Characteristics of Healthy
Relationship
Lesson 5
September 30th, 2010
Characteristics of a Healthy
Relationship
There are some key elements of a healthy
relationship.
 Being aware of these elements will help
an individual realize when a relationship is
unhealthy.
 It is also important to remember
that there is no such thing as a
perfect relationship.

Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Relationship:
1. Respect
Mutual respect means that both
parties care for themselves as well
as each other.
This is evident through:
 Respecting each other’s decisions or
choices
 Listening to explanations of why those
decisions were made.

Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Relationship:
1. Respect



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Awareness of each other’s boundaries, need
for personal space, and vulnerabilities.
The relationship or other person is not
taken for granted.
Neither person putting down the
other.
Understanding that causing change in a
person (e.g., dress style, hairstyle, group of
friends, sexual demands) through
manipulation, coercion, and threats is not
healthy.
2. Consensual Enjoyable
Intimacy

The sexual experience in a
relationship should be equitable,
mutually agreed upon and enjoyed.
2. Consensual Enjoyable
Intimacy
 This
is evident through:
 Both parties feeling free to express
their needs and boundaries, and to
have those respected
 Always feeling like you are giving is not
healthy
 Healthy
relationships openly
communicate about problems
and issues
3. Trust

Trust is the foundation of a healthy
relationship.
This is evident through:
 A sense of companionship and caring.
3. Trust
Room for other friends with little fear
that other friendships will minimize the
dating relationship.
 Both parties are open and have
good listening skills
Trust can take time to develop, as the
relationship grows, so should the level of
trust.

3. Trust
Things to watch out for:
 Jealousy
that runs out of control is
very destructive to a relationship
◦ Jealousy its self is normal but it should
be proportionate to the experience.
 Lying, manipulation
or secrets.
4. Support
Individuals in healthy relationships
provide comfort and empathy to
one another.
 They offer support and listen to what
their partner is saying or not saying.
 There is no attempt to try to fix or
change the other person.
 They accept one another for the
person that they are (e.g.,
idiosyncrasies).
4. Support
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship.
 Loving couples do not make attempts to
lower their partner’s self-esteem.
 Support should be given in the good
times and bad.
4. Support
Couples in healthy relationships are
committed to bringing out the best in
each other and have the other’s best
interests at heart.
 Couples in healthy relationships recognize
that there are shared responsibilities in
career, leisure, child rearing, lifestyle
choices and domestic duties.

5. Easygoing
The overall tone of the relationship is
relaxed.
 Both parties can laugh at themselves
without humour being at the other
person’s expense.
 There is a sense of relaxation both when
you are with your partner or apart.
5. Easygoing
Both parties will feel comfortable
communicating their thoughts, feelings,
likes, dislikes and ideas (e.g., where to go
on a date, world issues, and status of the
relationship).
 Healthy relationships are void of physical
aggression or threats of physical
aggression.

6. Fair Fighting

Arguments, disagreements and
issues are a part of every
relationship
Healthy couples argue for many reasons:
 They feel comfortable communicating
their feelings and aren’t afraid that the
relationship will end with each argument
6. Fair Fighting

There is a sense of security because
they know they can share their
feelings openly

They care about one another and they do
not want unresolved issues to remain
unsolved
Fair Fighting Rules
1. Avoid physical aggression such as:
 Hitting, Pushing, Grabbing, Throwing things,
Shoving, Kicking or Beating up.
2. Stay focused on the issue and avoid bringing
other issues that have accumulated into the
disagreement.
 Work out disagreements as they occur.
Do Not Bottle.
 Avoid heat of the moment arugments and
work out issues when both parties are
calmer.
Fair Fighting Rules
3. Avoid Name Calling
 Retaliation only causes hurt and
escalates conflict
◦ Name calling is a manipulation technique to
avoid the real situation at hand.
Fair Fighting Rules
4. Avoid blaming the other person.
Use “I” statements
 Shifts the blame and assumes
responsibility
 Say how a situation makes you feel.
 Helps to eliminate defensiveness
QUESTION

Read the scenario below. On a separate
piece of paper, explain how each of the 6
key elements that were looked at today,
play a part in this situation. If you feel that
some of the elements did not play a part
explain why. This is worth I (6) marks so
do not just write 6 lines.

Scenario: My boyfriend/girlfriend and I have been dating for a
month. I wanted to make out/fool around/have sex with him/her
and I sort of said that two nights ago. Yesterday my parents left
for the weekend and he/she came/slept over. But I started to feel
really uncomfortable when we started kissing/ or /when he/she
was touching my breasts/ or / he/she went down on me. I started
feeling sort of sick and nervous. I think he/she noticed that I
didn’t feel good. He/She asked me if there was anything wrong. It
was kind of hard for me to explain, so I didn’t say anything for a
few seconds. Then I just said I didn’t feel well. He/She seemed a
little annoyed, but he/she said that that was cool, and got me a
glass of water. I told him/her that I didn’t feel good because, I
wasn’t ready to go that far yet. He/She listened and we decided
that we would wait until we both felt like it was comfortable.
Then we watched a movie and went to sleep/they went home.