MADDvocate
A D VO C AC Y A N D S U P P O R T F O R T H E V I C T I M S O F D R U N K D R I V I N G • S P R I N G 2 0 08
When the bonds
of friendship are
broken by tragedy
—PAGE 14
Survivors turn
senseless
deaths into
something
positive
—PAGE 18
XXX
Still healing
fi
20 years
XXXX
after the
nation’sfi
most
XXXX
catastrophic
drunk driving
crash
XXX
—PAGE 22
XXXXX
unseen
injuries
How families
H
f
ili cope with
ih
ttraumatic
raumatic brain injuries—PAGE 8
FdMASP08_01_cover.indd 1
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contents
8
Invisible
Injuries
After a traumatic brain injury,
victims and their families
struggle to rebuild their lives.
14
Broken Bonds
Dealing with the death of a friend
can be as devastating as losing a
family member, or maybe even more
painful. But the grieving process is
not always recognized by society.
18
Making Sense of
Senseless Tragedies
Out of tragedy sometimes come
unexpected gifts. Read the inspiring
stories of three victims.
DEPARTMENTS
3
In the Know News and notes for drunk
driving victims.
13
Legally Speaking Helping victims get
disability benefits.
6
Court Reporting News from courts
nationwide.
22
Healing Journey Twenty years after the
nation’s most catastrophic drunk driving
crash, a mother looks back—and forward.
MADDvocate
®
A MADD Publication
511 E. John Carpenter Frwy., #700
Irving, TX 75062-3983
1-877-MADD-HELP (1-877-623-3435)
www.madd.org
2
■
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Debbie Weir, MSW, LMSW
EDITORS
Shelley Flannery, Jenn Woolson
EDITORIAL EXECUTIVES
Heidi Castle; Janie Loveless,
BA, MLA; Leslie Moore, JD;
Amy Stewart, LMSW
ART DIRECTORS
Sharon Jones, Monya Mollohan
CIRCULATION DIRECTOR
Toni Miller
PREP SPECIALIST
Julie Fong
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Laura Marlowe
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
Charles A. Hurley
CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER
Debbie Weir
MADD NATIONAL
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Glynn R. Birch—President
Laura Dean-Mooney—Secretary
Brian Demers
Deborah Duncan
Paul D. Folkemer—Chairman
of the Board
Lelia S. Haddle
Lew Hollinger
Leonard R. Jacob
Chris E. Johnson—Vice-Chairman
of the Board
David Levy
Jeffrey Levy
L. Anthony Pace—Treasurer
Paul V. Romero
Linda A. Rothwell
Kathryn Stewart
Robert Strassburger
Traci L. Toomey, Ph.D.
Nina Walker
Theresa Paulette Winn
Jan Withers
MADDvocate® is published twice a year by Mothers
Against Drunk Driving (MADD). All editorial content
©2008 MADD. All rights reserved. MADDvocate
is published by McMurry, McMurry Campus
Center, 1010 E. Missouri Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85014,
1-888-626-8779. MADD is a nonprofit organization
whose mission is to stop drunk driving, support victims
of this violent crime and prevent underage drinking.
The MADD national office is at 511 E. John Carpenter
Frwy., #700, Irving, TX 75062. Phone: 214-744-6233.
Please let us know if your address has changed or if
you no longer wish to receive this magazine.
Issues of MADDvocate are also available online at www.madd.org.
Click “About Us” then “Publications.”
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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in the know
Serving
Thousands
of Victims
MADD continues to grow and
serve a substantial number of
victims each year. Still today,
more than 13,000 people are
killed in drunk driving crashes
annually. An additional
500,000 victims are injured.
For every person involved
in an alcohol-related crash,
there is a network of family,
friends, co-workers and neighbors affected by the tragedy.
MADD continues to strive to
serve more and more victims.
is an awesome achievement,
Acknowledging Losses,
Fostering Hopes
accomplished by more than
While MADD’s annual Victim/Survivor Tribute will be held during the 2008
1,500 local, committed MADD
MADD National Conference at the Hilton Anatole Hotel in Dallas, Texas, victims/
victim advocates. We know
survivors may attend the tribute even if they’re not attending the conference.
there are many, many more
Coordinated and implemented by MADD Victim Services, the event begins
people in dire need of our free
at 7:30 p.m. September 5 and highlights the memories of loved ones who’ve
victim services. We will con-
been killed, while also honoring the victims/survivors injured in impaired
tinue to dedicate ourselves to
driving crashes.
In 2007, MADD served
more than 50,000 victims of
drunk driving crashes. This
serving more people. If you
After a loved one is killed or injured in a drunk driving crash, an important
are interested in becoming
part of the healing process is to honor and remember victims/survivors. The
a volunteer victim advocate,
Victim/Survivor Tribute is one of several ways MADD helps to acknowledge
please call 1-800-GET-MADD
losses, cherish memories and foster hopes.
(1-800-438-6233) or visit
www.madd.org.
The tribute features a photographic slide show of victims/survivors from
around the country. Please RSVP by calling the Victim Services Department at
MADD’s National Office, 1-800-438-6233, if you’d like to attend but are not
planning to be at the entire National Conference September 4–6, 2008.
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate  3 in the know
Keepers of the Keys
Progress is clearly evident as states make significant legislative
strides for ignition interlock laws.
Campaign
2008: Join the
MADDness
Learn more about the
WASHINGTON: It is the fifth state to pass a full first-offense inter-
Campaign to Eliminate
lock law, signed by Governor Christine Gregoire.
Drunk Driving at MADD’s
NEBRASKA: Governor Dave Heineman signed a bill requiring the
2008 National Conference,
installation of an alcohol ignition interlock device for both first- and
September 4–6 in Dallas. It
second-offense drunk drivers. Nebraska is the sixth state to pass a
promises you plenty of training, educating, netfirst-offense .08 interlock law.
WEST VIRGINIA: MADD
National President Glynn
Birch attended Governor Joe
Manchin’s bill-signing ceremony for West Virginia’s new
law requiring ignition interlocks
for all first-time aggravated
working and fun. Participants can choose from
more than 50 concurrent workshops, special
tracks on diversity and law enforcement, and the
closing night’s national president’s awards.
