Snow White
1
The JaM Players Present
SNOW WHITE
SCENE 1:
ON A DESOLATE MOOR
(An old witch-like woman is trudging along hunched over with her head covered with a black shawl.)
NARRATOR: (in a hoarse and croaky voice – starting with coughing) Hubble bubble toil and trouble, fire
burn and cauldron bubble. Once upon a time, many, many years ago – (more bronchial coughing) – (old
woman lifts shawl, stands up straight and talks normally) – ooh, has anybody got any Hall’s Soothers? I’m
not going to lie it really hurts my throat speaking like that so if you don’t mind I’m just going to speak
normally.
Once upon a time a Queen sat by an ebony window, sewing and looking out onto a snowy garden. As she
sewed she pricked her finger with the needle and as she watched the red blood fall onto the snow on the
window ledge she wished that she had a baby girl with hair as black as ebony, lips as red as blood and skin
as white as the snow, and would you believe – her wish came true. She called her baby Snow White.
But after she had the baby the Queen died and her husband, the King, eventually remarried. But he
remarried an evil Queen who absolutely loved herself, even more than (Year 6 teacher’s name) loves
marking. Then the King died in mysterious circumstances – I, I actually think it was a dodgy Wright’s pie but
that’s just my opinion. Oh no! I think I can hear the evil Queen coming now – quick, hide, she’s even scarier
than a Level 6 Maths SATs paper!!!
(Exit Old Woman – enter Queen – ‘Boo!’ cue card)
QUEEN: What a lovely greeting. I am Eviliana, the most beautiful woman in Glebernia and you lot, you
horrible lot, had better watch your behaviour. Don’t think that just because it’s dark in here that I can’t see
you (peers out into the audience) you look like the chavs that hang around Longton precinct!
I’m mean and I’m evil, you probably can tell,
You’re foolish and feeble, and pooh do you smell!
I’m so totally gorgeous but don’t take my word,
I’ll prove it to you and make you feel absurd!
(Enter Mirror)
QUEEN: Mirror, mirror on the wall – who is the fairest of them all?
MIRROR: Hello and welcome to Magic Mirror, please press one for mirror’s opinion on your beauty, two to
hear your balance, three to enquire about a different account or four to speak to an adviser.
(Queen presses keypad)
MIRROR: Oh Queen, you are the most beautiful one that I see/ including that Tulisa from off the T.V.
QUEEN: You see? The mirror cannot lie and proves that I am the most scrumptious one in the whole
Kingdom!
Snow White
MIRROR: For the time being, yes.
2
QUEEN: WHAT?!?!?! What did you say?
MIRROR: Today no one is nicer than you/ but time moves on and I must speak true,
Tomorrow Snow White will be eighteen/ and she’ll be a hotty, if you know what I mean
QUEEN: I don’t need to listen to all of these lies/ she won’t be more pretty than me if she DIES!!! MWHA
HA HA HA HA HA!!!
(‘BOO!’ cue card)
SONG 1: The Wickedy, Wickedy, Wickedest Queen
(Exit Queen and Mirror)
SCENE 2:
THE NEXT DAY IN SNOW WHITE’S ROOM IN THE PALACE
(Nurse Nora is tidying Snow White’s room)
NURSE NORA: Hello everyone, my name’s Nurse Nora and I look after Snow White. I’ve looked after her
ever since she was a baby. In fact, would you be able to help me look after her? Here’s what you can do –
if ever you see anyone trying to hurt Snow White can you shout ‘Snowy, Snowy, watch out!’? Let’s try it. 1,
2, 3 (audience respond). Well that might not be loud enough for her to hear, let’s try again. 1, 2, 3
(audience respond). OK! Crikey! She’ll die of a heart attack if you shout it that loud!
Oh look, here comes the birthday girl now.
(Enter Snow White)
Happy Birthday Snow White, I’ve got you a card, open it, open it!
SNOW WHITE: Wow, thanks Nurse Nora (opens card and reads), it says, ‘Happy Birthday Snowy – forget
about the past, you can’t change it – forget about the future, you can’t predict it – forget about the present –
I didn’t get you one!’ Ha ha! Nurse Nora you’re so funny, but don’t worry, I know that Queen Eviliana pays
you hardly anything and anyway, your friendship is the best present a girl could wish for. (They embrace –
aaah!).
