Gender and Intimate
Relationships
Chapter 7
Introduction
• Family: love, private, safe haven, let your
hair down?
Sociology Constructs the Family
• Ernest Burgess the founder of family sociology
• Talcott Parsons shaped this subfield of sociology
with his isolated nuclear family model:
-family members live apart from other relatives
- financially independent of other relatives
-the role of the family is to
1. socialize the children and
2. to stabilize the adults
Sociology Constructs the Family
• Isolated Nuclear Family Model:
• Instrumental family role: father economic
provider, decision maker, leader
• Expressive family role: mother
housework, child care, meets emotional
needs
• Basis for this theory is biological
differences
Evaluating the functionalist Perspective
• Is the contemporary family really isolated from
other kin?
• Preindustrial families were not extended
• Do families give advice, support, and money to
relatives?
• Roles rigidly define men and women and push
women into a private sphere vs. public domain
• Assignment of roles based on sex -> roles are
normal and unchanging and mutually exclusive
Evaluating the functionalist Perspective
Contemporary Families are Diverse
• Married couple households with children 23.5%
(2000) (45% 1960)
51% of these families have dual earners
• Single parent families (only 1 finacial supporter)
mostly headed by women (have grown 5 times
faster that married couples since 1960)
• More childless and post rearing housholds
• Increase of cohabitation (1/3) have children
• Domestic partnerships
heterosexual/homosexual
• Chosen families: non family households based
on wanting to be together by choice
Evaluating the functionalist Perspective
Contemporary Families are Diverse
• Blended families
• Accordion family: Kin moves in and out a
family unit as needed
• Defining character of family emotional and
financial ties and sexual behavior
Sexuality, Sexual Orientation, and Reproductive Freedom
• Chastity pleges
• Courtship and betrothal, commitment to marriage before
a relationships develops and courtship, a getting to know
each other over a long period of time without sex
• 1998 first intercourse for both boys and girls was 15
• Many teens engaging in oral sex and they believe it is
not sex, or they can’t contract and STI
• Gender differences: women more guilt and less
pleasure vs men
• Women’s motivations affection for their partner and
approval
• Men’s motivation: status seeking, curiosity, feeling ready
for the experience.
• Sexual double standard still alive despite both boys and
girls feel pressure to have sex. Males/studs
Females/sluts (sex only in a romantic committed
relationship)
Sexualities
• Homosexuality often studied as a deviation from
the norm
• Sexual orientation seen as dichotomous ->
bisexuality not seen as a separate identity
• Many individuals clearly identify homosexuality
as always being wrong ( 56%, study in 2000,
down from 70% 70/80)
• Civil unions in some states
• The right to legally marry is still hotly debated
Reproductive Freedom
• Def: an individual's ability to freely choose
whether or not to have a child
• Contraception and Abortion
• By 1850 contraceptives and abortion illegal in
US
• Until 1970 abortion and certain contraceptives
remained illegal
• 71 legal for married people
• 72 legal for adults
• 77 legal for minors
• 73 Roe v. Wade legalized abortion
Abortion
• Women have the constitutional right to choose
abortion and that the state cannot unduly
interfere with or prohibit that right.
• 1st trimester: between woman and doctor
• 2nd trimester: restrictions to safeguard the
woman’s health
• 3rd trimester: state may prohibit 3rd trimester
abortions unless the woman’s life is at stake
• Yet, Doe v Bolton: the court ruled that any
restrictions imposed by the state must be
reasonable and cannot inhibit a physician's duty
to provide medical care according to his or her
professional judgment
• 2000 RU 486 approved / first 7 weeks of pg
Reproductive Technologies
• skip
Varieties of Intimate Relationships
• Heterosexual marriages
• Historically: contract specified a wife’s
obligations housework, comply with
husband’s requests for sex.
• Husband to support his wife – how much
was up to him
• Husband had all decision making authority
• Today: rules in most states still imply a lesser
status for women in marriage
Marriage cont.
• Men retain the right to decide domicile
• Power in marriage hinges on income
• The more she contributes in income the more
power she will have
• Those who embrace traditional roles will let him
have the power/decision making
• Some women became more powerful in
marriage when they were able to quit low paying
jobs and have husbands that respected
housework
• Even in equal marriages, she will avoid
offending, or upsetting her spouse,
accommodate his needs and desires, and adjust
her schedule to his.
Gender and housework: Who does what?
• Women still do at least twice as much
housework as men (2000) even if she
works outside the home
• Women’s second shift (Hochschild)
• Housework devalued
• Even the most egalitarian couples will not
do equal housework when they have
children.
caregiving
• Birth of a child increases stress and lowers
marital satisfaction
• Women still do most of the caretaking
• New fathers who share equally are still relatively
rare
• lowest involvement is under 18 months, greatest
involvement 5 -15
• Men mainly focused on recreation and
academics
• Some men claim to do tasks equally, but the wife
has to ask
• Women also do more mental work, seeking
advise and information/worrying
caregiving
• Men argue that they are immersed in
breadwinning and cannot fully participate
• Companies expect men to stay on the job
despite the family and medical leave act.
