Inter-generational conflicts
in Tamil immigrant families
Dr. Vappu Tyyskä
Department of Sociology & MA
Program in Immigration and
Settlement Studies,
Ryerson University, Toronto,
Canada
vtyyska@ryerson.ca
1
Family Violence Project, 2008
Funding: CERIS -The Ontario Metropolis Centre/SSHRC
• 10 key informant interviews
– service providers
– identified under serviced communities
– identified “causes”
• 2 x 20 = 40 victim/survivor interviews
– conducted by community researchers from Punjabi and
Tamil communities
– 5 in each category:
•
•
•
•
Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)
Child abuse
Elder abuse
Other family abuse
2
This presentation
• Focus on family violence against girls, adult
and older women in the Tamil community
• Differences in the views of causes, assigned
barriers and possible solutions, between
victims/survivors of abuse, and service
providers
• NOTE: victim/survivor accounts → can’t say
anything about how much family violence or
conflict there is
3
Tamil Participants
• Total: 16 = 13f + 3m
– 3 victims of parental child abuse (all female);
– 5 victims of IPV;
– 4 victims of older adult abuse (all female);
– 2 victims of sibling abuse (1 male; 1 female);
– 2 male victims (one reported abuse by his wife
and parents-in-law, and the other by his wife and
brother-in-law).
4
Child Abuse
5
Stresses of immigration,
hard work.
• I would say big burden on you because when
you come home very stressed already, that put
big burden on you, and then you see the little
things just annoying you and little things get
to you…when he was doing a night shift and
stuff you see dad all like moody all the time
(Tamil, C1).
6
Physical discipline
is culturally approved
• Being the eldest brought extra responsibility to do
well in school studies. When I was little and for
studying, “why didn’t you get ninety “why didn’t you
get ninety?’ He hit me on my knuckles and when I
was writing he hit me on my knuckles. If I don’t write
a word properly, If I didn’t memorize a word properly
and so on...[]… As a 1st daughter they want the whole
world from me, they were always after me in terms
of education… (C1).
7
Self-blame &
justification of abuse
• I think he was justified to a certain extent in
correcting us at the right time but the way he
dealt with the problems were not justifiable.
He had every right in my opinion, though it
was pretty hurting at that time (Tamil, C7).
8
Men have power over women and children
• I would basically blame his childhood, parents who
did not care enough and last but not the society
which taught him to be chauvinistic to be some
significant causes for the way my father treated us in
our childhood days (Tamil, C2).
• [E]ven [my brother] he is tiny too, he is man of the
house, so he has the control like, it doesn’t matter
even I go to university, it doesn’t matter, if I work if I
make my own money, I am still their daughter (Tamil,
C1).
9
Intimate Partner Violence
10
Immigration stresses
• There is a tremendous difference between our
relationship here and when we were back home.
He did not have drinking problems before. He
arrived home promptly everyday after work.
However, here he goes out with his friends after
work for drinks and returns late after midnight,
while I’m alone for long hours at home waiting
on him…[]…He did physically hit me back home
too, whenever I disagreed with him and disputed
verbally against him…[]…I understand that he is
stressed too with his employment and when I
ask him to go to the store for instance he
becomes angry because he is tired. (Tamil
woman, W3).
11
Women’s independence is a threat
• What he thinking is wife should be a slave as
women lived in old days without knowing the
world. He wants to do any think he likes. If we
oppose he gets angry and beating (Tamil
woman, W2).
12
Family loyalty and women’s honour
• I am not with my husband because I am worried
about him or about me but rather for the prestige
of my parents. The society will criticize my
parents for raising a daughter that has left her
husband. It will also affect my sister’s marriage
and her life. The community will blame me for
the separation. My brother is extremely angry
with my husband but I have to be patient and
adjust to the conditions of my life (Tamil woman,
W6).