MADD will corral delegates throughout the
country to celebrate our progress and focus on
the past, present and future efforts to make the
Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving a reality.
drunk driving offenders whose
The conference will begin with the opening dinner
blood alcohol concentration
Thursday night, and conclude with the closing din-
(BAC) is over .15 and for any
ner Saturday night.
convictions after the first. The
Registrations made for the conference by mail
law provides strong incentives
or online by August 1 will save $75. The final clos-
to install interlocks in the vehi-
ing registration date is August 8. For more details,
cles for first-time convictions with a BAC between .08 and .15.
visit www.madd.org/conference.
VIRGINIA: The Legislature has passed H.B. 1442 requiring
convicted drunk drivers who violate the conditions of restricted
licenses to install alcohol ignition interlocks.
CALIFORNIA: California’s first-offender interlock bill has passed
Walk Like MADD
Walk Like MADD, our signature walk, is a
through the Assembly Committee for Public Safety, and is headed
fun, community-driven 5K fundraiser that
to the Appropriations Committee.
saves lives. Every step taken and pledge
COLORADO: The Colorado House will soon consider a bill offering first-time convicted offenders a strong incentive to drive with
an alcohol ignition interlock for up to eight months, instead of a
license suspension.
FLORIDA: Two measures related to alcohol ignition interlocks
made helps raise awareness and supports
MADD’s programs and services, making our
communities and roads safer.
Each of the 30 cities hosting Walk
Like MADD have additional local sponsors. Together we can help make MADD’s
would require a period of alcohol ignition interlock installation for
all high BAC and repeat offenders.
Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving a
reality. Walk Like MADD is the new name for
MADD’s previous fundraising walk, called
Strides for Change. Please come join us!
4
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MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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in the know
BOOK REVIEW
…And the Whippoorwill Sang
by Micki Peluso
For those of you who could never imagine having to say goodbye to a special loved one,
especially a precious young child, take the time to read …And the Whippoorwill Sang. Author
Micki Peluso has a true gift for storytelling.
Be prepared to laugh hysterically one moment and then sink into your seat with consolation
as you embark upon a 22-year journey through the lives of Micki and Butch, as seen through
Micki’s eyes. You see the couple’s rocky beginning as you observe their personal lives just as
they enter adulthood, but you soon realize that this precious couple was blessed with survival
instincts. It’s genuinely difficult to set the book down once you begin to identify with its characters.
You want to read on and on.
Two journals intertwine within the pages of …And the Whippoorwill Sang. One spans two
decades of the couple’s trials and triumphs, clearly chronicled by historic date. The other
spans a shorter, 10-day journey that makes you feel like you’ve personally been there, on
a neverending journey.
I encourage you to get your copy and find a quiet place to absorb Micki’s personal life
memories, which urge us “to weep… to laugh… to grieve… to dance.”
Book reviewed by John M. Evans, MADD National Victim Services Training Manager
Crackdowns Make
Roads Safer
Each Labor Day and December holiday season, MADD
teams up with the U.S. Department of Transportation’s
(DOT) National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
(NHTSA), the Governors Highway Safety Association
(GHSA) and the International Association of Chiefs of
Police (IACP) on Drunk Driving. Over the Limit. Under Arrest., to crack down on drunk driving. The Labor Day enforcement
crackdown includes sobriety checkpoints and saturation patrols as well as an $11 million national TV and radio campaign.
The December crackdowns combine enforcement and a $7 million national TV and radio ad campaign through federal funding MADD advocated for and helped the DOT/NHTSA get. Data shows that while an average of 36 fatalities daily
involve drivers impaired by alcohol year-round, the daily average jumps to 45 per day surrounding the Christmas holiday
and even higher to 54 per day over the New Year’s holiday.
Research has shown that highly publicized, highly visible and frequent sobriety checkpoints reduce fatal drunk driving crashes by up to 20 percent. High visibility enforcement is a primary focus of MADD’s Campaign to Eliminate Drunk
Driving. To sign the Pledge to Eliminate Drunk Driving, please visit www.madd.org.
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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5
4/25/08 8:40:25 AM
court reporting
■
by Heather Estudillo
MADD National Victim Services Specialist
News
From Courts
Nationwide
CHILD ENDANGERMENT
■ ALASKA—A 35-year-old man made his 11-year-old
son drive because the father was too drunk to drive
home himself. Police pulled the vehicle over after they
witnessed the boy driving the wrong way on a oneway street. The father pleaded no contest to charges of
reckless endangerment and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He was ordered to spend 15 days in
jail and attend parenting classes. The father registered
a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .193.
CREATIVE SENTENCING
OHIO—A 30-year-old woman with a BAC of .317,
nearly four times the legal limit of .08, caused a crash
seriously injuring a man. This was her third drunk
driving conviction. She pleaded guilty to a felony
charge that carries a mandatory minimum jail term
of six months. She also was ordered to leave her
wrecked vehicle in her front yard until she has
completed probation in three years.
■
FLEEING PROSECUTION
■ WASHINGTON—A 29-year-old man jumped bond
and fled to Ireland in 2001 after being charged with
vehicular homicide and assault for causing a crash that
killed three people and seriously injured three others.
His BAC at the time of the crash was .12. He was placed
on the U.S. Marshals Service most-wanted list in 2005
and was extradited back to the United States in 2006.
In November 2007, he was convicted of three counts
of vehicular homicide and three counts of assault.
The judge sentenced him to the maximum of 14 years
and three months in prison. He also will face 18 to 36
months of community supervision once released.
MAXIMUM SENTENCE
■
6
■
ALABAMA—A sentence of life in prison was handed
down to a 49-year-old man after he caused four wrecks,
the first killing a 60-year-old woman. The following
three wrecks took place as the driver fled the scene.
He was eventually caught after a high-speed chase. The
offender had a BAC of .17 and was also under the influence of the prescription drug Ambien. The man pleaded
guilty to manslaughter and two counts of leaving the
scene of an accident with injury and first-degree assault.
■ ARIZONA—A 41-year-old former U.S. Marine was
killed by a 25-year-old man with a BAC of .118. The
impaired driver stole two cases of beer, fled the scene,
ran a red light and caused the crash that killed the victim. The offender was convicted of first-degree murder,
negligent homicide, endangerment, two counts of
aggravated DUI, unlawful flight from a pursuing law
enforcement vehicle and shoplifting. He was sentenced
to life in prison.
