .203 was charged with his 19th Operating a Vehicle Impaired (OVI). He was sentenced to serve four years for the conviction and an additional four years for having more than five OVIs in 20 years. He also must pay restitution for the vehicle he damaged. ■ OHIO—Even though his license was previously suspended for his lifetime, a 51-year-old man was recently arrested and pleaded guilty to his 13th DUI. After failing to show up on his sentencing date, a fugitive task force captured him hiding under a pile of clothes in a closet. This most recent DUI netted him a sentence of six years in prison. ■ ■ WISCONSIN—A 44-year-old man was sentenced to nine months in prison for his ninth drunken driving arrest, and fleeing or eluding an officer after he tried to escape when the officer turned on his lights and siren. The sentence in this case is shorter than the 12-month jail term previously handed down for his fourth offense in 1995. He also was sentenced to one year in jail for his eighth offense, in which he also fled police. UNDERAGE DUI ILLINOIS—With a record of at least one previous DUI, a now 18-year-old pleaded guilty to two counts of aggravated DUI and one charge of reckless homicide after taking the life of his best friend and seriously injuring another passenger. The teen had a BAC of .119 as well as previous convictions for underage drinking and driving without a license. Because of his record, the judge sentenced him to four years in prison, instead of probation. ■ VEHICULAR HOMICIDE COLORADO—With a BAC of .29, nearly four times the legal limit, a 42-year-old former police officer caused a crash that killed two college students. In the plea agreement, he accepted a sentence of 64 to 72 years in prison. After the crash, he sped away from troopers and allegedly “flipped them off ” as he passed them. At the time of the crash, the offender had been out on a $15,000 bond from a previous arrest, after he allegedly punched the sheriff in the jaw and fled authorities. ■ Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_6-7_Court.indd 7 ■ 7 4/25/08 8:44:31 AM FdMASP08_8-12_BrainInjury.indd 8 4/25/08 8:45:43 AM Injuries After a traumatic brain injury, victims and their families struggle to rebuild their lives By Amy Stewart, LMSW, MADD National Assistant Director of Victim Services Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_8-12_BrainInjury.indd 9 ■ 9 4/25/08 8:45:56 AM Injuries Imagine waking up to realize that you’ve forgotten how to eat, walk and speak. You don’t remember the names of your loved ones. You may not even remember who they are. Sound like a nightmare? F or victims who suffer a traumatic brain injury from drunk driving crashes, this nightmare is real, and it touches the lives of everyone they know. “I had to choose between hospitals to sign paperwork. We thought Jasta was in worse shape, so I went there, holding her hand until she died.” Then Donna’s husband called, saying, “You should come see how bad Melissa is.” Diagnosed almost immediately with a brain injury, Melissa spent a month in a coma, largely drug-induced to control the swelling of her brain and spinal cord. Melissa also suffered from various other injuries, including a punctured lung, a collapsed lung, several broken ribs and a fractured femur. Her doctors didn’t worry about the other injuries. They focused on the brain damage. “They said if she survived, Melissa would be paralyzed,” Donna says. But five weeks later, Melissa could move her eyes and one arm, and she was transferred to a rehab unit. Seconds that Changed Jeff’s Life On July 14, 2005, Melanie Johnson’s husband, Jeff, was involved in a drunk driving crash. “It was my daughter’s 10th birthday. We celebrated with lunch at her favorite restaurant, and Jeff took her to Toys-R-Us. That’s all Jeff remembers of that day,” Melanie says. Later that afternoon, Jeff left the couple’s three children at home so he could give a friend a ride. When a drunk driver failed to yield, he struck Jeff ’s car. Jeff was thrown from the car, and his body flew through the air, striking several road signs. “I was leaving Wal-Mart when I heard the sirens,” Melanie says. “I knew something was wrong. Then my boss told me that Jeff had been in a serious accident, and that they didn’t think he would survive.” Jeff was unconscious when Melanie arrived at the hospital. Multiple tests determined that the frontal left hemisphere of his brain was damaged. “It gets very tricky. Diagnosing a brain injury at this point isn’t very precise,” says William O’Dowd, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 20 years’ experience in rehabilitation and behavioral health. “You can hit your head and not damage your brain, just as you can damage your brain without hitting your head. The key is whether there’s been enough damage to cause loss of function.” Another Crash, Another Tragedy In a drunk driving crash on January 26, 2003, Melissa Sweeney and her 4-year-old daughter, Jasta, were struck by a drunk driver who ran a red light. “Melissa ended up at one hospital, and Jasta at another,” says Donna Sweeney, Melissa’s mother. 