A MESSAGE FROM YOUR TEENAGER
Lincoln Community
School
Counseling Department
15 November 2012
6-7PM
PARENT EVENING
Agenda:
 Hear
& gain insight into what our preteens, teens, young adults are identifying
as challenges
 Building Resilience
 What were you thinking? (The Teen Brain)
 Your Unique Teen
A Message from Your Teen
Setting Goals
Friends
Be patient with me
Afraid of Disappointing You
You don’t understand
Balance
Puberty
Fast
Generation
Misplaced
Priorities
Making good
choices
Stress
Listen to me
You Think I’m
Irresponsible
Being in the
“in crowd”
PARENT NOTE
ADOLESCENCE:
• DIFFICULT TO NAVIGATE
• For Teens AND Parents
• EQUIP TEENS WITH TOOLS
• Support Them in Setting Goals
• Putting First Things First
• Developing a Win-Win Mental Framework
• Not Me OR You- But Both of Us
• Promotes Getting Along Well with Others
• Celebrating Differences
• Openmindedness
• Teamwork/Community
PARENT ACTIVITY
LET’S EXPLORE
NOTE TO PARENT & TEEN
Resilience
CHALLENGES
USE
TOOLS
HELPS
PERSEVERE
B
U
I
L
D
SELF AWARENESS/STRENGTH OF CHARACTER
C
A
U
S
E
S
“BOUNCE BACK”
=
RESILIENCE
S
NOTE TO PARENT
Learning and developing appropriate
personal/social skills is similar to learning and
developing intellectual/academic skills.
Teaching Moment - Practice – Guidance - Continued Reinforcement
(REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NEEDED)
LESSON LEARNED
PARENT NOTE
On the journey from “teaching moment” to “lesson
learned”, there will be many bumps in the road!
PARENT NOTE
IT’S NOT MY FAULT!
YOU DON’T
UNDERSTAND!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
PARENT’S NOTE TO
SELF:
TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
STAY CALM!
TAKE ANOTHER DEEP
BREATH!
Use “I” Messages…
 State
your feelings (I feel disappointed…)
 Describe
the feeling that caused the
feeling (I feel disappointed that you
lied…)
 Explain
what you would like them to do
(…in the future I would like you to tell me
the truth)
3 PARENTING STYLES
 AUTHORITARIAN:
Strict on discipline, discourage
verbal give & take, rules non-negotiable, parents
always right, obedience & respect are highly valued
 PERMISSIVE:
Low or inconsistent with discipline,
minimal structure, low on parent-to-child
communication but high on child-to-parent
communication, obedience to guidelines or
standards minimally enforced
 AUTHORITATIVE:
Moderate on discipline, high in
communication & emotional support,
firm/consistent & fair, alternatives given,
encouraged to decide & accept responsibility for
actions and decisions (Parenting Styles: How they affect children Suheyla
Sarac)
PARENT NOTE
Things To Think About
 Define
the problem (AKA) opportunity
 Seek to understand what your teen is
saying
 Hear & actively listen (even if you think the
answer will be “no”)
 Brainstorm and create new options &
ideas (i.e. help them feel understood &
part of the solution
 Find the best solution (i.e. think win-win &
what portion of the opportunity can you
say “yes”)
PARENT ACTIVITY
LET’S EXPLORE
PARENT AND TEEN NOTE
Group Discussion & Activity
 Dad:
I don’t care how you feel. You’re not going
to this party! Don’t think about lying. There’s going
to be drinking at this party!
 Teen:
I never get to do anything! It will be the
weekend and all my friends will be there!
 Mother:
I don’t know their parents, and I don’t
want you out all night!
 Teen:
You never trust me!
PARENT AND TEEN NOTE
“There’s a Hole in the Sidewalk”
Teaching Moment - Practice – Guidance - Continued
Reinforcement
(REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NEEDED)
LESSON LEARNED
PARENT NOTE
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
THE TEEN BRAIN
CEO of the brain;
last part to mature;
Responsible for
decision making;
rational
thoughts
PARENT NOTE
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
THE TEEN BRAIN
Emotional center;
teens rely more
heavily on this area;
Can explain why
adolescents react more
impulsively
PARENT AND TEEN NOTE
YOUR UNIQUE TEEN
 YOUR
SON/DAUGHTER IS SPECIAL & UNIQUE WITHIN
HIS/HER OWN RIGHT
 HE/SHE
IS NAVIGATING THROUGH THIS PHASE –
DEVELOP TOOLS & BUILD RESILIENCE
 HIS/HER
BRAIN IS STILL DEVELOPING – SO BE PATIENT
 HIS/HER
BODY IS CHANGING & HE/SHE IS TRYING TO
FIND WHERE HE/SHE BELONGS

YOUR TEEN IS SENDING YOU A MESSAGE– LET’S
HEAR & ACTIVELY LISTEN
PARENT AND TEEN NOTE
WE ARE WORKING TOGETHER TO
SUPPORT YOUR TEEN IN
DEVELOPING TO HIS/HER FULLEST
POTENTIAL!
REMEMBER TO SEND A MESSAGE
TO YOUR TEENAGER…HE/SHE IS
LISTENING