Being With Others
Chapter 11: Forming Relationships in
Young and Middle Adulthood
Human Development: A Life-Span View
Kail & Cavanaugh
Friendship
• Defined as: a mutual relationship in which those
involved influence one another’s behaviors and
beliefs
• Levinger’s Stages of Friendship
– ABCDE model
•
•
•
•
•
Acquaintanceship
Buildup
Continuation
Deterioration
Ending—contingent on alternatives
Friendship
• Three dimensions of friendships in adulthood
– 1. Affective
• Emotional basis
– 2. Communal
• Mutual interest
– 3. Sociability & Compatibility
• Entertainment/fun component
Siblings as Friends
• Special type of friendship
• Often longest
• Strongest during adolescence and late life and
weakest during middle age
• Women generally place greater importance on
the relationship
– Family reunions/gatherings
– Holidays
– Caretaking and support
• Online Friendship
– How does it develop?
• 1. Reputation—online or offline identity
• 2. Performance—what users do online is how others judge
them
• 3. Precommitment—”leap of faith” through self-disclosure
• 4. Situational Factors—the importance of the relationship
when compared to other competing factors
Gender Variations in Friendships
• Gender variations in young adult friendships tend to show
continuity in gender variations in children’s friendships
• Men
–
–
–
–
Tend to have fewer close friends
Emphasis on shared activities
Confiding is in conflict with competing
Face social pressure to be brave and strong which is in conflict
with emotional sharing
• Women
– Tend to have more close friends
– Emphasis on emotional sharing and intimacy
Cross-Gender Friendships
• Both men and women have difficulties forming crossgender friendships
• Cross-gender friendships tend to help men have lower
levels of dating anxiety and a higher capacity for intimacy
• Maintaining cross-sex friendships once individuals enter
into exclusive dating relationships, marriage or committed
relationships is difficult and often problematic

Women tend to underperceive

Men tend to overperceive
Romantic Relationships
• Early
– Often marked by high amounts of passion and infatuation
– High risk of misunderstanding and jealousy
– Exciting in the beginning, but not typically enough to
maintain the relationship
• As the relationship develops, passion decreases but
commitment increases through shared experiences,
support, and caring
• Neurological and Life Cycle Bases of Love
– High levels of dopamine during early stages of love
– Switches to substances related to morphine (a narcotic)
later on
The Theory of
Assortative Mating
• People select mates based on their similarity to each other
–
–
–
–
–
–
Religious beliefs
Physical traits
Age
SES
Intelligence
Political views
• Couples higher in marital satisfaction tend to be similar in
terms of openness to experience but not necessarily in
other dimensions of personality
• Healthy people tend to be with healthy people; unhealthy
with other unhealthy people
Murstein’s Theory
• Stimulus
– Physical appearance, social class, etc. match my
own?
• Values
– Values regarding sex, religion, politics, etc. match
my own?
• Role
– Ideas about the relationship, communication
style, gender roles, etc. match my own?
Other Important Variables
• Physical attractiveness is more important
than once thought
• Cultural variations exist
• Attachment style, which is influenced by
earlier relationships during infancy and
childhood