10 ■ Back from the Brink “Once patients are medically stabilized, if they are not significantly confused or impaired, they will generally go to rehab,” Dr. O’Dowd says. “The goal of rehab is to re-establish meaningful participation in their communities. Short-term and intermediate goals can achieve this. Brains aren’t knees. The course of rehab depends on the changes that have occurred.” In Jeff ’s case, he could walk a few steps and was transferred to a rehab facility. “Once he got started, there was no stopping him,” Melanie says. But Jeff couldn’t do a lot of things, such as cook, bathe and drive. “The first goal of rehab is restoring functioning and facilitating whatever healing is possible,” Dr. O’Dowd says. “After that, we assist patients to do what they used to do, helping them be as independent as possible. Extensive problems may evolve, so we evaluate them for a variety of therapies, such as physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.” “After Jeff moved to the rehab facility, he was still confused and needed help to walk, eat and maintain personal hygiene,” Melanie says. “He also needed speech therapy. He couldn’t handle a lot of people at once. It would confuse him terribly.” MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_8-12_BrainInjury.indd 10 4/25/08 8:46:45 AM can feel like eight. My brain gets tired, and I get frustrated.” Melanie’s and Jeff ’s other family members noticed a change in his mood and demeanor. “Jeff has a lot of anger issues, and he takes medication to manage them. He does well in the morning, but as the day progresses, he becomes moody and distant,” Melanie says. “Mood changes, depression and anxiety often come about after a brain injury,” Dr. O’Dowd says, “although the degree can vary incredibly depending upon individual circumstances. As the treatment team pulls together, it should be alert to any change in mood or behavior. Counseling, support groups, medication and brief hospitalization all may be necessary at some point. Family members feel the effects of the changes, experiencing the greatest disruption in normal routines.” Drawing a Blank Other Victims of Brain Injuries Similarly, Melissa can relate to feeling confused. “Everything about rehab was challenging,” she says. “Learning to walk again, to do daily stuff … I remember they put me in an empty shower, and I wondered what to do next.” Fortunately, she’s resumed her daily activities and can do almost everything she did before the crash. Her memory continues to be challenging, so she lives with her parents. “She can do most things by herself— even drive again. But she has problems with her shortterm memory,” Donna says. “The most difficult thing is remembering,” Melissa says. “The rehab team tried to teach me different ways to remember, such as writing everything down on sticky notes. It’s gotten better, and I just have to live with repetition. If you throw me out of my routine, I may forget to do something.” Melanie says that most people with brain injuries— and their family members—should get counseling, whether they believe they need it or not. “When Jeff came home from rehab, he wasn’t, and still isn’t, the father and husband he was before the crash. He can’t do the things we all take for granted, such as driving, watching a movie, taking a walk alone, making independent decisions, or visiting with friends and family,” Melanie says. In Melanie’s and Jeff ’s case, the impact of his brain injury has been even greater on their children. “Our oldest son has just begun to go out with his friends since the crash. He thinks he should stay home and help with his father,” Melanie says. “Our middle son is just now realizing that the changes in his father are permanent. He’s very angry. Jeff knows how hard this has been on them. He can’t do the things he used to do with them, like playing sports and watching them in school concerts.” Routine Matters “You have to accept that you are different and go on with the rest of your life.” Jeff agrees that routine is key. “It’s hard to find that routine, but once you find it, and stick to it, it makes life a lot easier. If I get out of my routine, one hour Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_8-12_BrainInjury.indd 11 ■ 11 4/28/08 1:56:42 PM Injuries “The impact of a brain injury on the family system is indescribable,” Dr. O’Dowd says. “If you have five people in a family relationship, and one of them changes significantly, the role of that person is now different. Those closest to the injured person are hugely affected. Changes that affect behavior and personality can be much harder to cope with than other types of physical injuries.” Dr. O’Dowd says that, at some point, the individual with a brain injury won’t change much more. Another goal of rehabilitation is to help the family change together, providing members with the support and information they need to help them make the necessary accommodations. “You have to accept that you are different and go on with the rest of your life,” Jeff says. work and support his family. He knows he has a long road ahead. He needs more rehab to learn to cope with his life as it is now. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get a little of himself back, or at least some new skills.” “For many people with a brain injury, vocational rehabilitation is also a goal,” Dr. O’Dowd says. “Meaningful participation for most adults means getting back to work. Work is a part of what we do, who we are. While having something meaningful to It Takes Teamwork “We can help people with brain injuries find a way back to life. It takes a team.” 12 ■ Before her crash, Melissa was a day care teacher. Going back to work proved difficult. “Eight months after the crash, Melissa was back at work with a coach from the Office of Vocational Rehabilitation. Ultimately, it was too great a challenge, because she couldn’t remember things,” Donna says. “Trying to get back to work was hard,” Melissa says. “Even though I tried, I had no idea what to do while I was there. Someone would say, ‘It’s time for lunch,’ and I would draw a blank.” Gradually, Melissa became discouraged and resigned. But quitting the job she loved was difficult. “That was the perfect job. When I left, I felt like I was going to fail at everything I did or was going to try to do. It felt like everything was going to be taken away.” After she left the day care center, Melissa became a nanny. “In the beginning, the couple wrote me a lot of notes and wrote down my schedule. Now I occasionally ask questions, but for the most part, I’ve got it down. Both of them understand my problems and what I need. Working for them has helped me regain my confidence,” Melissa says. Unfortunately, Jeff still can’t return to work yet. He now receives Social Security Disability, spending most of his time at home or with his mother. “It’s hard not being able to work,” he says. “Jeff knows he is different now. He hates depending on me or anyone,” Melanie says. “He wants to do is an important part of rehabilitation, making reasonable accommodations for brain-injured individuals is a challenge for our society.” Ultimately, Dr. O’Dowd believes that when the rehabilitation team has done all it can, the community must create an environment to give people the best chance to heal. “If we’re going to pull this all together, to help people with brain injuries, we’ve got to work with them the way they are now. Working together, we may be able to find a plan that may work. We can help people with brain injuries find a way back to a life. It takes a team.” ■ MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_8-12_BrainInjury.indd 12 4/25/08 8:47:30 AM legally speaking ■ by R. Matthew Stewart, JD A Safety Net How to wade through the red tape to get disability benefits E stimates show that 500,000 people are injured in drunk driving crashes annually. Often, chronic, disabling injuries create long-term financial hardships. If a debilitating injury impairs your ability to work for at least one year, consider applying for disability benefits. To apply, contact the Social Security Administration (SSA) in person, by phone or at www.ssa.gov. You’ll need to describe your disabling health conditions, provide doctors’ names and addresses, and include your past 15-year employment history. The SSA determines if you qualify for benefits under one of two available programs, Social Security Disability Insurance or Supplemental Security Income. Both apply the same medical criteria, but eligibility requirements differ. Under Social Security Disability Insurance, disabled individuals and their families may receive benefits based on a sufficient, recent work record. Generally, you must have worked five of the past 10 years. Special rules exist for younger applicants who haven’t yet worked the minimum years. If you show sufficient financial need, but insufficient earnings for Social Security Disability Insurance, you may be eligible for Supplemental Security Income. Both programs require medical confirmation of a disabling condition for a minimum of 12 consecutive months. If you’re eligible, a monthly cash benefit, Medicare and Medicaid may be available. A Waiting Game Be patient waiting for SSA’s response. At any point during four administrative review stages, SSA can approve or deny your application. Each level requires a different time frame, which also may vary by state. Only one-third of claims are approved at the initial level. Two-thirds of appeals at the hearing level are approved. If denied at all four review levels, a claim goes to federal court. This agency review process currently is being evaluated, so changes may occur. If a hearing is required, seriously consider hiring a lawyer who is experienced in practicing before the SSA. A consultation with an attorney early in the application process, especially if a claim requires attending a hearing before a judge, can save months of time. Prove Your Case The best evidence establishing disability depends on your injuries, and how they impair your ability to work. Determining disability also differs for different ages. A letter from your doctor or specialist, describing your functional limitations and referencing specific medical findings, helps your odds for benefits. So gather appropriate medical and vocational material from experts. Applying for Social Security benefits can be a long, emotional process. Contact SSA as soon as you can, and connect with other social service agencies for support meanwhile. MADD is here to provide support and information to victims. Visit www.madd.org or call 1-877-MADDHELP (1-877-623-3435). ■ Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_13_Legally.indd 13 ■ 13 4/25/08 8:49:00 AM By Debbie Weir, Weir, MADD Chief hief Operating Operatin Officer, O Vice Preside ent Victim Services Servvices S President When a friend dies, you must find your own healing path H enry David Thoreau once said, “The language of friendship is not words but meanings.” The meaningful things you share with close friends are many—shared confidences, unconditional support, precious life experiences, joys and sorrows. As they’re nurtured, those bonds of friendship can sometimes become even stronger than the bonds we share with our families. You cannot minimize the importance of friendship. After all, while destiny chooses your family, you choose your friends. When a friend dies, you lose more than just someone to hang out with or confide in. You lose love, 14 ■ trust and a sense of belonging. The death of a friend can create a gaping hole in your life, possibly affecting you more profoundly than a relative’s death. It’s natural to grieve for a friend and that friendship. You’re entitled to social support to face the pain of grief. Yet society doesn’t always acknowledge the kind of grief that a friend’s death produces. With all its different nuances, how do you begin to heal after the death of a friend, especially one who’s been part of the fabric of your life for a long time? The Initial Emotional Impact Jill Thompson and Tina LeWallen are both finding their paths on their unique healing journeys. MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_14-17_FriendsAndGrief.indd 14 4/25/08 8:50:01 AM Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_14-17_FriendsAndGrief.indd 15 ■ 15 4/25/08 8:50:16 AM When their best friends died, they instantly knew that life would never be the same. “Alisa and I were attached at the hip,” Jill says. “We met at ballet class when we were 7 years old. She was very much my sister, even though we were not connected by blood. I still miss her every day.” Only 15 years old, Alisa Joy Withers, Jill’s best friend, was killed April 15, 1992, while she was a passenger in a drunk driving car crash. A young life cut too short. It was during spring vacation when Alisa and two other girls went out with two boys who were friends of theirs. The girls had no idea that the guys had been drinking. Had they known, the girls would not have gotten in the car. The driver’s judgment and reactions were impaired when he sped around 100 mph— despite his passengers’ objections—and lost “Give yourself time, control of the car. “I’ll never forget my and treat yourself mother coming to school to tell me the horrible with compassion,” news,” Jill says. “The look on her face was awful. Brown says. “The Realizing she had bad news, I panicked, putting impact of a friend’s my hand over my ears death can be lifeand saying, ‘No, no, no.’ “My life was forever long. The grieving changed. It became two compartments: life process can last before the crash and life after the crash,” Jill says. throughout our lives.” Licensed professional counselor Jane Brown says Jill’s response was typical. “Following the notification of the death of a close friend, there can be a period of disbelief and personal crisis,” she says. “A sudden death is particularly traumatic and can turn life upside down for loved ones left behind. Friends are definitely considered loved ones.” Tina and an entire police department understand life being forever changed. Her best friend, Officer Lisa Beaulieu, was the first female police officer in the Beaumont, Texas Police Department to be killed in the line of duty, when she was hit on April 27, 2007, by a drunk driver. Tina, who was a fellow officer, says that Lisa was living her dream of becoming a police officer. “She was tenacious, always working harder than anyone else, although nothing came easy for Lisa. She worked full time as a dispatcher while attending the law enforcement training academy. Despite her 5’2” height, she scaled the ‘great wall’ and passed the rigorous physical examination. Her dream became a reality. “Lisa was dispatched to help with traffic control at a crash scene on a busy overpass. When she left her car to direct traffic, a drunk driver hit her and threw her over the overpass, killing her,” Tina says. “I got a call at the station that Lisa had been killed in a critical crash. They were taking her to the hospital. Since I was six months pregnant, I kept thinking I had to take care of myself because of my baby. I went on automatic pilot, officer mode,” Tina says. “I couldn’t feel any emotions.” 