■ GEORGIA—The maximum sentence of 15 years,
with three years of probation, was handed down for
vehicular homicide. A 20-year-old man was killed after
an offender with a BAC of .188 collided head-on with
his vehicle while driving the wrong direction down the
road. The local victim advocate says offenders are not
typically required to serve all 15 years. The state average is around seven years.
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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DUI Official
■
CALIFORNIA—A 28-year-old deputy district attorney
pleaded no contest to a single misdemeanor charge of
DUI. She was stopped by a police officer, who tested her
and found her blood alcohol concentration was .10. She
was a prosecutor specializing in DUI cases. However, after
this incident, she will no longer prosecute DUI cases. She
was sentenced to 36 months informal probation, 48 hours
in jail, completion of an alcohol treatment rehab program
and fines. She also was demoted from a Level II to a Level I
attorney, with a punishment of 30 days without pay and a
pay reduction.
REPEAT OFFENDER
■ CALIFORNIA—A jury convicted a 45-year-old man
of second-degree murder after he caused the death of
a 39-year-old woman and subsequently fled the scene.
He had five previous DUI convictions dating back to
1990. The judge ordered him to serve 43 years to life
in prison, with at least 30 years before he’ll become eligible for a parole hearing. Witnesses testified that the
offender had been warned that he was too drunk to
drive. Some people also said he had been offered a ride
home but didn’t take it.
OHIO—After causing a crash and leaving the scene,
a 51-year-old man found driving on a suspended license
with a BAC of .203 was charged with his 19th Operating
a Vehicle Impaired (OVI). He was sentenced to serve
four years for the conviction and an additional four years
for having more than five OVIs in 20 years. He also must
pay restitution for the vehicle he damaged.
■
OHIO—Even though his license was previously suspended for his lifetime, a 51-year-old man was recently
arrested and pleaded guilty to his 13th DUI. After failing to show up on his sentencing date, a fugitive task
force captured him hiding under a pile of clothes in a
closet. This most recent DUI netted him a sentence of
six years in prison.
■
■ WISCONSIN—A 44-year-old man was sentenced
to nine months in prison for his ninth drunken driving
arrest, and fleeing or eluding an officer after he tried to
escape when the officer turned on his lights and siren.
The sentence in this case is shorter than the 12-month
jail term previously handed down for his fourth offense
in 1995. He also was sentenced to one year in jail for
his eighth offense, in which he also fled police.
UNDERAGE DUI
ILLINOIS—With a record of at least one previous
DUI, a now 18-year-old pleaded guilty to two counts
of aggravated DUI and one charge of reckless homicide after taking the life of his best friend and seriously injuring another passenger. The teen had a BAC
of .119 as well as previous convictions for underage
drinking and driving without a license. Because of
his record, the judge sentenced him to four years in
prison, instead of probation.
■
VEHICULAR HOMICIDE
COLORADO—With a BAC of .29, nearly four
times the legal limit, a 42-year-old former police officer caused a crash that killed two college students.
In the plea agreement, he accepted a sentence of 64
to 72 years in prison. After the crash, he sped away
from troopers and allegedly “flipped them off ” as he
passed them. At the time of the crash, the offender
had been out on a $15,000 bond from a previous
arrest, after he allegedly punched the sheriff in the
jaw and fled authorities.
■
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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Injuries
After a traumatic
brain injury, victims
and their families
struggle to rebuild
their lives
By Amy Stewart, LMSW, MADD National
Assistant Director of Victim Services
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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4/25/08 8:45:56 AM
Injuries
Imagine waking up to realize
that you’ve forgotten how to
eat, walk and speak. You don’t
remember the names of your
loved ones. You may not even
remember who they are. Sound
like a nightmare?
F
or victims who suffer a traumatic brain
injury from drunk driving crashes, this nightmare is real, and it touches the lives of everyone they know.
“I had to choose between hospitals to sign
paperwork. We thought Jasta was in worse
shape, so I went there, holding her hand
until she died.”
Then Donna’s husband called, saying,
“You should come see how bad Melissa
is.” Diagnosed almost immediately with
a brain injury, Melissa spent a month in a
coma, largely drug-induced to control the
swelling of her brain and spinal cord.
Melissa also suffered from various
other injuries, including a punctured lung,
a collapsed lung, several broken ribs and a
fractured femur. Her doctors didn’t worry
about the other injuries. They focused
on the brain damage. “They said if she
survived, Melissa would be paralyzed,”
Donna says. But five weeks later, Melissa
could move her eyes and one arm, and she
was transferred to a rehab unit.
Seconds that Changed Jeff’s Life
On July 14, 2005, Melanie Johnson’s husband, Jeff,
was involved in a drunk driving crash. “It was my
daughter’s 10th birthday. We celebrated with lunch at
her favorite restaurant, and Jeff took her to Toys-R-Us.
That’s all Jeff remembers of that day,” Melanie says.
Later that afternoon, Jeff left the couple’s three
children at home so he could give a friend a ride.
When a drunk driver failed to yield, he struck Jeff ’s
car. Jeff was thrown from the car, and his body flew
through the air, striking several road signs.
“I was leaving Wal-Mart when I heard the sirens,”
Melanie says. “I knew something was wrong. Then
my boss told me that Jeff had been in a serious accident, and that they didn’t think he would survive.”
Jeff was unconscious when Melanie arrived at the
hospital. Multiple tests determined that the frontal
left hemisphere of his brain was damaged.
“It gets very tricky. Diagnosing a brain injury at
this point isn’t very precise,” says William O’Dowd,
Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with more than
20 years’ experience in rehabilitation and behavioral
health. “You can hit your head and not damage your
brain, just as you can damage your brain without
hitting your head. The key is whether there’s been
enough damage to cause loss of function.”
Another Crash, Another Tragedy
In a drunk driving crash on January 26, 2003,
Melissa Sweeney and her 4-year-old daughter, Jasta,
were struck by a drunk driver who ran a red light.
“Melissa ended up at one hospital, and Jasta at
another,” says Donna Sweeney, Melissa’s mother.