(Enter Huntsman)
HUNSTMAN: I am here on this special day to take you on a special journey which is all part of Queen
Eviliana’s surprise birthday present for you Snow White.
SNOW WHITE: Oooh great, I love surprises!
(All characters leave the stage)
SCENE 3:
THE FOREST
HUNTSMAN: Ooh my feet are killing me. These shoes weren’t made for walking for miles in the forest.
Well boys and girls, do you think this would make a good spot to kill Snow White? (Audience respond).
Don’t you give me that look. If I don’t kill Snow White the Queen will kill me.
SNOW WHITE: Isn’t it time we were going back? It’s getting dark now and we’ve been walking for ages.
I’ve got to sit down for a bit.
Snow White
HUNSTMAN: Well, why don’t we play a game before we head back?
SNOW WHITE: Ok, I like games.
HUNTSMAN: How about hide and seek? You start, close your eyes and count to ten.
(Snow white sits down, closes her eyes and starts counting. As she does the Huntsman slowly approaches
her with a knife. He slowly lifts it up high, about to plunge it into her head but the audience alert Snowy and
he steps back and hides the knife – this continues for three times – on the third time Snowy opens her eyes
and catches the Huntsman about to kill her).
SNOWY: Huntsman! Why are you trying to kill me?!?!
HUNSTMAN: (Full of remorse) I’m so sorry Snowy, the Queen has told me that if I don’t kill you, she’ll kill
me!
SNOW WHITE: Oh why does she hate me so much?
HUNTSMAN: I don’t know – are you a Port Vale supporter? (Pause) Run away Snowy, don’t look back – I’ll
tell the queen I killed you.
SNOW WHITE: But I don’t like the forest at night, I’m scared of wolves!
HUNTSMAN: Well, you’re not in Little Red Riding Hood – this is Snow White remember – go on, run away,
run away…
(Exit Huntsman)
SNOW WHITE: Gosh I’m absolutely worn out. I’m going to have a little rest. (She lies down under a tree
and falls asleep).
(Enter the Seven Dwarves in a line singing their special song).
SONG 2: Seven Dwarves Song
ALVIN: Oh look at this beautiful girl asleep in the forest!
THEODORE: It’s Gretel.
SIMON: No, we’re not in Hansel and Gretel, this is another story.
JOHN: Which story is this then?
PAUL: Something about white snow or something? Boys and girls, do you know what this story is called?
(Audience respond). What? Snow Fright? (Audience respond). What? Frost Bite? (Audience respond).
GEORGE: Shhhhhhhhh! You’ll wake her up!
RINGO: Too late, she’s awake!
SNOW WHITE: Oh hello – who are you?
(Dwarves all start speaking at once)
SNOW WHITE: Stop, I can’t hear you. Speak one at a time please.
ALVIN: We THEODORE: are SIMON: the JOHN: seven PAUL: dwarves GEORGE: we’re a band RINGO:
and I’m the drummer
3
Snow White
SNOW WHITE: What style of music do you play?
ALVIN: Underground.
SNOW WHITE: You don’t need a backing singer do you?
THEODORE: Can you sing in tune?
SNOW WHITE: Yes
SIMON: Can you sing in tune with expression?
SNOW WHITE: Yes.
JOHN: Sing something then.
SONG 3: Snow White’s Song
PAUL: Catchy tune, that. Can you cook?
GEORGE: Can you clean?
RINGO: Can you dance?
(Dwarves all start dancing).
ALVIN: Ok, stop it, stop it! Let’s go home.
(Two dwarves hold Snowy’s hand and everyone leaves the stage).
SCENE 4:
BACK AT THE PALACE
QUEEN: Magic Mirror, on the wall/ who now is the fairest of them all?
MIRROR: Beyond the seven jewelled hills, beyond the seven fall,
In the house of the seven dwarves, dwells Snow White – fairest of them all.
QUEEN:
4
Snow White
5