16 ■ “Initially, grappling with grief, shock and numbness is a common reaction,” Brown says. “Our psyche goes into a selfprotective defense mode. It’s important to expect overwhelming feelings of confusion and disbelief.” You may feel overwhelmed thinking that no one will understand you the way your friend did. Close friends not only provide much-needed companionship, but also encouragement. An obvious difficulty in coping with a friend’s death is feeling the need to share your grief with the person you’ve lost, especially if the friend was your main source of support. Grieving with the Family If the victim was geographically or emotionally detached from his or her family, the relatives may not even be aware of those people whom their loved one considered close friends. While the family grieves separately, those friends may feel as if they’ve been forgotten at what, for them, is a critical and emotional time. It’s hard for them to know what to do. “Finding appropriate ways to reach out and support the immediate family of a dear friend, during and after the funeral, can really help you in your own grieving and eliminate the feeling of being left out,” Brown says. “After the funeral, look for practical ways to help the family with day-to-day activities.” Thankfully, Jill and Tina both felt very welcomed by Alisa’s and Lisa’s families, particularly by their parents. “Alisa’s funeral overflowed with more than 1,000 devastated mourners, including all the ballet school young girls. Although her funeral was very special, it seems like a blur,” Jill says. “For days and days after the funeral, we all continued to hang out at Alisa’s house. Her parents, Jan and Joe, embraced us, very aware of our devastating shock and grief. It was comforting to be in Alisa’s home. I felt ‘closer’ to her.” Family members may invite a close friend to speak at the funeral or memorial service and help with the delicate planning process. Memorable experiences shared by friends may help families enjoy special memories of their loved one. “I helped Lisa’s family right after they were notified of her death,” Tina says. “While planning the funeral service, I put my emotions on hold. I developed a photo slide show of Lisa’s life and spoke at her funeral. I felt a great responsibility for my fellow officers and her family. We all loved Lisa. “I didn’t allow myself to express my grief until the graveside service,” Tina says. “I broke down during the 21-gun salute and the retiring of her badge. After the funeral, everyone came to my house for a reception, where we shared wonderful, joyful memories and laughter.” “Reaching out to the family and offering assistance can be a generous and helpful gesture,” Brown says. “It’s important to balance the need to be involved with the possibility of infringing on the family’s right to grieve. You don’t want to intrude on the sanctity of the family bond.” Lifelong Enduring Impact A high level of intimacy can develop in an enduring friendship. That relationship requires a level of shared trust, openness, genuine concern and affection, leading to an intense bond that may complicate the healing journey. MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_14-17_FriendsAndGrief.indd 16 4/25/08 8:51:27 AM “Don’t force yourself to forget your friend. Think of how this person enriched your life, and remember the support, laughter and love you shared.” friend’s death can be lifelong. The grieving process can last throughout our lives.” Alisa was killed 16 years ago. Yet, Jill says, “There are times when I feel like a person minus a person. “At first, I kept the grief close to me. I really didn’t want to feel better,” she says. “I thought I would lose Alisa. Grief is not logical. “I still grieve for Alisa, and our lost future,” Jill says. “It still seems unimaginable that my life goes on without her. I was stuck for a long time, but slowly my grief gave way to hope.” Grieving in Small Increments At some point during your own personal healing journey, you’ll be able to think about the person who died with less pain. You’ll start to plan ahead, looking forward to more joyful times. This doesn’t mean that you care any less for the person who has died. You’ll always remember and love your friend for what you shared. “Don’t force yourself to forget your friend. Think of how this person enriched your life, and remember the support, laughter and love you shared,” Brown says. “Carrying on some of the special things you shared provides a kind of immortality, and honors your friend while ■ Reminisce and remember your friend in you work through strong emotions.” “I honored Lisa’s life by naming happy times. my daughter after her,” Tina says. ■ Recognize the special relationship. “In a way, my daughter is a reminder of my friendship with Lisa. She lives ■ Rejoice in celebrations of your friend’s life. on, and this gives me hope. Bonnie ■ Take the initiative and reach out to others Lisa was born three months after Lisa’s death. for needed support. “Now I grieve in small incre■ Assist the family with day-to-day activities. ments. It’s more manageable this way. It’s helpful to talk to anyone ■ Find ways to honor your friend. who will listen. I need to talk about ■ Allow yourself time to heal. Lisa over and over again.” Grief is more than a matter of the heart. Going on can be a way of showing that life, represented in your friend, matters to you. It can be important, too, for others “We were best friends and hung out together all the time. She who love you and depend on you. Grieving is a lifelong journey had such a sense of style, regularly having manicures and pedithat has no true endpoint. Nevertheless, there are still future cures,” Tina says. “When I saw her body at the hospital, I sadly peaceful and delightful life moments to enjoy. smiled seeing her beautiful blue-painted toenails. There’ll never “There was a time after Alisa’s death when I didn’t know