10
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Back from the Brink
“Once patients are medically stabilized,
if they are not significantly confused or
impaired, they will generally go to rehab,”
Dr. O’Dowd says. “The goal of rehab is
to re-establish meaningful participation
in their communities. Short-term and
intermediate goals can achieve this. Brains
aren’t knees. The course of rehab depends
on the changes that have occurred.”
In Jeff ’s case, he could walk a few steps and
was transferred to a rehab facility. “Once he got
started, there was no stopping him,” Melanie says.
But Jeff couldn’t do a lot of things, such as cook,
bathe and drive.
“The first goal of rehab is restoring functioning and facilitating whatever healing is possible,”
Dr. O’Dowd says. “After that, we assist patients to
do what they used to do, helping them be as independent as possible. Extensive problems may evolve,
so we evaluate them for a variety of therapies,
such as physical therapy, occupational therapy and
speech therapy.”
“After Jeff moved to the rehab facility, he was still
confused and needed help to walk, eat and maintain
personal hygiene,” Melanie says. “He also needed
speech therapy. He couldn’t handle a lot of people at
once. It would confuse him terribly.”
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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4/25/08 8:46:45 AM
can feel like eight. My brain
gets tired, and I get frustrated.”
Melanie’s and Jeff ’s other
family members noticed
a change in his mood and
demeanor. “Jeff has a lot of
anger issues, and he takes
medication to manage them.
He does well in the morning,
but as the day progresses, he
becomes moody and distant,”
Melanie says.
“Mood changes, depression and anxiety often come
about after a brain injury,”
Dr. O’Dowd says, “although
the degree can vary incredibly
depending upon individual circumstances. As the treatment
team pulls together, it should
be alert to any change in mood
or behavior. Counseling,
support groups, medication
and brief hospitalization all
may be necessary at some
point. Family members feel
the effects of the changes,
experiencing the greatest disruption in normal routines.”
Drawing a Blank
Other Victims of Brain Injuries
Similarly, Melissa can relate to feeling confused.
“Everything about rehab was challenging,” she says.
“Learning to walk again, to do daily stuff … I remember
they put me in an empty shower, and I wondered what
to do next.”
Fortunately, she’s resumed her daily activities and
can do almost everything she did before the crash.
Her memory continues to be challenging, so she lives
with her parents. “She can do most things by herself—
even drive again. But she has problems with her shortterm memory,” Donna says.
“The most difficult thing is remembering,” Melissa
says. “The rehab team tried to teach me different
ways to remember, such as writing everything down
on sticky notes. It’s gotten better, and I just have to
live with repetition. If you throw me out of my routine, I may forget to do something.”
Melanie says that most people with brain injuries—
and their family members—should get counseling,
whether they believe they need it or not. “When Jeff
came home from rehab, he wasn’t, and still isn’t, the
father and husband he was before the crash. He can’t
do the things we all take for granted, such as driving,
watching a movie, taking a walk alone, making independent decisions, or visiting with friends and family,”
Melanie says.
In Melanie’s and Jeff ’s case, the impact of his brain
injury has been even greater on their children. “Our
oldest son has just begun to go out with his friends
since the crash. He thinks he should stay home and
help with his father,” Melanie says. “Our middle son
is just now realizing that the changes in his father are
permanent. He’s very angry. Jeff knows how hard this
has been on them. He can’t do the things he used to
do with them, like playing sports and watching them
in school concerts.”
Routine Matters
“You have
to accept
that
you are
different
and go
on with
the rest of
your life.”
Jeff agrees that routine is key. “It’s hard to find that
routine, but once you find it, and stick to it, it makes
life a lot easier. If I get out of my routine, one hour
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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11
4/28/08 1:56:42 PM
Injuries
“The impact of a brain injury on the family system is indescribable,” Dr. O’Dowd says. “If you have
five people in a family relationship, and one of them
changes significantly, the role of that person is now
different. Those closest to the injured person are
hugely affected. Changes that affect behavior and personality can be much harder to cope with than other
types of physical injuries.”
Dr. O’Dowd says that, at some point, the individual with a brain injury won’t change much more.
Another goal of rehabilitation is to help
the family change together, providing
members with the support and information they need to help them make the
necessary accommodations. “You have
to accept that you are different and go on
with the rest of your life,” Jeff says.
work and support his family. He knows he has a
long road ahead. He needs more rehab to learn to
cope with his life as it is now. Maybe, just maybe,
he’ll get a little of himself back, or at least some
new skills.”
“For many people with a brain injury, vocational
rehabilitation is also a goal,” Dr. O’Dowd says.
“Meaningful participation for most adults means
getting back to work. Work is a part of what we do,
who we are. While having something meaningful to
It Takes Teamwork
“We can
help
people
with brain
injuries
find a way
back to life.
It takes
a team.”
12
■
Before her crash, Melissa was a
day care teacher. Going back to work
proved difficult. “Eight months after the
crash, Melissa was back at work with
a coach from the Office of Vocational
Rehabilitation. Ultimately, it was too
great a challenge, because she couldn’t
remember things,” Donna says.
“Trying to get back to work was hard,”
Melissa says. “Even though I tried, I had
no idea what to do while I was there.
Someone would say, ‘It’s time for lunch,’
and I would draw a blank.”
Gradually, Melissa became discouraged and resigned. But quitting the job
she loved was difficult. “That was the
perfect job. When I left, I felt like I was
going to fail at everything I did or was
going to try to do. It felt like everything
was going to be taken away.”
After she left the day care center,
Melissa became a nanny. “In the beginning, the couple
wrote me a lot of notes and wrote down my schedule.
Now I occasionally ask questions, but for the most part,
I’ve got it down. Both of them understand my problems and what I need. Working for them has helped me
regain my confidence,” Melissa says.
Unfortunately, Jeff still can’t return to work yet. He
now receives Social Security Disability, spending most
of his time at home or with his mother. “It’s hard not
being able to work,” he says.
“Jeff knows he is different now. He hates depending on me or anyone,” Melanie says. “He wants to
do is an important part of rehabilitation, making reasonable accommodations for brain-injured individuals
is a challenge for our society.”
