Chapter 13
Sexuality and the Adult Years
Single (unmarried) Living
• Increasing rates
– Single adults age 15 and over comprise >44.4% of the
US population
– 40% of homebuyers and 42% of workforce
– 33% of men and 25% of women age 30-34 have never
been married (4x the % unmarried in 1970)
– postponing marriage
– choice to remain single or cohabit
– more divorces
– education, career goals
• May reflect change in societal attitudes
Single (unmarried) Living
(cont.)
• Lifestyles & satisfaction vary widely
– celibacy (by choice or b/c of lack of available partners)
– long-term monogamy
– serial monogamy
– Nonmonogamy, either with one primary partner,
or among several concurrent partners
– research: single persons engage in sexual
activity less often & are less satisfied than
married persons; however, many singles claim
that their sex lives are more exciting
Cohabitation
• Cohabitation: living together in a sexual relationship
w/o being married
• Domestic partnership: an unmarried couple living
in the same household in a committed relationship
– Many local, regional, and national governments and
private businesses offer benefits (i.e. health insurance)
– increasing rate & acceptance
• is often a precursor to marriage
• preference for informal status
– Disadvantages
• still some stigma
• legal confusion
Cohabitation (cont.)
• More relationship difficulties
– The longer people cohabit w/o getting married, the greater the
instability, unhappiness, & lack of interaction comparied w/married
couples (self-reporting)
• Cohabitation is rarely permanent
• Survey indicates that cohabitating individuals are less likely
than married people to be monogamous
• Couples that cohabitated before marrying have higher divorce
rate (50% higher)
– Not clear whether cohabitation is the issue or if people
who cohabit are more prone to divorce
• Cohabitation is increasing among seniors
– Older heterosexual couples often cohabit rather than marry b/c
remarriage can mean higher taxes, end of alimony payments, loss of
spousal pension, etc.
Marriage
• Functions for society and individuals
– Provides stable family unit; children learn social norms
– Economic partnership--integrates child-rearing, household
tasks, and earning an income into a family unit
– Defines rights of inheritance
– Regulate sexual behavior
– Emotional & social support system
– Associated with better physical and psychological health (if
marriage is a happy one)
– Takes different forms in different cultures
• Collectivist cultures: marriage unites two families; marriages are
arranged; feelings between bride and groom not relevant
• Individualist cultures: marriage unites two individuals; emphasis is
on feelings of love as a basis for marriage
Marriage
(cont.)
• Discrepancy between ideal and actual marriage
practices (especialy in individualist cultures)
– Unrealistic expectations of fulfillment
• Emotional, sexual, spiritual, financial, coparenting needs
– Fewer support networks for marriage
• Extended families and small communities have become
less close-knit and supportive--increased demand on a
marriage to meet a variety of needs
• Hard for couples to find resources to help w/household, childcare, financial aid, and emotional support
– Lack of preparation for daily issues
• Arrival of children can be challenging for couples
– People live longer
Marriage
(cont.)
• A good marriage
– commitment to relationship
– intimacy & unity with autonomy
– management of stressful events
– imaginative & pleasurable sex life
– providing emotional nourishment
• Not so different from a good relationship in
general, except that it may involve a greater
commitment over a longer time
• How about polygamy and matriarchal
cultures?
Interracial marriage
• Many states in the U.S. (up
to 30 at one point) had laws
forbidding “miscegenation”-sex or relationships
between members of
different races
• “miscegenation laws”
declared unconstitutional by
Supreme Court in 1967.
• According to 2005 US
Census, ~5% of marriages
are interracial (10% in
California)
• 1 out of every 19 children
born today is of mixed race
13-A: Discussion question
What does it mean to make the vow,
“for better or for worse?” If you make
such a vow in your marriage ceremony,
at what point do you think it is
acceptable to break that vow?