be another Lisa.” how to move forward. But slowly, the pieces started to fall into “When grieving the death of a close friend, you must come to place,” Jill says. “I now focus on our happy memories and her grips with the loss of a shared future, which can cause loneliness peaceful presence.” and the need for emotional support,” Brown says. “Give yourThoreau couldn’t have said it better himself. ■ self time, and treat yourself with compassion. The impact of a Helpful Tips for Grieving a Friend Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_14-17_FriendsAndGrief.indd 17 ■ 17 4/25/08 8:51:36 AM By Janie Bryan Loveless, BA, MLA, MADD National Communications Manager 18 ■ MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_18-21_Gifts_sw.indd 18 4/28/08 3:03:02 PM Tragedy inspires some victims to make meaningful contributions We all memorized the Golden Rule in childhood. Most of us have been fortunate to meet people who practice it. Some people even use this pearl of wisdom to help overcome their pain and grief from the deaths or injuries of loved ones. After a horrific tragedy, some victims find the strength to help others, just as people have helped them. They may even inspire other acts of kindness, like the domino effect in the movie Pay It Forward. Some honor loved ones by passionately trying to make a positive difference in their communities, while finding a sense of hope despite the pain that personal tragedy has brought. “Clearly, there are people who grieve for loved ones and may shut down,” says Mike Murray, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice for more than 25 years. “Actual mourning is important. It’s important to feel and fully experience the situation. The goal of mourning is to sort out the tragedy—to be able to accept it and still embrace the future. “Certainly, it’s still a traumatic situation. If we could, we’d find some other way to fill that need,” he says. “Or choose not to cross that bridge, if we had a choice. Some people do organized walks to raise money for a cause, or establish support groups to help others deal with similar situations. They’re filling in something they need.” Making Life Count Cindy Grimes and her husband, Mike, have not only survived—they’ve flourished, despite all odds. When their car was struck by a drunk driver in 1970, their 5-day-old baby and Cindy’s mother burned to death. The hot windshield melted into Cindy’s Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_18-21_Gifts_sw.indd 19 ■ 19 4/28/08 2:57:30 PM scalp. Her older brother Jim pulled her from the car, but she endured six months in ICU, more than 20 surgeries and skin grafts, lasting up to 18 hours, and endless physical therapy. She lost all the toes on her left foot except her big toe. Her right foot was broken and only connected by skin. Cindy adamantly refused to have her foot amputated, but she still has no feeling in either foot and has difficulty walking on grass or uneven surfaces. She has another knee surgery in June. Devastated when doctors said she’d never be able to have more children, Cindy clearly proved them wrong. Still married 38 years later, the Grimes have a grown daughter and son, and a 5-year-old granddaughter, Hannah. She credits her family, church and friends for helping her survive this endless ordeal. Actually, Cindy has about 400 children. Her passion is working with disabled children in Tyler, Texas, as the diagnostician’s secretary for special-needs students at John Tyler High School. Since her right hand is There are still days when she can’t get out of bed because of the bad arthritis from her breaks and burns. Overall, though, she’s accomplished more since her crash than most people do in a lifetime. Cindy urges injured and disabled people to find a support group, like she found in her church. She wishes she’d had a victim advocate and the support of MADD’s Victim Services, but the organization wasn’t founded until 10 years after her crash. She has tirelessly volunteered by speaking in prisons and in adult and juvenile probation departments about her experience. For the past 15 years, she has spoken about the horrors of drinking and driving on Victim Impact Panels throughout eight counties. Cindy particularly heeds one doctor’s words: “You do know there’s no medical reason for you to be alive today. I hope you’re doing what your life was spared for you to do.” visibly impaired, students relate easily to her and are comfortable discussing their disabilities with her. She encourages students to treat her, and themselves, like everyone else. She also makes sure they learn about the dangers of drinking and driving. “Being physically limited for life,” Cindy says, “is more than a daily challenge. It’s an hour by hour, minute by minute challenge.” Reaching Out to Others “There’s no medical reason for you to be alive today. I hope you’re doing what your life was spared for you to do.” 20 ■ Another family in New Hampshire also knows how fragile life is. Don Gates’ wife, Marilyn, the mother of their three grown children, was killed in an alcohol-related crash on March 26, 2006. The family honors her through the Marilyn M. Gates Memorial Scholarship, annually awarding a four-year $500 college MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_18-21_Gifts.indd 20 4/25/08 8:57:45 AM “There’s no question that the ultimate goal for all of us is to heal, find meaning and make a contribution.” scholarship to a state police employee’s child. The first recipient was Griffin Cordes, a passenger injured in the crash that killed Marilyn. The Gates’ daughter, Melissa Larochelle, speaks to law enforcement groups about the crash’s devastating effects. She and her husband have both worked for the Fremont, New Hampshire Police Department, and her dad is a retired state trooper. “A drunk driving crash can happen to anyone,” she says. “That’s more than the law enforcement profession thinks. We have a false sense of security, and suddenly that can be blown out of the water.” Ironically, MADD Victim Advocate Bob Crawford, who helped the Gates and the Cordes families through the trial and January 15 30-year sentencing of drunk driver Stephen Mole, is a former police officer. He readily bonded with the Gates family. Four members of his family—his pregnant daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter— were killed in a drunk driving crash on April 1, 1993. “Suffering and grief are the common denominators that bring people together,” Crawford says. “Anyone who’s experienced a great loss is better equipped to reach out to others in pain. Thank God MADD exists today. No such organization provided aid to victims when my mother-in-law’s first husband died in a drunk driving crash.” Marilyn’s family echoes Crawford’s words. Marilyn took her dad to the doctor instead of boarding her regularly scheduled Flight 11 as an American Airlines’ flight attendant on September 11, 2001. Seven of her colleagues died when that plane struck the World Trade Center’s North Tower. She survived another fourand-a-half years until a drunk driver killed her. Honoring Loved Ones, Helping Others Some people channel their grief into something creative, using a talent or gift to memorialize a loved one. Bob Belchic of New Britain, Pennsylvania, poured himself into music after his 19-year-old daughter, Michelle, died from a broken neck in a 1999 drunk driving crash. “The shock of Michelle’s crash was completely irreconcilable— a totally unacceptable reality,” Bob says. “I had very strong emotions, without knowing where to put them. I couldn’t find the words to express my feelings and communicate with my daughter. I’d always loved and listened to music, and found I could clearly communicate emotions through music, when I couldn’t through words. “To this day, I express myself to Michelle by playing the song I composed for her,” Belchic says. “Playing is one of the few things where I can feel like I’ve gotten out what I want to say. And I can feel close to Michelle. Since her death, I look for any positive opportunities from difficult situations. She inspired this trait in me, as well as influencing my music. “We’re all just a moment away from the end of life,” Belchic says. “Time, friends, family—know that they can be taken away at any time. When tragedy strikes, you find out who your true friends are. You lose some, you gain some—and you understand what’s important. Lots of trivial stuff goes away. “I always felt very fortunate that most of my family was healthy. I knew drunk driving was a problem, but I’d never really thought it would affect me so directly, even though I’ve been struck twice and injured by drunk drivers,” he says. Belchic speaks to Victim Impact Panels and helps with educational programs such as Protecting You, Protecting Me. He credits his victim advocate for giving him the strength “to get a foothold in the mountainside I was falling down.” Belchic is committed to leaving the world a better place than when he got here. Those fortunate enough to have had the support of a victim advocate understand this, and they become doubly fortunate when they’re able to help others who are struggling with the death of loved ones. The Grimes, the Gates, Larochelle, Crawford and Belchic have more in common than being victims of drunk driving crashes. They are survivors who inspire hope. As Dr. Murray says, “While not unusual, those people who are able to mourn and make something positive out of tragedy are often fairly extraordinary people, who use a disaster as a stimulus to go beyond themselves. There’s no question that the ultimate goal for all of us is to heal, find meaning and make a contribution.” ■ Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_18-21_Gifts.indd 21 ■ 21 4/25/08 8:57:59 AM healing journey ■ by Karolyn Nunnallee Past MADD National President Let Us Be Your SUNSHINE Twenty years after the nation’s most catastrophic drunk driving crash, one victim has turned tragedy into incredible opportunities I t’s really difficult to believe that two decades have passed since my daughter Patty and 26 others paid the ultimate price to a repeat offender drunk driver. It’s difficult to comprehend that Patty has been dead twice as long as she lived on earth. As we approach the 20th anniversary of the nation’s most catastrophic drunk driving crash—the Kentucky Bus Crash of May 14, 1988—and reflect on those first days, I remember my dark despair. I also gratefully remember an organization that brought me back to life—an