Emma Malecker
Emma.malecker@yahoo.com
Interpersonal Paper
September 30, 2011
With all the ways we can communicate with each other, some of the etiquette and skills
have become less important. Some of the different types of communication that lack etiquette
and skill are face to face, listening effectively, the listening styles, and improving nonverbal
communication.
Face-to-face communication is one of the best ways to communicate when you need
something as soon as possible or need to make sure they get the message. There are many
advantages to talking in person; first, the time it takes for the recipient to get the message. When
talking in person there is no time between the transmission of the message and the response.
Second, the many channels that is available to communicate through. Those channels, also
known as non-verbal cues, are the tone of your voice, your facial expressions, and body
movement. Third, you receive a possible bond with the person you are communicating with.
“Nothing takes the place of a handshake, going to lunch, seeing their eyes.” Fourth, you can
control that the receiver gets your message. You also have control over the receiver’s attention.
(Adler-Elmhorst, Pg. 23, Ed. SLCC)
One time my boyfriend and I got mad at each other for a misunderstanding of a text
message. We were both joking around but we didn’t get the sarcasm of the message. So we
started fighting over text messages; which isn’t ideal so then things we were saying were also
taken out of context. If we waited to say some of the things face to face we could have read the
gestures and avoided fighting.
To be an effective listener, you need to be aware of some of the obstacles to listening.
There may be things you are doing or your surroundings affecting your hearing. The most
common “barriers” are physiological, environmental, and attitudinal and false assumptions.
Hearing problems and rapid thought is examples of physiological barriers. Some people are poor
listeners because they have hearing deficiencies. When you realize you can’t hear as well, in
general, you can usually get it treated. Rapid thought is when your brain is constantly going and
you are processing more information than the speaker is speaking. “Listeners can process
information at a rate of about 500 words per minute, while most speakers talk at around 125
words per minute. This can be a problem because if the topic the speaker is talking about is not
interesting, you may drift off into something off topic. Peter Senge said, “Ears operate at the
speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening
is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow you mind’s hearing to your
ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning.” Environmental barriers are
the surroundings around you that may construe the message; there are a few that are the most
common. First, physical distractions are environmental because it is the environment of the
room; other conversations going on in the same room; and having your laptop, cell phone, or
other devices that may distract you. Second, when you aren’t communicating face to face it is
sometimes hard to receive the message accurately. An example is when you are ordering at a fast
food chain through that intercom and both ends may have a hard time hearing the right order.
Third, message overload is when there are many interruptions while you are communicating with
someone. These interruptions are when your phone is ringing, people are giving you something,
or someone interrupts your conversation. Another way that can stop you from becoming an
effective listener is attitude and false assumptions. These barriers are when you have concerns on
your mind; if you believe that your thought and ideas matter more than others; being afraid that
you might seem ignorant in the workplace; and the assumptions of the roles of listening and
speaking. (Adler-Elmhorst, Pg. 72-76, Ed. SLCC)
In my experience it is hard to be a good listener in retail, because as you are talking the
phone rings and other customers interrupt you. It is very hard and I can tell when I ask them
something they already stated. Also on the other side customers can’t put their phones down so it
is very difficult to help them. I hate talking over their conversation but they also want help while
they are on the phone. There are instances where I do have to ask repeatedly. There was one time
where this customer was making some copies and it was under two dollars. I told her we can’t
charge on a card if it is under two dollars, but she kept shoving her card at me. Also at my work
it can get very noisy; I work at The UPS Store. When I will either be talking on the phone or
talking to a customer and if the copy machines, someone taping a box, or just a lot of people in
the store it can be hard to hear the messages between me and the customer.
Like there are ways that prevent communication there are different types of ways you
listen to others. After plenty of research these are the four most common styles of listening;
people-oriented, action-oriented, content-oriented, and time-oriented. People-oriented listeners
tend to be insightful to others feelings. Also these types of people are usually open to others
ideas and do not judge their opinions or thoughts. On the negative side some people may
perceive people-oriented listeners as overly expressive. Action-oriented; who are the opposite of
people-oriented listeners, focus on the project that needs to be done. All they want is the
specifics of what needs to be done so they can do it. They are good at getting people on task and
motivate them to get the project done. Content-oriented listeners like to hear the information and
process and look at it from many different perspectives. They are valued because they can assess
the quality of others ideas and if there are complex issues that need to be evaluated. On the other
hand their way of making everything so detailed may annoy other people working with them
because they don’t listen or think that way. Time-oriented want the message quickly and
efficiently. This type of listening is good to have when you work in a fast paced environment.
You can be more than one type of listener so even if you are content-oriented you may also be
time-oriented. Depending on the situation you are in one type may take over even if you are not
dominantly that specific type. (Adler-Elmhorst, Pg. 78-79, Ed. SLCC)
I took the Listener Profile on page 80 in the SLCC edition of the book. My scores were
three for people-oriented, two for action, content, and time-oriented. I am a people person
because I can tell when people are upset even if other people may not notice. I am also a
sympathy crier. It is embarrassing because if I hear a story and the speaker get tears in their eyes
so do I. I can feel peoples anger, frustrations, happiness, and sadness when I talk to them.
There are many types of ways to improve your listening; there are ways to improve your
nonverbal cues. Nonverbal cues are your body movements while listening to a speaker. Some of
the ways to improve nonverbal effectiveness is: self-monitoring, demonstrate interest, being
positive, and observing conventions. To self-monitor you need to notice your behavior so you
can shape how you behave. Showing interest in others is another way you can improve nonverbal skills. The things you can show interest is your posture, focusing on positive facial
expressions, and leaning forward are some examples. Being positive is a good attribute for nonverbal cues. “Emotions can be contagious.” Within 2 minutes we can infect others with our
attitudes and emotions. The last skill to improve on is observing conventions; conventions are
usually cultural. The things you should watch for is how they shake hands, ritual hugs or kisses,
and the way you dress are few of many examples from different cultures. (Adler-Elmhorst, Pg.
116-117, Ed. SLCC)
I sometimes notice my non-verbal communication skills. I don’t think about it too much
because I’m usually around friends and family. There are times when I’m at work and something
that I’m doing is turning a nice customer into a pissed off customer. I was helping this older
woman out and she was saying stuff I was taking seriously as a joke. I can’t remember what she
was saying but I didn’t get how it was funny so I would scrunch my eyebrows together and she
started getting offended. It was time for her to pay and she was paying with a credit card so I
asked if I could see her ID. She said, “You can’t see it till you say please”. I was shocked she
wouldn’t show me her ID; my eyes widened and I opened my mouth, a little, in shock. I told her
something along the lines of well I can’t charge your card until I see ID. So finally she throws
her ID at me and said, “It wouldn’t hurt for you to say please or thank you”. I’m still looking at
her in amazement she is acting like a ten year old when she was sixty. After she left my manager
and I just couldn’t believe how rude she was. I can relate to behavior changing others. This
woman just made me so annoyed with how she acted. Also I recognize that she got mad at me
because of my facial expressions when I didn’t understand her jokes.
There are so many ways to communicate, yet we have the hardest time getting the right
message across. There are always ways to improve your communication skills like: Talking face
to face, listening effectively, learning your listening style and improve your weaknesses, and to
improve your non-verbal actions.