Ultimately, Dr. O’Dowd believes that when the
rehabilitation team has done all it can, the community
must create an environment to give people the best
chance to heal. “If we’re going to pull this all together,
to help people with brain injuries, we’ve got to work
with them the way they are now. Working together,
we may be able to find a plan that may work. We can
help people with brain injuries find a way back to a
life. It takes a team.” ■
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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legally speaking
■
by R. Matthew Stewart, JD
A
Safety
Net
How to wade through
the red tape to get
disability benefits
E
stimates show that 500,000 people
are injured in drunk driving crashes
annually. Often, chronic, disabling
injuries create long-term financial hardships.
If a debilitating injury impairs your ability to
work for at least one year, consider applying
for disability benefits.
To apply, contact the Social Security Administration
(SSA) in person, by phone or at www.ssa.gov. You’ll
need to describe your disabling health conditions, provide doctors’ names and addresses, and include your
past 15-year employment history. The SSA determines
if you qualify for benefits under one of two available
programs, Social Security Disability Insurance or
Supplemental Security Income. Both apply the same
medical criteria, but eligibility requirements differ.
Under Social Security Disability Insurance, disabled individuals and their families may receive benefits
based on a sufficient, recent work record. Generally,
you must have worked five of the past 10 years. Special
rules exist for younger applicants who haven’t yet
worked the minimum years.
If you show sufficient financial need, but insufficient
earnings for Social Security Disability Insurance, you
may be eligible for Supplemental Security Income.
Both programs require medical confirmation of a
disabling condition for a minimum of 12 consecutive
months. If you’re eligible, a monthly cash benefit,
Medicare and Medicaid may be available.
A Waiting Game
Be patient waiting for SSA’s response. At any point
during four administrative review stages, SSA can
approve or deny your application. Each level requires
a different time frame, which also may vary by state.
Only one-third of claims are approved at the initial
level. Two-thirds of appeals at the hearing level are
approved. If denied at all four review levels, a claim
goes to federal court. This agency review process currently is being evaluated, so changes may occur.
If a hearing is required, seriously consider hiring
a lawyer who is experienced in practicing before the
SSA. A consultation with an attorney early in the application process, especially if a claim requires attending
a hearing before a judge, can save months of time.
Prove Your Case
The best evidence establishing disability depends
on your injuries, and how they impair your ability
to work. Determining disability also differs for
different ages.
A letter from your doctor or specialist, describing
your functional limitations and referencing specific
medical findings, helps your odds for benefits. So
gather appropriate medical and vocational material
from experts.
Applying for Social Security benefits can be a long,
emotional process. Contact SSA as soon as you can,
and connect with other social service agencies for
support meanwhile.
MADD is here to provide support and information
to victims. Visit www.madd.org or call 1-877-MADDHELP (1-877-623-3435). ■
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13
4/25/08 8:49:00 AM
By Debbie Weir,
Weir, MADD Chief
hief Operating
Operatin Officer,
O
Vice Preside
ent Victim Services
Servvices
S
President
When a friend dies, you must
find your own healing path
H
enry David Thoreau once said, “The
language of friendship is not words but
meanings.”
The meaningful things you share with close
friends are many—shared confidences, unconditional
support, precious life experiences, joys and sorrows.
As they’re nurtured, those bonds of friendship can
sometimes become even stronger than the bonds we
share with our families.
You cannot minimize the importance of friendship. After all, while destiny chooses your family, you
choose your friends.
When a friend dies, you lose more than just someone to hang out with or confide in. You lose love,
14
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trust and a sense of belonging. The death of a friend
can create a gaping hole in your life, possibly affecting
you more profoundly than a relative’s death. It’s natural to grieve for a friend and that friendship. You’re
entitled to social support to face the pain of grief. Yet
society doesn’t always acknowledge the kind of grief
that a friend’s death produces.
With all its different nuances, how do you begin
to heal after the death of a friend, especially one who’s
been part of the fabric of your life for a long time?
The Initial Emotional Impact
Jill Thompson and Tina LeWallen are both finding their paths on their unique healing journeys.
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When their best friends died, they instantly knew that life would
never be the same.
“Alisa and I were attached at the hip,” Jill says. “We met at ballet
class when we were 7 years old. She was very much my sister, even
though we were not connected by blood. I still miss her every day.”
Only 15 years old, Alisa Joy Withers, Jill’s best friend, was killed
April 15, 1992, while she was a passenger in a drunk driving car
crash. A young life cut too short.
It was during spring vacation when Alisa and two other girls
went out with two boys who were friends of theirs. The girls
had no idea that the guys had been drinking. Had they known,
the girls would not have gotten in the car. The driver’s judgment
and reactions were impaired when he sped around 100 mph—
despite his passengers’
objections—and lost
“Give yourself time,
control of the car.
“I’ll never forget my
and treat yourself
mother coming to school
to tell me the horrible
with compassion,”
news,” Jill says. “The look
on her face was awful.
Brown says. “The
Realizing she had bad
news, I panicked, putting
impact of a friend’s
my hand over my ears
death can be lifeand saying, ‘No, no, no.’
“My life was forever
long. The grieving
changed. It became
two compartments: life
process can last
before the crash and life
after the crash,” Jill says.
throughout our lives.”
Licensed professional
counselor Jane Brown
says Jill’s response was typical. “Following the notification of the
death of a close friend, there can be a period of disbelief and personal crisis,” she says. “A sudden death is particularly traumatic
and can turn life upside down for loved ones left behind. Friends
are definitely considered loved ones.”
Tina and an entire police department understand life being forever changed. Her best friend, Officer Lisa Beaulieu, was the first
female police officer in the Beaumont, Texas Police Department
to be killed in the line of duty, when she was hit on April 27, 2007,
by a drunk driver.
Tina, who was a fellow officer, says that Lisa was living her
dream of becoming a police officer. “She was tenacious, always
working harder than anyone else, although nothing came easy
for Lisa. She worked full time as a dispatcher while attending the
law enforcement training academy. Despite her 5’2” height, she
scaled the ‘great wall’ and passed the rigorous physical examination. Her dream became a reality.
“Lisa was dispatched to help with traffic control at a crash
scene on a busy overpass. When she left her car to direct traffic,
a drunk driver hit her and threw her over the overpass, killing
her,” Tina says.
