The Achiever, the Peacemaker
and the Life of the Party: How
Birth Order Affects Personality
Selections only
By Dr. Gail Gross
Published 12/23/2013
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/how-birth-order-affectspersonality_b_4494385.html
Birth Order Does Matter
Some researchers believe birth order is as important as gender
and almost as important as genetics. It gets back to the old
nurture vs. nature business. In my experience as an educator
and a researcher, I know that no two children have the same set
of parents, even though they live in the same family. Why?
Because parents are different with each of their children, and
no two children ever take the same role. For example, if you are
the caretaking child, then that role is taken and your sibling will
pick another role in the family, perhaps that of the achiever.
The Achiever, The Peacemaker, and The Life of The
Party
While the eldest child is programmed for excellence and
achievement, the middle child is raised to be understanding
and conciliatory and the baby seeks attention. As a result, birth
order is a powerful variable in the unfolding of your
personality.
The Firstborn Child: The Achiever
The eldest child will probably have more in common with other
firstborns than their own brothers and sisters. Because they
have had so much control and attention from their first-time
parents, they are over-responsible, reliable, well-behaved,
careful and smaller versions of their own parents.
If you are a firstborn, you are probably a high achiever who
seeks approval, dominates and is that perfectionist who uses up
all of the oxygen in the room. You can be found in a leadership
career such as law, medicine or as a CEO. As a mini-parent, you
try to dominate your sibs. The problem is that when baby
number two arrives, you will also experience a sense of loss. By
losing your seat on the familial throne, you also lose the special
place that singularity holds. All of the attention that was
exclusively yours must now be shared by you and your sibling.
The Middle Child: The Peacemaker
If you are a middle child, you are probably understanding,
cooperative and flexible, yet competitive. You are concerned
with fairness. In fact, as a middle child, you are likely to pick an
intimate circle of friends to represent your extended family. It is
here that you will find the attention likely lacking in your family
of origin. As a middle child, you receive the least amount of
attention from family and as a result, this family of your choice
is your compensation. As a middle child, you're in very good
company with notable U.S. Presidents and celebrities such as
Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Winston Churchill, Bill
Gates, Donald Trump and Steve Forbes. Though often a late
bloomer, you find yourself in power careers that allows you to
use your negotiating skills... and get that all too-needed
attention.
You and your older sibling will never excel at the same thing.
The personality trait that defines you as a middle child will be
opposite of that of your eldest and youngest sibling. But those
wonderful social skills that you have learned as the middle child
-- negotiating and navigating within your family structure -can prepare you for an entrepreneurial role on a large scene.
The Youngest Child: The Life of the Party
If you're the baby, your parents are already confident in their
role as caregiver, and therefore are more lenient and don't
necessarily pay attention to your every move or milestone as
they did with your older siblings. Thus, you've learned how to
seduce the crowd with charm and likability.
As the youngest child, you have more freedom than the other
siblings and, in a sense, are more independent. As the youngest
child, you also have a lot in common with your oldest sibling, as
both of you have been made to feel special and entitled. Your
range of influence extends throughout your family, which
supports you both emotionally and physically. Hence, you
experience a sense of place and security.
It probably won't surprise you to note that youngest children
often find careers in the entertainment business as actors,
comedians, writers, directors and so on. They also make good
doctors and teachers. Because your parents were more laid back
and lenient, you expect freedom to follow your own path in a
creative style. And as the baby of the family, you've had less
responsibility, and therefore don't attract responsible
experiences.
The Lone Wolf: The Only Child
If you're an only child, you grow up surrounded by adults, and
therefore are more verbal and often more mature. This allows
for gains in intelligence that exceed other birth order
differences. Having spent so much time alone, you are
resourceful, creative and confident in your independence. If
you're an only child, you actually have a lot in common with
those who are first borns, as well as those who are the youngest
in their families.
Parents: Know Your Child
In the final analysis, for parents, it is important to know your
child. Even more important than birth order is creating an
environment that is positive, safe, healthy and stimulating. By
understanding your particular child's personality and
temperament, you can organize their environment to bring
them toward their fullest potential. For example, understanding
that a first-born child feels highly responsible allows you to
lighten their load and recognizing that the baby of the family is
experiencing a more lenient environment can help you be more
diligent in your discipline.
Children need to be allowed to find their destiny, whatever their
role in the family may be, and as a parent, your most important
job is to support their individual journey.