13
Abuse of Older Adults
14
Financial stresses and abuse
• If he wants $20, he will show two fingers and I
have to put that money on the table. He will walk
away silently with that money if I give it to him
right away. If I don’t give him the money, he will
fight with me and insult me…I try not to say
anything in order to avoid confrontation. My son
thinks that I am shy to argue back with him. He
will throw things at me. Whatever he finds
around the house, he will start throwing at me.
Because of him, I am always troubled and I have
no peace of mind. When I wake up everyday, I
am always afraid of what will happen today with
him (Tamil female, P1).
15
Criticism of daughters-in-law.
• She [daughter in law] always degrades/ insults
me and our family. In Canada, he [the son] won’t
tell anything against her, because he afraid of
her to call the police when she get angry. Here
generally the females are calling the police if
they get angry, therefore, males are kept quiet in
order to maintain their respect. But in Sri Lanka
it is different story, if we (women) talk one thing,
we get hits by husband (Tamil female, E3).
16
Extended Family Violence
17
Family reunification
• The uncle that abused me lives here. He arranged for
my marriage here. Every time he sees me now, I
realize that he is feeling guilty. Since my family and I
moved to my mom’s village when I was around eight
I was free from his torture. He does not like to
interact with us much now and so I grasp that he is
remorseful for his past behavior towards me. He does
not look at my face when he speaks to me. I have
informed my husband about him and my husband
also recognizes that my uncle is remorseful and
prefers to maintain space between us now (Tamil,
C3).
18
Dowries and Financial Obligations
• When I come to Canada the visa was delaying due to
not paid the visa fee. He purposely not paid it. After that I
paid out of dowry money about one lack Sri Lankan
rupees. Also the first and last month rent here paid from
dowry money (Tamil woman, W2)
• The people that arranged our marriage had
recommended me because I had four brothers and that
he could expect large amounts of inheritance in dowry
payments. Hence, he married with such expectations
and still expects my family to financially provide for him.
(Tamil woman, W6)
• When I married, my wife’s family promised to give about
$15,000 in payment. I did not marry for the money but it
was part of the marriage proposal...I spent a lot of
money for my sister’s wedding in 1992. Even then we
underwent problems regarding dowry payments. My
wife’s family had promised to cover some of my sister’s
wedding cost but they did not provide enough money
yet. (Tamil man, O1)
19
Men’s responsibility over women
• Whereas my brother thinks that I have to be
controlled by him even now since my husband is
not around with me…[]…His way of dominating
me by saying that I should not be staying late at
anyone’s place and that I should get back on
time etc. is kind of annoying to me. He says I am
his responsibility now till my husband
arrived…(Tamil woman, S1).
• In our culture, most women expect that men are
responsible for them. In the absence of my
parents, I was expected to be responsible…My
parents also wrote that since I arrived in Canada
first and as the only man of the family, I should
be responsible for the family. Hence most of my
own desires are often not met (Tamil man, O1).
20
Differences in perceptions
between victims/survivors of
abuse, and service providers
21
Assigned Causes:
Cause
Alcohol
Service Providers
Victims/
Survivors
Moderate (Excuse/Western
Problem)
Major
Mental Illness
Minor
Minor
Family history
Minor
Major
Moderate
(discomfort)
Minor (child rebellion)
Major
NOTE: gender
Moderate (abuse escalated
or started upon
immigration)
Work stress
No mention
Major
Self blame
1 mention
Major
(child abuse)
Culture
Settlement stress
Assigned Barriers
Barrier
Service
Providers
Victims/
Survivors
Stigma in own
Community
Major
Major
Language
Major
Minor
Mistrust of
authority
Moderate
(unfounded)
Moderate
(justified)
Minor
Minor
Racism
Interventions Needed
Response
Service
Providers
Victims/
Survivors
Community
Education
Major
Major
Government
Funding &
services
Major
Major
Government
Information
No mention
Moderate
Major
Minor
Service provider
training
Thank you!
Questions?
25