“I got a call at the station that Lisa had been killed in a critical crash. They were taking her to the hospital. Since I was six
months pregnant, I kept thinking I had to take care of myself
because of my baby. I went on automatic pilot, officer mode,”
Tina says. “I couldn’t feel any emotions.”
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“Initially, grappling with grief, shock and numbness is a
common reaction,” Brown says. “Our psyche goes into a selfprotective defense mode. It’s important to expect overwhelming feelings of confusion and disbelief.”
You may feel overwhelmed thinking that no one will
understand you the way your friend did. Close friends not
only provide much-needed companionship, but also encouragement. An obvious difficulty in coping with a friend’s
death is feeling the need to share your grief with the person
you’ve lost, especially if the friend was your main source
of support.
Grieving with the Family
If the victim was geographically or emotionally detached
from his or her family, the relatives may not even be aware of
those people whom their loved one considered close friends.
While the family grieves separately, those friends may feel as if
they’ve been forgotten at what, for them, is a critical and emotional time. It’s hard for them to know what to do.
“Finding appropriate ways to reach out and support the
immediate family of a dear friend, during and after the funeral,
can really help you in your own grieving and eliminate the feeling of being left out,” Brown says. “After the funeral, look for
practical ways to help the family with day-to-day activities.”
Thankfully, Jill and Tina both felt very welcomed by Alisa’s
and Lisa’s families, particularly by their parents.
“Alisa’s funeral overflowed with more than 1,000 devastated
mourners, including all the ballet school young girls. Although
her funeral was very special, it seems like a blur,” Jill says.
“For days and days after the funeral, we all continued to hang
out at Alisa’s house. Her parents, Jan and Joe, embraced us, very
aware of our devastating shock and grief. It was comforting to be
in Alisa’s home. I felt ‘closer’ to her.”
Family members may invite a close friend to speak at the
funeral or memorial service and help with the delicate planning
process. Memorable experiences shared by friends may help
families enjoy special memories of their loved one.
“I helped Lisa’s family right after they were notified of her
death,” Tina says. “While planning the funeral service, I put my
emotions on hold. I developed a photo slide show of Lisa’s life
and spoke at her funeral. I felt a great responsibility for my fellow
officers and her family. We all loved Lisa.
“I didn’t allow myself to express my grief until the graveside
service,” Tina says. “I broke down during the 21-gun salute and
the retiring of her badge. After the funeral, everyone came to my
house for a reception, where we shared wonderful, joyful memories and laughter.”
“Reaching out to the family and offering assistance can be a
generous and helpful gesture,” Brown says. “It’s important to
balance the need to be involved with the possibility of infringing
on the family’s right to grieve. You don’t want to intrude on the
sanctity of the family bond.”
Lifelong Enduring Impact
A high level of intimacy can develop in an enduring friendship. That relationship requires a level of shared trust, openness,
genuine concern and affection, leading to an intense bond that
may complicate the healing journey.
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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4/25/08 8:51:27 AM
“Don’t force yourself to forget your friend.
Think of how this person enriched your
life, and remember the support, laughter
and love you shared.”
friend’s death can be lifelong. The grieving process can last
throughout our lives.”
Alisa was killed 16 years ago. Yet, Jill says, “There are
times when I feel like a person minus a person.
“At first, I kept the grief close to me. I really didn’t want
to feel better,” she says. “I thought I would lose Alisa. Grief
is not logical.
“I still grieve for Alisa, and our
lost future,” Jill says. “It still seems
unimaginable that my life goes on
without her. I was stuck for a long
time, but slowly my grief gave way
to hope.”
Grieving in Small Increments
At some point during your own
personal healing journey, you’ll
be able to think about the person
who died with less pain. You’ll start
to plan ahead, looking forward to
more joyful times. This doesn’t
mean that you care any less for the
person who has died. You’ll always
remember and love your friend for
what you shared.
“Don’t force yourself to forget
your friend. Think of how this person enriched your life, and remember the support, laughter and love
you shared,” Brown says. “Carrying
on some of the special things you
shared provides a kind of immortality, and honors your friend while
■ Reminisce and remember your friend in
you work through strong emotions.”
“I honored Lisa’s life by naming
happy times.
my daughter after her,” Tina says.
■ Recognize the special relationship.
“In a way, my daughter is a reminder
of my friendship with Lisa. She lives
■ Rejoice in celebrations of your friend’s life.
on, and this gives me hope. Bonnie
■ Take the initiative and reach out to others
Lisa was born three months after
Lisa’s death.
for needed support.
“Now I grieve in small incre■ Assist the family with day-to-day activities.
ments. It’s more manageable this
way. It’s helpful to talk to anyone
■ Find ways to honor your friend.
who will listen. I need to talk about
■ Allow yourself time to heal.
Lisa over and over again.”
Grief is more than a matter of
the heart. Going on can be a way
of showing that life, represented in
your friend, matters to you. It can be important, too, for others
“We were best friends and hung out together all the time. She
who love you and depend on you. Grieving is a lifelong journey
had such a sense of style, regularly having manicures and pedithat has no true endpoint. Nevertheless, there are still future
cures,” Tina says. “When I saw her body at the hospital, I sadly
peaceful and delightful life moments to enjoy.
smiled seeing her beautiful blue-painted toenails. There’ll never
“There was a time after Alisa’s death when I didn’t know
be another Lisa.”
how to move forward. But slowly, the pieces started to fall into
“When grieving the death of a close friend, you must come to
place,” Jill says. “I now focus on our happy memories and her
grips with the loss of a shared future, which can cause loneliness
peaceful presence.”
and the need for emotional support,” Brown says. “Give yourThoreau couldn’t have said it better himself. ■
self time, and treat yourself with compassion. The impact of a
Helpful Tips
for Grieving
a Friend
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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17
4/25/08 8:51:36 AM
By Janie Bryan Loveless, BA, MLA,
MADD National Communications Manager
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4/28/08 3:03:02 PM
Tragedy inspires
some victims
to make
meaningful
contributions
We all memorized the Golden Rule in childhood. Most of us have been fortunate to
meet people who practice it. Some people
even use this pearl of wisdom to help overcome their pain and grief from the deaths
or injuries of loved ones.
