Building Godly Homes * Pastor Brett Peterson
What does the Bible say about PARENTING?
How are doing as a parent?
What would your children say?
What would your neighbors
say?
What does God say?
It’s all about the children
It’s building a home
It’s parenting by example
It’s demonstrating God’s love
PARENTING ADVICE
 0 kids
Professional Expert
 1 child
Consultant
 2 kids
Knowledgeable Resource
 3+ kids
No idea!
Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with
his wife Eve, and she became
pregnant and gave birth to
Cain. She said, “With the
help of the LORD I have
brought forth a man.”
Psalm 127:3 Sons are a
heritage (NASB “gift”) from
the LORD, children a reward
from him.
Psalm 127:4 Like arrows in
the hands of a warrior are
sons born in one’s youth.
Psalm 127:5 Blessed is the
man whose quiver is full of
them. They will not be put to
shame when they contend
with their enemies in the
gate.
Children
are gifts
from
God!
Oh…
But these cute babies can be difficult!
There is nothing more precious in life
than life!
Parents are given the awesome
task of raising up their children!
Besides God, family is the
most important thing we
have on earth!
Do you really believe
that?
Crying
Stress
Family time…?
Surveys suggest that
most families rate time
together as their
number one priority.
Those same surveys
show that fathers
spend only a few
minutes a day with
their children.
 In his book If I Were Starting
My Family Again, John
Drescher wrote about a
study of 300 seventh and
eighth-grade boys who
kept detailed records of
how much time their
fathers spent with them
over a two-week period.
Most saw their father only
at the dinner table. A
number didn't see their
fathers for days at a time.
The average time father
and son were alone
together was seven and
one-half minutes a week.
Let’s get our Priorities right!
(1Ti 5:8)
But if anyone does not
provide for his own, and
especially for those of his
household, he has denied
the faith and is worse
than an unbeliever.
Materially
Physically
Mentally
Let’s look at some more verses….
Train a child in the way he
should go, and when he is
old he will not turn from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)
Fathers, do not embitter
your children, or they will
become discouraged.
(Colossians 3:21)
Fathers, do not exasperate
your children; instead, bring
them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.
(Ephesians 6:4)
 Pleasant words promote
instruction. (Proverbs
16:21)
 A wise man's heart guides
his mouth, and his lips
promote instruction.
(Proverbs 16:23)
 To show partiality in
judging is not good.
(Proverbs 24:23)
 He who fears the LORD
has a secure fortress, and
for his children it will be a
refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)
Discipline your son, and
he will give you peace,
he will bring delight to
your soul. (Proverbs
29:17)
Do not withhold
discipline from a child; if
you punish him with the
rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from
death. (Proverbs 23:1314)
 He who fears the LORD
has a secure fortress,
and for his children it
will be a refuge.
(Proverbs 14:26)
 Folly is bound up in the
heart of a child, but the
rod of discipline will
drive it far from him.
(Proverbs 22:15)
 He who spares the rod
hates his son, but he
who loves him is careful
to discipline him.
(Proverbs 13:24)
Discipline gives your children roots…
Discipline must be consistent.
It must not be done in anger.
It must always be explained to
your child.
It is about your love for them!
 Displine helps children
see their home as a
sanctuary from the
world and a place of
safety and consistency!
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline
your son, and he will give
you peace; he will bring
delight to your soul.
Developmental Stages
 Discipline is more effective when you understand
the developmental stage of the child.
 Your message may be accurate, but if you can’t
put it into a format the child can understand: it
doesn’t work.
Ages 2-6
Preoperational
Stage
 Sees only one
aspect at a time
 Thinking is rigid
 Black/White
Age 6-11
Concrete
Stage
 Begins to understand
relationships
 Able to use logical
thought only when
solving problems
involving concrete
objects and events.
Age 11+
Abstract Stage  Cause and Effect
 Legal/Illegal
 What will happen if...?
Discipline thru Dialogue = Learning
Punishment = Control
 What I hear: “we’ve tried time-out, taken away
everything, grounded until Medicare, spanked
ourselves sore - with little success”.
“To train up a child in the way he should go”
Prov. 22:6
Defining Punishment
 Dictionary: “to inflict a form of suffering,
to treat harshly”
 At times, that may be appropriate.