organization whose success is attributed to putting a face on the violent crime of drunk driving. How do I thank those who supported and helped me on my healing journey? Janice Lord, who was then director of Victim Services at MADD, created the first Crisis Response Team in the country, to help the first responders of the bus crash. Two months later, the second Crisis Response Team came to Radcliff, Kentucky, to help the “They taught me that crash victims. Lord, Elizabeth many people care, but and Rob Beck, Lelia Haddle, Dorothy Mercer, Sharon those who have been Sikora, Betty Jane Spencer victimized by drunk and Millie Webb reached out to me, empathizing and driving understand.” bringing me hope. They taught me that many people care, but those who have been victimized by drunk driving understand. They helped me 22 ■ realize that I needed to get involved in something to make my daughter’s senseless death meaningful. Being with others who had similar experiences helped. I realized I was not alone. I could ask those questions that needed to be answered—those only they could answer, after living through similar tragedies. MADDvocate | Spring 2008 FdMASP08_22-23_Healing.indd 22 4/28/08 2:17:32 PM “Sure, there’s still a scar on my heart. There always will be, reminding me that I’ll never forget the crash that could have destroyed me.” Patty Nunnallee was one of 27 victims of the Kentucky Bus Crash of 1988. I remember asking, “What do you say when someone asks, ‘How many children do you have?’” I’d given birth to two beautiful girls, but now one was gone. If I said, “I have one,” I would deny Patty’s existence. Their suggestion was a tremendous relief. For the past 20 years, I’ve said, “I have two children. Patty was 10 and Jeanne is 26.” These simple questions bring so much pain. But those incredible victim advocates empowered me to take action, be an advocate and make a difference, in spite of my grief. My healing journey began when I decided not to let this tragedy totally engulf me negatively. You can’t go around, over or under your grief; you must work through it. My MADD involvement helped me do this, bringing me new enthusiasm. MADD shared my pain. MADD trained me to use my tragedy to inspire others to get involved. MADD allowed me to take baby steps that turned into marathons! Someone once said, “Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” By taking on small tasks, I could turn them into incredible opportunities. Speaking about Patty helped me heal, although at first I was raw. The pain was so very deep. Sometimes, my wounds have opened, but each time the hurt wasn’t quite so deep. Before I knew it, the wounds had healed. Sure, there’s still a scar on my heart. There always will be, reminding me that I’ll never forget the crash that could have destroyed me. I must continue to fight for victims of this violent crime, to make our nation realize the depth of pain that impaired drivers continue to cause. I honestly thought when I joined MADD that I, alone, would stop drunk driving in the U.S. Fortunately, I’m not alone. Thousands still fight to prevent this devastating crime. The many victims who’ve taken their tragedy to the streets, and spoken out, have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. Unfortunately, we haven’t stopped drunk driving. In the next 20 years, I hope to see an end to this violent crime. Until then, I hope the memories of your loved ones will continue to inspire you, and provide you strength. The sooner you take control and begin taking those steps toward healing, the sooner you’ll run your “healing marathon.” As we strive to make a difference, the healing journey becomes less difficult. I know that victim advocates, like the ones who first came to Radcliff, will still be there, to care and truly understand. I know they will continue to encourage victims to take action and turn their tragedies into experiences that will help prevent future alcohol-related crashes. As the inspiring Helen Keller said, “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.” So many in MADD over these 20 years have been my sunshine. I thank each of you for standing close enough to me to prevent the shadows. You were there when I needed you, and I hope I’ve reciprocated to help others. To my MADD family, I say, “Thank you.” To those who are in the shadows, “Please let us be your sunshine.” It is the love and commitment of dedicated activists across the country who’ve helped make MADD the largest crime-victim assistance organization in the world. ■ Spring 2008 | MADDvocate FdMASP08_22-23_Healing.indd 23 ■ 23 4/28/08 3:07:15 PM For MADD, saving lives is a way of life. That is why Nationwide® has been a proud supporter for over 25 years. Nationwide is An Equal Opportunity Employer. © 2008 Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company. All rights reserved. Nationwide, the Nationwide framemark and On Your Side are federally registered service marks of Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company. © Mothers Against Drunk Driving Mothers Against Drunk Driving 511 E. John Carpenter Frwy. #700 Irving, TX 75062-3983 NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION US POSTAGE PAID MADD FdMASP08_24_C4.indd 24 4/25/08 9:03:05 AM