• In lower socioeconomic strata, men and women
share childcare as she must work and they can
work out a schedule (opposite shifts)
• Professional jobs he has little shift flexibility and
they have money for childcare
caregiving
• Women as kinkeepers: taking care of kids and
relatives
• Women are denied personal autonomy
• Housework can wait, but children’s needs are
immediate
• Midlife opportunities may not be exercised due
to grandchildren, parents
• Most studies show that women take care of
elderly parents (1 study showed men and
women requested time off from work to take
care of elderly parent
• Brother’s of sister’s do less caretaking than
brother’s of brothers
Single parent families:
• 82% of children in single parent
households live with their mothers
• 79% W, 90% B, 84% L
• 28% of families with dependent children
• Single childbearing, divorce, death of
spouse
• Today 50% of couples divorce within 7.2
years of pronouncing their wedding vows
divorce
• Pre industrial revolution: children awarded legal
custody of kids
• Post ir: tender years presumption: young
children need to be with mother
• Today: joint legal custody: equal decision
making authority
• Joint physical custody: live in both homes, equal
responsibility for child care and financial support
• All in the best interest of the child
• Women experience downward social mobility
• Lower wages, welfare cuts, only 52% of father’s
pay child support-> feminization of poverty
• Bane: Often new poor, driven by the event
(divorce)
divorce
• Upper middle class/wealthy women experience
a drop in income but may not become poor
(education, wealth, income)
• Bane: Reshuffled poverty is when low income
families break up and the women and kids form
a new poor family
• Some claim the female headed family more
pathological (crime, abuse, dysfunctional)
• Other find 2 parent families have the same
problems
divorce
• Emotional consequences: women higher stress
before dissolution/men lower level of awareness,
but women seem to adjust better
• Women with dependent children, especially with
kids under age 6, express higher rates of
depression due to financial issues.
• Asian females experience depression and
isolation as a divorce is seen as her failure and
in sharp contrast to traditional expectations.
Isolated as she is feared to seduce married men,
or as she is feared a bad influence on other
women.
• Men are about 1.5 time more likely to remarry –
benefit more from marriage than women and it is
easier to get back into circulation as they are not
constrained by kids,
Singles and Domestic Partnerships
Heterosexual singles and domestic partners
•
•
•
•
Stereotypes
Swinging bachelor
Old maid
The majority marry, only they are marrying
later
• Why delay marriage? Single hood seen
as more positive, hi divorce rates, DV, birth
control, financial constraints-want financial
security before they commit.
• Today, contrary to the past, women with
education and socioeconomic status are
more likely to marry
Singles and Domestic Partnerships
Heterosexual singles and domestic partners
• Some can’t find suitable partner due to
disability
• More black women unmarried due to
mortality rates of black men, high
imprisonment rate, low economic status of
black men
Singles and Domestic Partnerships
Heterosexual singles and domestic partners
• Domestic partnership=cohabiting relationship between
intimate partners not married to each other
• 1999 about 4.5 mill = 9% of all couples
• Most dp are relatively short-half end in a year or less
• Most are childless or do not have children under 15
(currently 33.5% have kids under 15)
• Most who want kids will marry first
• Those who conceive unintentionally are more likely to
get married
• Why the increase: economic constraints, more liberal
view, divorced parents
• Some state allow a registration process, may dp have
difficulties when they break up or when one dies.
Gay and Lesbian Singles and Domestic Partners
• There is no uniform homosexual lifestyle
• Have enduring intimate relationships
• Are as happy in their relationships as
heterosexuals
• Women typically place a higher value on
emotional expressiveness
• Gays and lesbians value equality
• Gays men less supportive of monogamy
• Break up rates 10+ 6% L, 4 %G, 4% married H
• Often a homosexual relationship that beaks up
becomes life-long friendship
Gay and Lesbian Singles and Domestic Partners
• Many can officially register
• Courts have ruled for the family of affinity rather
that for the family of origin (Thompson and
Kowalski)
• Many states will not give a homosexual parent
custody of a child, or will not allow adoption
(90% of pedophiles are heterosexual)
• Children of gays and lesbians are well adjusted,
more accepting of other lifestyles, and no more
likely to become homosexual than other kids
• Many lesbian families have less conflict and
more agreement about parenting issues
• Elder care for homosexuals can be problematic
due to neglect or abuse in facilities. Many have
no kids and were rejected by families. Care
facilities in some large cities just for
homosexuals-but cost prohibitive
Violence in Families and Intimate Relationships
• Human Options