Presented by: Susan Tatum,
Gina Grosenbach & Linda Hecht
2015 Nebraska NAHRO fall conference
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Common Characteristics of Difficult People
and Senior Bullies
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Possible reasons for the behavior
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Impact on Staff and Residents
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Interventions and Techniques
Often we may identify someone as a
difficult person because:
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We are having difficulty working with them
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They lead us to do things we regret
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Erratic behavior
◦ Quick to anger/flying
into a rage
Surprising behavior
◦ Aggressive, loud voice,
demanding
Unpredictable behavior
◦ Manipulative, convincing
you to do the work for
them
◦ Very withdrawn/passive
Behavior that is unsolicited to the victim:
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Verbal
◦ Teasing
◦ Insults
◦ Name-Calling
◦ Nit-Picking
◦ Threats
Physical
◦ Hitting/Pushing
◦ Stealing
◦ Destroying Property
◦ Throwing Things at People
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Anti-Social
◦ Spreading Rumors
◦ Exclusion/Ignoring
◦ Mimicking
◦ Offensive gestures
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Passive
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Emotional
May not read social cues well
Shy, insecure
Often anxious
Provocative
◦ Annoying or irritating
◦ Quick tempered themselves
◦ May egg on the bully
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May be irritable due to:
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Being “grumpy” or having a “grumpy personality” is not being a
bully.
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Personality conflict is not bullying
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May be exhibiting aggressive behaviors when feeling threatened
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Sometimes behavior that is frightening or disturbing may be
thought of as “bullying”
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Behaviors exhibited by seniors with dementia or mental illness
can be mistaken for bullying
◦ Lack of sleep
◦ Pain
◦ Sadness/Depression
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Conscious/Unconscious behavior
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Keeps people off-kilter/confuses them
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Way to control situation
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Avoid responsibility
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Naturally disagreeable
Underlying Reasons:
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Mental Health Issues
Feeling Overwhelmed
Job/Home Stress
Poor Service
Lack of Understanding
◦ Language Barriers
◦ Functioning Levels
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Underlying need for power and control
Often insecure
Find it funny when others feel threatened, fearful
May find communal living, sharing space and
limited resources difficult
Prior prejudices can play a big role
May have been bullied or abused themselves
Most likely they have been a life long bully
Age related loss of independence, income,
relationships
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React in ways we are not happy with
Feel like we are not effective in our jobs
Can reduce job satisfaction
Dread appointments or meetings with the person
Makes us feel:
◦ Uncomfortable
◦ Frustrated
◦ Exhausted
◦ Guilty
◦ Scared
◦ Angry
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React in ways they are not happy with
Dread seeing the person
Makes them feel:
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Uncomfortable
Frustrated
Isolated
Lonely
Guilty
Scared
Angry
May increase anxiety or symptoms of depression
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It can be very difficult not to defend yourself!
Thoughts such as:
◦ “I can’t stand this crazy, insulting behavior”
◦ “I will not be treated this way”
Afterwards we usually regret the confrontation
What were we thinking?
◦ We probably weren’t
◦ We were having an emotional reaction defending ourselves
Standing up for yourself in an effective way:
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Resist the urge to be defensive/win the argument
Accept the situation/agree to disagree
Listen to what they have to say with time limits/end the
conversation if necessary
Understand it’s not you, it’s them
Prepare for projection
Identify tenant supports
◦ Case Manager
◦ Family/Guardian
Establish boundaries
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What are boundaries?
◦ Clearly established limits
◦ Being friendly, not friends
◦ Clear understanding of the limits and responsibilities of
your role as a service provider.
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Why are boundaries important?
◦ Avoiding burn-out (“compassion fatigue”)
◦ Avoiding the “rescuer” role
◦ Opportunity to role model healthy communication and
professional relationships
◦ Assist with staying focused on your responsibilities
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Create an environment that promotes empathy
◦ Research shows 50% of the time, when a bystander speaks
up, the bullying stops
◦ Offer strategies for residents to utilize when bullying is
observed
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Develop a culture of respect
◦ Regular trainings and discussions about the challenges of
communal living
◦ Notice acts of kindness and publicly reward them
◦ Acknowledge tenants that go out of their way to be kind or
make others feel welcome
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Ensure bullying will not be tolerated
◦ Policies and procedures that guide behavior and
encourage reporting of bullying incidents
◦ Clear rules and consequences
◦ Enforce lease violation
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Residents are held accountable and
responsible for their behaviors
◦ Set limits on bullying behavior
◦ Offer an appropriate outlet to vent frustrations
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Coach residents on how to handle snubs and aggression
Ignore with dignity – okay to walk away
Evaluate and make changes to rules to decrease the power of
the bully
Make your opinion clear but without aggression
Host programs to build resident skills:
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Assertiveness training
Tolerance
Building friendships
Building empathy
Communication skills
Setting boundaries
Questions, comments or discussion?
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What to do when Seniors Bully!
Linda K. Shumaker, R.N.-BC, MA
Pennsylvania Behavioral Health and Aging Coalition
Suicide Prevention Network USA – www.spanusa.org
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Pennsylvania Behavioral Health and Aging Coalition – www.olderpa.org
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Alzheimer’s Association – www.alz.org
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ADEAR – adear@alzheimers.org
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Family Caregiver Alliance – www.caregiver.org
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Geriatric Mental Health Foundation – www.gmhfonline.org
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http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41353544/ns/health-aging/#.USJM36XC1H1
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http://www.thebesttimes.org/aaa/elder_abuse/0811_senior_bullying.shtml
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—ttp://www.mybetternursinghome.com/senior-bullying-guest-post-by-robin-bonifash
phd-msw-and-marsha-frankel-licsw/
http://www.arizonageriatrics.org/assets/2013/2013springconference/2013%20spcf_3%
20-%20bonifas-senior%20bullying-phx-tuc.pdf
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http://www.mentalhealthsupport.co.uk/AdultBullying.html
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www.seniorhomes.com/p/bullying-in-senior-living-communities
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http://www.mybetternursinghome.com/category/senior-bullying/
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http://nobullying.com/how-to-combat-adult-bullying/
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http://www.masspreventssuicide.org/webinar-library/
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http://www.neighborhoodlink.com/article/Association/Practical_Dealing_Difficult_People
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http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People