After a horrific tragedy, some victims
find the strength to help others, just as
people have helped them. They may even
inspire other acts of kindness, like the domino effect in the movie Pay It Forward. Some
honor loved ones by passionately trying to
make a positive difference in their communities, while finding a sense of hope despite
the pain that personal tragedy has brought.
“Clearly, there are people who grieve
for loved ones and may shut down,” says
Mike Murray, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice for more than
25 years. “Actual mourning is important.
It’s important to feel and fully experience
the situation. The goal of mourning is to
sort out the tragedy—to be able to accept
it and still embrace the future.
“Certainly, it’s still a traumatic situation.
If we could, we’d find some other way to
fill that need,” he says. “Or choose not to
cross that bridge, if we had a choice. Some
people do organized walks to raise money
for a cause, or establish support groups to
help others deal with similar situations.
They’re filling in something they need.”
Making Life Count
Cindy Grimes and her husband, Mike,
have not only survived—they’ve flourished,
despite all odds. When their car was struck
by a drunk driver in 1970, their 5-day-old
baby and Cindy’s mother burned to death.
The hot windshield melted into Cindy’s
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4/28/08 2:57:30 PM
scalp. Her older brother Jim pulled her from the car, but she
endured six months in ICU, more than 20 surgeries and skin grafts,
lasting up to 18 hours, and endless physical therapy.
She lost all the toes on her left foot except her big toe. Her right
foot was broken and only connected by skin. Cindy adamantly
refused to have her foot amputated, but she still has no feeling in
either foot and has difficulty walking on grass or uneven surfaces.
She has another knee surgery in June.
Devastated when doctors said she’d never be able to have
more children, Cindy clearly proved them wrong. Still married
38 years later, the Grimes have a grown daughter and son, and a
5-year-old granddaughter, Hannah. She credits her family, church
and friends for helping her survive this endless ordeal.
Actually, Cindy has about 400 children.
Her passion is working with disabled children in Tyler, Texas, as the diagnostician’s
secretary for special-needs students at John
Tyler High School. Since her right hand is
There are still days when she can’t get out of bed because of
the bad arthritis from her breaks and burns. Overall, though,
she’s accomplished more since her crash than most people do in
a lifetime.
Cindy urges injured and disabled people to find a support
group, like she found in her church. She wishes she’d had a victim
advocate and the support of MADD’s Victim Services, but the
organization wasn’t founded until 10 years after her crash.
She has tirelessly volunteered by speaking in prisons and
in adult and juvenile probation departments about her experience. For the past 15 years, she has spoken about the horrors
of drinking and driving on Victim Impact Panels throughout
eight counties.
Cindy particularly heeds one
doctor’s words: “You do know
there’s no medical reason for you
to be alive today. I hope you’re
doing what your life was spared for
you to do.”
visibly impaired, students relate easily to her and are comfortable
discussing their disabilities with her. She encourages students to
treat her, and themselves, like everyone else. She also makes sure
they learn about the dangers of drinking and driving.
“Being physically limited for life,” Cindy says, “is more than a
daily challenge. It’s an hour by hour, minute by minute challenge.”
Reaching Out to Others
“There’s no
medical
reason for
you to be
alive today. I
hope you’re
doing what
your life was
spared for
you to do.”
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Another family in New Hampshire also knows how fragile
life is. Don Gates’ wife, Marilyn, the mother of their three
grown children, was killed in an alcohol-related crash on March
26, 2006. The family honors her through the Marilyn M. Gates
Memorial Scholarship, annually awarding a four-year $500 college
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
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“There’s no question that the
ultimate goal for all of us is to
heal, find meaning and make
a contribution.”
scholarship to a state
police employee’s child.
The first recipient was
Griffin Cordes, a passenger injured in the crash
that killed Marilyn.
The Gates’ daughter,
Melissa Larochelle, speaks
to law enforcement groups
about the crash’s devastating effects. She and
her husband have both worked for the Fremont, New Hampshire
Police Department, and her dad is a retired state trooper. “A drunk
driving crash can happen to anyone,” she says. “That’s more than
the law enforcement profession thinks. We have a false sense of
security, and suddenly that can be blown out of the water.”
Ironically, MADD Victim Advocate Bob Crawford, who helped
the Gates and the Cordes families through the trial and January 15
30-year sentencing of drunk driver Stephen Mole, is a former police
officer. He readily bonded with the Gates family. Four members of
his family—his pregnant daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter—
were killed in a drunk driving crash on April 1, 1993.
“Suffering and grief are the common denominators that bring
people together,” Crawford says. “Anyone who’s experienced a
great loss is better equipped to reach out to others in pain. Thank
God MADD exists today. No such organization provided aid to
victims when my mother-in-law’s first husband died in a drunk
driving crash.”
Marilyn’s family echoes Crawford’s words. Marilyn took her
dad to the doctor instead of boarding her regularly scheduled
Flight 11 as an American Airlines’ flight attendant on September
11, 2001. Seven of her colleagues died when that plane struck the
World Trade Center’s North Tower. She survived another fourand-a-half years until a drunk driver killed her.
Honoring Loved Ones, Helping Others
Some people channel their grief into something creative,
using a talent or gift to memorialize a loved one. Bob Belchic
of New Britain, Pennsylvania, poured himself into music after
his 19-year-old daughter, Michelle, died from a broken neck in
a 1999 drunk driving crash.
“The shock of Michelle’s crash was completely irreconcilable—
a totally unacceptable reality,” Bob says. “I had very strong
emotions, without knowing where to put them. I couldn’t find
the words to express my feelings and communicate with my
daughter. I’d always loved and listened to music, and found I could
clearly communicate emotions through music, when I couldn’t
through words.
“To this day, I express myself to Michelle by playing the song
I composed for her,” Belchic says. “Playing is one of the few things
where I can feel like I’ve gotten out what I want to say. And I can
feel close to Michelle. Since her death, I look for any positive opportunities from difficult situations. She inspired this trait in me, as well
as influencing my music.
“We’re all just a moment away from the end of life,” Belchic
says. “Time, friends, family—know that they can be taken away
at any time. When tragedy strikes, you find out who your true
friends are. You lose some, you gain some—and you understand
what’s important. Lots of trivial stuff goes away.