 For this presentation, it will be define as a:
“over-controlling, heavy-handed,
authoritarian (domineering)” approach
You need to give them wings…
Sons are a heritage
from the LORD,
children a reward
from him. (Psalm
127:3)
“Parents who have
children that ‘turn
out well’ tend to
take too much
credit and parents
who have
children who don’t tend to
take too much blame.”
So if you want to measure
your success as a parent –
don’t look at your kids –
look in your mirror!
WHY?
Because its not the conduct of
your children that is the
ultimate measure of your
success as a parent – it is your
own character!
If you demonstrate Godly Character to
your children They will give you honor!
Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that
thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD
thy God giveth thee.”
Eph. 6:1-2 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord:
for this is right. Honour thy father and mother;
(which is the first commandment with promise;).”
Society’s Change and Impact
CHARACTERISTICS:





Family Interaction
Value Systems
Role Models
Education
Technology
NORM NORM
1930
2000
High Low
Similar
Mixed
Constant Dissonant
Less More
Low
High
Society’s Change and Impact
CHARACTERISTICS: NORM
NORM
1930
2000
 Family work
Much
Little
 Family size
Large
Small
 Family dominant
Extended
Nuclear
 Single/Blended
Families
10%
50+%
 Class size (K-12)
18-22
28-35
 Neighborhood schools Dominant Rare
Society Has Changed. Do We?
 2 generations ago: adolescence was not nearly a
troublesome period
 Word “teenager” was rarely used.
 Children needed for economic survival: they were
given so much responsibility that by age 12, most
had the same judgment skills as most adults.
Society Has Changed Cont’d
 Free from endless entertainment and
overindulgence and were not as influenced by their
peers.
 They had to deal with same new feelings and
puberty- but did so in a more stable environment.
Pitfalls
vs
Positives
Thinking that my kid’s
needs are more
important than my
spouses.
 Keeping my
Falling into the “busy is
better” demands of
society for my kids.
 Balancing
priorities in order
and making time for
my spouse.
appropriate activities
for my kids and the
“sanctity” of the
home.
Pitfalls
vs
Positives
Thinking that “Quality”
time is more important
to your kids.
Thinking that your kids
don’t listen to your
conversations.
 Kids love “Quality”
time, but thrive with
your “Quantity”
time.
 Taking a special
interest in what “little
ears” are nearby.
Pitfalls
vs
Positives
You will often “ACT” like
the parent you want to
be.
 But will usually
Making a “HAT”
decision: one that is
made while you are
hunger, angry, tired.
 Realizing that we are
“REACT” in the way
you were parented.
much better parents
when we are taking
care of our spiritual,
physical, and
emotional needs.
Pitfalls
vs
Positives
Never telling kids “no”,  Avoiding the
or always telling them
extremes and using
“no” and preventing
“dialogue” to find a
them from growing and
healthy balance.
learning .
Keep a record.
Thinking that being a
good parent involves
making sure my kids
have the best of
everything.
 Avoid “over-
indulgence” for your
kids; it only erodes
your “purpose” and
effectiveness.
Pitfalls
vs
Positives
Not talking to kids
about sex or teaching
them about God’s
design for their bodies.
Thinking that if they
don’t ask, then they
don’t care. Waiting until
they are teenagers for
the birds/bees talk.
 Utilizing the “teach
them early and often”
approach. Using
developmentally
appropriate materials
as they grow. They
want to know and will
listen; if you waitthey will learn from
someone else.
Pitfalls vs Positives (Adol. issues)
Thinking that your kids
have rights and a right
to privacy:
-never reading their
emails
-never checking
through their room
-never calling the “other
parents” to confirm
plans
 Kids have
“opportunities”.
They need to know
that you will be
checking.
They may fight youbut deep down they
desire (and counting
on) your boundaries.
Pitfalls vs Positives (Adol. issues)
Thinking that my kid
would never view
inappropriate materials
on the internet. (The
garbage will come to
them.)
Thinking I.M.
(Instant Messanger) is
just like chatting on the
phone.
 Think smart about
technology. It is your
job to promote
safety.
Install a proven
“filter”, (most kids
can disable a basic
“filter” in 5 clicks.) set
time limits, keep the
computer visible.
Parenting & Familyliving water
RSM Water District
4-5 PM
Shabbat Shalom!