Extramarital Relationships:
Nonconsensual
• w/o consent (or, presumably, knowledge) of spouse
• varied & complex reasons
– Desire for excitement and variety
– Desire to reestablish sense of individuality
• Some find it hard to keep being true to herself/himself in the face of a
partner’s discomfort--seeks affair to redefine self
– Dissatisfaction and possibly, desire to end marriage
• Factors influencing likelihood of affairs
– Younger people have more affairs
– Women as likely as men
– Men who had affairs had greater incidence of substance abuse
and expressed greater sexual dissatisfaction
– Partners w/weak ties to their spouse’s friends, family, activities,
etc. are more likely to have affairs
Extramarital Relationships:
Nonconsensual
• Internet has increased opportunities for affairs
– Secret e-mail relationship can also become emotionally
charged and “cross a line”
– Survey: 41% of adults (more men than women) don’t consider
relationships limited to Internet as cheating
• Impact of affairs on individuals and marriage
– Consequences can be disastrous--loss of self-esteem, guilt,
stress, damage to reputation, loss of love, STDs
– Many marriages don’t recover from affairs--more likely to
recover when unfaithful spouse proactively discloses affair than
when spouse discovers it
– Spouse of person having affair often feels anger, resentment,
shame, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy and rejection.
Extramarital Relationships:
Consensual
• Swinging
– The exchange of marital partners for sexual interaction
– Husband and wife participate simultaneously in same
location--usually at a home, club, or a “swinging
convention”
• Open marriage
(aka “managed monogamy”)
– Marriage in which spouses, w/each other’s permission,
have sexual interactions outside of their marriage
• Polyamory
– Emotional commitment in multiple sexual relationships
(i.e. trios, groups of couples, etc.)
Divorce
• 43% of all first marriages end in divorce
• General explanations
– Greater expectations for marital and sexual fulfillment than
in the past
– No-fault divorce laws
• Obtaining a divorce is simpler, cheaper process today
– Reduction in social stigma
– Women's economic independence
• Women no longer need to stay in a bad marriage in order to provide
income for themselves, their children
Divorce
• Reasons people give for divorce
– Infidelity, #1 cause
– Poor general quality of relationship
– Other: substance abuse, mental and physical abuse
• Correlations
– Early marriage increases the likelihood of divorce
• Teen marriage 2x as likely to end in divorce as marriage in 20s-even lower divorce rate for marriage in 30s
– Inverse relationship between level of education and
divorce rate
– Children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves
• Staying together “for the kids” is no benefit to kids, though: Young
adults who believe that their parents should end their marriage
are more likely to have positive views of divorce
Sexuality and Aging
• Double standard & aging
– Aging women are viewed negatively
• “erotically appealing” women usually portrayed as young women
– Aging men viewed more positively
• Gray hair, wrinkles on men are called “distinguished”
• Men’s sex appeal associated more w/achievements and social
status, both of which often increase w/age
–
–
–
–
–
Pairing of famous older men 15-yr age difference
and younger women
generates little reaction,
but opposite arrangement
generates more attention
25-yr age difference
Sexuality and Aging (cont.)
• Aging often associated w/sexlessness
(see global comparison, below)
Fig. 13.4 The Percentage of People in Each Country who Agreed with the Statement
“Older People No Longer Have Sex”
Sexuality and Aging (cont.)
• Sexual activity in later years
– half of those > age 60 are sexually active
– Survey of adults > age 60 who were sexually active said that
their sex life today was either the same or more physically
satisfying than in their 40s
– Many people remain sexually active into their 80s and
beyond, though the number of sexually active people does
decline w/each decade (see Table 13.4)
13.4
Sexuality and Aging (cont.)
• Factors that maintain activity
– good physical health is most crucial factor
• Similarly, regular physical exercise, healthy diet &
weight, and light or no alcohol use helps maintain
sexual desire & response
– prior interest in sexual activity
– regularity of sexual activity
• “Use it or lose it”
Sexuality and Aging (cont.)
• Homosexual activity in later years
– Mostly, similar to heterosexual
– Lesbian advantages
• Less likely to be widowed than a heterosexual woman,
b/c women tend to live longer than men
• Pool of potential partners is larger (same reason)
• Less aging double standard--women are less likely
than men to base attraction on a physical ideal
Widowhood
• Statistics
– In most heterosexual
couples, the man
dies first
– widows to widowers
ratio = 4:1
– 50% of widowers,
25% of widows
remarry