“I always felt very fortunate that most of my family was healthy.
I knew drunk driving was a problem, but I’d never really thought it
would affect me so directly, even though I’ve been struck twice and
injured by drunk drivers,” he says.
Belchic speaks to Victim Impact Panels and helps with educational programs such as Protecting You, Protecting Me. He credits
his victim advocate for giving him the strength “to get a foothold
in the mountainside I was falling down.” Belchic is committed to
leaving the world a better place than when he got here.
Those fortunate enough to have had the support of a victim
advocate understand this, and they become doubly fortunate
when they’re able to help others who are struggling with the
death of loved ones. The Grimes, the Gates, Larochelle, Crawford
and Belchic have more in common than being victims of drunk
driving crashes. They are survivors who inspire hope.
As Dr. Murray says, “While not unusual, those people who are
able to mourn and make something positive out of tragedy are
often fairly extraordinary people, who use a disaster as a stimulus to
go beyond themselves. There’s no question that the ultimate goal
for all of us is to heal, find meaning and make a contribution.” ■
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
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4/25/08 8:57:59 AM
healing journey
■
by Karolyn Nunnallee
Past MADD National President
Let Us Be
Your SUNSHINE
Twenty years after the nation’s most catastrophic
drunk driving crash, one victim has turned tragedy
into incredible opportunities
I
t’s really difficult to believe that two
decades have passed since my daughter
Patty and 26 others paid the ultimate
price to a repeat offender drunk driver. It’s
difficult to comprehend that Patty has been
dead twice as long as she lived on earth.
As we approach the 20th anniversary of the nation’s
most catastrophic drunk driving crash—the Kentucky
Bus Crash of May 14, 1988—and reflect on those first
days, I remember my dark despair. I also gratefully
remember an organization that brought me back to
life—an organization whose success is attributed to
putting a face on the violent crime of drunk driving.
How do I thank those who supported and helped me
on my healing journey?
Janice Lord, who was then director of Victim
Services at MADD, created the first Crisis Response
Team in the country, to help the first responders of
the bus crash. Two months later, the second Crisis
Response Team came to
Radcliff, Kentucky, to help the
“They taught me that
crash victims. Lord, Elizabeth
many people care, but
and Rob Beck, Lelia Haddle,
Dorothy Mercer, Sharon
those who have been
Sikora, Betty Jane Spencer
victimized by drunk
and Millie Webb reached
out to me, empathizing and
driving understand.”
bringing me hope.
They taught me that
many people care, but those who have been victimized by drunk driving understand. They helped me
22
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realize that I needed to get involved in something to
make my daughter’s senseless death meaningful. Being
with others who had similar experiences helped. I realized I was not alone. I could ask those questions that
needed to be answered—those only they could answer,
after living through similar tragedies.
MADDvocate | Spring 2008
FdMASP08_22-23_Healing.indd 22
4/28/08 2:17:32 PM
“Sure, there’s still a scar on
my heart. There always will
be, reminding me that I’ll
never forget the crash that
could have destroyed me.”
Patty Nunnallee
was one of 27
victims of the
Kentucky Bus
Crash of 1988.
I remember asking, “What do you say when someone asks, ‘How many children do you have?’” I’d given
birth to two beautiful girls, but now one was gone. If I
said, “I have one,” I would deny Patty’s existence. Their
suggestion was a tremendous relief. For the past 20
years, I’ve said, “I have two children. Patty was 10 and
Jeanne is 26.” These simple questions bring so much
pain. But those incredible victim advocates empowered me to take action, be an advocate and make a difference, in spite of my grief.
My healing journey began when I decided not to let
this tragedy totally engulf me negatively.
You can’t go around, over or under your grief; you
must work through it. My MADD involvement helped
me do this, bringing me new enthusiasm. MADD shared
my pain. MADD trained me to use my tragedy to inspire
others to get involved. MADD allowed me to take baby
steps that turned into marathons!
Someone once said, “Great opportunities to help
others seldom come, but small ones surround us every
day.” By taking on small tasks, I could turn them into
incredible opportunities. Speaking about Patty helped
me heal, although at first I was raw. The pain was so
very deep. Sometimes, my wounds have opened, but
each time the hurt wasn’t quite so deep. Before I knew
it, the wounds had healed.
Sure, there’s still a scar on my heart. There always
will be, reminding me that I’ll never forget the crash that
could have destroyed me. I must continue to fight for victims of this violent crime, to make our nation realize the
depth of pain that impaired drivers continue to cause.
I honestly thought when I joined MADD that I,
alone, would stop drunk driving in the U.S. Fortunately,
I’m not alone. Thousands still fight to prevent this devastating crime. The many victims who’ve taken their
tragedy to the streets, and spoken out, have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. Unfortunately, we haven’t
stopped drunk driving.
In the next 20 years, I hope to see an end to this
violent crime. Until then, I hope the memories of your
loved ones will continue to inspire you, and provide
you strength. The sooner you take control and begin
taking those steps toward healing, the sooner you’ll
run your “healing marathon.”
As we strive to make a difference, the healing journey becomes less difficult. I know that victim advocates, like the ones who first came to Radcliff, will still
be there, to care and truly understand. I know they
will continue to encourage victims to take action and
turn their tragedies into experiences that will help
prevent future alcohol-related crashes.
As the inspiring Helen Keller said, “Keep your
face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.”
So many in MADD over these 20 years have been my
sunshine. I thank each of you for standing close enough
to me to prevent the shadows. You were there when I
needed you, and I hope I’ve reciprocated to help others.
To my MADD family, I say, “Thank you.” To those who
are in the shadows, “Please let us be your sunshine.” It is
the love and commitment of dedicated activists across
the country who’ve helped make MADD the largest
crime-victim assistance organization in the world. ■
Spring 2008 | MADDvocate
FdMASP08_22-23_Healing.indd 23
■
23
4/28/08 3:07:15 PM
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saving lives is a way of life.
That is why Nationwide® has been a proud supporter for over 25 years.
Nationwide is An Equal Opportunity Employer.
© 2008 Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company.
All rights reserved. Nationwide, the Nationwide framemark and On Your Side are federally registered service marks of Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company.
© Mothers Against Drunk Driving
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#700
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