Marital and Partnership
Communication
Chapter 13
Gender Differences in
Communication


Some scholars
believe that men and
women come from
different “cultures”
This would explain
differences in
communication styles
between men and
women
Sex and Gender

Sex


Gender


Traditionally male stereotypes such as strength and
aggression
Feminine Traits


Socially prescribed expectations for roles of people of a
particular sex
Masculine Traits


Biological classification of a male or female
Traditionally female stereotypes such as nurturing and
emotion
Androgynous Traits

Some combination of masculine and feminine traits
Gender and Nonverbal
Communication


Research indicates that there are
differences in communication styles
between men and women
However, there are also cultural,
contextual, and individual differences in
communication styles as well
Space and Touch




Women tend to exhibit more immediacy
behaviors than men
Women are more likely to exchange
affectionate touches than are men
Men use fewer touches during interaction
with men than do women in
interaction with women
Space and Touch continued


Men tend to use space and touch to assume
positions of authority—and this finding is
seen in different cultures, too
Men tend to take up more physical space
than do women by sprawling out when
seated or moving around when standing
Facial expressions


Women tend to be more expressive than
men and better at decoding facial
expressions in others
Gender influences which expressions we
show and which expressions we perceive:


Men show more anger, contempt, disgust, and
pride
Women show more happiness, shame, fear,
sadness, and embarrassment
Facial expressions continued



Women smile more than men do in many
social situations
There is more social pressure to smile on
women than there is on men
Women are more likely to smile
strategically while men are more likely to
smile to express positive emotions
Voice and Gesture


We can distinguish male and female voices
in most cases, even when people whisper
Men tend to gesture in more expansive and
relaxed postures compared to women
Gender and Language

Feminine speech…






…establishes equality between people
…show support for others
…attends to the emotional and relational
meaning of communication
…engages in conversational maintenance
work
…is personal and concrete
…is tentative
Gender and Language

Masculine speech…






…seeks to establish status and control
…pursues instrumental objectives
…aims for conversational command
…is direct and assertive
…is abstract
…is less emotionally responsive
Language Features of Female Communication
Intensive adverbs
Modifies an adjective
References to emotion
Any mention of an emotion or
feeling
Dependent clauses
A clause that serves to specify
or qualify the words that
convey primary meaning
Sentence-initial adverbials
Answers the question: how?,
when?, or where? regarding the
main clause
Language Features of Female Communication
Mean length sentence
Uncertainty verbs
Hedges
Negations
The number of words
divided by the number of
sentences
Verb phrases indicating lack
of certainty or assuredness
Modifiers that indicate a
lack of confidence in, or
diminished assuredness of
the statement
A statement of what
something is not
Language Features of Male Communication
References to quantity Direct references to an amount or quantity
Elliptical sentences
A unit beginning with a capital letter and
ending with a period (other end point) in
which either the subject or predicate is
understood
Directives
Apparently telling another person what to do
Locatives
Indicating the location or position of objects
Marital Communication
Selecting a Partner




Teen marriages fail at a higher rate than do
marriages of people in their 20s or 30s
Similar values, backgrounds, and life goals
are correlated with marital success
Women are more likely to marry if they do
not become single parents prior to marriage
Higher education is associated with marital
stability
Selecting a Partner, continued


Cohabitation prior to marriage is not
associated with marital success
Married sex tends to be more satisfying
than single sex
Issues that lower the divorce rate:





First marriage
Higher education (college and above)
Married in 20s or 30s (not teens)
Not lived with many partners prior to
marriage
Religious convictions
Marriage and Partnership


Marriage is a legal, lasting union that is
created in a public ritual
Weddings are the ritual events that create a
marriage


Weddings involve a community of people
Weddings involve rituals, which are
traditional events with great significance to
the participants
Marital Communication

Fitzpatrick’s Marital Typology
Marriages differ in terms of:
Partner Roles: conventional v. nonconventional
Connectedness: interdependent v. autonomous
Conflict Behavior: engage v. avoid

