Sex and Marriage in
Islam
Serkan Ozturk
Dialog Student Association
University of Oklahoma
1
Marriage
 Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous
and approved institutions, unlike “celibacy”
Purpose of Marriage
 Children
 Pleasure [fulfilling human’s sexual need]
 In worship aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah
because it is in accordance with his commandments
that husband and wife love each other and help each
other to make efforts to continue the human race and
rear and nurse their children to become true servants of
Allah
Marriage in Quran
 “He created for you mates from among yourselves, that
you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your hearts, and this is among
His signs. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those
who reflect (30:21)
 ”Allah has made for you your mates of your own
nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and
daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you
sustenance of the best” (16:72)
 “And for women are rights over men similar to those of men
over women”(2:228)
Prophetic Teaching
 “Women are the twin halves of men.”
 “When a man marries, he has completed one half of his religion.”
 “The best of you are they who behave best to their wives.”
 “The more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in
faith he is.”
 O young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will
help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.”
Prophetic Teaching
 Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said,
"Modesty is part of faith.”
 "Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from
me.”
 "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him
fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
 "Whoever has the ability should marry for it is better in lowering the
gaze and guarding one's chastity. Whoever is not able, let him fast for
it is for him a restraint."
Importance of Motherhood
 Islam teaches Muslims to respect their mothers and serve them
well.
 Abu Hurairah reported a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and
asked: “O Messenger of Allah, who is the person who has the
greatest right on me with regards to kindness and attention?”
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He replied, “Your mother.”
“Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.”
“Then who?” “Your mother.”
“Then who?” He replied, “Your father.”
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Obligatory of Marriage
 Marriage as obligatory for a man (Hanafi):
 If he is sure that he will commit fornication if he does
not marry.
 If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he
can fast, his fast does not help him to control his
passion
 If he is able to pay the dowry and to earn a lawful
livelihood.
Forbidden (Haram) Marriage
 Marriage is forbidden to a man,
 if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife
and children
 if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect
his wife and progeny.
 It is not desirable for a man who possesses no sexual
desire at all or who has no love for children or who is
sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a
result of marriage.
Forbidden Marriage with those
 Prohibited to you [for marriage] are your mothers, your
daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's
sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters,
your [milk] mothers who nursed you, your sisters through
nursing, your wives' mothers, and your step-daughters
under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you
have gone in.
 And [also prohibited are] the wives of your sons who are
from your [own] loins, and that you take [in marriage] two
sisters simultaneously, except for what has already
occurred. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful. (4:23)
Marriage with other religions
 A Muslim girl cannot marry with a man from any other
religion
 A Muslim boy can marry with
 Christian girl
 Jewish girl
(Only marry with the [People of the Book] book is given
religions)
Marriage types
 Love marriage
 Arranged marriage
 In both marriage, she has liberty to choose her
husband
Love Marriage
 A girl and boy love each other and propose the
marriage
 Ask permission for the families
Arranged marriage
 Parents suggest a candidate bride for their son
 If he likes, then they go to bride side to propose
marriage
Benefits of Marriage
 "Anything you spend on your family will be a source of
reward [from Allah], even a morsel of food which you
raise to your wife's mouth.”
 "A dinar you spent in Allah's path, a dinar you spent in
freeing a slave, a dinar which you gave in charity to a
needy person and a dinar which you spent on your
family. The greatest of them in reward is the one you
spent on your family."
Sex
 Any non-marriage sex is forbidden
 Male-to-male or female-to-female sex is banned
 Anal sex is forbidden
 Oral sex is depended on person, but husband cannot
enforce the wife.
Responsibility of wife
 A wife has to sexually fulfill/satisfy the husband
 No other responsibility, such as home, kids, work, ..
 But she must listen and obey the husband,
 For example, she cannot go out or work without
permission of husband
Responsibility of husband
 Maintenance: Has to provide living expenses such as
food, clothes, home and personal wife expenses [for
example, he has emotional and educational
responsibilities towards his wife and children]
 Must please his wife and behaves justly
 If a person has more than one wife, he will have to
treat each one equally.
 Need to provide education if necessary
Consideration Choosing a
wife
 "Women are married for four: her wealth, her family, her
beauty and her religion. So chose the one with religion,
you will be happy. “
 Her religion. If she does not have good Islam, she will corrupt
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[negatively influences] her husband.
Character. Bad character is harmful to the individual and those
around them.
Beauty.
Virginity.
Fertility.
Divorce
 is allowed in Islam but not encourage nor to be taken
lightly
 is the sole prerogative of the man. If a woman desires
to end the marriage but the man is unwilling to do so,
she must resort to Islamic law before the imam.
 A man should not surprise his wife with a divorce
without any misdeed on her part.
 It is not allowed for the woman to force her husband to
divorce without any misdeed or corruption on his part.
Divorce
 "Any woman who asks her husband for divorce
without any wrongdoing, forbidden to her is even
the scent of Paradise.”
 If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following:
 He must divorce her after her period is complete and
before they have been together.
 He should pronounce divorce three times:
 But suggested to say only one divorce that he may
regret to say it and he can easily reverse his decision
 Do not disclose any of her secrets to anyone else.