Marital Communication
Fitzpatrick’s Marriage Types
 Traditionals- conventional ideological values, have
high degree of interdependence, share information and
intimacy and do not avoid conflict.
 Independents- non-conventional ideological values,
high level of companionship and sharing, psychologically
close but autonomous in activities and space.
 Separates- profess traditional values but place higher
degree on autonomy, less companionship and sharing,
maintain psychological and physical distance, avoid
conflict.
Marriage Types & Ideology
Ideology
Interdependence Conflict
Behavior
Traditionals
Conventional
values about
marriage
High degree;
Share info &
intimacy.
Do not avoid
conflicts.
Independents
Nonconventional
values about
marriage.
High degree of
sharing; buddies;
low degree of
sharing space.
Do not avoid
conflicts.
Separates
Profess traditional
values but
emphasize
autonomy
Less sharing &
companionship;
Maintain psych &
physical space.
Avoid conflicts.
Marital Conflict
Gottman’s Theory of Marital
Ecology
Marital Conflict Styles
 Damaging Forms of
Communication
 Breaking the Cycle

Research Results


Gottman and his teams can predict with 96%
accuracy whether a couple will be together in three
years based on observing 45 minutes of interaction
 15 minutes neutral
 15 minutes positive
 15 minutes negative
Five basic marital types in terms of conflict
resolution behaviors


Two types are unstable and will lead to dissolution
Three of the types are stable
Theory of Marital Ecology

Stable Marital Conflict Styles –
Couples adopt an emotional-communicative style for
dealing with conflict:



Validating – openly address conflict, share differences calmly
and respectfully, listen attentively, empathize and
compromise.
Volatile –frequent and intense conflict, hostile, listen poorly,
argue fiercely, rarely empathize. One wins, one looses.
Avoiding –minimize disagreement, repress or deny conflict,
rarely engage, agree to disagree.
Marital Ecology



Gottman’s research shows that no one stable style is
better than another for marital success
Overall emotional quality of interaction which is
predictive of harmony
Benchmark is 5:1 ratio of positive to negative
exchanges (yet not all forms of negative
communication are equal).
Damaging Forms of Negativity

The Four Horseman of
the Apocalypse




Criticism (v.
complaint)
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Criticism


Refers to attacking a
spouse’s personality or
character
Includes three types



Passing judgment
Bringing in long lists
of complaints
Indicating lack of trust
in a spouse
Contempt
Refers to the practice of partners insulting
one another
 Globalization of criticism statements
 Includes

Name calling
 Insults
 Hostile humor
 Mockery

What is OK?
Complaining is OK
 A Complaint is a specific statement of
displeasure directed at a specific action or
event
 A Criticism is much less specific and has
blaming language in it
 A Contempt statement involves language that
is intended to insult and psychologically abuse
the other

Defensiveness
Occurs when neither partner takes
responsibility for their behaviors
 Occurs when one perceives or anticipates a
threat to face or relational definition by the
other
 Includes

Making excuses
 Cross-complaining
 Whining

Stonewalling
Occurs when the communication between
the partners has broken down
 Men are more likely to stonewall and
women are more likely to respond
defensively

Breaking the Negative Cycle
Take a break (20 minutes)
 Learn to Calm Yourself



Become Non-defensive


learn to respond non-defensively and to minimize
defensiveness in others with your messages
Validate


understand the danger of emotional flooding
you can acknowledge the other’s perceptions or
feelings without agreeing with them
Over-learn the Strategies
Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence


IS violence
More than four million incidents against
women each year
Types of Domestic Violence

Physical Battering


Sexual Abuse


Forced sexual activities
Psychological Violence


Slapping, hitting, choking, punching, kicking,
and using objects as weapons
Threats, isolation, extreme jealousy, degradation,
threats to children, symbolic violence
Property Violence

Threatened or actual destruction of property